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D&D Court: Bonus Cases - The Sharkey Sidebar (Patreon)

Published:
2024-10-18 21:28:02
Imported:
2026-06
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Dungeon Court is STILL in session! Join Justices Murphy, Axford and Tanner, as well the Shire's Own Bailiff Hurwitz, as they continue to pass judgement on your trials at the table!

CREDITS:

Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon

Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller

Files

Comments

Neil Dutton

Croissanting The Birdlesque: The Rise Of Cawcawldwell

Totally Offside

I feel like that first DM got the shaft. Like Emily said, conjuration doesn't equal replication. The wizard could certainly have conjured a convincing looking key but it's fully within the DMs purview to say it's not going to match the exact size and pin length to open this specific lock.

Totally Offside

Agree they could have made the "no" more interesting. I think I'm just annoyed that the submittor thinks "you wouldn't be able to gauge the precise shape of a key by sight from half a room away" is the same as saying "you can't wild shape unless you as a player understand a crab's anatomy." Lol

tatsuo takao

nah I'm team lvl1 cleric, bro has like 2 or 3 slots at best and like 10 hp at best. Hard pass on running with 5 lvl 6 guys

Shel B Kennas fav SG is welly’s number one felly

Just finished a relisten of hot boys of summer and this title makes me heart broken we never had a shark sidebar. Imagine Mac sidebarring with a shark is making me giggle edit: hearing now WHAT sharkey is about I’m now imagining Mac having a sidebar with THAT sharkey lmao

Julia A.

Could the key situation have been solved by saying the door is locked from the outside? Maybe there’s just no keyhole from the inside

Sjsharks93

I haven't seen Murph get this worked up since Emily got that bucket hat

Totally Offside

It's not about memory is the thing. The wizard could make a great approximation of they key that would fool the guard if they swapped it for the real one. You have to know the exact link of every one of those bumps or the key won't actually work. It's one of those situations where the DM is gonna have to make a judgement fall ruling. They did. And the player is using weird arguments to push back

Totally Offside

Of course. But even they basically say "we're only ruling against the DM because they didn't argue it well." And the argument is being described by the player is my point. I imagine if the DM had submitted this, they'd have said "my player wanted to skip the adventure I planned by using a single spell that doesn't even work the way they wanted. I ruled it wouldn't work so we could play then they wouldn't let it go and said if I wouldn't let this work then I should also ban wild shape since you should have to know a crab's anatomy."

Totally Offside

You can make a key. There are other spells that make exact duplicates of things.

Totally Offside

Like this definitely COULD work. But the DMs reasoning for why it wouldn't was sound and they clearly didn't want to have the adventure get bypassed if they didn't think this would work.

Featherweight
>>152720980

We clearly disagree a the DM’s reasoning here, a wizard (good at Memorizing) made a point of saying that they made an effort to get a good enough look at a key to memorize it and the DM did not push back at that when it happened. Then later when that bite them they held a key up on the other side of the room and said “you a normal human in this situation here wouldn’t be able to memorize this key there for your wizard who had the opportunity and skills to do so wouldn’t be able to” and that to me is just silly.

Totally Offside

The greatest memorizer in the world can't tell you exactly the size of a key down to the millimeter by sight.

Featherweight
>>152720980

If you want to get in to the Technical Look up some mid evil style locks they aren’t exactly precision engineering. Pretty close has a good chance of doing the job. You can open some of them with a carved carrot.

Totally Offside

The key is as intricate as the DM says it is though. Like I don't think it's unreasonable at all to say you can create a key but that doesn't mean you can create an exact replica of this key. Like the DM isn't a mind reader. When the player said he's looking closely at the key, the DM might have thought he was going to steal it. At the earliest opportunity to say "this isn't going to work, the DM did that. This feels like sour grapes from a player who was mad they had to go on the adventure that was planned.

Totally Offside

I will give you though, the idea of somebody widdking a carrot into a key made me laugh.

Jake Alcott

Pulling an all nighter to finish the last of my grad work for my masters degree tonight. Thank y’all for keeping me company! P. S. Come back to Medford!

rosebramblewolf

Sharky was an unhinged choice of alias but it is canon

Featherweight
>>152720980

I get invisible walls my thing here is the player made a totally valid play which can fail I just think should have been allowed to play out but was instead shot down in a very bad feels way and when the player pushed back on that was handed some bad faith silly nonsense to cover up the invisible wall on the other side of the door which just makes the bad feel, feel worse. So I think the argument was bad and the whole thing was just handled poorly form the start.

Totally Offside

I guess, I just don't know how the DM is supposed to handle that better if they don't think it should work. I actually agree that the player made an interesting move but it was ultimately a judgement call and you shouldn't let someone role for something you don't think should/could happen. I think both DM and player had points be made and in a situation of 50/50 calls, the DM had to make a ruling.

