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Tortle Tank: Character Tarot, Redirected Spells and the Great Inspiration Bake-Off (Patreon)

Published:
2022-09-01 22:58:33
Edited:
2023-05-26 22:35:24
Imported:
2026-06
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AD-FREE EPISODE FOR $5+ PATRONS!

Welcome to Tortle Tank, the show where the world's richest reptiles review your D&D homebrew and decide whether or not to invest their hard-earned eggs. This week, the Torts take a look at some, dice-heavy damage mods, a way to store nat 20's AND invent a revolutionary new way to flip coins. Let's dive right in!

Production and Editing by Trevor Lyon

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Comments

Annie

Lmao at finding out Emily didn’t know what inspiration was in ACOFAF

Ted Fryar

“The gooch of the nation?” Caldwell goin wild.

Rotem Cohen

It’s so hard listening to the show while eating and than you’re hit with the description of murph’s greasy rotten eggs

M. Hedrick

The spell redirect would work with higher stakes. The spell misses by more than 10, and you elect to take max damage if you fail a saving throw. Think of it like redirecting lightning in AtLA. The spell is shot off wildly, and you open yourself up to guide that magical potential at another target. But, if you don’t channel it properly that spell essentially goes off inside of you.

M. Hedrick

To make it more enticing, the redirected spell should be rolled with advantage. You’ve made yourself into an arcane slingshot, and the velocity makes it harder to dodge.

Blue Bee

The luck point farming wouldn't happen because players can't call for rolls, only the GM can. If a player calls for a roll, just say no.

Lee Mulkins

the green poof wand reminded me of the second live action scooby doo movie when all the enemies respawn

Summer Tribe

I've said it before and people always say the same silly thing in response ("think about how happy the submitter is" (as opposed to the thousands of halfway sensible listeners)) but as much as i love TT, it's really bogged down in bad ideas and lack of understanding of game design fundamentals and maths fundamentals to the point of every second pitch being unlistenable. Bless them for entertaining some of these ideas i guess but it's so frustrating

TAC0BELZ

If the Crew ever does a video version of this, it should be done in TMNT costumes.

Nathan Durhamwood

I’d love to see them read through the new One D&D playtest material!

Declane Gilhooley

What bar do you think they will hit up in Toronto?

Declan Konesky

I love the spell reflection thing. There's a shield made from flail snail shell that does this and so I was thinking a sword that absorbs and stores or reflects w a reaction attack vs the spell save DC sounds cool. Or a battle master talent as part of their class maybe

Moonhead

Murph going OFF on Caldwell and his bits is quickly becoming one of my new favorite things in life. He was NOT having it, but I'm absolutely having him not having it.

Chris

Just need a live camera on four turtles 🐢

Polina Milashevskaya

Oh no, i didn’t listen yet but it made me sad.. was he rude?

wasabibagel

A more simple fix would be for the luck bank would be to only allow during initiative order play AND after banking the re-roll must be made with disadvantage

Anthony Abreu

Murph, the memory mage you guys described and the druid pruner are both so similar to the night watcher and stormlight archive! Druidic magic is definitely similar to something with a more.... Cultivation based intent

Richa W

One of my friends legitimately gifted a bidet attachment for our wedding gift and we talk about him all the time when we use the bidet. Shouts out to our buddy Logan. #tortlesfortoiletpaper

POLES STUDIOS

No one in the group including Murph knowing what inspiration is was buckwild.

Jody

Every Christmas my neighborhood does neighbor gifts. I have definitely gotten tp as a gift - I think it was made to look like a snowman or something. I didn't think it was weird at all and I even used it. I'm all for tp as a gift!

Whitney Ahn

Where are my fellow portlanders at?

PilsburyFlowBoy

Caldwell, I hate to tell you this but Honest Ed's has been gone for a while, it was torn down by some developer wanting build a new mixed-use block there

Bec Robson

What I'm hearing is... Emily never used her inspiration on Court of Fey and Flowers 😆

StephenFishGills

I was under the impression that inspiration leveled with the bard, and it was not in fact rolling with advantage and instead an extra die that was added to a roll with stakes. For example, a lower level bard gives an extra D4 as an “inspiration die,” then as they level up it becomes a D6, then a D8, etc. Is this an old rule or am I just plain wrong?

Hordopho

The conversation on inspiration really makes me want to hear y’all’s opinion on the new One DnD playtest material.

knitted cape

There is Bardic Inspiration which is what you’re talking about (which actually starts with a d6 at first level and then goes up to a d8 at lvl 5, it’s never a d4), but there is also a mechanic just called “Inspiration.” Inspiration can be given to players by the DM for an exciting moment of roleplay, a bold choice, or when they play their character accurately to their alignment or backstory. When a player has Inspiration, they can expend it by declaring that they are before the roll, and when they do so they roll with advantage

Winterbat

Emily shouting “Take my eggs!” Around ten minutes made my morning xD

Lady Land Puma

I live in Portland and I do love the idea of including a tarot deck 🤣 I got the cursed deck from Wyrmword and it’s suuuper dope. The cards are based on the reverse readings of tarot cards and the art is gorgeous. I believe they also have a story line that you can play with the cards.

