Cliff x Father Eugene comic- Penance (Patreon)

Makes it even more complicated

Essay incoming! [scroll to the end to read a heartbreaking letter I found in a gay priest book]

I think Cliff is almost drawn to Eugene in a reverent way, he wants Eugene to love him, he wants to be good, he wants to be like him. However. He also wants to drag him down to his level.

Eugene can see that Cliff won't try as hard to change if it's not for him, so he accepts Cliff's help. He knows its dangerous to be in such close quarters, but thinks he can make it work! Also nobody else knows Cliff does sex work, or that he's gay, so for Eugene it's actually not the riskiest, in terms of gossip. A younger woman would be much worse! The nuns know Cliff is a troublemaker because he went to the school, but they don't know much else.

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I think with regards to Cliff wearing a crucifix, he put it on in the morning, and lost confidence in his decision when Eugene points it out. He thinks Eugene will think he's fake, or silly. In truth he's just conflicted! Eugene is excited about it, though, it strengthens his resolve to help Cliff become more faithful. Personally there's not that much joy in reading a relationship where it's All pull, I want it to be a push and pull. I think if Cliff was clearly just trying to be a bad influence, Eugene wouldn't get involved half as much. But because he can see such potential there, he's hooked...
I watched a movie that was kind of bad (the good catholic) where it was a woman being really romantically pushy to a priest who tbh really did seem to just want to be close friends. I think I kind of...kept that in mind, with this. I want them both to be good, I want them both to be bad.

Also, I'm excited to get a bit more of Father Eugene's sass in here haha. I think he's letting his guard down a little with Cliff. I almost had his [shutting the fridge] line as 'alright mother!' and for Cliff to reply 'Father >:)' in the bottom panel. I thought it was a little shoehorned, but I liked it lol. Maybe I'll keep it for another time when Cliff can call Eugene mother, because that is far more accurate, in terms of gay roles.

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So you can see I went nuts with the backgrounds, I made the kitchen quite 60/70's because I want it to be a bit out of date! Eugene has only been there a couple of years I think*, but a lot of the cute extras are his. Including the obnoxious tupperware collection, because he can't cook, and often people gift him food and baked goods. He always asks if they could label the containers, but they never do- so he has Far more than will fit in a cupboard.
Building wise it's not the original rectory- which are usually really grand- I wanted him to have something smaller and cosier. I figure the town sold the rectory for the funds, since a single priest doesn't really need the space and the upkeep is expensive. Maybe previously they had a few priests but with the dwindling Catholic community they cut down lol. I think they need more priests though, I've written a big church for just one man, and he is struggling to keep his head above water.
*typically they rotate every 6 years, though they can stay longer.

I actually also spent quite a bit of time looking up what priest schedules are like and those poor fuckers are Busy. I imagine he does confessions and then a morning mass most if not all days, weddings, funerals and baptisms etc are fitted in too, and then there's home visits, hospital visits, and last rites. He has a role in the Catholic school, so probably pops in for a lesson a few times a week, as well as helping the parish organise events and fundraisers. I imagine at the end of the day he goes home, takes care of the paperwork that he can't outsource, writes his daily homilies, and prays! Housework kind of gets pushed aside... it's clean but it sure ain't tidy. I think this man is living on ready meals and gifted food. Thing is, Cliff can't cook either ;).

Yes the iron Did need to be period appropriate. It was important (it wasn't)I used a house next door to one we viewed as inspiration for the room layout, because i really liked the low wood ceiling, and also tbh it's just easier to visualise when you have a solid ref. (I looked it up because I was nosy and I was like damn, this ones nicer than the one we're looking at...) Kind of related, thank you for giving me enough money to even Think about looking at buying a house. What the fuck :). Love you all.

I also found a smaller church to ref than the other one I had before, you can see I used the building layout here but added a garden and a hill to make it feel more private! I imagine the gardens are maintained by volunteers, and some of the flower beds are used for the kids to learn how to grow things.

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Lets see, what else...
Oh, I've been reading! I wanted to read some experiences of priests/people who have reconciled their religion with their sexuality, and it's been so interesting and insightful!

I will say that the one about gay Catholic Ireland is kind of mediocre though lol. The foreword is by a priest saying 'it manages not to insult anyone!' and yeah, no shit, it takes no sides and says very little of value. I did get *some* info about what Eugene's Irish childhood would have been like, though!
I blasted through the three smaller ones in a day each whoops. I always struggle to find time for reading, but when its for an Interest? BOY.
 I am halfway through 'In the Closet of the Vatican' (which is amazing, if dense, it's 550 pgs) Francesco Leopore who worked in the Vatican says he's pretty sure abt 80% of the members there are gay. He says they use the phrase 'part of the parish' to mean gay. It's amazing, I am having so much fun. The book also found out that they use Grindr regularly in there...whoops. 

Also I have to share this, it made me cry great big ghibli tears in record time. The books are all second hand, and this letter was in the pages of Gay Priest.

(transcript for the letter is below)

Transcript-

Fr Mel, You are in my thoughts and prayers and so is your friend Charles who's gone home to God.
Words are empty when someone loses a friend but I just want to tell you my prayers are with you.
Thanks for being such a radiant light so full of the life and love of Christ.
Your presence gives life.
Deep deep peace, Nora

 I can only assume Charles was Father Mels partner, I don't know if it was gifted with the book, but it seems likely. It was tucked into the start of the chapter about being honest about your gay identity.

On that fucking heartbreaking note, I will say goodnight, I hope you all have a good day or evening <3