Assassin's Creed Valhalla: New Tricks to the Top (Patreon)

Eivor sat waiting for her friend.

She finished braiding her blonde hair again as she waited.

She shifted uncomfortably on the rock. She felt underdressed and exposed. The Viking woman had forgone most of her gear as the summer months had made wearing the heavy skins uncomfortable. She went with just a sleeveless tunic, breeches and her weapons belt that weighed down her breeches. She shifted again uncomfortably as her new small clothes were something she was still getting used to.

The seamstresses at Raventhrope called them briefs, she called them a pain in her rear.

She waited for her friend, playing with her axes to kill the time. Another thirty minutes passed and Eivor could sense a change in the grove she sat in. It was a peaceful summer day, but she knew she was not alone.

“I know you are there.” She said aloud but got no response. She shifted again in her seat, which only accomplished lowering the waist of her breeches and allowing a white line of fabric below to be seen.

A bush moved and the Viking knew her friend was there. She tossed her hand axe in the air.

“I will throw this at you, if you don’t make yourself known.” Eivor said. There was no reply, but the bush shuddered slightly and not from the breeze.

Without leaving her seat, Eivor tossed the axe with lethal effectiveness waiting to see her friend roll out of the bush. Instead, the axe cut clear into it and nothing came out. Eivor was confused for a moment wondering where her friend was.

She didn’t have long to wonder as fingers wrapped around the exposed white fabric sticking out of the back of her breeches.

“Wha-.” Was all the Viking could say as she felt the briefs the seamstresses had made go from covering her rear to splitting it as her friend towered over her.

“What is this, malaka?” The tall, tanned woman asked as she pulled back on the fabric. She wore just a leather skirt and a leather chest piece that showed off her strong arms that were not pulling Eivor around.

“Arg.” Eivor said again not sure what trick her friend was playing on her but it was uncomfortable as the white fabric escaped her pants with Kassandra’s pulling. The taller brown-haired woman noticed the discomfort and smiled. She enjoyed teasing Eivor.

“These are cute on you.” Kassandra said lifting Eivor from a seated position to a standing one by her new undergarments.

“What are you doing?” Eivor asked, through gritted teeth. She had never experienced pain and discomfort like this before.

“I wouldn’t have picked you to wear white. Too pure and weak for you.” The Greek continued to say with some light mocking as she brought the small clothes to Eivor’s shoulders. The leg holes of the new style of undergarment were exposed thanks to Kassandra’s mighty strength.

“What are you doing?” Eivor asked again as she was on her tippy toes and was beginning to feel the fabric in the back of her throat.

“Oh, it was a technique we came up with back in my home. It seems to cause discomfort, pain and typically paralyzes your opponent with the shock and humiliation.” Kassandra said as she let the waistband of Eivor’s undergarments snap back against her lower back.

“And you decided to try it out on me?” Eivor asked very annoyed.

“You tossed an axe at where you thought I was hiding. And it is non-lethal. We did it as children.” Kassandra said hiding her smile as the blonde warrior took a few steps away awkwardly.

“Well, don’t do it again.” The Viking woman said as she slowly began to pluck the fabric from her rear. The Greek let her friend finish before she revealed the reason she was here.

“I make no promises. I have come because there is a cavern nearby that leads to an artifact. I thought we could get it together.”

“What kind of artifact?” Eivor asked as she finished fixing her undergarments.

“A dangerous and ancient one.” Kassandra smiled as she knew Eivor was up for the task. The Viking agreed and the pair were off. It wasn’t far as there was a cave that held a door in the back. Both women had faced puzzles like this before and managed to open the door in no time.

The door led to a winding staircase that went straight down. They followed it for seemingly ages. They replaced their torches many times as they discussed the finer points of swords versus axes. They finally made it to the bottom.

It was a shaft that had been built by ancient hands. There was no bottom, just an endless void below that looked like it might lead to the center of the earth. Up there was a glowing yellow light, the artifact that Kassandra spoke of.

“Race you to the top.” Eivor said. Before Kassandra could say anything, the Viking jumped from the ledge, they were on to the far wall of the shaft. She had begun the ascent.

“No fair.” Kassandra said doing the same and she was off.

The shaft was much taller than either of them realized. They had been climbing for an age and felt no closer to the top. The Viking was a bit further up than the Greek, but both felt like no real progress had been made. Eivor was getting tired, and her senses were starting to slip. She picked the wrong rock to grab to climb up.

