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This is a review, sort of? To be completely honest, I started making a Stardew Valley sheet in the style of the ones I did for Octopath Traveller and Hades and I thought it deserved an accompanying audio post.

This is less a "review" of the game and more me talking about some interesting patterns I found in game design while making the document. Stardew is a 10-year-old game that's had years of updates, and the pattern of updates has created some unique problems. It's almost like... powerscaling? Uniquely futile bandage solutions. I thought it was funny so I wanted to talk about it.

Please look at my dumb Stardew chart. I spent so long making it look nice.

Rollover anything with a black triangle in the corner for notes. And be sure to look at the tabs at the bottom of the document to switch pages! There's a lot of stuff in here.

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Comments

SonicPsycho

2 million views on youtube

Aggressively Nill

I adore these game spreadsheets so much, every time they drop I stay up until like 3 AM reading them and mentally debating the notes. Thank you for making them!

Crimson Claw

This reminds me that I need to finally play stsrdew with my "all male NPCs" mod so I can have the bisexual experience of these NPCs

Sam Lewis

The funniest part about Clint sucking is that 1) Emily is a bad romance option, none of her cutscenes are good because they were all cobbled together out of her barely existent personality as a weird crystal hippie girl, but like. They're just weird. One of them is a literal dream sequence the player IS NOT PRESENT FOR. And also 2) CA heard the complaints about Clint and instead of improving his personality, he went "I'll just make him dateable too, in the next (not yet out) update!" Bro that solves nothing, but thanks I guess.

Drednot

The way you describe the towns people make them sound like smurfs "I'm depressed pizza smurf! I'm war trauma smurf" and now Iwill be unable to see them in any other way.

Copacetic_Cloud

I went in thinking it would be a thoughtful critique of the romance writing in SV. It wasn't that, but honestly I'm not disappointed.

Drednot

I loved savvy's "Boomuhmow!"

Noah Finch

Emily dressing you as a cop is the funniest accidental insult I've ever heard

Hamyton

Man I can’t believe it a jello video game review that is less than an hour long, welcome back early 2020’s

JelloApocalypse

Yay! Honestly I love making these. It's so nice to hear people actually look at them.

pictrable

fields of mistria comes out on the 5th!!!!!!

Aggressively Nill

Also, I believe that some of your speculations about CA avoiding changing things in the core game for the modder's sake is real, since he's talked in the past about working with the creators of the very popular Stardew Valley Expanded mod and giving them advanced builds to help with patch transitioning work. So he's definitely aware of the modding scene, at least.

Marnie

When do the polls for future reviews happen? I’ve been playing a lot of the Rhythm Heaven series lately and I feel it would be a good fit for your style of reviews… 👀

Jay Millett

"a bisexual looks at stardew valley"

clottedscream

hey im taking my headphones off for the part where jello reads the shane lines someone let me know when hes done so i can put my headphones back on

SinisterFungus

The whole Clint thing is exactly what happened as my husband started playing stardew valley like a month ago. He starts romancing Emily and as he does, Clint comes in with his little sidequest and my husband is like "why do I have to help this guy out? What the hell?". He also complained that even as Emily is his supposed girlfriend in the game, she still has dialog that talks about how "good friends" she and the farmer are. I'm glad to know that now I can tell him why that happened, I was wondering about that too. I had my suspicions, so nice to get a confirmation on that.

Nona DiAngelo

The description of Shane just has me picturing him as a fusion of Michelangelo Ninja Turtle and cartoon Beetlejuice.

BigMoffers

Someone needs to make a sprite edit of Clint and make it look like Jello

Krista Gartland

I feel regret for your soul, some of the old Barbie movies are easily the worst child movies i've seen. And that bar is in the lowest pits of limbo.

ruby_leaf

It's so funny to read this spreadsheet and remember my 16/yo not-like-other-girls self trying desperately to make her syrup & crab pot farm work

Isaberries

Jello spreadsheet post on my birthday this rules

Alexander Campbell

I love the sheets, thank you for putting in the effort <33 I'm super vibes-based and don't tend to look at systems and mechanics analytically while playing, so it really is so cool to see where you fall on these and why!

HeyyyScout

Fields of Mistria is officially releasing on August 5th ☺️ While I can't speak to the game as a whole, the pre-release versions have been fun and the art is lovely! There is a large variety of dialogue and villager interactions. Including villagers interacting with one another. It's got a chill vibe and less time constraints than Stardew, while having its own mechanics that beef it up from just another Harvest Moon copy.

