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D&D Court: Psychic Kittens and Abyssal Chickens (Patreon)

Published:
2022-01-28 03:52:39
Imported:
2026-06
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AD-FREE EPISODE FOR $5+ PATRONS!

Dungeon Court is back in session! Join Justices Murphy, Tanner and the newly appointed Justice Hurwitz, as well as the Generous and Benevolent Bailiff Axford as they pass judgement on your trials at the table.

CREDITS:

Dungeon Court Theme Song by Sam Weiller

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Comments

Lyra Costell

I’m certainly very late on this, but followers of Scientology HATE Xenu. Like, he plans to destroy the world. They HATE that guy. Even the person joking about it doesn’t even know what they’re doing lol

Dylan

Jake's "justice tanner!" Is just so beautiful he sounds so affronted

The Fun Yaunt

My favorite part of the episode and something I genuinely think of often 😂 He’s SO exasperated!

Samuel Gray

The reindeer argument with Jake desperately pleading “justice tanner!” Is s tier NADDPOD

Ted Fryar

27:30-28:15 might be one of the funniest moments of NADDPOD to date. Absolute comedy gold!

Kaidan C

It’s funny because I think the players are fully in the wrong, but the DM’s “doorknob defence” is completely silly and really did open the door for the knob shenanigans They literally just had to have Mrs Claus say “no thanks”

Micah

Currently in labor/delivery waiting for my boy to be born. I’m sleeping on the couch in the room. Wife is zonked out. Been here for 24 hours. Ordered a Bukvar! Happy to have this to listen too!

Not Another D&D Podcast

Oof that delivery room couch is NOT IDEAL. Best of luck to you and your wife! ~Caldwell

Jeb Milling

Ok… so… @emily in particular. I’ve been reading this book… it’s called kings of the wyld. I think all of y’all would really dig it. It’s a super dnd inspired fantasy book that’s kinda satirical. It’s basically a fantasy world where mercenaries are treated like rock bands. But the thing that really made me think of y’all was a chapter featuring a hilarious use of the “sticks to snakes” spell

Heckin Good

Please consider this a formal request to replace the Esteemed Gavel with a pair of Illustrious Castanets. Thank you.

Adrianne Reimer

I'm sick, and "If it's too powerful you can just kill Mort off" made me laugh so hard it hurt

Patrick Harry

I love the abyssal Chicken! I have a players whose origin before joining the party was gaining notoriety by saving a village from being terrorized by an Abyssal chicken that was set loose there. It’s such a goofy little creature

jackalope503

Jake on the bench is a thing of beauty. The rise of bailiff to justice is just the rags to richer rags over a speedo story that the people need in these trying times

Joelle H

This is exactly what I needed today, 2022 is rough guys 😆

Joelle H

The way Jake said "Justice Tanner!!... I encourage you to pull up a photo of a reindeer" during the reindeer discussion had me on the floor

adrian aguilar

I missed hearing everyone singing youth of the nation in sync!!

Katrina

Ok I literally had my official DnD Cookbook open to a recipe for abyssal chicken kebabs today that I plan to grill this weekend, so if Caldwell really wants to taste them, that can definitely happen. (Meaning I can share photos of the recipe, not share my kebabs)

Crankysister

Blitzen is canonically male, and male reindeer actually shed their antlers in the winter. So antlers wouldn't impact his ability to open doors. But I agree that opening doors should be irrelevant to the original argument of the case.

Rachel

Bag of bees. That's what I did. Bring that into your sessions.

Amanda Brown

I could listen to that one line a million times.

Cj Ferrigno

"The Cat, The Cat is Sitting In Pandora's Box: My life in three parts." I loved the energy, thanks y'all

Ursa

unsure of if everyone is saying "deer" as part of the general joke but reindeer are just domesticated caribou, which are in the same family but they're fucking huge. blitzen is like 7 feet tall and i have to know if the judges knew this or if it would change their answers re: can blitzen watch the north pole

Lucia V.

From now on I shall atone for my sins with some Hail Morts-ies 🙏

Stephanie F

This is my favorite episode of D&D court ever. I used to volunteer as an elf on the Polar Express here in Cleveland, and all I could think during this entire thing while I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe, was arguing with a child on the train about if a reindeer could open a door or not. Absolutely amazing.

BeanCurdHero

Def think Mort should be adopted into the Dice Christ cannon as a saint, Saint Mort the im-Portent.

Jorge PerezVelasco

Was anyone else yelling "it's Prancer, you fools!!" way too enthusiastically? No? Just me, then...

