Long overdue... (Patreon)

Rather later than anticipated, but the reasons as of why are various and I kind of want to list them to give you transperency as my lovely subs. Seriously that after me basically leaving without a proper explanation (or maybe I did) that there are still people here made me come back. So right the reasons:

1.) The biggest one I finally broke the curse of alcoholism, tomorrow I am celebrating 3 weeks without a sip of alcohol and while it's not easy to talk about it and I can't apologize for all the times I acted irrational and threw a temper tantrum about this or that, it feels good for now, I slowly feel like I take step by step control of my life back! I often fled myself, when the pressure got too high or I felt inadequate into the false safety of drinking and it took me way too long to figure out that this was simply idiotic to the max. Hopefully this chapter is behind me for good...

2.) The craziest heatwave and the problems following it. As some of you surely have noticed or saw on media, Europe is or basically was in the craziest heatwave historically in June and in some places ever. It hit me especially, as I had from a power outage to an Internet outage to having no warm water within roundabout a week, it was an experience to say it mildly, at least having friends and family that helped me to pass through the time helped a lot and tomorrow the temperatures will be going down in my region to somewhat decent levels.

3.) A bit of exhaustion of feeling my content wasn't good enough anymore and a lack of creativity. This correlated a lot with reason one. It bothered me that people with way more resources can create so much more than I can, while somewhat forgetting, what made the channel big, my dedicated work to detail and realism and pushing my own boundaries further, while not really giving a shit, what anyone else does...That mindset brought me back and will keep me going again!

4.) Another failed collab. Also partly fault of reason one for sure, but man, what can I say, it happened in the past years too many times that some other content creators offered a collab (more than once starting upon using my works without my permission at first.) Maybe I am in some points still to naive and try to do something way too special, but hey you live, you learn. Also airing dirty laundry (at least I am decent enough to not say names publically), I don't know, how I feel about it, but sometimes venting to people feels good...

5,) I used the time without posting to work on my content, to work on processes and many other things relating AI to broaden my horizon. I actually discovered once again that I need to keep myself occupied with new stuff that interests me to not go mad in these times.

6.) The worldwide situation...I try to keep my political views to myself, but sometimes, how everything is getting worse and worse perpetuated by especially one side, it has sent me into a doom mind state, which mixed with again reason one really didn't help my mental health.

It's not like many people will read that anyway, but hey like I always said, my DMs are open for suggestions, critics or just saying hey nice work or something completely else, my door is open!