PurpleIsDebeste

omgggg the image is a reference to “eau de pepperone” im gonna dieeee. i reference that line so often, because its the worst thing ive ever heard

Lonagen

I never thought of having a partner move in with their other partner to get away from a bad situation as being "fucked up", but I guess there's a big difference between falling in love/marrying someone, and just having that be, like, an accelerant, VS. spending months/years specifically pursuing/marrying someone because they have an abusive home life that you want to rescue them from. Like, imagine Yam moving to the US to be with Jello. Excellent bisexual review!

yaboyrobin

these sheets are always fascinating to me even if I don't play the game. all of these reviews and sheets have actually overall helped me think critically about games (and movies!) I normally wouldn't think too hard on.

Kay Avalon

I have noticed whenever you can respond, the two responses are either 1. Yeah, sounds great 2. No, I hate you personally

Julan

I absolutely love reading these spreadsheets, I spend a good chunk of free time going over them and mentally debating them. They're such a blast and they've inspired me to make some of my own ^^ The audio post also reminded me what a lunatic Shane becomes when you marry him, jfc.

LuperisLua

You're right that *is* the worst!

LuperisLua

Shane developing some kind of psycho-sexual connection towards pizza really makes him sound like a pizza game character. It's like if Keen was Will. Those lines are INSANE!

LuperisLua

Yeah he's done with those at 34:00

LuperisLua

There are sometimes very irregularly polls for which animated movies Jello should watch for reviews but they are not binding. Other than that I am not aware of any games or movies Jello put up polls for, he just does tge reviews at his leisure most of the time.

PurpleIsDebeste

please tell me you were on the river map too for added suffering

Dompap

You're a bi-ologist

Penelope McClennan

Random thought because I know you've posted about the game a few times, but do you have any particular thoughts about how Fields of Mistria measures up to Stardew along these lines?

Anahata

Thank god you were able to pin down the mechanical reason why my friend loves to just fart around in Stardew Valley but for me it gets stressful and then I just lose motivation. Even adding mods to spice up the character variety or the town did not help me because I would have one goal, like romance a modded npc, finish it, and then be aimless in just doing the regular stardew stuff again.

Noah Finch

Jello do you think you'll be trying Octopath 0? The gameplay has been pretty fun imo, though I'm very easy to please.

Noah Finch

Stardew seems like the kinda game that punishes you for being good. I'm terrible at time management so I've played for two years and haven't finished the center yet, so I've still got shit to do that's fun. Also I cannot figure out the combat so it's like 50/50 whether I breeze through the mines/skull caverns or bite it on the third floor.

S P

I'm very glad to hear more people go "what the hell is wrong with you Lewis, you're a mayor, grow up and date Marnie openly." I absolutely despised Lewis ever since I learned of that and because I played before he gave prizes to us my conspiracy was he was embezzling tax money on his gold statue of himself which justified my disdain even more. Also love when I'm reading your charts and I go from one that is a detailed analysis of something to the next one being "fuck this guy"

Cassandra Muraska

Very happy to see my consistent marriage pick Sebastien earned an A on the writing scale!! The spreadsheet is really nice to look at and I particularly enjoy seeing which characters specifically ended up higher/lower on the scale. Thanks for sharing!!

Anatolia

God I love these spreadsheets! the way that you make them feel in connection with the game itself is lovely, Plus, I love reading the little boxes stuff, it feels like checking little advent calendar boxes and getting bonus chocolates.

Sam Asher

Came here prepared to get roasted for marrying Abigail

Neon1nk

If you buy shane beer instead of pizza because its 200 gold cheaper are you a Bad Person?

Wincent, The Hollow Knight

People assume that Clint will NEED rewrites for the dating to work. So... maybe it actually will be a fix... But who knows.

JelloApocalypse

THE CHARACTER CHOICES IN THIS GAME ARE INSANE. The first thing you can say to Leah is like... LEAH: Do you like my sculpture? :) > It's lovely! > (CREEPY) Can I have a kiss? The word (creepy) is literally in the text. Like... why would you click that? Who would be roleplaying that? It's so strange.

AssuredlyReal

I really like these spreadsheets! The character tiers are fun to look through. The crab pot math is wrong though. If a crab pot averages 50g/day, it would take 20 of them to average 1000g/day, not 200. At 50g/day, one crab pot is more valuable than an iridium melon (550g/12day=46g/day), with the tradeoff of needing daily interaction. However, since a melon needs to be watered, and the player is unlikely to have a robust sprinkler setup by end of Summer 1 (or 2 tbh), you'll be committing less time and effort to the crab pots than the melons, especially since crab pots don't use up your stamina. And they don't use up your tillable space! I never did that math before though, so I've just been grinding the lobsters into high quality fertilizer this entire time (I never buy fertilizer from Pierre)

SmurfsFetishist7

I dont think Fields of Mistria is perfect (I've only played the prerelease) but everything I couldn't stand about Stardew was so much better in it. Also the writing is actually pretty charming instead of unbearably dull. You can kiss a dragon and the dragon is pretty hot

Flakops

based and haley pilled

Redcrysto

The last 2 mins had me rolling hahaha

Cosmignon

abigail is in fact the correct choice, i love her design and think she's soooo cute. i havent played stardew since before the ginger island update so thank you for the on the scene pixel measurement reporting you meticulous freak 🫡 always love your reviews and charts. also looking forward to your barbie movie hot takes, im nostalgic for the first handful of them and then never saw a good majority of any of the ones after like, mariposa, lol.

