Midnight Pals: Men (Patreon)

Alex Garland: now this story is for the ladiesGarland: i feel like you'll really "get" itGarland: it's feministAngela Carter: ah, goodGarland: it's about how men suck assCarter:Carter: alright, i'm listening

Alex Garland: ok so, as we all know, men are trashGarland: i mean, am i right, ladies?Garland: not me of course!Garland: i'm elevating women's voices

Garland: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of the menGarland: it's about a woman who rents a vacation cottage from Austin powersGarland: like with the teeth and the voice and everythingGarland: he's all "eh eh smashing, baby! yeah baby yeah"Garland: "shagadelic!"

Garland: and also every man in the whole village is played by the same actor!Angela Carter: the same actor?Carter: is it mike myers?Garland: haha no but wouldn't that be great?Garland: "Oh behave! yeah baby!"Garland: "thats my bag, baby!"

Garland: finally! a movie that dares to askGarland: why are menAngela Carter: that is a very good question

Garland: you're all gonna love thisGarland: some have said my work is highly vaginalGarland: The word itself makes some men uncomfortableGarland: Vagina. Patricia Highsmith: yeah i don't like that

Garland: so this woman is in this vacation homeGarland: when a naked guy starts harassing herGarland: "yeah baby!" said nobody since this was not good

Garland: of course none of the MEN take her seriouslyGarland: cuz she's a woman!Highsmith: yeah well you know how broads areHighsmith: always hystericalGarland:

Mary Shelley: if some guy showed up at my house, i'd fuckin stab himGarland: she does! she stabs him in the handGarland: the stab wound is a vaginaShelley: well then, she ain't stabbed him hard enoughShelley: i'd stab him right in his vagina hand, i don't give a fuck

Patricia Highsmith: damn mary you'd just stab a man?Mary Shelley: i ain't no sexistShelley: i'd stab a woman tooShelley: show me a woman, i'll stab her right nowShelley: look i just love stabbing, honestly

Garland: each man represents one of the negative aspects of toxic masculinityPatricia Highsmith: why are we always talking about the negative aspects of toxic masculinityHighsmith: why don't we talk about the positive aspects of toxic masculinity?

Garland: then the Austin powers guy steals her carGarland: because toxic masculinity often compels men to steal carsGarland: meanwhile, overhead, the milky way galaxy spreads across the sky like a great big vagina

 Garland: i hope you ladies are ready for the big finale!Garland: does anyone here like M preg?Angela Carter:Patricia Highsmith:Mary Shelley:Garland: ok this ending might no go over as well as i thought