Old Dirty Blastoise

Glad to hear I’m not the only one who thinks prosthelytizing real life religions in D&D as “a goof” is, in fact, not really all that fun for everyone else!

Neji

I always tell people, in order to do an above the belt prank, the target has to be able to realize they were pranked within ten seconds of reacting to it. Anything longer and you have to accept the responsibility of whatever emotional state you put your victim in. Also, "Doing nasty damage with your plus four hammer." Is how I want my love-making to be reviewed.

Mae Samuel

The center tooth 🤣🤣🤣 yessss. I was hoping it would be mentioned

Dana A

jake being so affronted by the reindeer submission is really tickling me 😂😂😂 more justice hurwitz please 😂😂😂

Dana A

this case keeps getting better... "her one claim to fame is that she can open doors!!" made me SNORT

Christopher Lasasso

I'm sure it's been said but I love that an inadvertent benefit to adding Dice Christ segment to DnD Court calls attention to just how much overlap there is between US courts & Christianity in how the two institutions view punishment. A truly hilarious yet tragic pairing and possible take away lmao

Stellaluna Lopez-Ramirez

I'm the DM in the infamous reindeer case. Here's some answers and AMA if you need : 1. The door thing was the first thing I thought of and I held my ground goddammit 2. No chipped teeth it was actually very smooth and impressive seeing him open the door. Excellent technique. 3. The other reindeer had been kidnapped. They all survived except Rudolph, who died a gruesome death. 4. Jake for siding with me I hope you have dreams most pleasant.

Kelley40k

As much as I love listening to the court deliver judgment. I humbly petition the 2 crew to mix in some reviews of movies and shows. I would love to hear your thoughts on S2 of the Witcher or Jake watch the the first Ep of Attack on Titan. Or dare i say a watching of the infamous 3rd Dnd Movie. Hopefully you see this humble request and take it into consideration.

Alessandra

MIAMI LIVE SHOW PLEASEEEE!!! (Just pls not the first weekend in april)

Jacob Bryan

Mort is such a good cat name.

Nathaniel Thomas

Regarding the reindeer case.... I'm surprised murph didn't use the air bud precedent. Missed opportunity

Maya B

The phrase "When youre fucking Santa Claus" and "fucking" is a verb not an adjective

Travis Perkins

The fault with this precedent is the assumption that Santa's workshop, arguably the most coveted building in the world, does not lock its doors. I'd like to see blitzen operate a set of keys each time he needs to open a door

Travis Perkins

I would have argued that Mrs Claus needs to stay because someone needs to operate the keys to unlock all the doors. Santa's workshop is the most coveted building in the world and I'm certain they would lock the doors. A great case though, loved it

tyalaman

God the phrase "I assure you I'm a peer for the day" is seared in my mind it was so hilarious. Going from a position of authority and disapproval to instantly plaintively and desperately calling for respect while undercutting yourself by calling yourself a peer for the day. Love that Hardwon/Jake and Amir energy Jake can bring when delivering those lines.

AmberDextrous!

My mom was a middle school coach, and naturally, I stole so many whistles and stopwatches from her. There is an untapped level of power that fills you when a stopwatch and whistle hanging from your neck and a click counter clutched in your palm. Add a windbreaker and mesh shorts for full effect.

Emilia

Abyssal chicken is all thigh meat.

Bransy330

Flashbacks to being scared of the movie Prancer

tautcarabiner

Prancer was my favorite xmas movie as a kid

Briana McCord

I will absolutely quit my job to attend a show in Miami where I am at.

Katherine Finn

the abyssal chicken story is such a bummer lmao. I think if I were that wizard, I would've had my character leave the party and I would've left the game. It feels like such a trap for the DM to encourage your chicken wrangling dreams and then just.... let the entire party be against you and murder your familiar

BBQDaddy

Male reindeer shed their antlers in winter, yet canonical depictions of Santa's reindeer have antlers on xmas eve, meaning they are afab and would still have trouble opening doors (unless perhaps they have been getting gender affirming horn-mone therapy)

Crankysister

Hell yeah trans reindeer representation!

TransCrafting

I'm just listening to this now, but I beg of you. BEG. Please come to Miami. I desperately want to see you all live.

TransCrafting

I wouldn't quit my job, but I'd sell my mother

Anthony

"Hey be easy on me this is the first time I've ever DMed a game." "Uh actually this is now a Tom Cruise missionary isekai."

Maura O'Leary

OMG! I'm the DM with the Tom Cruise player - thank you so much for trying my case!!! I am incredibly honored to have been heard by the court and humbled by your kind words and gracious ruling. (I will send an update in the next submission 😁)