Forever Home 2: Part 2 (Reader Plus Short) (Patreon)

Leaping out of bed I put on my glasses then try to run three directions at once as I wanted to escape, find my phone and find a weapon all the same time which in the end meant I just end up running circles around my room in a panic. Eventually I force myself to focus in on one thing. Hyperventilating, my heart drumming in my ears, I settle on the phone so I could call the police. My eyes dark around the room until I realize that I’d left it charging on my kitchen table!

“Damn, damn, damn.” I mutter as more sounds of plates and pans rattle up the stairs. If calling for help wasn’t an option then the choices were fight or flight, obviously the latter being the more prudent. But then it occurs to me that the stairs down lead directly into the kitchen and dining room. “Damn!” I could try to leap from a second story window but all I could picture is me bashing my skull open or breaking my neck or shattering my ankles leaving me helpless as the psycho killer downstairs dragged me back inside to torture me to death. “Damn, damn, damn, damn!”

Lightheaded from my rapid, shallow breaths I lean against the wall and hold my head. I was going to have to defend my property. I was going to have to fight. NO! I try mightily to calm myself enough to function by reasoning this out. Maybe…this obviously insane criminal wasn’t the violent type. I mean, what kind of murderer stops to whip up a snack before their spree of bloodshed and mayhem?

“Oh, who am I kidding? Probably ALL of them!” I whisper.

I start looking for a weapon, my mind going to some wild places as I focus on items like the laundry basket and my clock radio and imagine how they could be used offensively. My fantasies of rushing the kitchen swinging the radio over my head by the cord like some medieval flail quickly disappear as I catch sight of myself in the full length mirror in the corner. What I see staring back at me was a scared, bespectacled man with a thinning hairline barely over five and half feet tall and no more than a buck fifty soaking wet. Who was I kidding? I wasn’t about to fight anybody. Maybe I could scream and let that big bastard Murray come save me? Nah, he’d probably end up holding me down for the killer to strike the lethal blow. I was doomed!

It was then an item that didn’t belong in this room caught my eye. On the dresser sat a small rectangular black item that should have been in the in the second level tray of my toolbox down on the shelf reserved for my toolbox in the utility room. Though it sat at perfect parallel angles to the dresser top it sat upon it was an uncharacteristic piece of clutter that I’d forgotten about the other night when I remeasured the square footage of this room so I could sketch out how a rug I’d been looking at might be situated inside the dimensions of the available space.

I pad across the room and pick up the laser measuring tool. “Perfect.” This I could keep hidden in my palm as I went down and tried to reason with the maniac in my kitchen. If things went poorly I could blind him with this then make a dash for my front door.

Feeling down below I check to make sure I hadn’t wet my pajamas, which used to happen to me as a kid when I got scared. I didn’t want to die with a piss stain in my jammies for the forensic team to find. The measuring tool gripped in my sweaty right palm I look at myself in the mirror, take a deep breath, then turn to face my destiny.

My bare toes grip nervously the carpeted stairs I as I creep down to the main floor. My heart pounding, my mouth dry, I pause at the corner listening to the sounds of the person now barely more than ten feet away along the hiss of the sizzling sausages. Slowly I peek around the corner.

The figure that dominated the space before me was more terrifying than anything I’d imagined upstairs. By her shape I knew she was a woman but unlike any woman I’d ever seen before. Sprouting from the top of her long, thick brown tabby mane of hair that covered nearly her entire back were two tall, pointed, tufted ears. From the base of her spine swayed a long bushy tail that swept across the floor behind her like a great feather duster. She was an anthro! Some sort cat person! Adding to my panic was the fact that from this vantage point it appeared as if she was completely naked! I knew this because as her tail swing I could see her bare ass peaking out. But what truly turned my blood to ice however was her size. She was HUMONGOUS! A giant of a woman!

I watch in horror as her right ear tilts back in my direction. I hold my breath, hoping beyond hope that she hadn’t heard me. The giantess turns her head to look straight at me with huge golden-amber slitted eyes. In another context I would have found her face pretty, even friendly, but as she smiles and bares her sharp fangs…the world goes black.

***

“Hey.” A gentle pat touches my cheek. “You okay?”