Ebony-Rose Ellis

Murph getting salty about flipping a coin as if the one of the key points of the main campaign ISNT rolling dice that the audience also can't see

Ilana Galpert

I'm suing the inventor of the memory wizard for having a vaguely similar idea to the book for dummies/devils where you can swap one proficiency for another. Then I realize their idea has super different vibes and might actually be better so I pivot and offer to drop the lawsuit as long as memory wizards inc acquires my failing chain of devil bookstores

Anjani Singh

Who is gonna break it to Caldwell that Honest Ed’s closed years ago?

Dana A

i mean i haven't NOT noticed, 5 episodes into a court of fey & flowers, that emily hasn't been using the inspiration that aabria doles out so frequently 😂

Grant Smith

Regarding the “Redirect Magic” idea, Emily’s idea to give it to a sorcerer is exactly what we’ve done in a home campaign. We made a homebrew Spacial Magic sorcerer and gave them a 2nd level reaction spell that allows them to redirect projectiles, whether they be spells or normal attacks. Normal projectile attacks, lvl 1 spells and cantrips are automatically miss with the spell and the sorcerer can make an attack roll to launch it back at the attacker. Lvl 2 spells and up require a contested spell attack roll against the attackers. Essentially you can use the spell to auto block a low level spell or attack, but gotta roll to avoid stronger stuff and risk wasting a 2nd level slot if you fail

MalakirMortis

Pretty please, I’d give 100 million eggs for a 5 minute video of Emily trying to DM for cats. 200 million if you also have Jake, Murph, and Caldwell dress up as cats that also play. 🤣

Brianna B

I absolutely was picturing Caldwell flipping the entire DVD within its case until he said "it landed shiny side up".... oops

Shane Harrington

I feel like none on this podcast have ever smelled what a dirty turtle tank. It's pretty nasty

Mae B

I think it's very funny this episode came out literally the day after an episode premiered where Emily got inspiration.

Zeon Liberation

There used to be a subclass, maybe it was only in Baldurs Gates, called Wizard Slayer. It was a fighter subclass. They had a lot of weird restrictions about using magic items and whatever else but they would be a good candidate for the “magic redirect” skill.

panpolypuff

Nah, it was typical razzing-type shenanigans. Chaotic goofy bullshit helping Murph remain the tortle of no chortle.

Deena Shirkool

Caldwell I’m so sorry but the Honest Ed’s has been closed for years now ://

Ben Delahay

Agree with Caldwell about the upgrades utilities cantrips. As the real no chortle tortle it steps on a lot of subclasses. Even Murph’s example for Spare the Dying steps on Grave Cleric.

Atlas

It’s actually tradition in Korea to bring soap and toilet paper to a housewarming.

Liz

I currently have COVID and have just been binging this patreon and ngl I think hearing Murph loose his shit not only makes me roll and cry of laughter but like I think its killing the Covid

Nesve Fowl

So I guess in Fey and Flowers for D20 Emily never uses her inspiration.

Sce7tm

The luck point thing is sort of currently being proposed in OneDND. Not a luck point but Nat20's give inspiration but mechanically the same thing (especiatially with the Luck feat nerf so that it only gives advantage now)

Emily C

The proficiency dice alternative is already a varient rule in the core rulebooks, so the tortles and asker are gonna run into copyright issues on that one.

Zachery Anderson

My wife works for a company that makes toilet paper and she ALWAYS brings good toilet paper to peoples house as a gift!

Adri B

Unfortunately Honest Ed's closed some years back. Which is a shame because it was a true cultural cornerstone to Toronto. And icon if you will. Sorry you didn't get to see it in its prime :(

Scott Hryciw

The thing that sinks the modifier dice roll proposal is that a dice roll is averaged 0.5 higher than the modifier. Like mathematically a d6 rolls an average of 3.5 because there is no 0. In order to work it evenly you would have to roll a d8 and subtract 2 with a re-roll if the roll is less than 0.

Julie V Eckert

I’m sure they’re all in on their bits and not aaaactually annoyed (right?) Caldwell naming and flipping various dvds and pissing off Murph gave me so much joy, excellent radio

Julie V Eckert

Lol same I didn’t even question it I thought one side of the case was shiny but flipping the disc makes so much more sense 😂

Brianna B

So glad I wasn't the only one! 🤣

Dan

Ralph Wilson stadium no longer exists! Do not trust that rogue!

Bec Robson

Is this only the third of the shark tank eps? I can only find the first owlbear ep and the two tortles, I thought there were more

lawless-crows

How do you spell the book at Emily plugged? I want to check it out but can’t find it in my libby lmao

Peter Doole

Birkin bags are very fancy

kiarra burd

Vita Nostra by Maryana and Serhiy Dyachenko!

Hunter Edep

I call bullshit on House of Gucci dvd, there’s no way they still make those.

Max Johnson

Here is a pitch to make the bidding in the tank a little more interesting. At the beginning of each episode the tortles all roll 2 d20 and that is the number of eggs you have available for each episode.

Summer Tribe

"catch me at honest ed's" lol sorry caldwell it's been gone for years but it wasn't very good even when it was around