Midnight Pals: Black Mold (Patreon)

[scottish castle]JK Rowling: ugh! i'm tired of all thesssse people online making fun of my black mold!Rowling: that'sss it!Rowling: today isss the day that i do sssomething about it

Rowling: wormtongue! i call you to me!John Boyne: yes your evilness, right away your rottenness!Rowling: ah perfectRowling: ssee this is what i like about you wormtongueRowling: you're sso resspectful

Rowling: not like that other wormtongue i used to haveRowling: it turned out that we weren't sseeing eye to eyeRowling: in fact the only thing that we really had in common was being britissh

Rowling: that relationsship was doomed to fail from the sstartRowling: i mean, who even rememberss back when i was trying to make it work with philip pullmanRowling: that's a deep cut for all you real headss

Rowling: wormtongue, we are going to do sssomething about this black moldBoyne: what will you do your awfulness?Rowling: i'm going to ssue every sssingle perssson on the internet

Boyne: dark lord far be if for me to offer a humble suggestionBoyne: might it not be easier to clean up the black moldRowling: how dare you sspeak to me like this, wormtongueRowling: thisss isss missogynyRowling: you will hear from my lawyer!!!Rowling: and yet

Rowling: hmmmRowling: could it be that cleaning up the black mold would be the perfect sssolution?Rowling: delightfully devilish, joanne!

Boyne: master, i got an estimate from the fumigatorsBoyne: it's going to cost 100,000 pounds to get rid of the black moldBoyne: pounds presumably being the kind of money we use here in england

Allison Bailey: hello jk rowling it's me, your lawyerBailey: bad news! i just lost that court case that i wonRowling:Bailey: and you know when i appealed the case that i won?Rowling:Bailey: well, i won that tooBailey: but in a different, more accurate way i actually lost

Bailey: so basically what i'm saying is, i'm going to need another 100,000 pounds to continue my tradition of highly effective legal work

Rowling: where am i supposed to find 100,000 pounds??Rowling: in my couch cushions?Rowling: oh actually yeah it is here, never mind

Rowling: i guess it comes to thisRowling: either fumigate the house or fund transssphobiaRowling: what a sssophie's choice!Boyne: it's just like in end of the boy in the striped pajamasBoyne: [whispers] a fable

Rowling: ok allison i've made my decisionRowling: in the interest of making life worse for trans people, i will forego fumigating the black mold this year and instead give you the 100,000 poundsRowling: be sure to spend it wiselyBailey: oh i will, i will

Bailey: don't worry, jkBailey: every penny of this will go to legitimate legal expensesRowling:Rowling: what'ss in that briefcassseBailey: oh nothing nothingBailey: just uh legal documents andBailey: and uhBailey: stuffRowling: