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D&D Court: Nasty Bards, Evil Dads, and Mustard Custard (Patreon)

Published:
2024-12-06 01:39:50
Imported:
2026-06
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AD-FREE EPISODE FOR $5+ PATRONS!

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Axford, and... Hurwitz (!?) as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!

CREDITS:

Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon

Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller

Files

Comments

Kellyd

JUSTICE Hurwitz? I may have to abstain from this episode

wick

God bless Jake absolutely having the pledge locked and loaded

kin

i know it’s the hoglidays but this is too far

Daniel

Supreme Court justices don't exactly get hazed but the least senior justice does have to make the coffee

Declan Konesky

I'm fucking turning this trash off. Shame on you. Jake a judge? Dice Christ will punish

Zanna

I think this is the second time Jake has said the oath? double oathsworn?

Zanna

Emily: oh no, *I'm* the Caldwell

CYMoon

There has been no escaping mustard on any platform for the past week. Lol

Elise Nicewick

Pickleball mention! My 2 favorite things, Naddpod and pball!

Fridge

Tiarat

Elizabeth Gunn, sickly but cruel

Regarding the 1/20 curse. you could have a mechanic where on a 1/20, you roll a d2 or d4 to switch it? #flipthecrit

Zanna

This was actually a previous dnd court ep, when Emily had a few cases left over from her bailer stint. Jake was briefly reinstated.

Zanna

had to google picketball tbh

brainrockets

Tweet and Skeet (for some reason that's what posts on Bluesky are called) are pretty similar sounding.

Guy

Hi Court, a Rat God has never been mentioned in my campaign at any point ever, up until the Animal Messenger plan, but I will take your suggestion and use a combined Tiamat-Tarraque stablock where they are tied together. They’re only level ten.

Jake Alcott

On behalf of the entire town of Medford, MA, thank you

Zaxbeez

… three days ago I decided to let my 11 (and a half!) year old start listening to campaign 1. We had a chat about words we shouldn’t say in school, and she’s now just about out of Moonstone. So. Uh. Bad parenting I guess.

Tavitafish

They weren't called skeets until people were horrified at calling them skeets. A self fulfilling prophecy if you will.

jbyrd

Cheeky weekend at Bernie 's one shot?

Mike Rutledge

Murph really railroaded me through this ep

Ebony-Rose Ellis

I can tell u guys really miss Caldwell this ep

ACK

Forced to swear Jake in? Truly these are dark times...

AutoReroll

Thank you! They kept not saying it and I was going nuts!!

Kitt

It was great having that Justice Tanner energy channeled this episode. There is just slightly less chaos without him, and the Justices brought that extra spirit today 👌

Emma

The DM who is afraid to railroad is simply railroading the party into having a boring and bad time. And also weirdly railroading them into having to engage in the story in a super specific way by saying no to everything and having a storyline in mind with only “subtle” hints.

Valorie Doan

The phrase 'slinging mustard custard' is absolutely vile

Charli A

Came here to add this, glad I wasn't the only one

Iris Dewey

I suspect the railroad dm was expecting the players to immediately start chasing down clues to get home, uncovering the time hopping villain and when that didnt happen now they are also stuck just living in a cowboy world they thought would last 2 sessions

Sean Boyle

That first DM did nothing wrong. Sounds like he's asked his family to play magic before and they sadi no. Also if I know anything about Magic it's so hard to find a playgroup sometimes. Especially if you're shy and don't want to go to a FNM at a Game Shop. So instead of continuing to hound them he Met them on their level and played the game they wanted to play. And all he did was ask them for 1 session to meet him on his level and they decided they couldn't do it and that the game he cared about was nt worth their time. It's not as though he was asking them to become magic players just do one encounter with the magic cards. For the Judges to side against him on top of everything else is a severe breach of justice and I call for an appeal.

Nicolette Taylor

As someone who LOVES to play support I think I’d actually enjoy the crit curse

Taylor Manes

this episode featured some truly spot-on murph impressions

Jade

Worked at a tennis club for 3 years and they converted a good chunk of courts for pickleball. Can confirm the tennis vs pickleball player beef.

Shel B Kennas fav SG is welly’s number one felly

I’m from lower appellate crick court, and while they should have been open to trying it, it was an open and shut case of entrapment & misleading contract of conduct. Bad manners does not equal violating TTRPG law, I move to strike your appeal and to wish you a happy Hoglidays

Gearbox

I must disagree with the first case. Rolling for initiative for every little thing would slow the game way down. It's on the cleric to call out nonlethal damage, and if they did not it's on them to make haste to heal, they know how the game works. If you punch someone to zero, and then don't immediately heal them, that's a fuck around and find out moment.

Lindsey

"actually we're playing pickleball" wow for sure the closest listening to naddpod has come to having a conversation with my parents

Scott

Cheekiness is not akin to subtlety. I disagree that you can't be cheeky and obvious.

Scott

I'd almost say the point of cheekiness is being noticed doing something un expected but blatant in a playful way.

Travis

*Tiarat

Nick Lerche

Foppish Dweeb right out of the gate is pretty hilarious

An_Armed_Bear

The funniest thing about the distraction cast is I'm pretty sure you can't cast Lightning Bolt through a familiar since it's not a Touch spell.

Sand Panda

I would have gone Mars Attacks mode if I was some future version sucked into the wild west past. The 1st town left with one survivor to explain how their fellow townsfolks were melted would have butterfly effected us out of existence, but totally worth the mayhem due to a dull DM.

Lizzy French

When Cladwell comes back you all should play this episode for him, but pause before Murph gives the Caldwell take and see how close Caldwells real reply would have been 😅

Hammy

Maybe I’m just emotional today but the gang doing Caldwell bits while he is away made me tear up a little. It’s the most wholesome razzing.

Jedidiah Archer Smith

Alright what’s it going to take to do some magic streams against some Patreon lasses and lads

Alex Herndon

Awwww you guys really miss Hugh

Totally Offside

I love it when people are so confident that the court will rule in their favour then they describe themselves doing something absolutely bizarre. CC: the submitter who thought they should get a surprise round for the whole party because they attacked half the enemy camp.

Shane C

Between this and the Critical Role MTG episode I’ve learned so much about Lady Orca

Joseph Cruz

Hey Boobs! I was wondering, will anymore music from this campaign/prior campaigns be released to Spotify in the future? Emily was my number one artist in my Spotify Wrapped, because I use all her music for my dnd games every week! I’d love to use music from, say, the Hells chapter of campaign one or The Beastlands. No Presh ofc!

Timothy Daughtridge

As a patreon supporter I would love a mixed bag where the gang played Magic the Gathering

Magerdamage

I really need murph and Emily to be made aware of the podcast Who Killed Avril Levine if they aren't already.

EnglebertCumberbatch

Looked up Lady Orca. Very sad to see that she's not an actual orca.

HolyFatFish

They definitely meant fire bolt, not lightning bolt familiar with can't even use lightning bolt

Bryce Peterson

Walk in Galaderon with the etiquette of the Crick, yelling—

Cj Ferrigno

The Caldwell bits are gold

Nikolaus Cox

Big fan of Murph ceasing to ever mention Twitter.

Osha

tiarat

Chris Swank

I love Murphs increasing hatred for the socials at the end

KingHalt

Blue Rat Head does cold rat damage

Wyred

Really want some Hoglidays and Hogfather cross over... RIP Terry Pratchett.

Sylva

I would think from the sound of the Rat animal messenger thing the DM rolled the intimidation without saying it was gonna be roll at all

Benjamin P Parson Gomberg

“Sorry, cold resistance doesn’t help. This is Cold Rat damage, it’s different”

The Fun Yaunt

Sadly the hours of fruitless role play were us looking for clues to get home 😭 Part of my conversation with the DM was to see if he intended us to stay in the cowboy world— he said he didn’t want to railroad us into either option ☹️

The Fun Yaunt

😭 Thank you!!! I feel so justified in my frustration/boredom 🫶🏻

Iris Dewey

Ohhh no! Deeply baffling. Did they confuse having a plot line with railroading?

The Fun Yaunt

I can’t wait to look for 1) mustard 2) custard and 3) a froyo machine in the Wild West 🫡 Thank you, Justices!!!

The Fun Yaunt

It appears so 😅 Emily was also right that my DM is a graduate student (though not a history major, haha) with limited time on his hands, so I think that may be the culprit!

