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D&D Court: Swimming in Plate Mail, Gun Shields, and Player Mutinies (Patreon)

Published:
2021-02-25 21:20:37
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

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Content

Supreme Crit Justices Axford, Murphy, and Tanner are back to lay down the law. Dungeon Bailiff Jake presents your cases. Thanks to everyone who submitted! 

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Comments

Summer Tribe

Caldwell leading with "I'm going to be the RAW judge now" and then them all ruling the swimming thing wrong immediately is funny but painful "not only is this dm wildly right" yiiiiikes This episode might have the worst takes on Murph's part of all of them, it's a wild ride

Kevin Engelkamp

You guys should make this its own podcast, it's a cavalcade of awkward neurodivergent stories and it warms my hear

K3k3000

For the commissioned weapons case, I say the DM's mistake was giving the players a specific timeframe. Have the crafter tell them the weapons will be ready "shortly", and convey to the players OOC that means "next session."

Harry Kearns

Murph! Don’t be afraid to clear your throat! I can hear the phlegm and you fighting against it lol

Carlos

Oh, boy! I can't wait to see the new Little Women! Dune again?!?! Nooooo!!!!

Kaidan C

I get that Naddpod is rules light and breezy in general, but acting like the rules are “way overly harsh” here is frankly just silly Swimming in heavy armour is straight up impossible, and realistically would take even longer to put on/ take off If a DM wants to hand wave that stuff, fine, but “harsh”? No way, those rules are completely reasonable

Patrick B

Gotta remind myself to not read the comments on these sometimes

Canid Duality

Hey there Centaur, may it please the court...

Kaleb Rhodes

please please as a one shot do the atlas shrugged module and just rip into it

sean curry
>>54409221

Lmao if they're gonna do some Ayn Rand trash they definitely gotta include Libritarian Funky Kong in it

Leo's All Purpose Channel

Holy Shit that person trying to become the DM is so funny. That sounds like something out a Jake and Amir video. Amir should have taking over as DM during the Christmas special.

Dana A

immediate chaos and i'm HERE for it 😂

Trevor Brown

So fun fact: soft bullet proof vests (those without plates) aren’t arrow proof or knife proof. Real life is a bad DM

Lucia V.

Make the father in law the DM and make him decide what to do with the son 🔥"You're the DM, I'll take your character, you can deal with this bs" 💥

Grant Klein

Caldwell’s return does indeed please the court

Theodore Giesen

You gotta love anytime they call back to 8BBC

shahshahsbizadv

"paladin of the free market" really got me lol

Lisquander

all I want in this world now is a Dune watch party with y’all lmfao

Ethan Nueva

If it means anything the staff at the Y didn’t make us sign any paper work when we tried to do a skit with our class alien swimming in the lap pool while my friend controlled them from under the alien dummy.

Jack Campau

I would listen to this every single week if I could. please dear lord make this a full podcast! that would be amazing! I know it takes time, don't even edit that shit. just put it out. any conversation any two of you might have about dnd please record it and recieve my money

Jacob Bless

I don't think they quite understood the giant ape situation. I think the ape would shirk down to the tritan in the middle of the 9 squares the ape takes up, leaving a 5ft square between him and the mage slayer.

maria

I'm still listening to the first campaign so am behind on campaign eps, but happy to hear caldwell is a happy dad!

James Lloyd

Agreeing so far, but with the polymorphed ape, if the creature was huge and its centre was in the middle of 9 squares, then when you revert to a medium sized humanoid, you take up one square, it makes total sense to take up the one in the middle of those 9 that you formally took up, placing you 5 feet from the enemy. I would rule that as a DM. If I wanted to be brutal towards the PC (I rarely am), I would rule that the enemy would get an attack of opportunity as the size changed happen, using the enemy's reaction. In effect, the spell was making the Ape leave the area of the enemy as it shrank.

skat

Very pleased by the amount of dune talk in this ep, tyvm!

MJMM

Just want to state (for the record) I did not try to enforce the GOMAD ruling! I merely shared it and my DM and I came to an accord. Still made me laugh!

Thomas Sullivan

Sor-lock is the best/worst multiclass! Its been confirmed you can turn warlock spell slots into sorcery points, so go ruin your brother in laws game!

Winged Thief
>>54415296

same, it didn't seem like they were really getting what it was asking! I'd def rule the pc goes back to the center of the 9 squares.

Victoria Shotts
>>54412486

I swear Caldwell throws the Animorphs in there at any chance he can get and it makes me so happy

Thefrollickingnerd

Not even going to make them read the Dune book and all the appendices?

Emily Bell

OMG I love the Animorph banter, as an adult who read the ENTIRE SERIES as a child. I wanted to be an animoprh so bad.

AmberDextrous!

I'm more glad my mirror shield repeals bird shit than bullets tbh.

StickyLemonDupree

What if the reason the DM wanted the players to wait for the commissioned weapons is he wanted to homebrew them. As opposed to a boring +1 sword, maybe he wanted to tailor the effects to each player. I've done that a few times.

Jacob Bless
>>54417411

But aren't attacks of opportunity only provoked when a creature willingly moves out of reach of an enemy, not when they are moved out of the reach by something?

Vince Mascoli

I am all in on Animorphs content. Also I’m seriously considering sending my entire series to the PO Box for Emily to read because I think she would honestly enjoy it.

