Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

D&D Court: Sleepy Sorcerers, Celebrity NPCs and The Dice Swiper Dilemma (Patreon)

Published:
2025-03-14 05:29:00
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Downloads

Content

AD-FREE EP FOR $5+ PATRONS!

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and Junior Justice Hurwitz (position pending) as well as the EXALTED HIGH BAILIFF AXFORD as they convene to pass judgement on your trials at the table!

GET TICKETS TO CREATOR KARAOKE HERE!

CREDITS:

Sound Mixing and Editing by Trevor Lyon

Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller

Files

Comments

lily 😦

YESSSSS EXALTED HIGH BALIFF AXFORD

KingHalt

D&D Court is truly the best part of NADDPOD outside of the campaigns

Tucker Collins

Exalted High Wife Worm Bailiff Axford!!!

Vickyrae

Oh thank god I’m about to drive home from a shitty date and I NEEDED THIS

Isaiah

Rolled a nat one on that one eh?

Ross Wright

Murphy we need the john Cena heel turn reaction

CaptLizianthus

I’m staying up to watch the lunar eclipse and so glad this works dropped to keep me company!

Walker

Very rare I get to bring anything to the table, but in Pathfinder, a Magus is a mix of martial and caster so understandable that his punches would do damage.

Professor Pratt

Yeah, up for a bowl of cereal and saw the notification. Dunn Dunn!!

Kestrel

I've seen the car lake picture it is straight up broad daylight and extremely visibly obvious. Also on initially relaying this story to us Sydney said the driver INSISTED on driving. And this was on the way To the vacation btw they had to do a whole trip together afterward

DuckerQuackson

Love this. The exalted bailiff has risen. Hi, Two Crew

The Fun Yaunt

Murph’s assertion that these level 2 characters with James Blunt “have nothing else to live for” delights me.

Grass

Lake driver dm please give more info im begging for the tea

Bridie O'Dare

Unfortunately, "you have to add a third and the third is a bird" was the funniest thing I've ever heard and did make me cry laughing.

coladrimk

"introduce a third - a bird" sounds like a line from jake and amir

Nick Sheppard

Way stoked for the D20 show at the Bowl. I’m on the crew there but I’m taking the day off to just be audience for this one

Mikel

Viva Las Magus as a Hot Boy Summer casino weekend 🤞🤞🤞

Magma River

Yeah, for anyone reading this who's interested, Magus is a class that makes an attack and casts a spell in one move. So, like, you can Fireball Punch. Of course in that case you'd then be at the centre of a Fireball, so probably better to go for a single target spell, but Fireball Punch is too cool to resist...

Clever Innuendo

I now want to make a character called the Lakedriver

Natural Dragon

I think the new justice should be referred to as Junior Justice Jake who is on super secret probation and may be a cake guy.

Proopypants

yippee, in time for me to snort chortle guffaw along in the office and become my most hated co-worker!!

Thomas Hegarty

This is insane. I can’t imagine how awkward that trip was afterward.

Doonkers

Dice Christ has blessed us on this day. We are thankful for this blessing of Dungeon court-age!

PastaCortez

The rule about non-lethal damage only applies to melee attacks - not ranged attacks or spells

Eons Abroad

Can Carrottop please be the new Grinch!? Plz plz plz 🙏 Better yet, can we get some Carrottop/Grinch combo questions on Surprise Round?

Mr. Dude Sky

That and its inflict wounds, that is absolutely gonna hurt someone. The take from the justices is very backwards on this one.

Mr. Micholaus

James Blunt Rotation, is that a thing?

Sean Boyle

The Justices, while entertaining, do sometimes have a tendency to just assume they understand how some thing work and make their ruling off of that and they only catch that they are wrong about 50% of the time when they do this. Usually it's Murph making a statement on how he thinks somthing works and the others just accepting that he knows what he's talking about. It seems to happen less now than in the early days of the court but it is somthing that happens.

Anthony

Very much looking forward to the Viva Rock Magus oneshot

sam fusco

Inflict wounds by definition can't kill, it does insane damage for it's leveling

rollinginthecrits

The James Blunt DM should have his players roll a d100 at random times after James Blunt goes on tour to determine random events on the tour and then like that one episode of Futurama present an entire history of the James Blunt tour. And one of the possibilities is that they kill him with a roll on the d100 (it's 69 obviously)

Hugo Wull

Imagine how I feel!

Mantross

Actually, you're thinking of Harm. Inflict Wounds can kill.

