Blogalogaloodle 08/29/2019 (Patreon)

Hey guys!  I'm sorry I've been so quiet on here lately.  I've been pretty busy with commissions and other art, trying to sort out my socializing routines, trying to be healthier (cooking and exercising more often, performing more self care), and catching up on the big schwack of new TV Netflix dropped on my face in the course of like 2 weeks. (Florpus was perfect.  Go watch it if you haven't already.)  And more to come since Dark Crystal drops tomorrow (*distant sound of high-pitched screeching*).  And now this week I've been doing this growth drive!  

I've been really productive with art lately and it's making me really happy and giving me tons of satisfaction.  My old 5-year-old Intuos Pro (5, I think?) died a little while ago and my wife saved the day by zooming in with a Prime membership (next day shipping woop woop) and a new Cintiq.  She's so nice to me ;A; but she pointed out that I can't pay rent if I can't work lol.  So maybe it's practical too.  I'm LOVING the Cintiq.. for YEARS I thought I couldn't ever use one cause I tried one once ages ago and hated it, but I'm actually adoring it.  And my art's looking better than ever, I think.  I found some new inking and sketching brushes that I'm obsessed with and some stamp brushes that are super useful for foliage and natural stuff so I'm just drawing my face off lately trying out new things (and exercising my personal kink muscles so long grown dusty and feeble).

I've also been struggling to sort out my socializing... there are a few people who message me every day that I SUPER want to talk to, and do, and a few people who message me every day that are NICE to talk to but that I'm not super close to, and a bunch of people I'd like to talk to more but that I don't have any energy to seek out or hold a convo with once I'm done with the first two groups.  Talking with therapist to try to figure out how to trim the fat without hurting any feelings (I don't want to tell people they can't talk to me!  And nobody likes to hear 'you are less important to me than other people I want to talk to so please talk to me less' lmao, that's awful.  I think a lot of it is just finding my current limits and then pushing them in a healthy and safe way until they expand, if possible, or making things work for me if they don't.

Health-wise, I've been gaining weight.. I'm actually now above where I was a year ago when I first started focusing on eating better and exercising.  I've hit this point as I think I've mentioned before, in my 'boy puberty' that I'm going through with the testosterone HRT, where I'm just.. hungry.  All. The. Time.  I'm reminded of how my mom told me that when he was a teenager my uncle would come home and have an entire loaf of bread and a gallon of milk for his afternoon snack.  I'm making healthier low-calorie food choices as often as I can but at this point the sheer volume I need to intake to feel comfortable (like, literally not just have hunger pains all the time) is enough to make it hard to even stay at one weight, never mind losing.  Obviously the answer is more exercise but... gaining weight makes my body hurt more, and I've done something to my back so that I can't stand up for more than 5-10 min at a time without being in intense pain.  I'm thinking I'll try some yoga for low-impact strengthening exercises and keep up with my feeble amounts of walking that I am capable of to try and extend how much I can do at a time.  I talked to a new pain psychologist yesterday (she was nice but.. kind of ableist.. not great for a pain doc) and she gave me some ideas too.

I also quit smoking! I can't remember if I mentioned that already or not.  My last cigarette was May 24.  It was tough but not as tough as I thought it would be.  I still get cravings now and then but they're totally random (I don't seem to have any particular triggers or influences regarding wanting a cig) and easily ignored and pass quickly.  Going to a convention will be the rest test as I've historically gotten through how incredibly anxious they make me by smoking like a broken stove all weekend.. in the past I've ONLY smoked at cons, and quit as soon as the con ended, so even if I do relapse it's not like it'll be anything new to quit again immediately, but I'd rather try my hardest to see if I can make it through MFF at least with no cigs.  BLFC'll be the hard one next year since you can smoke in the casino there and that's always been part of a pleasant evening there for Cassio and I, her playing her favorite casino games and me enjoying the novelty of being able to smoke indoors and be brought free drinks, lmao.  The free drinks'll still be there at least! :D

Speaking of drinking I've joined a service called Tavour that is basically a beer club for microbrews... learning a lot more of what I like about beers, what the guys who run Tavour like about beers, and what I don't like about services where it's super easy to blow your wallet without noticing and then end up with like 30 beers in your fridge at once that are all different shapes and sizes from 'regular can' to 'giant wine bottle' D:  Learned my lesson, lol.  I'm trying to balance my interest there with Cassio's issues with alcohol and with beer in particular, checking in with her often to make sure she's okay and letting her have as much agency as possible in the situation.  The second she says it bugs her too much, I'm cancelling my subscription, but for now we are both fine and I'm enjoying my various weird beers.

This has turned into a pretty big ramble so uh... look a distraction! *points and flees*