Featherweight
>>152720980

The door is also barred because you’re adventurers and monks know lock picks exist. There are always ways to harden walls that aren’t basically telling your players that their good ideas are in fact bad and would never work bc real life.

Clever Innuendo

Once the DM is done making those doors, if anyone can eat them in under 2 years...

SaltyBurrito

The Honerable Justices Brian Turkey, Emily Axbird, Ca Caldwell Tanner.

Hex Sharpe (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-05 07:00 Hi the "Sharkey" nickname is assumed because orcs called him "sharku" which meant "old man" if I'm remembering correctly. And yeah Merry and PIppin (Meriadoc, not Meriwether) did kick a bunch of ass in the Scouring of the Shire bit, and it was because they were tall and strong from drinking Ent draughts. They got drunk on tree juice and it made them tall forever. But they didn't kill Saruman, I believe Wormtongue did it like in the movie, it just happened at a different time than the movies did. I could check my work since I'm commenting and not recording a podcast, but I think it's more fun if I'm playing "only what you remember in the moment" rules. So I'm open to being wrong on these points but extremely delighted whenever Weird Tolkien Shit comes up, thank you for targeting this content to me specifically.
2024-10-19 01:05

Hex Sharpe
>>152735052

(My assumption is that since I pay you guys money, I'm allowed to be a weird pedantic nerd when you touch on my special interests. But if you need to make a higher paying tier for this level of comment, I understand.)

Max

That DOES happen in the books. It ends in the shire. It’s literally the best part of all of the books. And I excitedly waited for the last part of the last movie to cover the last part of the books…. I was SO disappointed as a teenager. I still turn off the Return of the King movie before it gets to the very end

Michelle Spurgeon

I love how Mr Bubbles's warforged went full De Rolo

Shan

Yeah but this still feels (to me) like an unsatisfying "no" that doesn't reward the player

Shan

tbf Cawldwell doesn't say Merry and Pippin killed him, just that they kicked his ass lol

Jake L.

Not Another Door & Door Podcast

Tavitafish

Honestly the black dragon wouldn't have been nearly as bad if it hadn't drank the potions

Verdigree

The Conjuration Wizard was actually completely buttoned up, "Starting at 2nd level when you select this school, you can use your action to conjure up an inanimate object in your hand or on the ground in an unoccupied space that you can see within 10 feet of you. This object can be no larger than 3 feet on a side and weigh no more than 10 pounds, and its form must be that of a nonmagical object that you have seen. The object is visibly magical, radiating dim light out to 5 feet."

Micah Allee

From a cinematic standpoint having 2 massive climatic battles and the macguffin being destroyed... only to have to go do a whole other climatic end conflict just never would have worked

Zeon Liberation

I love hearing the follow ups. Can we just get a whole episode of that?

Melaninja

I think they were way off base with the level 1 cleric. It sounds like the DM gave them a completely unbalanced encounter. Healing in 5th edition isn’t that good, a healing word or cure wounds from a level one cleric isn’t gonna sway the fight in their favor.

Witpending

And the Bailiff Drake

YourAnimeDad

Honestly had a similar situation with the Black Dragon and I can't wait til next dungeon court cause maybe I can finally have my case heard

華偉 曾

can anyone remind me when did ryan urphy dm'ed, i need to relisten that ep.

Totally Offside

Yes I understand that but theres a difference between saying that a druid can wild shape without knowing the anatomy of the animal vs. saying a good memory gives you eye sight so good you can perfectly scan the exact size of an object down to the millimeter. If the DM doesn't want to set that precedent, there's no fun way to do that beyond saying it doesn't work.

Matt Gustavson

What about cooter? The cleric is a lot like cooter vs the tarrasque

Zoop

I feel kinda bad for the cleric. It sounds like a new player not knowing the social norms of dnd and honestly being thrown into a kind of overwhelming situation. They deserve a second chance

The Magic Strugglebus

Isn’t the revolver with the names a direct copy of Vox Machina?

Jeffrey H.

All this kissing means we need another choose your own adventure book for romance

Ryan Coyle

I’m no expert, but “West marches” is the kind of style of dnd where a large amount of player characters engage with a world in this rotating way like with the lvl 1 cleric. My question is whether they’d even deserve any exp if the party had succeeded while the cleric walked the fine line between the right amount of mustard and too much mustard.

Featherweight
>>152720980

Yeah and just saying “good idea but I don’t want to set that precedent” is also 100% better way to handle this then trying to undermine the validity of a players cool idea because it happen to inconvenience the DM in that moment. Yes a DM shouldn’t allow rolls for things they don’t want to happen but there is also a Correlation between how reasonable the ask feels to the player and how satisfying a response a DM needs to give to get past it smoothly. This DM in my opinion biffed it.