Aidan Boyle

Take a shot every time Emily's answer is "your DM is afraid of you"

lisa

Scenario definitely leapt out at me, Jake

Professor Pratt

I’m losing my mind! This is absolutely hilarious. The skinematic skinario. I want someone to make that shot. I will be saying “there’s magic in the world” for the rest of the day. Love ya boobs.

Ross Minick

I wonDer if some of these players/DMs hear this and feel so dumb afterwards lol this was freaking hilarious guys! Once again, spot on!

Garga Lenoir

But... But there is magic in the world :'(

Scott

Missed opportunity for an Aladdin reference (aka a little snack now) when talking about people drowning with weights.

Austin Johnson
>>54434735

I don't know what is happening this week but I have seen so many animorphs references.

panpolypuff

Cheeky parent sound-off! Definitely my mom. I remember my dad grounding me from playing playstation once in high school. I inevitably got bored, and decided to ask my mom if I could get on the family computer and play some games on shockwave.com. I don’t know if she disagreed with the punishment, or just appreciated my sniffing out a loophole, but she was so fine with it.

Bat-Fran

God I hope the new dune will be good..... I worked on it for several months and they were filming Witcher on the opposite lott 😂 In theory it was a nerd's dream!😅

tacticalgrandma

If Avatar's getting a ttrpg, can Animorphs be next?

ParadoxEngine

Idk what Emily looked up but none of the rule books have any rules about swimming in heavy armor, especially not as strict as was mentioned.

Roo (edited)

Comment edits

2026-09-17 02:00 These D&D Court episodes are pure gold. I love them so much. Thank you!
2021-02-26 16:48 These D&D Court episodes are pure gold. I love them so much. Thank you!

These D&D Court episodes are pure gold. I love them so much. Thank you!

Scott
>>54461282

Might have been from Salt Marshes book? I know she got a lot of Hot Boy stuff from there.

Armadon the only

The in-game-time case, what is weird is what were the players gonna do for the rest of the session? Did the game session just stop after his call?

Patrick C McAuliffe
>>54454735

You could cobble it together in 5e, maybe- all druids that can only wildshape, illithids have some sort of worm they stick into people’s brain.

G

Pathfinder does basically have priests of capitalism, they're called prophets of Kalistrade and they are that but also uncles. Also any priest of Abadar.

jaydon

Who needs the ymca when we can just go drown in my pool

Keith Spath

There aren't any penalties for swimming in heavy armor. There are certain mechanics for water hazards like strong currents and whatnot. Either way, a DM should clarify the mechanics of swimming for their players so they can make an informed decision.

Stephanie Karisny

So happy to have Justice Caldwell back but does the Crit-stitution stipulate the number of Supreme Crit Justices? Pack the court! Bring back the people's justice too!

Jojo

Those Animorphs references got me like Tasha's Hideous Laughter.

Kaitlyn with a K and a Y

I gotta say this is the first episode where I've read some of the comments that jake picks and it's really exciting to hear him walk them through it when I know what's coming next haha

Eric G

DnD court is gonna turn into Crit-busters

Champ wild

As for testing plate mail at the ymca. Maybe have scuba rig for safety

Jakob Hoffmann

I did catch scenario right away. Now all the ways you're saying it sound wrong 😅

Joe Camberwell

Great show! That shocking coup attempt is a threat to our DM-ocracy and I won't stand for it!

Danni Sizzle

I gotta pop in and say here's another Animorphs fan! Everytime Murph or Caldwell mentions it, it makes me laugh so much!!

Bob C

God I missed Caldwell. Love Lou and the energy he brought but holy shit does Caldwell presence lean everyone more into the chaos

billy nuttall

As someone who did not read Animorphs, but did research Animorphs for a play I wrote, I was ecstatic by the Animorph talk this week.

Janaga

I don't know what reach they keep referring to in that last scenario. The character went from occupying 15×15 feet to 5×5 feet. So the question is which of the 9 squares do they occupy when the dispel magic happens

Thomas Rose

LISTEN if you didn’t read the “choose your own adventure” animorph spin-offs did you even LIVE

Thomas Rose

Alright Whose gonna photoshop Caldwell turning into a whale

ChappyThoughts

As to the dm who wanted the party to wait for the two days, I think it was for immersion, like that anticipation of waiting for your cool new thing. But if that's not what the players want, you shouldn't do it. The ruling stands.

Aaron Harris

Murph, I read every anamorph book they ever had in those book fair things you'd get a school. I got your back dude.

Val A.

Completely agree with Jacob, I would have let the player dispel into the center square, thus outside of melee range of the opponent

Isaac wainwright

This reply is probably too old to matter but with the ape case, I feel like as there's no set rules, the DM could have rolled a d20 and decided where in the 15ft cube the player lands in when dispelled. 1-5 bad lands next to the wizard killer or even 15ft up and take falling damage (as they were low on health) 6-10 badish lands 5ft away but near the mage killer 11-15 ok 5ft away but in the centre (like others have suggested) And then 16-20 great, lands 15ft away and the back of the area

Elisha

There is a video of a classic Japanese swimming technique where a man demonstrates how to swim in full armor. The armor weighs roughly 45lbs. That being said, this man knows what he’s doing.

Samuel

The image of Emily doing a swan dive off the high jump at a YMCA is killing me

Ellen Stanfill

Is there any way Murph's animorphs fanfiction can leak? this is very important to me personally as I read all 54+ animorphs books over 2021