WHEN I GO turns 25 (Patreon)

*gulp*

On October 10, 1998, Dave Carter and I independently released WHEN I GO, an earnest little stripped-down album that we recorded in my kitchen.

We didn't have any experience releasing an album nationally. We learned everything on the fly -- recording techniques, sequencing, mixing and mastering, graphics and duplication, and all the hoo-hah that helps promote said album -- press kits, one-sheets, DJ outreach, booking shows, retail. We didn't have a team: we had us, and several internet listservs dedicated to the "business" of folk music. Between the two of us, we figured it out.

You set out on a path, you don't know where it's going to go. Nobody saw any of the good stuff coming -- the Los Angeles Times full-page review in February 1999, absolutely unprecedented for a brand new act; the record label partnership; the contract with the most prestigious booking agency in folk; the crazy success of follow-up albums TANGLEWOOD TREE and DRUM HAT BUDDHA, and eventually, the five-week tour with Joan Baez, for which we were her band mates and featured act.

Nobody saw any of the bad stuff coming either. The challenging economics of touring and paying a team; the havoc a traveling life wreaks on a body, on friendships, on the creative process. The bubble of our love and art became a sanctuary, but we knew the lifestyle was unsustainable. The food, for starters. I recall pulling into a 7-Eleven one Thanksgiving for string cheese and pretzels, which we then washed down with chocolate SlimFast. And being happy about that. (!)

Dave eventually had trouble sleeping, which negatively impacted his creativity, his dream-mining. Me, I had a body that hurt all the time.

Dave died less than four years after we released our first record. The path we were on, and the whirlwind of momentum behind it, came to an abrupt stop. I collected myself more or less and started again. I don't know how, honestly, except that I had all this love and sadness and nowhere else to put it. I didn't know what else to do.

Today, I look back on our humble first album and all the years between with such gratitude. I remember so well the optimism, the frustration we felt as we reached for levels of performance and expression that wouldn't come till we'd been on the road a while; and all the fun of figuring-out. How nobody knew where it would lead, and it almost didn't matter. We were in it for the stories; for the songs; for love and the dream, for adventure.

Still am.

I feel such gratitude to Dave for inviting me into his music. I feel such gratitude to you for receiving it throughout the years. I suspect most of you have WHEN I GO but if you don't, I'm offering it FREE on Bandcamp through Friday. If you've worn out your CD and need a clean digital copy, here's your chance! Or, if you have a friend who hasn't heard it, feel free to share -- in honor of beginnings; of the doors we bravely walk through even though we have no idea where they lead; in honor of Dave Carter's incredible talent and the privilege of singing along; in honor of a career and a life I didn't expect and could not have designed. What a ride it has been! Thank you as always for your support. <3 tg

https://tracygrammermusic.bandcamp.com/album/when-i-go