DMAN

Guys, I swear the car-in-lake start has come up before. Am I crazy???

sam fusco

Rip you are correct

Hugo Wull

Thank you for hearing my case. I think we are going to try the bird thing despite your merciless razzing of Caldwell (my wife has an affinity for birds and we have a pipe dream of training crows to bring us shiny gifts in exchange for food). I’ll update if it ever manages to work!

Jonathan

I was so stoked when they started talking about John Cena even though I don’t know anything about wrestling

Sara S.

I ALSO came here to say this lol

Dark Field

Most important takeaway from this ep - Murph knew the year the Carrot Top movie came out off the top of his head.

Gearbox

Players have agency. Why didn't the cleric specify non-lethal damage if they didn't want to kill the kid? It feels unfair to put the blame on the dm for the choices players *didn't* make. Why are we blaming them for the consequences to player choices?

PastaCortez

On Dungeon Court? Never. As an episode of the office? Yes.

Dark Field

Norm MacDonald, Courtney Thorne Smith, Conan, youtube, go. *chairmanoftheboard

rosebramblewolf

So I'm pretty sure the car owner's insurance would cover this if they have coverage for someone driving other than the policy holder, which is more expensive. And in that case, the insurance is going to sue the driver. But if the owner doesn't have that coverage, they're paying out of pocket, and it would be time to sue the driver themself.

rosebramblewolf

It's orange vs green, it's seasonally relevant!

Chanel Chatman

I need a shirt that says “ if you can’t handle me at my gollum.. you don’t deserve me at my smeagol” and “troll wife”. They probably exist but now that Emily said it🤣😅

pedalinpigeons

Oh my goodness! Thank you for reading my “confession”! Love a good roasting razz in the morning. Love yinz! 😂🫶

Kasia

Emily, idk if you pulled this out of the depths of your memory, but IRL James Blunt opened for Ed Sheeran’s tour, like, 8 years ago… and I think you just told the story of how that pairing came to be ? <3

Gavin L.

I’m not a wrestling fan either but when I heard about John cena the first thing I thought was how bad I needed to hear Murph discuss it, thank god!!

Professor Pratt

OMG, the punks in Frostwind. Fuck you, I love you.

David

Regarding "that part of the arm that really hurts," I believe you are referring to the pressure point/nerve known as L9 Radialus. Either that, or my childhood Kenpo Karate Sensei was wrong lol. Maybe that's what Jake was talking about when he responded with "Oh, right here in the forearm muscle, right?" as it's a bit down the forearm from the underside of the elbow and a bit toward the outer forearm. I dunno if that makes sense or if I'm right 🤷‍♀️

Kendall 🎶

Omg thank you for this context. This whole story is insane and I honestly can’t believe more people aren’t talking about it in the comments!!!!

CoraxArtifex

There are a couple of points on the arm that hurt more than usual when hit and may make the arm numb when struck hard enough. You got the lower tendon of the deltoid muscle, just above biceps and triceps. Between the biceps and triceps there is a nerve cluster. This one, if struck hard enough, will make your arm go numb. Then there is a point half way down the forearm, in the middle of the radius bone, on the side of the thumb. This one will make your thumb numb if treated with enough blunt force. Then there is the classic funny bone. And lastly, there is an area on the top of the hand, just in the middle, just where the metacarpus bones meet the carpus bone structure. There is a lot of tendons and nerves there so it hurts like hell and makes your fingers numb for a moment. Don't ask me where I know this from - I had a "busy" childhood XD

Lambroux

Oh I love the idea of a barbarian cosplaying as a sorcerer. I remember a friend of mine from highschool played an Orc "Wizard" who only knew two spells, "fireball" and "polymorph" and was super convinced he knew these spells. When he would cast "polymorph" he would just hit someone with his giant "staff" as hard as possible and polymorph them into a corpse. And fireball was just lighting his "staff" on fire and throwing it at someone. Good times.

Sofa loaf

Is there such thing as a penguin aarikocra? Can’t fly but has a fast swim speed?

Bryce Peterson

Caldwell performing Not Like Us is something we all need.