“Hm?” I mumble as slowly regain consciousness.

“You just fainted. You’re fine.” Says the rich, deep, sultry voice of a woman I did not recognize as a huge long fingered hand strokes my head. “You hungry, cutie?”

“Wh-What hap…” As I open my eyes I find myself face to face with a ferocious fanged predator! “AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!”

“Woah!” The huge woman backs up a few steps, hands out in front of her. “Woah, there. Take it easy.” My eyes bulge as I realize that she was wearing my apron which was comically small on her gigantic body. I don’t know why she wore the apron as it hid nothing. Her huge, heavy breasts hung out either side of the garment, forcing the front of the apron to squeeze down the center of her cleavage, and between her pillar like thighs beneath the too short hem of the apron dangled…

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Screaming at the top of my lungs I scramble to find the laser tool on the floor beside me. Gripping it like it was my only salvation I point it at her with a trembling hand and press the button.

“Hey, buddy, just chill and…” The woman catches sight of the laser dot that was now zig-zagging across the far wall. Her words are cut off as she becomes transfixed by the dot. “RAAAH!” With a mighty roar she leaps from a standing start to sail across the entire length of the kitchen and slaps the nine foot high ceiling right where the dot danced.

With her distracted I seize my moment. Jumping to my feet I snatch my phone from the table then sprint for the front door and burst out onto my front step much to the surprise from the old man trimming his lawn across the street.

***

Half an hour later the police cruiser FINALLY rolls up. The instant the officer steps from his car I am tugging at his arm and pointing at my house. Around us neighbors watch on with curiosity.

“You’re gonna need more men! She’s a monster! Ten feet tall with fangs like a sabertooth tiger!” I stammer, still gripping my measuring tool in case I needed it again. “She tried to eat me for breakfast. She was a ravenous, uncontrollable beast! You’re gonna need SWAT, the Army, call everybody!”

The officer stares at me and blinks. Checking his notes he asks. “You are Mr. Bernard Babbage?”

“Yes, yes, yes.” I say. “That’s me. Th-That’s m-my house there. There’s an intruder.” Taking a deep breath I refocus. “Whoooo. I woke up and heard somebody in my kitchen. I went downstairs to discover that it was a woman. She was…cooking breakfast! Sausage and eggs!”

“Doesn’t sound so bad. A lot of men wake up to that every day.”

“OFFICER! Listen to me!” I cry. “She wasn’t a normal woman. She was…an anthro. Some kind of feline. Humongous! A great mane, big tufted ears and…” I swallow hard. “I think she was…a mutant.”

“Mutant?”

“You know! F-mutation.” I say, then drop my voice so it didn’t carry. “Futanari! I saw the tip peeking out past the apron!”

“Ah. A giant woman with a penis. I see.” He nods and jots the detail down as if I was reporting somebody stealing a candy bar. “So you were sleeping and then you saw all this?”

“Yes. Obviously.” I motion down to my pajamas. “She woke me up with her cooking.”

“Her…cooking. The ravenous, uncontrollable beast was cooking? Sausage and eggs was it?”

“YES!” I exclaim, wondering what was so difficult to understand about this. “Listen, I think she had an accent. Boston maybe?”

“Boston.”

“Yeah. Somewhere in the Northeast. Shouldn’t you write that down? Seems like it could be an important detail.”

“Mr. Babbage, do you have a history of night terrors or…”

“It wasn’t a dream! She’s in there right now, I swear it. Bring in the heavy artillery and you can go in and see for yourself.”

“Hm.” He sighs. “Mr. Babbage. You seem quite worked up about all of this.”

“Wouldn’t you be if you found a tiger in your pajamas?”

“She was wearing your pajamas?”

“NO! She was in an apron! I was in the pajamas. Aren’t you listening?” My fists shake in impotent frustration. “Why doesn’t anybody listen?”

“Please calm down, Sir.” He closes his little flip book and pockets it. “Our files say that this is the fifth time that we’ve been called to this address in the past two years.”

“Wh-What’s that got to do with anything?”

“The first time was for somebody rummaging through your trash.” He says with frustrating calm. Didn’t he realize there was a monster on the loose? “Turned out it was a raccoon.”

