Midnight Pals: The Running Grave (Patreon)

[mysterious circle of robed figures] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i have a new ssstory for you tonight Rowling: a new ssstory of cormorant ssstrike Jesse Singal: wow mommy it's great! Maya Forstater: the greatest story ever told Rowling: Rowling: well i haven't told it yet

Helen Joyce: i'm not exaggerating when i say that this is 100% the best story ever written in human history Rowling: you haven't heard it yet Joyce: i don't have to hear it to know it's better than any other story in the world Rowling: Rowling: oh

Joyce: i don't need to know anything about it or even hear it to say that jk rowling is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life Rowling: Rowling: i dunno Rowling: for sssome reassson thisss jussst isssn't ssatissfying

[midnight society] JK Rowling: hello children Rowling: i have a new cormorant ssstrike ssstory Barker: don't you have your own group to tell that to? Rowling: no all they do isss praisss me and tell me i'm great Rowling: it getsss tiring Rowling: you all wouldn't underssstand

Rowling: sso cormorant strike is an ugly detective with a terrible personality who also reeksss of cigarettess and fartss conssstantly and also his hair lookss like pubess Rowling: naturally the women are all hungry for hiss D Patricia Highsmith: crazy dames, who can fathom them

Rowling: the thing iss women can't get enough of cormorant ssstrike Rowling: did i mention hisss hair looks like pubess? Rowling: women jussst look at his sscrotum-like head and think Rowling: damn i can't NOT fuck that

Rowling: but cormorant sstrike hasss no time for women Rowling: women are all just a bunch of dumb bimboss who only care about sstupid clothes and being shallow Highsmith: bitches be shopping, it true

Rowling: cormorant ssstrike is hired by this rich arissstocrat to resscue hiss adult sson from a cult Rowling: ssee, his sson is autisstic so he can't be trussted to make decissionss Rowling: you know how autistic people are Rowling: they're bassically eternal children

Rowling: ssso the dad is all 'i need to have my adult autistic sson declared mentally incompetent sso that i can control hiss life totally and forever' Rowling: as a good father would

King: gosh joanne King: as a father i have say King: i would do anything for my boy joe King: but that seems a little extreme don't you think? King: sometimes the hardest part of being a parent is letting go Rowling: Rowling: you know what ssteve? sshut up Rowling: jusst sshut up

Rowling: this cult, sssee, it sseducesss and recruitss vulnerable autistic youth who, as you know, can't think for themsselvess Rowling: remindsss me a little of another group now that i think about it King: Poe: Barker: Koontz: Lovecraft: Rowling: you know who i mean

Rowling: thiss cult alsso ssays itss about ssocial jussstice & being kind Rowling: but really it's actually a ssecret front for pedophiless Rowling: remindsss me a little of another group now that i think about it King: Poe: Barker: Koontz: Lovecraft: Rowling: you know who i meanRowling: thisss cult alssso hass lotsss of money and ussess frivolousss lawsssuitssss to sstop criticisssm Barker: gosh now THAT reminds me of someone Barker: but who? Barker: who could it be? L Ron Hubbard: Barker: yes but Barker: i'm thinking of someone ELSE