McNeilly Fieweger

100% agree early 2000s rock/ nu metal goes hard for karaoke. Chop suey! Is my go to song, followed by fat lip by sum41. Not in the genre but “Oh so quiet” by bjork is is soooo fun to sing because you scream a lot

🐧lost penguin familiar

First case: they must have had no spells left as they were going down for a long rest, that's why they "punched" eachother

Pizzapie_420

Lol whoever names your files forgot what year it is. Get some sleep 😂

wick

The audio for John Cena driving the car into the lake was so unexpected lmao

Sydney

Omg hi it's me sob. There's genuinely so much freakish context I couldn't include in the submission but one of the worst bits is that the lakedriver INSISTED on driving the car bc someone else driving made her anxious. And the owner of the car said he felt nervous within 1 minute of her driving bc she kept taking her hands off the wheel to gesticulate while she spoke, and they were only near the lake because she missed the first two exits. AND THEN THEY STILL WENT ON VACATION TO NEW YORK AFTERWARDS. (also they theorized it was a mossy lake at night - it was the driest lake i've ever seen in my life at 11 am)

Ilana Galpert

Gorgug the barbarian is the greatest wizard of his age

Babbles The Clown

As a quick clarification the Magus in Pathfinder is a combat caster class. So it's fully possible that that character punching the sorcerer is closer to a monk going all out than a wizard.

Declane Gilhooley

Garris's I have calibrations comes to mind and listening to this

Summer, Autumn Eladrin

When I Dm'd the Waterdeep Heist campaign one of my friends played a character named Dizazzi who was a barbarian pretending to be a wizard. One of the rules about Waterdeep as a city is that all magic users have to register so that they can help the city in case they need to draft all magic users to deal with a threat to the city. So I definitely made him register for the magic user draft. There was where magic users were called to put out a fire and the barbarian just threw rocks at it I believe.

🐧lost penguin familiar

It's so ironic that emily turned invisible during the One Ring dice case. Also, any chance those paw paw dice get another batch? I really want a set, it's sold out!

sarb!

Most frogs have teeth, if bullywugs are based off frogs! Not human-like but yyyknoww

Hammy

Ever since that Game of Thrones episode, there is a precedent for Ed Sheeran randomly appearing in a fantasy world

tautcarabiner

I also thought carrot top first...😄

Grass

thank you so much! And also yikes!!!!

Doctor Ransom

Definitely heard the Coach Hawk Barski flashback case ajudicated before.

Marianne

I think the case of the real life car being driven into a lake might be my all time favorite.

jaydee meowr

If that pigeon cleric gets a bonus to their passive perception because of the placement of their eyes, they should then get disadvantage on ranged attacks because they’d have like no depth perception.

Aidan Boyle

The Case of a Real Car in a Real Lake is the most tenuous D&D case we've ever had

Connor Dub

You're beautiful is also the go to blunt track but Monsters is a devastating song

Jacob Ibarra

The Viva Mas Magus one shot sounds like so much fun. I’ve been jonesing for some more Pathfinder 2e content after the last one shot. And hearing the crew make jokes using P2e terms makes hope if they do play it, it’s in P2e.

Brianna B

"Entice the Dice"....just amazing

Hoid

Murph was rolling CRAZY well during FH Junior Year Thank you Moonmaiden

Hugo Wull

You mean Ned Shireen?

Hammy

“Introduce a third, a bird” Sounds like something Amir would read from a scroll

Matt Kilsby

Murph extra grumpy in this ep and I love it

Wyatt

If I was dming for the pigeon player I would let them buff their perception stat and nerfed their intelligence because pigeons are dumb as hell. Go ahead, use animal facts, pigeons can’t build nests

Wyatt

I didn’t even notice, that’s rad

Marissa

Was emily talking about your funny bone ?? Because that part of your definitely hurts, ha

Elliot

Lol @ Murph going HAM on the DM who "tricked" the player into using a spell that does 3d10. Direct Messenger was AGGRO this ep

Garrett Bokrossy

Love that were talking pf2e! Magus would have a decent punch, they are kind of a bladesinger-esc class in Pf2e. Utility lite, spell and melee damage heavy , the cool key ability they can use is called Spellstrike, in which they tack on a spell on top of a successful melee strike. So a lvl 1 sorcerer has little chance taking a full round of agile attacks from a magus at the same level! AC vs Chance to hit would be real bad for the sorc.

Dr. Eggman

Husband should start buying double dice and pull out the duplicate once the wife steals the first one

Tim Sauerland

The splash and then drop of John Cena’s entry music 🦆ing SENT me 🤣🤣🤣

Courtney F.

Murph, did you ever actually even live in New Jersey, there's tons of lake turtles 😂

Courtney F.

