Midnight Pals: A Major Award (Patreon)

JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i have exccciting newsss Rowling: I've jussst been awarded tablet magazine'sss new sssinai award Rowling: this will make the perfect replacement for that human rightsss award that got revoked

Stephen King: what's this award for, joanne? Rowling: it's for being one of the 36 people whossse presssence ssstopsss god from dessstroying the earth King: Lovecraft: Koontz: Poe: Barker:

Barker: how exactly are you stopping god from destroying the earth Rowling: well, obviousssly it's becaussse Rowling: god is a big cormorant strike fan Rowling: i mean, duh Rowling: that's my legacy Rowling: and, you know, the transssphobia

Rowling: i don't need you lot anymore Rowling: from now on, i'm going to be sspending my time with my intellectual equalss Rowling: fellow sssinai recipients like famous rapist conor McGregor, famous nazi Christopher rufo, the zodiac killer, and Anonymous UPenn student

[later] Rowling: hello fellow sssinai award recipients Rowling: how goesss it? Ted Cruz:

Rowling: how goess it, fellow sssinai recipients? Chris Rufo: we were just talking about how black people have smaller thinking bones than Aryan supermen Thomas Sowell: it's true! we do Sowell: ya know, we were really so much happier back in the slave days

Rowling: ah! ssso good to be among the 36 people who convince god to ssspare humanity Elon Musk: mama mia itsa me elon! Rowling: elon musssk?? what are you doing here? Rowling: isss it cuz you don't raisse your kidss? Musk: da god, he find ita very relatable!