Belligerant_Me

Omg Justice Jake PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE play a character with a old west accent I was thrown by how good you’d sound as an old prospector or something And it’s been like 2 campaigns since Emily did moonshine, so I think it’s open season on someone else doing a twang again

Natural Dragon

WTF?!?!? I thought we all agreed that Jake could Only be a justice in Boston. I guess I will listen anyways..

Ken

What I usually do as to not get full initiative going again for something that isn't combat related outright, I'll just set a timer and have the players figure it out before time is up otherwise, consequences. Does it make them freak out and panic? Yes. Do they figure it out faster? Also yes. 😅😂

William Bowen

If the deception check succeeds, then the enemy says "He's found us! We don't have much time." And now the rat king exists. Edit: I should have listened to the sentencing first.

Jonathan Fookes

Caldwell’s presence is so strong in this ep still, amazing

Andrew Elrod

Way back in the late 90s we used the NetRunner CCG as part of our CyberPunk 2020 campaign. It was indeed very rad, but also agreed upon by all parties.

Adrian

In that first case the DM could have just said "yeah you punch right in the face" and not even call for damage, give the player a role moment... that attitude of cheeky rolling and stuff is just to punish players, and beside, you as a DM do not want to expose the lore you work hard on? I have bad memories of DMs that just work to punish players

Nick

For the Lady Orca commander deck build- the One More Mana boys made a Lady Orca deck for their Shuffle Up & Play Jank Off.

MarkM

The funniest thing Jake has ever said is "Hold your loved ones close and tell em they're pissing you off" lol

frogwithhumanhands

murph just saying "sure" when Emily said SantaHog made me cry laughing

Gabrielle

I dont know what it is about bullspit that made me cry from laughing but it has fully entered my vocabulary

George Koors

Didn't think it was possible, but y'all are weirder sans Caldwell

Gearbox

To be fair, neither the submitter or the court discussed the actual rules for surprise. You would all roll initiative for sure, and then the dm would determine who (if anyone) in the camp is surprised. A "surprise round" isn't a real thing.

Totally Offside

Sure. The DM could have ruled they were all sufficiently sneaky to get a jump on the camp though. Wouldn't be uncommon. But not when your "distraction" is attacking everybody lol. 99 times out of 100 the person saying they shouldn't be in initiative is wrong.

Daniel Koh

I was in Austria ten years ago and I had a pork belly appetizer that had the most delicious and unusual mustard ice cream accompaniment thing and every time y’all said mustard custard I thought of that day lol.

Eric Olberding

Hey! Caldwell doesn't just say random things. He just A to Es. Really lateral thinking, free associating, jazz! "Look, a line of lighting through 10 ten tents, this is a war camp, they've probably raided nearby farms for rations. What if she were behind a cart of beets raided from a nearby farm? No one would see her if she were hiding behind a cart full of juicy beets. NO ONE WOULD SEE HER MURPH. {MURPH response} I DUNNO MAN, SHE COULD COVER HERSELF WITH THE BEET JUICE AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SHE WAS HURT TOO!"

AlbireoRising

Maybe this is just me listening to this episode right after the campaign 0, but in this ep it really seemed like Justice Hurwitz stepped into his role and had some opinions! Love to see it.

Kelley

Now I kinda want to learn to play Magic the gathering

J. Gro

It can be hard to call out an organized action/train of thought if several people are loudly talking or arguing at the same time. Turns in combat can take over a minute to process and resolve what to do, yet we buy the conceit that it's only six seconds in-game, and that's without layered talking. It's reasonable to have a bit of that time courtesy extend outside of combat. It's also possible that the players aren't aware of or familiar with non-lethal damage. Regardless, there should be a way to handle the situation in a way that doesn't feel like getting "got" in a non-fun way.

J. Gro

Even THAT license was revoked at some point!

J. Gro

But was it a chocolate-based custard?

Charity Moor

If you put a horse head in someone's bed to threaten them do you roll with the horse's intimidation?

Kaidan C

It’s better to flip a bluray anyway since they’re scratch resistant

Malia Balas

I love that Emily's dedication to bits even transcends into building MTG commander decks. I'm inspired by Lady Orca

Compound27

The MTG case sounds like the DM didn't intend to go back to DnD lol