Midnight Pals: The Surgery (Patreon)

James H Longmore: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of joe's unwanted penisLongmore: it's a darkly humorous parody of the bruce jenner storyPoe: you mean caitlyn jenner?Longmore:Longmore: what?Barker: oh yeah this really bodes well

Barker: she changed her name, she's Caitlyn nowLongmore: really?Barker: you didn't know?Barker: i mean she's in the news all the time for suckingPoe: cliveBarker: what? she's not hereBarker: i can say itBarker: just absolutely sucking

Longmore: my story is told from the point of view of the penisLongmore: the unwanted penis is mad because its been rejected like it was an ikea lampLongmore: so making a lot of comments about Joe and his ruined, mutilated, gross, Frankenstein bodyFranz Kafka:

Franz Kafka: wow, so her own disembodied dick is misgendering her?Kafka: WOWKafka: that is VERYKafka: problematicLongmore: well, in the dick's defense, the dick was really mad at Joe!Kafka: and now its DEAD NAMING her!!!

Longmore: anyway Joe gets a vaginaplasty instead of hrtKafka: "INSTEAD of?"Longmore: yeahKafka:Kafka:Kafka: "INSTEAD OF???"

Longmore: anyway Joe has a vaginaplasty, during which they remove Joe's dick, balls, and prostateKafka: THEY DON'T TAKE YOUR PROSTATE OUT DURING A VAGINAPLASTY!!Longmore:Longmore: are you sure about that?Kafka: YES!Kaka: I'VE DONE A SUSPICIOUS AMOUNT OF READING ABOUT THIS!

Barker: wow, franz, you know so much about trans issuesKafka: huh? oh yeah, i guessKafka: i mean, it's just this thing I've kinda been into latelyKafka: i mean, trans rights are human rights, right?

Kafka: just seems self-evidentBarker: oh yeah? you do? any reason why?Barker: for this recent interest hmmm?Poe: clive, leave her alonePoe: i mean leave him alonePoe: jesus christ you have me doing it now

Poe: clive stop harassing franzPoe: clive you know you don't have to be trans to care about trans rightsBarker: ah ha oh edgar don't be so naivePoe: yeah you're probably right

Longmore: so the poor penis has been rejectedJK Rowling: hello childrenPoe: oh great look who it isPoe: look who you brought herePoe: this is just greatPoe: great

Rowling: ssso i hear the penissss iss ssad?Rowling: sso i hear that a transss perssson issss ressponsssible for thisss?Rowling: just more proof of their natural masssculine criminalityPoe: this is stupidBarker: ah ha ha edgarPoe: noPoe: you're right this is stupid

Longmore: so the penis goes on a merry madcap chase to reunite with his former ownerLongmore: who has since regretted transitionRowling: yess!! ha ha... YESSS!!

Rowling: there'sss ssssurgical regret too???Rowling: a transss persssson feeling BAD???Rowling: thisss ssstory hasss it all!Rowling: the ressst of you should ssstart telling ssstoriesss like thisssRowling: way better than the usssual ssstuff you guysss tell!