“Yes, but I thought it might have been somebody going through my mail for identity theft.” I say. “Lucky for me I shred all of my mail after reading it.”

“Indeed.” He says, looking down on me with all the weight of his authority. “The second time was for a noise complaint for some sort of work being done in the neighbor’s back yard.”

“I still don’t think the HOA rules allow for backyard pools. If you read section 12, B…” I look to the bright blue and yellow bounce house next door. “Actually, speaking of that. What are the laws around these kind of…”

He puts his hand up to silence me. “Mr. Babbage, are you on any medications right now?”

“Well…yeah, for my hypertension. And tylenol for my headaches. I don’t see how that’s important right now.”

“No SSRI’s or antidepressants?”

With a snort I shake my head, why was he focused on all this nonsense? “Dr. Evans says I’ve been doing better. She said we could go without the drugs since I didn’t react to them well. Not that that’s any of your business.”

“Dr. Evans. Your psychiatrist.” He says as if he already knew.

“That’s right.” I say. “Listen, I d-don’t know what this has to do with an intruder b-b-being inside of my house! Just…just…do your job! That woman is breaking the law! It’s your job to get people who break the law.”

Putting up his hands he says. “Calm yourself, Mr. Babbage. I’ll take a look.”

“No!” I shake my head. “She’s a killer! Call for backup at the very least.”

“I won’t need it. I’ll have you.” He turns and starts walking toward my door.

“Me!?”

“Come on.” He motions me to join him.

My cheeks burn with a humiliated and angry blush as I catch Murray, Susan and their brood all staring out at me in my bare feet and pajamas from their front window. I hurry to join the policeman.

He enters my house with me hiding behind him. Peering out around his arm I whisper. “Have your gun ready. She moves like lightning.”

Ignoring my warning we walk down the hall toward the kitchen…to find it empty. Leaping out around him I point at the dirty pan and dishes. “She was right there. Right there cooking MY sausages. On a Saturday!”

“Uh huh.” He looks around. “And how is it you escaped this giant futanari woman again?”

I hold up the tool. “Laser pointer.”

Again he stares and blinks. “A laser pointer?”

“Yeah.” I nod. “I tried to blind her with it but I missed. Thankfully she chased the red dot instead of me.”

“Riiiiight.” He says. “Well, cats will do that.”

“Will they?”

He sighs. “Well she seems to be gone now.”

“No, no, no!” I clutch his arm. “She’s here, somewhere.” I look around. “Lying in wait until our guard is down.”

“Come on.”

With me nearly glued to his back the officer takes me from room to room. Every one of them sat in perfect, tidy silence. We even check the garage and the car and, for good measure, he looks for signs of break and enter at both the front door and back.

“She…she must have slipped out the back while I was waiting for you.” I say. “If you would have sent more cars quicker maybe you would have got her.”

He turns to me. “Mr. Babbage. We do not appreciate our time being wasted.”

“Wasted? But…”

“You had a waking dream, probably some sort of hidden sexual fantasy given the details.”

“Excuse me!?”

“Mr. Babbage.” He says more forcefully. “We’ll be reporting this incident to your therapist. I suggest you take this up with her. If you call us again and waste our time I’m afraid we’ll have to charge you with false reporting. The penalties can be significant.”

“But…but…”

“Good day to you, Mr. Babbage.” He tips his hat and walks back out to his squad car.

I stand at my front door watching the cruiser pull away as the neighbors began to talk. I was so…so…angry! He was the police! He was supposed to help me! I hadn’t done anything wrong! Why was the world doing this to me!? Why couldn’t things be like they were on an accounting spreadsheet? Everything perfectly contained in orderly columns and rows. Nothing made sense. 13 items in the 10 item or less line, giant felines breaking into homes, the world was descending into chaos. My shoulders slump as I bring a hand to my throbbing head. “I just…wanted help.” Leaning against the wall I whisper. “Why won’t anybody help me? Why won’t anybody listen?”

I then freeze as I sense a looming presence directly behind me.

“What a jerk, huh? Cops. Wicked rude, all of them bastahds.” Trills that rich, sultry, New England accented voice I’d heard before. “For what it’s worth, I believe ya, Babbage. And I should. I was there! Ha!”