Totally Offside

Yeah totally fair. I already said he could have made the "no" sound better. My issue is mostly just with the player going back and pressing the issue and claiming they should have been able to do it based on a pretty flimsy argument. Ultimately, it was a 50/50 call and the DM ruled a way the player didn't like.

Featherweight
>>152720980

They pressed the issue on not being able to didn’t make sense to them there counter argument after the DM response was flimsy

Totally Offside

The DM said it wouldn't work. The player went back and said it would and the DM heald up a set of keys and asked them to perfectly describe it. The DM is being dramatic there but the crux of that argument is valid. Being able to conjure a key isn't the same as being able to basically scan an existing key and make an exact, usable replica. Very easy to see how that interpretation of the spell could get overpowered very quickly.

Featherweight
>>152720980

You know what I’ve already made my feeling clear where I stand on that a augmented and an endless back and forth of what ifs and Minutiae is just unproductive at this point.

Totally Offside

You can't study the exact measurement of a key by eye. That's the point. No amount of looking at it would get them a working key just a really good approximation. The DM could have allowed it if they liked the move. Turning it down is justifiable though. Agreed, they could have given inspiration or something to soften it. But saying no wasn't an issue.

Featherweight
>>152720980

And if the Dm was like the “locks of the Monastery are all masterworks of Precision and Intricacy and you are not skilled enough to craft a working replica” there is another good response . But a basic lock you’d expect to find in a standard dnd setting close enough would have every chance of getting you there.

Totally Offside

Yeah we're like 90% agreeing here. 50/50 call that the DM had the right to rule against but probably should have flavored it better. Just disagreeing on who was being less reasonable in the rebuttal. Different strokes for different folks.

Featherweight
>>152720980

Urgh we’re back on the Escalator, no I’m done. We disagree that fine. I am willfully forcing myself to not care anymore. Have a good one.

catchTwentythree

Yeah I was stunned by how hard they went on this cleric without really bringing up how cruel it is to throw a new player to the wolves as a 1st-level character in a 6th-level party on deadly encounters. In what actual world does the cleric get to "save everybody" with spare the dying? He'd have been down in a single hit, dude had like 10 hp. If anyone was disengaged, it was the DM failing to facilitate the new player.

catchTwentythree

Unfathomably bad calls on the level 1 cleric. Reserving judgment on the DM based on whether he would have killed the cleric for helping is deeply silly when we already know this is a DM who made a new player start at level 1 in a level 6 party and then didn't accommodate the session to the presence of an inexperienced player and low-level character.

Melaninja

Yeah, I feel like they were very distracted by the sandwich thing which sounds crazy on paper, but if they had taken a moment to consider the actual mechanics, there’s really nothing that player could have done.

CSN

For sure, everything but a demon haunting it. I wonder what Taliesin Jaffe's inspiration was? I'm sure I've seen bullets inscribed with names in other media, but multi-barrel style weapons are uncommon.

Casey Blackwaters

The Gunks Gaming Guild in New Paltz, NY hosts big games like that (the case with the underleveled cleric) and they just have different days for different level groups ie; newbie group-all lvl 2s, aspiring adventurers-lvl 3-5, etc. It’s super fun!

Ilana Galpert

i assumed the dragon was going to get some allies lol. i think that's another way to handle something like this–have the boss summon a few minions. nothing crazy powerful but something else on the battlefield the player needs to deal with. actually it occurs to me bg3 has loads of creative ways to handle people potentially one shotting their guys. The orin fight is built to be impervious to one shots, and the second hag fight (in baldurs gate) she has loads of regenerative flowers...this dm should just play bg3 as "punishment" and get loads of potential ideas

Jo Wright

While you were partying I studied the key

Justin Cockrell

I know it would be bad but I would absolutely devour a Murphbot one shot

Landon Taylor

The comments trying to vilify the sandwich guy's DM are so wild to me. First of all, mixed level parties are exactly how Official Adventurer's League games work - yes, usually Tier 1 is only levels 1-5, but a good DM can make level 6 work. I've definitely done it when I've had low turnout at an event and the level 1 characters were able to play in a way that was balanced and felt important and ultimately led to massive XP. That definitely could have happened here if the healer decided to play instead of mocking the encounter. Secondly, and much more importantly, no one was complaining about how the DM ran the session - not the players who died and not the sandwich cleric who was eager to play again. I cannot believe that if literally anyone here had a player at their table that ROLLED TO EAT A SANDWICH instead of healing while the PCs were dying and the DM made the decision not to invite them back, their response would be anything other than, "Good riddance." 🙄🙄 Totally different scenario if he tried his best or even role played feeling too weak to fight and cowering...but sitting on a hill watching his compatriot dies and eating a sandwich is fucking sociopath behavior. I wouldn't want him at my table either.