Will the wife just steal those, too? 😂

Stephen Fike

John cena steals your car, puts it in a lake, does the “you can’t see me”, then bounds into the woods on all 4s

Ian Mcilwean

Lake Driver owes that person a car. There's no way either insurance pays for the car. Unless they were some how on each other's policies.

Ian Mcilwean

MVP of that season. Zach was also insanely hot. He was a crit machine.

Mason N.

Sorry if they did already! If so, can you remind me! This is the first time I’ve heard it mentioned since I’ve been submitting it! Thanks for the reassurance on the ruling noble justices! 💙

Mason N.

Thank you for your supportive ruling 💙

M Bee

Hilariously enough, Blunt is a uniquely complicated person to have picked as a joke NPC... b/c (not joking) James Blunt has been a pilot since age 16, led his military skiing team to a giant slalom championship, and was part of an advance recon unit in Kosovo. He is pop star James Bond. Why do I know this? Because when "You're Beautiful" was charting, censors missed that he said "you could see by my face that I was FUCKING HIGH" and interviewers trying to do broadcast press for his album on the strength of that single charting seemed (IMO) DESPERATE to talk about anything but that song, lol. (This isn't an elaborate comedic bit, just give his wiki a glance)

Hugo Wull

She very well might take both. Perhaps I’ll introduce a third…

induceddata

cawcawldwell strikes again

Casey Kerins

It is absolutely wild that something straight out of a The Office episode (Michael driving the car into a lake because GPS told him to) landed on D&D court

atomicdog

Nothing in the world could have prepared me for 'and that third is a bird', absolutely insane energy

Katie P.

My karaoke group ends our nights with Simple and Clean from Kingdom Hearts because the lyrics make absolutely no sense, it's beautiful

El Jefe

One point of note on the Lake Driver case is just that “15 plus feet” is a super small distance where cars are concerned. It might seem far when standing outside of a car or looking at a photo, but a car going just 10 MPH will travel 14.66 feet in ONE second. Factor in that this driver seems to have been nervous at the wheel at the time and would have likely had a delayed reaction time, and it’s understandable how a car could wind up in a lake.

El Jefe

BTW, Lake Driver should for sure cover the cost of the screw up. Just saying that it’s not an insanely outlandish screw up to the point that the driver should be ridiculed when you factor in the math and reaction times.

Slappy Dave

I would love a Flintstones one shot (or short season) where you guys are Bedrock Court Mages going to a conference in Las Magus Get Zac Oyama to cameo as Mavrus ancient ancestor Magus (you know, the guy Las Magus is named after who owns the place)

Gilligan Froggert

I hope those two players can reconcile. The “lake driver” might be able to make it up to their friend by paying for a delicious and affordable meal at Gilligan’s Bar and Grill; a premier dining experience.

EmperorGreed

I think the murderous cleric's DM deserves a generous read: if I'm that DM, I'm looking for them to punch the teen for 1d1+ STR mod damage, not expend a spell slot on their most deadly spell which *3d10* necrotic damage. That's like responding to a yo mama joke by pulling a gun and opening up. Plus, it's called Inflict Wounds, not Inflict Slapstick. As to the tabletop execution, it's bounded accuracy. A commoner could tabletop a 20th level fighter if they rolled high twice in a row. I know that sounds improbable to people who roll like Justice Murphy- I'm one of them- but it's mathematically pretty plausible

EmperorGreed

Ultimately, I think I'd still rule against the DM, because while I do think that "casting Inflict Wounds on a teen kills them" is a reasonable ruling, it sounds like they didn't give the player the courtesy "are you sure about that spell slot?" which they should have. Though to be fair, by the time you have revivify you've probably murdered a monster with Inflict Wounds, so you should know better than to use it on a teen

Olivia

Licensed insurance agent here weighing in on the lake case! First off: The owner of the car should call their insurance agent and talk to them about it if they haven’t already bc they will be the best person to help them out. Insurance from state to state can differ but insurance policies are specifically covering the vehicle- not the driver. Since the owner of the car presumably gave the driver permission to drive it’s going to fall onto their own policy. It’ll be covered if they have collision coverage (aka full coverage) but if they have liability only they’ll be SOL. There’s not much the insurance company can do against the driver in this case and if they do place a claim on it they’ll be left to bear the consequences in the future. If the owner wants to get compensated from the driver they’ll have to settle it in or out of court. I’d recommend gathering up any receipts they may have from the incident and the convos they had with the driver admitting fault and disregarding the situation as that will help them in court!

Hunter Gerth

Mas Magis would be a killer Hot Boy Summer Arc.

