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Jello Reviews - Netflix's "Dark" (ft. Siv) (Patreon)

Published:
2022-08-04 03:42:49
Edited:
2025-08-11 02:01:25
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Content

I hate this show so much that I needed a friend to help remind me how much I hate it and why :) Over 2 hours of audio.

I hate this show so much that I needed a friend to help remind me how much I hate it and why :)

Massive and complete spoilers for this awful mystery/thriller/sci-fi show, all three seasons. We go over events... uh... chronologically, which is maybe not the best way to phrase it. Sequentially? Either way, Siv and I do our best to recount to you, the listener, the order of events that transpire in this show and why everything about it is stupid and bad.

Here is Ulrich's oaken face, for reference.

Files

Comments

Legend Account

Is this Back to the Future and 12 Monkeys slander?

BigMoffers

God would kill for someone to make a out of context audio video of Jello saying random shit in his reviews. just randomly put him saying “I wanna fuck my aunt!” Like a Whiny kid with zero context in there would be so funny.

ConstantlyBen

I listened to this. I'm glad I didn't seek out this show. I almost did. I would have bounced off of it with this much, everything. I saw the clip of the two main characters turning to dust. I saw that scene once when YouTube opened and just forced open YouTube shorts upon me. The setting. Overcast in an autumnal/deadwood forest. The warm golden glow of the machine. The whole atmosphere was exactly what I'd wanted for a few scenes I've written. Then I clicked back and lost it forever. I looked it up now. It was Dark. I dodged a bullet not seeking it out. I'm going to force my brain to fake remember it as a scene from a short film. Keep the vibes without the horrible context. Also time travel. You need to know where you are going so much more for time travel than any other mystery. (You 100% need it for all mysteries. You need 110% for time travel) Or you risk it getting convoluted instead of interesting or in depth. It sounds like they didn't have enough of a plan beyond a certain point. But they did have some themes and objects they wanted to track, like the necklace. Oh well. Lovely scene on its own. Without all this.

Ray Jaxxon

This is one of my all time favorites

ConstantlyBen

1:20 "That will become ap-parent" Yeah. Just like everyone in the show.

Blooky #1 RICK SHADES FAN

Haven't listened to the audio yet sense it's late but.... Is Is that black face??

Finn Underwood

Having dropped the show before the second season concluded (the Kingdom Hearts editing, in tandem with the increasingly apparent JJ Abrams LOST Mystery Boxes being set up to go nowhere satisfying, alongside the gratuitous graphic imagery for no apparent reason; all enough of a dealbreaker for me)... Wow. Listening to you both struggle to coherently describe the events of this show with the wikis in front of you and still only barely succeeding makes me glad I didn't attempt to follow this seemingly tangled cluster of writing decisions any further than I did. Also for the stuff I did watch, you hit perfectly on the nail everything I both liked and disliked about the show, putting my feelings into words. Thanks, and well done with this monstrously long recording.

BadKnight

man i loved when martha walked out of the portal and said "it's darkin' time!" and then darked all over the place

Fan Trades

LOVE how ALL OF THIS could have been prevented if even ONE person got a vasectomy. OOPS! 🙃

Icecreamvi

i think my brain is shutting down trying to understand what is going on

Finn Underwood

No no, *Mobius* Strip, not *Morbius* Strip. One is used as a visualization of causality paradoxes, the other is... not that.

Olli Starr

So what I'm hearing is watch the first few episodes and then come back here to speedrun the entire series.

Blue Glasses

Between the underage incest, yandere character, bad pseudoscience, too many cast members, and awful slow pacing where no one gives a straightforward response to anything, this sounds more like a bad anime in the wake of Steins;Gate and other similar series. Change all the names into Japanese ones and you could easily prank someone with this.

Fan Trades

Feenie would make a GREAT character in a time travel thriller, and when I say GREAT I mean TERRIBLE because she has at least 14 ancestors who share her exact name and face and you'd NEVER be able to tell what the HELL is going on On a semi-related note, I'd be interested in seeing Jello come up with a time-travel story. Mostly because I want to see if it's even possible to write a good one since from my personal experience the answer seems to be 'no'.

Fan Trades

This was a fun listen and I think that Jello should have Co-Hosts on these audios more often!

William McKenzie

While they were talking about season two, I fell into a half-asleep fugue state and woke up while they were talking about season three, and I honestly don't think I would have retained enough of this Sci-Fi bullshit for it to have mattered if I was actually paying attention.