Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

Episode 565 - The Snail-Watcher (Patreon)

Published:
2021-09-29 21:45:19
Edited:
2024-12-12 19:00:31
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Downloads

Content

We're closing out a slimy month with a room full of snails - it's The Snail-Watcher by Patricia Highsmith!

Special thanks to our magical reader Heather Klinke!

Next up: THE COLOSSUS Chapters 6 AND 7!

Comments

Donny Bliss

I read this as a kid and it HAUNTED me for years. So fun to hear your discussion; maybe now I can finally get over this childhood trauma.

d_marmalade

Classic story: Boy meets snail, boy falls in love with snail, boy is crushed beneath the weight of a thousand snails. Do you think there is a criticism of the scientist lurking around here? The protagonist loves snails as an object of study, but his focus remains on himself, how it makes him the special holder of this knowledge, etc. In the end, it turns out that the snails don't care if he is watching them or not, and that they will carry on indifferent to him after he is dead. Studying and knowledge lead to ruin, humans in an indifferent universe... starting to sound a bit Lovecraftian, too?

Karlandos

*Wipes forehead with a towel* I didn't expect I would need to close the door and look over my should when listening but that comes with the joy of listening to you guys. That said, I'm sure you get enough of this but this continuous slug action made me think of Junji Ito and his works, particularly Uzumaki where the towns folk are turned into slug like beings due to the Spirals that show up and the store the Slug Girl where, you guessed it, a girl slowly transforms into a slug herself.

Jamie Brittain

"The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all the snail sex going on" Ten years of unspeakable Lovecraftian horror and nothing on this podcast has ever come close to how unnerved and cosmically alone Chris' descriptions of gastropod love darts made me feel.

Jon Hancock

"Is it hot in here or is Chris narrating gastropod porn again?"

Forrest Rush

Okay, bonus content: Chad's wonderful world of dragonfly porn.

Ed Sizemore

My first thought on hearing the story is it's about the destructive nature obsession has. I think all of us nerds know how easy it is to be 'consumed' (pun intended) by our interests and hobbies. We all have either been the guy, or know the guy, who so got caught in D&D that he saw life as one big D&D game. The guy who would trip and say, "Failed my dexterity check", all jello because a gelatinous cube, he mentally keep character stats on all his friends, etc. My second thought was maybe it's a cautionary tale about human overpopulation. We are like the snails and just keep breeding because there is space and resources available. Eventually, like the snails we are going to overwhelm our environment and kill our 'caretaker', the Earth. Just a thought. P.S. Lovecraft's horror has nothing on snail sex. That may be the most disturbing description I've ever heard. Spider sex was no thrill ride either.

Josh Bell

I was on my lunch break eating beans on toast when Chris announces he’s about to get in the weeds about snail banging. “That’s fine,” I thought, “I have a strong stomach.” Mistake.

Michael Cunliffe

What a great way to round off Slimetember, thanks guys! There’s something about this story that made me think of the importance of tending to creative passions responsibly - if you get distracted from what you love by the money it can bring you, it will end badly..

Sanjay Mathew

Well clearly the message is that capitalism is a shell game.

Jim Cannon

Oof. Worst death in 565 episodes or what? Something about invertebrates really creeps me out. There was an infestation of Gypsy Moth caterpillars in my area during my childhood. I remember once my dad took me out for a hike and they were literally falling out of the trees on us... never been able to handle worms, caterpillars, snails, or anything that scuttles are crawls since. Just the description of the room, infested with snails, creeped me out, nevermind the horrifying death.

Jason Thompson

I have read this and gotta say I don’t think there is much here underneath the surface, but who can find fault with a story of gruesome snail death.

Adequately Excellent Entertainment

Funny story. A friend found some snails in his backyard that turned out to be the kind used for Escargot. So he collected some and started breeding them in an aquarium! I am TOTALLY sending him this story. I remember there was one particular snail he named “Batman”, because it liked to climb up to the top of the tank and hang upside down from the lid. After the first round of babies were hatched he noticed several tiny baby snails with shell coloration similar to Batman hanging out on the lid! I don’t remember if he ever got around to eating any, but sadly he left them alone for too long and, unlike this story, they all died. He went on a trip and the device for keeping them moist broke down IIRC.

