sad personal stuff update (Patreon)

Hi guys <3I just wanted to update you on my life a little bit. At the beginning of February, my dog, Luca, passed away. He was my baby and the light of my life and my every single day. My life revolved around him for 9 years, almost half my years on the earth. Ever since I lost him, I feel like a husk of my former self. I apologize if this is about to be a rambly mess. My mind is still so cloudy.The first week without him was brutal and I could barely function. I am slowly starting to regain my bearings and I wanted to thank you all for your patience with me, as always. I am so grateful for your support so that I could take care of myself and Luca over the years. I don't deserve all the love you guys send my way. I will be carrying on with my normal schedule and crunching to get some more pieces up by the end of the month.I'm going to share some thoughts about Luca in this paragraph, so please feel free to read or not. During this time, I feel that sharing things about him helps me be present in my grief and heal, as well as remember all of our happy memories.I had never had a dog before my family rescued our first two in 2014. In 2015, we adopted our third, Luca, and my life changed forever. I remember instantly falling in love with him. Not only was he the cutest dog in the history of earth, but he was the friendliest. Every time he would see a dog across the street on our walks, he would scream like a banshee until he got permission to go smell and play with his new friend. He's a pit bull and his scream was scary so I always had to assure the owner that it was his excited noise and that he just loves dogs. He had so much love to give every person and animal he had ever met. Walking was his favorite thing in the world. Every day, when I asked him if he wanted to go on a walk, he would do the cutest howls while trotting and leaping around the house. I walked him on a retractable leash because he would immediately bolt far ahead and sniff until I passed him, then he’d sprint past me again, always with the biggest smile on his face and his bright pink tongue flapping in the wind.I'm not a big fan of exercise but I looked forward to walking him every day. Everything was fun with him. He did way more for me than I could ever do for him. He taught me how to love, how to appreciate life, how to be in the moment, how to put care into everything I do. Most of the time, I'm at my computer. I could always look back at him sleeping on his bed in my room and my heart would fill up with joy and cute aggression. He was always there for me. He kept me going in life. Every time I looked at him or pet him or smelled him, I felt at peace, at home. I was so so so lucky to have him. Sometimes, it's so hard to focus on how lucky I was because of this terrible emptiness. I don't know if I will ever fully recover. Unfortunately, I have to feel this pain. I wouldn't have this pain if Luca didn't bring me joy every single day. I am so grateful for him.Spending time with your loved ones is the most important thing in the world. I have always held this sentiment but I feel it much more than I ever have. Please spend as much time as you can with your friends and family and conceive how much you enjoy their company. Also remember that you are your own loved one. Enjoy your own company and do what is best for and love yourself. To me, nothing else matters but doing what makes you happy and spending time with people you love.TLDR: Just read the first two paragraphsThank you for reading and I hope you are doing well. I really appreciate you all. <333