JelloApocalypse

If I watched Barbie Mariposa i would also probably never want to watch another movie again

JelloApocalypse

Ah but you're forgetting that at the point you're actually doing day by day crop profit analysis you have six trillion iridium sprinklers doing your watering for you, energy per day barely matters, and crab pots require 2 clicks to engage with every day, which is more than any crop in the game. And also crab pots love to POP OUT OF THE FUCKING WATER SO I HAVE TO PUT THEM BACK IN WHY DO THEY WORK LIKE THIS!!!

AssuredlyReal

I do day by day crop profit analysis starting in Spring year 1 but yeah, the window of time where they'd be viable as a non-trivial means of profit is uhhhhhhh short. The crab pots popping out of the water is insane though. I have a similar issue with bee boxes, and harvesting flowers when I'm actually trying to harvest honey because I have the two right next to each other, and then I have to reset the day.

Jessica

YAY JELLO REVIEW WITH CHARTS!!!! I love your charts so much. So in depth. So I have 100~ hours in Fields of Mistria so I think I can preface my mini review that I do enjoy the game but also I’m a casual enjoyer of these games. I don’t optimize anything, I do enough to let me play the game and not what makes the most resources. I consider FoM basically Stardew+ Anything I have minor gripes about with Stardew FoM does it a bit better. Fields of Mistria art style is really cute and I enjoy it a lot. The character outfit selector is great because it’s just a menu that you can pick and choose from when you unlock them. I appreciate this a lot. I am a sucker for character customization in games. The NPCs are better written than Stardew but I’d say they’re still a bit shallow so don’t expect much in terms of complexity. Right now none of the non-dateable characters have heart events which sucks and I hope they add some to 1.0. I think getting hearts with NPCS is super easy especially since every Friday everyone goes to the tavern and you can give people gifts everyday instead of like twice a week in stardew. The story is that after an earthquake you are hired to come in and take over a farm and help restore the city and improve it. It’s pretty basic but the part of upgrading buildings require so many resources(this is a common joke in the community) and can be tedious to do early game. Regular Crafting also is a bit tedious. Also best part is no shitty fishing mini game!!!

JelloApocalypse

Harvesting honey with a flower nearby feels like performing surgery

Matthew Schroeder

The sad Umineko music when describing Clint is so perfect for the melodrama

Noah Finch

Clint is extra confusing because everyone hates him, so nobody would be upset by changing his personality, but he still can't be edited at all. He's on that Gilbert-type beat.

Joel McCary

How you describe stardew is my relationship with wargroove and advanced wars where I imagine it will be so fun and then I play it and remember I hate tactics games

Noah Finch

Actually I've changed my mind. 1.7 is gonna be the year of Clint. Clint is gonna get incredible character development and writing, and is gonna personally and diagetically solve every other stardew issue singlehandedly, culminating in him besting both Demetrius and Pierre in combat and sending them packing for the hills. #ClintSweep

Noah Finch

The fact that after a decade there still isn't a quest to get Marnie and Mayor Lewis married (which would be an awesome way to unlock marriage) is baffling to me.

Secret Agent Randy Beans

If you can’t find anyone to defend Acrobat, I’ll be the one guy. If you use hammers for the higher damage and aoe, it basically removes the cooldown on the special move. Most people just don’t think it does anything because you start with a sword and daggers suck.

tumbleweed🍂

I am forever changed and I'm never eating pizza rolls again thank you

tumbleweed🍂

That would be miles and away more interesting than what we actually got

Chrono101034

wow ill be real, i've checked the stardew sheet multiple times and i did NOT realize there were tabs at the bottom and thought the bundle sheet was all there was, so jello talking about writing about the characters in the sheet in the replies confused me

bdsmpretentiocrat

me and my ex have a running gag every time we start a new stardew run together called George Dies Year 3 where, since we both know this save is never making it past the second fall cause the game is boring by that point, we both just pretend we have a mod installed where George fucking dies on a random day in Year 3 and tbh i feel like that bit is literally the only thing i've ever had to motivate me to speak to George