Shana Carter

Things "The Snail-Watcher" reminded me of: 1. The bit in "The Adventure of the Dying Detective" where Sherlock Holmes raves about oysters overrunning the Earth 2. The Crispin Glover movie "What Is It?", which features Fairuza Balk as the voice of The Screaming Snail 3. The Roald Dahl short story "Royal Jelly," about a new father whose interest in beekeeping has alarming consequences for his family (http://mrskempton.weebly.com/uploads/3/1/8/1/31818083/27_royal_jelly_by_jroald_dahl.pdf)

Drix

I have some insight into the reproductive rate of snails myself! When I was a kid, we decided to get a single aquatic snail to help clean my fish tank. Key word single. Did you know some snails can reproduce asexually? Within the month an egg sac appeared on the wall of the tank; naturally I was very excited. Probably about 10 eggs in all hatched, each snail then going on to reproduce asexully(or maybe not I wasn't night creepin on them), and with a few more months the whole tank was overrun with dozens and dozens of snails. We even tried getting a fish to eat them, but it mysteriously vanished too...

Thunk

I was thinking "Love Dart" was going to be my band name, but then you said "Sex Duel"

Jason Thompson

I don’t know if you guys will find time to cover it, but “The Price of Salt” is actually set in the same universe as this story. It takes place later when salt has become the world’s most prized commodity because it alone can keep the ever-growing snail hordes at bay.

Rafe Ball

This story would be very different if it were about a crazy cat man rather than a crazy snail man - take the climax of the story: "He really must do something about the ceiling, and immediately. He took an umbrella from the corner, brushed some of the cats off it, and cleared a place on his desk to stand. The umbrella point tore the wallpaper, and then the weight of the cats pulled down a long strip that hung almost to the floor..." "The softened paper began to tear, and he dodged one slowly falling mass only to be hit by a swinging festoon of felines..." "There were cats crawling over his shoes and up his trouser legs... 'Edna!' a cat crawled into his mouth. He spat it out in disgust." "Through the slit of one eye, he saw directly in front of him, only inches away, what had been, he knew, the rubber plant that stood in its pot near the door. A pair of cats were noisily making love in it. And right beside them, tiny kittens as pure as dewdrops were emerging from a pit like an infinite army into their widening world." Also: Lessons from Weird Fiction for Call of Cthulhu RPG Investigators #18 "The dense clusters of snails in the corners made the room look positively round, as if he stood inside some huge, conglomerate stone." Snails are a great defensive measure if you are being hunted by a Hound of Tindalos!

Philip Cowan

…and since you have again strayed into Not Out of Copyright (Nooc?) territory (which is fine by me) why not Falling Angel by William Hjortsberg? I think you guys will love it. Anyone else read it? Thoughts?

Sweatin' to the Great Oldies

I certainly appreciate the deep dive into snail sex. I mean, who doesn't? For more absolutely fascinating snail sex and existential despair, I cannot encourage you enough to seek out the news stories, podcasts, and songs about Jeremy the left-handed snail. Didn't know that snails can be left-handed? They can, dear friends. And it is tragic.

Jason of the K

I feel like this story was one revision away form being an earlier version of GRRMs "Sandkings". We just need the snails to worship, then emulate, then destroy their keeper.

Dan Pratt

Great episode! (Just a note here on the audio mixing: at 12:14, it sounds like Chris is saying, “white, slimy penis.”)

Amanda Baxter

“Hey Amanda what’s your favorite HP Podcraft episode?” “The one where they talk about invertebrate sex for a looooooong time.” In all seriousness, loved the episode!

Frederic

Jean Leloup made nice song called L’escargot that is deffinetly inspirated by this story.

Marc Patrick

Anyone watch Deep Water yet? Could've used more snails.