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Ask the Crew! [Bumper] (Patreon)

Published:
2024-08-28 21:00:01
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

You've heard all about the gang, but now it's time to ask them whatever's on your mind! Or just... say something at them, and see how they react! Most questions will get a reply, but the best ones may get a drawing alongside them!

The final quizzee is Bumper! Give us a rundown, champ!

But, Bumper doesn't show up on stage. There's a brief pause...

Suddenly, smoke begins to cloud the opposite side of the stage.
A strange, distant revving sound stirs up from outside...

VRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM~
SKRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE—

And there he shows up, somehow riding his motorcycle onto the stage.
He pierces the cloud of smoke, and lets his engine grumble as it dissipates around him.
Several lights and equipment were obliterated, and he left a skid mark thick enough that you could pick it up and roll it up.

He dismounts his roaring vehicle, stumbling a little as he gets down, and then removes his helmet like a gladiator who just took down his lowly opponent.

He victoriously holds out his arms in salutations to his audience, panting and gasping underneath the beaming spotlights.

"WHO'S THE BIG MAN NOW, BITCH!"

Okay, cut it off. Cut it off, already!

Comments

SUPEREEVEEMASTER

You're a big car and auto racing fan. Got anything rare or exotic you've collected over the years?

Drake Arlin

Woah dude. Someone likes to make an entrance.... rather loud one too. You run with any bike gangs or just like that bad boy look?

RandoBear

*can't stop clapping* what's the riskiest vehicle stunt you've done in your life?

HolloNut
>>147855254

Bumper: "Shoulda seen it when it happened! Sucks, but it's true... Words can't describe it! Okay no, for real, I have it on video, because... of course I would! Just so you know I'm not all talk! Check it out..." *Bumper goes through his phone and shows you the video... You can tell someone else was filming this, they're commentating over it. It takes place outside in what looks to be a scrapyard. Some makeshift ramps have been erected on each side. A hefty biker revs up his ride's engine, gives the camera guy a 'thumbs up', and speeds towards the ramp.* "Okay, check it out! Look! This is so dangerous! I'm going up the ramp, and I jump... And then LOOK! Look!! I'm doing – well, attempting – a 360 spin! And then— Arghh! I flubbed it at the end, I kinda did a... a 330 spin, or something. And I'm tumbling... I got really hurt, my friend is coming up to me. But I made it okay, I just twisted my wrist and banged up my gear. See, it's really, really tricky! It might look simple, like 'duhh, you coulda done a 720 easy...' No, you can. The tricky part is to line it up at the end – that's what I didn't get right. Anyone can do, these big flips, but the trick is to get 360 on the dot. Still. Pretty sick, right?! I'm gonna try it again someday... Someday!!"

HolloNut
>>147850340

Bumper: "'Course I do! My number one piece is probably my Maelstrom racing suit... Genuine stuff! It cost me 8K, and that's a fuckin' steal, bro!! Maelstrom is a Formula 1 superstar legend, he's the unkillable machine! The guy defied death at every turn – he didn't win a lot, but people were betting on him! Like, just looking at his suit on my wall... It fills me with dreams and bravery, y'know?! I've got more gear too – I've got lots! I got my own motocross suit, had to find one that's just my size, which was pretty tricky to get... I've got leather jackets, some sick biker jackets, gloves, boots, helmets... Like, three different helmets! And of course, I got my three babies. My quad (or ATV, but I think 'quad' sounds better!), my motocross bike... and my motorcycle. I think, overall, I must've spent 30K to get all this stuff... and this is just the beginning!" "Heh... I think I got a little carried away~"

Tsarin

Dang, I'm impressed you got that inside at all! What are some of the craziest places you've managed to take your rides over the years?

Squil

Do you like, think of exercising at all?

HolloNut
>>158731035

"Heh heh! This guy knows his tricks... Craziest places? Well, it's not exactly *crazy*, but sometimes I sneak in the junkyard near where I live when I know there's no one looking. My friends and I got some ramps set up so we can do tricks! I got some on video too... I tried to take my bike inside a mall, but... I mean, try getting a whole quad through a revolving door, won'tcha. There's a whole interior skateboard playground and everything, I thought it would be sick to do some tricks there. But... wildest place I rode in? The Grand Valley! Just dry desert all around. No rules, no laws... Only law there is's the law of gravity, and you can't break it... The only thing you can break is your neck. But man, what a sight, looking down at the valley. I'd love to leap over a chasm and show it off... Just skirting death like that, it gets my adrenaline pumping!"

HolloNut
>>163967961

Bumper: "Yeah! I've done a bunch of motocross competitions, bro. MX Newton 2012, MX 2014 Southwest, MX Compton 2015... So many people, bro. Especially Compton! So many racers! But it's a MUST for any motocross athlete. Never done a real GP... To be honest, these are all local competitions, so they're easier to get in. If you wanna do a grand prix, there's a whole screening process, you need a real team... sponsors, all that shit. My team members are just friends from where I work, and my sponsors are... well, my mom and dad, heh heh. At least I have sponsors I like. The thing about motocross is, it's a bit hard for a guy with my shape. Might not look like it, but it's a lotta cardio. I like motocross, but I don't think I'm all that cut out for it. That's why I've been trying out quad racing! I haven't done any real competitions yet, but there's one next year, and I'm really hyped for it! Oh... bro, you gotta come and see it! It's awesome, there's always stuff around the competition too. It's awesome!"

SUPEREEVEEMASTER

Are you a gamer? If so, what kind of games do you like?

HolloNut
>>185886339

Bumper: "Ehh... *Ehhhhh...* Gamer? Nah, I'm not a gamer... not anymore, anyway." Tiptup: "Huh? Really?..." Bumper: "Yeah. I dunno, I just kinda grew out of games over time. Way more into real-life racing, now. It's that adrenaline, bro – it's addicting!" Tiptup: "Hmm... I remember, back when we were in middle school – you were really big on Runescape. You kept asking me if I wanted to join you, hee-hee~" Bumper: "Heh! Oh yeah, Runescape... That game was all the rage back then. I mean, I've played my share of PC games, I'll admit – I played MMOs like Runescape, strategy games like Starcraft, shooters like Halo... And a lot, a lot of racing games, heh heh! I got a gaming steering wheel... err, that I got *years* ago! Still use it from time to time, though. It's a nice throwback!" Banjo: "Ooh... I like racing games. We should play Mario Kart sometime!" Bumper: "Pfft. Mario Kart... I dunno, bro. Maybe. I'm just not huge on a lotta Nintendo games, y'know? They're too... kiddy? Like, "little brother" material, kinda. I always feel like I'm in a kids' playground when I'm playing Mario." Banjo: "... I like Mario games, though..." Bumper: "Okay, one Nintendo game I really like if F-Zero. Bro, F-Zero GX is actually really solid - you ever played that?! I bet you'd like it! And you know... I've always liked Metroid too, so I guess I can't say they're all bad! Metroid Prime is kinda nostalgic, too..."