SaltyBurrito

Yes I couldn't think of one for Jake

Dani Sharkey

DO I NEED TO READ LORD OF THE RINGS NOW?? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?????

Sharkey Dalty

Hey Landon! Thank you for letting me know! I admit, It was my first time playing and didn't know anybody there or the social norms in the game, but I learned and I'll do better next time! Next time I'll either die with honor or role play correctly 🫡

Sharkey Dalty

I think everyone had their best intentions. If nothing else, I agreed to join the group knowing they were such high level. It was my first time and didn't really know how to play, but maybe I really just didn't read the room well enough in the moment. I'm still playing today and DM most the time, and am glad I got to learn the social component of the game! Anyway, I accept my punishment :)

Sharkey Dalty

Its all good! I had an opportunity to learn how to play a little more socially, and I still play today! In fact, I DM most the time. Long story short, I accept my punishment, have learned from it, and am happy :)

Sharkey Dalty

That was probably it! I don't know for sure though. I had fun though, and now know how to be a better player at the table!

Sharkey Dalty

Thats What I though in the moment. Everyone died so quickly, no way it wouldn't have been a TPK in just a couple rounds. Thats ok though! The social component of the game sometimes is about dying with honor, and I'm better for it today. It really was the DMs world, and I was just living in it.

Sharkey Dalty

Just doin my best out there 😅 Thats ok. I had fun!

Ryan Coyle

In defense of Sharkey, you probably would’ve been one-shot by the hobgoblins as soon as you were at all useful. If I were sent out on a mission with Seal Team Six, I’d probably just watch the bags and have a sandwich myself. But honestly glad you stuck with D&D after this experience. You seem like a really good sport. Their loss.

Megan Tomasch

Y’all should also do like advice column style episodes!

Joe Howard

I think Ryan urphy was mostly a short rest bit. If I recall correctly it started or at least returned in eldermourne when the party faced one of the high level enemies while still mid level. Sadly the only other details I can remember contain spoilers and I don’t have the time at the moment to search through episode summaries to give a better time line.

Cooper Erikson

There is no stumping Stephen Colbold when it comes to the deep lore of middle earth.

Cooper Erikson

It's alot of reading to get to. It's the very last chapter in the book.

Cooper Erikson

When you asked said friend to join this game was there any kind of disclaimer or context of the game given to you? I would say with you being a new player and your friend being the one person in a position to know that and being the one to get you a seat at this table the responsibility kinda falls on their shoulders to make sure you have atleast a mild understanding of what you were walking into. Obviously there is some missing context but given the size it sounds like this was a fairly established, if large, group going for a while. It would have probably been best for your friend to advise that not be the place to take your first steps into DnD. Also did no one make any comment about your behavior not being appropriate at the time this happened? We need alot more context to truly understand hehe dynamics of this situation.

wilhelm paul martinez

this is why Adventurer's League exists, for people to drop in to adventures but with level tier caps so no one feels left out.

Wojtek

Shout-out to the Scouring of the Shire, one of the best chapters of the series. Also Caldwell was right about a lot! Merry and Pippin do drink the ent draught and get huge and while they don't kick Saruman's ass specifically, they kick his henchmen's asses and inspire all the hobbits to kick Saruman out.

Pip

Oh my god I almost died laughing at that bbeg dragon chugging health potions

Summer Tribe

I feel like you're choosing to be wrong on purpose, as some kinda joke. Like you can't have talked to many people generally to call that sociopathic behaviour

Eric Peterson

Looks like your DM Jake dreams are coming true!

Quantum OFZENTRIX

The only part Caldwell got wrong is that merry and popping do not kill saruman, everything else was right and there was a bit of a wrongful razz here

🐧lost penguin familiar

My dm has the dumbest homebrew damage rule: if you take -10 damage past 0 then you instantly die, no death saves. I lost a character because of this rule at level 4 as a barbarian.

Max Herzog

Caldwell is correct, in the books Sauramon gets his ass kicked in the shire

Marco

That's not too bad. In Pathfinder 1e (and maybe dnd 3.5, not sure) you die if your hit points hit negative your constitution score.

Fxd Gear Queer

It's one of my favourite epilogues ever! They went to war with evil itself, and now there's some bozos fucking up their home? Of course they'll just fold them like a cheap shirt!

Fxd Gear Queer

Sharkey case: Kinda baffled why no one at the table even tried to clue in the cleric? I feel that so many of these could be solved by 5 minutes of normal human interaction 😅

I Shark

My last name is Sharkey and I didn’t know that .. also having a nickname as Sharkey has been great in high school but I feel triggered when an adult says my last name

Justin Ouellette

As a long islander, hearing Jake say "in long Island" makes my eye twitch lmfao

Oscar the Salad Czar

Maybe but imagine the cell saga ending without future trunks going back and whooping android ass.