The rock gave way and Eivor slept. If they hadn’t been climbing for so long, she might have rightened herself. Instead, all she managed to do was turn to face the pit as Eivor fell.

“Kassandra!” Eivor cried as she sped falling towards her friend. The Viking expected this to be her doom. She closed her eyes to accept her fate.

“I’ve got you.” Kassandra said as Eivor prepared to fall to her doom.

She did not, but part of her wished she had. Her strong Greek friend had managed to grab her by the only thing she could, Eivor’s now stretched out white small clothes.

“Arg.” The Viking woman said. Her eyes popped open as she was suspended above the endless pit by just her white undergarments.

“Sorry.” Kassandra said, giggling at her friend’s predicament.

Eivor couldn’t respond as the pain in her behind and crotch were in such pain that she had never felt before. She didn’t even think childbirth would be this bad as all her weight was on the strip of fabric around her waist and between her legs.

She felt like her whole body slipped further into her small clothes as the waistband wrapped itself around her midsection now. The back of her neck felt hot as her friend mocked her with giggles. Eivor didn’t speak as her mind was processing the pain and humiliation.

“Do you want me to carry you up like this or swing you to the wall?” The Greek woman asked to get the Viking out of her stupor. She could carry her friend like this, but it was a long climb and while it would be funny, it would also be dangerous. The question worked as Eivor responded.

“Just swing me to the wall.” The Viking said. She was trying to regain some of her dignity. Kassandra swung her friend by her white small clothes towards the wall of the shaft. Eivor grabbed on and held on for dear life.

“Thank you.” Eivor said as Kassandra let go of the undergarments, that somewhat snapped towards the Viking’s back. They mostly sagged and Eivor had to make the long climb with her small clothes in a very uncomfortable position.

They made the rest of the climb with no other issues, though Kassandra grew bored as Eivor wasn’t in a speaking mood. They made it to the top and took a moment to breathe as it was a long climb.

As soon as the Viking had made it to the top, she focused on adjusting her small clothes.

“After this I am never wearing them again.” Eivor said as she once again fixed the white fabric. This time it took longer as she had to pull down the front that had been firmly wedged up her crotch. She turned away from Kassandra, who watched her friend from the corner of her eye, smiling at the humor.

The Greek even caught when Eivor had to lower her breeches to fully get the small clothes out of her behind. The older woman had to control her laughter as the Viking’s cheeks were so pale it was difficult to see the different between the color of her small clothes and her cheeks.

Once Eivor was done, they focused on the room itself. There was a glowing sphere on a table and a door behind that. It was like the one they found at the Isle of Skye.

“The prize.” Kassandra said as she walked forward and grabbed the sphere.

It flashed for a moment before turning to dust in her hands, the ravages of time destroying it after being disturbed.

“What was that?” Eivor asked as she shielded her eyes from the glow only to see the pile of dust in her friend’s hand.

“It must have been too old to survive.” Kassandra said, a bit of sadness in her voice.

“So, this was all for naught?” Eivor asked a bit annoyed.

“I guess, though we had fun, yes?” The Greek asked but the Viking just shook her head.

They used the door at the back of the room, which led to another tunnel that led to a cave that sat on a cliff next to the ocean. The breeze was strong as the two women stood there for a moment admiring the sunset.

“Well, at least we know for sure.” Kassandra said trying to look on the bright side.

“I guess.” Eivor said, her words softening with the fresh air.

“Friends?” Kassandra asked offering Eivor her hand.

“Of course.” Eivor said refusing the hand and pulling the Greek in for a hug. Kassandra was caught off guard but accepted. She liked Eivor, like the younger sister she never had. The hug lasted longer than the Greek expected the Viking to partake.

She realized why when Eivor reached up under Kassandra’s skirt.

The older woman blushed as she felt the breeze on her upper legs and knew she was exposing the sunset to her own beige colored small clothes they called briefs where she was from. Eivor grabbed the waistband of Kassandra’s small clothes and pulled up hard. The Viking was stronger than she looked, and the Greek was on her toes.

“Malaka.” Kassandra said blushing as her cheeks were exposed to the sun as Eivor had her turn to laugh.

“Not so fun, is it?” The Viking asked as she made sure the beige small clothes were well between Kassandra’s toned cheeks. Eivor let go and they snapped back, in better shape than Eivor’s were.

“I guess not.” Kassandra said as she flipped up the back of her leather skirt and fixed her undergarments.

“See you around, friend.” Eivor said as she began her climb from the cliff back to solid ground. Kassandra just gave her a wave. They made a good team, even if they were pains in each other's butts.