It Drives Me To Drink! [Patreon Reward] (Patreon)

Domina didn’t really know what this organic drink was, but it eased the pain, and that was what mattered.

She sat in her captain’s chair aboard her flagship that floated over the conquered Homeworld. She was in a foul mood; nothing had gone right for her in ages, and it was all that dirty, rotten, no-good, renegade Pearl’s fault!

And the other Crystal Gems, she supposed.

“My Domina! Is everything alright?”

Domina looked up as her ‘pearl’, Green Pearl, walked over, a look of concern on her face.

“What do you think?” asked Domina crabbily.

Green Pearl blinked.

“We’re doing well?”

“No! We are not doing well!” snapped Domina, waving her bottle of ‘schnapps.’ “We couldn’t be doing any less well if we tried!”

“Oh,” said Green Pearl.

“I sent a full fleet under command of Emerald to deal with those rebel-allied pirates in the Rainbow Sector,” snapped Domina. “Twelve capital ships! Thirty cruisers! Hundreds of destroyers! And you know what happened? They chased that wretched Sun Incinerator into an asteroid belt and lost half the fleet!”

“I see…”

“Six capital ships destroyed because of one miserable human pirate!” thundered Domina. “And our efforts on Earth are doing no better! I sent six agates to capture the Pearl, and they’re defeated by a human! Those Crystal Gems weren’t even in that settlement!”

She took a swig of her drink.

“I have two diamonds and the whole Homeworld fleet under my control,” she snapped. “I’ve forced White Diamond into hiding, and I can’t! Beat! One! Miserable! Human!”

She slammed her drink into the armrest of her chair.

“I hate Lars!” she screamed. “I hate Connie! And I hate Pearl!”

Green Pearl blinked.

“...but… but the renegade Pearl hasn’t done anything to you this-”

“Don’t question me!”

Green Pearl took the hint and beat a hasty retreat, leaving Domina to rant in peace.