Blue Bee

I can not believe that Brian "Actions have Consequences" Murphy wasn't on board with the sorc getting cold-cocked. Also 100% on the side of the DM with the inflict wounds, they didn't do a gotcha on the PC there, those chose to cast inflict wounds on a child who was rude to them instead of doing literally anything else, that's totally their own fault.

Halestorm

I pissed myself at the John Cena bit 😭😭

Trout

I would listen to the 9-5 sold in the zoom one shot

ODIN

Viva las mages everyone is a mage except jake who is a barb pretending to be a mage. We got the next campaign.

Darkrisky

Maybe Hugo should buy decoy dice for the Gollum wife.

Cooper Erikson

So just to explain for all of the DnD babies like Murph. A Magus in pathfinder is more in line with the Eldritch Knight fighter subclass in 5e than a traditional caster.

Cooper Erikson

The class is entirely built around something called spell strike which allows them to make a melee attack with their weapon that is charged with a spell.

Cooper Erikson

Thank you for clarifying. I was just coming here to explain that as I'm trying not to cringe while the self proclaimed DnD babies kept talking about it like it was a 5e wizard. P.S. I still love all you DnD babies even if your Pathfinder knowledge is limited. Also the MAP bonus joke was a good one.

Cooper Erikson

I wana live in the world that exists inside Caldwells head.

Desiree

i think the dm could have thrown in an "are you sure?" but using inflict wounds is a Strong choice

Alexa Sparks

What is the puzzle game that Emily and Murph were talking about playing??

Mighty Mjolnir

Ngl, I always wish that the intro was the full dungeon court intro still.

#KittyLearnsToCook

I absolutely agree, 15 feet isn’t that far when driving. Also, its wild to damage someone else’s property - especially when its a vehicle they let you use! - and then get mad at the person whose property it is because they want compensation. That sounds like a shitty friend tbh!

#KittyLearnsToCook

I’ve been feeding my local crows for years now and no gifts, they only take and demand more 😂

#KittyLearnsToCook

I… wait. So was the car like… submerged in this lake? Did they have to get a rental? I have more questions. 😂

Nikolaus Cox

Wait, is John Cena’s catchphrase “You can’t see me” because his last name sounds like “See? Nah.” Maybe that’s obvious to everyone else, but it was this episode of DnD Court that got me there.

J. Gro

I played a tabaxi in Icewind Dale and based it on a snow leopard, and my DM was purrfectly fine with my character not needing special winter gear. That campaign died, so with different group I based another tabaxi on a fishing cat (we were supposedly going to do a seafaring campaign - in reality, we spent at least 80% of the time on land) and asked my DM if I could have a 20 ft. swim speed, which they obliged. I think bringing some animal facts into the game is fun flavor!

J. Gro

So the car was functional afterwards? Driving it into a lake is still straight up inexcusable, but it's impressive if they were able to drive away from the situation.

J. Gro

Or maybe a minion from Caldwell's instant minion table!

J. Gro

Yikes! 😬

J. Gro

There should be!!

J. Gro

I've only listened to most dnd courts once, but I have listened to all of them, and I don't recall this one!

Doctor Ransom

I swear this has been in a D&D court before. I’ve listened to almost every episode at least 3-4 times. It’s only memorable because of the ‘trying to use a non-lethal Inflict Wounds spell’. I’m not trying to call the submitter out I just have noticed that this is the second time a case has been judged on more than once. I will find the episode and report my findings.

Kestrel

No, my understanding is they had to get a tow

J. Gro

Maybe it sounds familiar BECAUSE you've listened so many times? Look forward to your findings!

Doctor Ransom

That’s definitely a possibility. They did have a repeat case a month or two ago so I have a strong sense of déjà vu.

William Bowen

My wife doesn't take my dice, but she can have whatever the fuck she wants, am I right, fellas?

Abigail Rickabaugh

If only they knew that James Blount actually has a sister named Emily

Hugo Wull

Lorelai and the Laser Eyes

Hugo Wull

I did, and she challenged me to roll-off losing me even more dice :(

Hugo Wull

Please sir, I need a set to run my games :(

Aubrey Chaston

Murph forgetting that freshwater turtles exist made me smh

Caleb

In that Court Case with the Dice Goblin Wife, what Caldwell said was so out of left field I had to legitimately pause because I was crying from laughing so hard

Hugo Wull

As the husband, not a day goes by where I don’t ponder what exactly happened there.