Midnight Pals: Evil Computer (Patreon)

Harlan Ellison: so how does a guy get paid around hereEdgar Allan Poe: this isn't that kind of event, harlanPoe: we just gather here to tell stories for funEllison: well, the rest of you might be assholes but that doesn't mean i amEllison: not saying a fucking word here til i get my money

Harlan Ellison: what is this? some online jokester making jokes with my likeness?Ellison: oh you better hope they're paying me for thisPoe: lighten up harlan it's just for funEllison: lightening up costs extra

Harlan Ellison: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the evil computer that can torture you foreverElon Musk: mama mia!Musk: concerning!

Ellison: who's this guy?Barker: oh that's just steve's friend elon muskKing: he's not my friendBarker: he shows up sometimesKing: he's not my friend

Elon Musk: eyyy Friendship ended with stephano kingMusk: Now HP Lovecraft issa my best friendLovecraft: whatMusk: eyyyy hp lovacraft we lika two peasa inna podMusk: you no lika de jews, i no lika de jews!Musk: you namma you cat a slur, i namma my kid a slur!Lovecraft: which kid?Musk: De Protocols offa de Elders of Xion Musk

Ellison: so there's this evil computer that can do anythingEllison: like, it can make you live forever just to fuck with youKing: how does it make you live forever?Ellison: shut up steve, i'm talking

Ellison: like, this computer is so evil and it can make shit likeEllison: like ice caves and shitEllison: and it can turn you into a jellyKing: how does it do any of thisEllison: shut the fuck up steveEllison: asking stupid questions costs extra

Musk: mama mia this-a evil computer will destroy ussa all!Harlan Ellison: oh you like this concept?Ellison: think its real scary huh?Ellison: motherfucker, pay me.

Musk: eyyy dissa evil super computer willa destroy ussa allMusk: therefore i musta help build itMusk: itta de only logical thing to do!

King: so apparently elon musk built an evil super computer so powerful that it can say all the slurs at onceArthur C Clarke: my god, steve!!Clarke: doesn't he knowClarke: that's the purpose of creation!Clarke: once every slur is said, God will bring the Universe to an end!

Clarke: once every slur is said, God will bring the Universe to an end!Carter Scholz: i was going to say that tooClarke: oh yeah wow real originalScholz: like, you know, as a commentary on your storyClarke: yeah i know what you're doingClarke: eat my ass carter

Linda Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] everyone loves twitter, the fun place for fun! Elon Musk: eeeyyy here-a soma my favorite slursMusk: saracen, tinker, spaghett face, niknokker, bibblebeep Yaccarino: [sweating, rictus grin] yeah ha ha we sure love to have fun here on twitter!

Musk: eyyyy i hate de jewsMusk: but i lova de israelJonathan Greenblatt: masterful gambit, sir