Midnight Pals: Trucks and Dolls (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: the time of our ultimate triumph issss at hand Rowling: the cassss report says girlss play with dollsss and boyss play with truckss Rowling: finally! sssomeone sssaid it!

Rowling: lisssten to these incredible findingsss Rowling: "it is difficult to guess a person's gender based solely on their height and no other info" Rowling: ok i'm not really ssure what that meanss Rowling: but the conclusssion that transss people should be illegal is obviouss

Rowling: [reading paper] this casss report provesss the ssscientific, indisssputable fact that Rowling: biologically ssspeaking Rowling: girlss play with dollsss and boyss play with truckss Rowling: because of Rowling: [squinting at paper] hormones

Rowling: uh Rowling: ok ssso that's what it sssaysss here Rowling: that sseemss kind of Rowling: Rowling: well Rowling: i guesss that's what we're going with now Rowling: yes actually Rowling: the more i think about it Rowling: the more obviouss and rational thiss ssoundss to me

Jesse Singal: but mommy Singal: what if a girl doesn't want to play with a doll or a boy doesn't want to play with a truck Rowling: oh we will MAKE them want to play

Rowling: every boy WILL play with truckss, every girl WILL play with dollss Rowling: thank god we can count on our government to make thiss a national priority Rowling: instead of that sssilly raw sssewage on beachess issssue

Rowling: i will sssee a britain ressstored to perfect immutable divission between men and women where NEVER the twain shall meet Rowling: and i will persssonally burn EVERY copy of Marlo Thomassss' Free to be You and Me

Rowling: really jesse i'm surprised at you Rowling: a boy who doesn't want to play with trucks wouldn't be a boy Singal: i thought our line was that sex was genitals Rowling: OH MY GOD jesse at least TRY to keep up Rowling: it's about trucks now

Rowling: or Rowling: as we call them here in britain Rowling: lorries

Helen Joyce: dark lord dark lord i have a question Rowling: i'm not talking to you right now Joyce: Rowling: you embarrasssssed usss Rowling: you embarrasssssed usss all Rowling: you had one job, helen! one job!

Rowling: you were ssssupposssed to be vetted as an expert in trans! how do you fail that? Rowling: i mean for god'sss ssake Rowling: how did the australianss figure out you were jussst making shit up?Joyce: i don't know! Joyce: i really did think trans people laid eggs!