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Tortle Tank Submissions! (Patreon)

Published:
2022-09-12 17:00:55
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Hatchlings! The Tortles will be convening soon and we're looking for players and DMs to pitch Homebrew rules and creations for us to invest our eggs in.

Please comment with your ideas here on this post. As always, to be as succinct as possible.

Thank you!

Jake

Comments

Beav

¡Hola Tortugas, I DM for a player who refuses to play any race other than aarakokra and avian. Considering the amount of challenges and puzzles that can be circumvented by flying (especially at low levels), this is where my homebrew flying rules come in. During combat, fly speed is determined by an athletics check (DC5-9 =5ft, DC10-14 =10ft, etc). Outside of combat, challenging or long-distance flying is determined with a CON Save with a chance of acquiring a level of exhaustion. Outside those scenarios, players can take to the skies without rolling. I’m asking for an investment of 10,000 eggs plus 30% of Jake’s soul for expanding and disseminating these rules. -JBeav PS: I think you should store your eggs in a fortified bank and call it “Tort Knox”

Peter Mundell

Good day tortles! Today I come to you with an idea of not my own original creation, but rather, a feature from Pathfinder that I think should be implemented into D&D: Teamwork Feats. These are feats that can only work when more than one player has them, and can easily be described story-wise to say that you are getting to know your fellow party members better and learn how they fight. Some of these feats can be quite simple, for example: Back to Back: Gain +1 to your AC when fighting within five feet of another character that has this feat. Circling Offence: Gain +1 to your attack roll when attacking an enemy with another character that has this feat. Some of these feats can be a little bit more complicated, but fun nonetheless, for example: Disarm Retrieval: If a player with this feat disarms an enemy, and another player with this feat is within five feet and has at least one hand free, they can use their reaction to pick up the disarmed weapon. Escape Route: When passing through an enemy's reach, if that enemy is engaged in melee with another player who has this feat, they do not get an attack of opportunity against you. Seize the Moment: When a player with this feat lands a critical hit, another player with this feat attacking the same creature can use their reaction to make an opportunity attack. I am a big fan of teamwork feats, and think they are great ways to help your party work better together, and can make for very cool battle moments to help make your battles even more anime than they already were. All of this and more can be yours for the simple price of enough eggs to help feed me as I take time off from my job to write the supplement book for this in exchange for 69% (nice) of the shares.

MarinheiroTX

Hi equally important and high status Tortles, including Jake. Covering action: A character can cover another character in an adjacent space. You declare at the top of the round, and that's your action. You can use your move on your turn, but if you do cover breaks, and you can take no further actions. While covering, attacks against your covered target have disadvantage. You can use your reaction to make an attack against anyone attacking whoever you're covering. The creature you're covering has advantage on effects that prompt a dex save, and you get disadvantage against the same effects (as you're focused on covering, not yourself). If the character you're covering attacks or moves, the cover is broken.

Temedar

To the wisest turtle's in the land. I dangle this golden carrot of awesome! I present to you the storm dragon my bbeg. This dragon being imbued with the power of storm's. This dragon is surrounded by thick storm clouds, like monster x from that one movie. every round you role a d4 on a 1 a snow storm rages doing 3d6 cold damage. On a 2 a thunder and lighting storm rages doing 2d6 lightning and 2d4 thunder damage. on a 3 heat wave doing 3d6 fire damage. On a 4 a wind storm whips up. This acts like wall of wind. I based this dragon is based on the blue dragon so the breath weapon and the attacks match for an adult blue dragon. This is a high level bbeg. Now I want to offer you this bbeg for no eggs I only ask that if it pleases you all that you uses it in a campaign or mix bag I do except egg tips Praise dice Christ Temedar p.s. feel free to tweak as needed.

Toe

Great Cohort of Torts, including the venerated and judicious curator. In days past, the tank has discussed the sacredness of the Nat 20 in all its flaws, and I echo that sentiment, but I also know several Torts still feel a hollowness in the Nat 20 on initiative— still miss the extra bit of mustard that makes a Nat 20 a Nat 20. I humbly come before you today with a simple solution! On a Nat 20 initiative a character could take one part of their action economy twice. Not a full turn, but perhaps an extra dash or taking the dodge action in addition to attacking. (Attacks could always use similar restrictions to haste, giving only one additional attack.) For this homebrew I only ask for a single egg, but I want your second favourite one. your humble hatchling, Toe

Amarpal

Dear titillating torti (the correct plural of tortles. I bring you the homebrew mechanic of The Rumbly Tumbly. When my adventurers are out of rebuttable cities or in the wilderness and eating food that doesn’t meet health code inspections, I ask them to roll a constitution saving throw with a DC of 10. On a failed save they get food poisoning and suffer through one level of exhaustion (no poop check required). It puts onus on adventures to bulk up on prepared rations and meals accordingly. It also leads to many funny encounters with increased levels of exhaustion with more food mess ups. I request 10,000 uncooked tortle eggs for 70% of the company and a voucher for all you can eat at my pop up restaurant situated behind an abandoned Dennys. All my love I’m your pal.

Zack

Hello tortles!! Thank you for welcoming me into this delightfully dank tortle tank. For one measly egg sliver and a possible feature in an upcoming hot boy summer campaign, I would like to present to you DND beer pong. -2v2 game and roll for initiative. -can use athletics, sleight of hand, arcana, or performance to throw -dc goes up by 1 every time a cup is made starting at 15 -trick shot is disadvantage but gets 2 cups -both balls going in is balls back -nat 1 spill your own cup + party foul -nat 20 you make 2 cups -can use spells to enhance your ability but not to redirect ball -can ask for 1 rerack to lower the dc by 2 until a cup is made -if you miss the dc by 1 the ball bounces on the table. Everyone rolls initiative to see who gets it. If the team that threw it wins, they can throw the ball one more time at disadvantage

Jamjam

Hey Tortles! Tired of only celebrating the highs and mourning the lows in DnD? It’s time for mediocrity to shine: After rolling a 10 on a D20 in a pivotal moment (decided by your DM), you are blessed with the gift/curse of mediocrity. your next rolls are made with two dice, and you take the average score of both as your roll, rounded down. (That is of course a token from the ever present god of mediocrity, who made sure a 10 on a death save is still a success) That lasts until the DM deems the deity satisfied. I‘m open to workshopping the idea, and all i ask for is a shoutout to my cat Ori, the best little demon.

SoupLightning

Magnanimous Tortles and the illustrious albeit low business acumen having Jake. I present the Nat 20 death saving throw home rule. In games around our table. A nat 20 bypasses death saves and allows players to come back with 1 hp instead of just being stablized. I've seen other games have a similar rule but in our games a nat 20 on any death save roll even the 1st of 3 yields this 1 hp result. It doesnt happen so often that it feels broken and its come clutch in several tight situations including recently preventing a BBEG TPK I am asking for a mere 3 eggs but not from the guy who couldnt make a birdlesque opera business work out. Thanks, Soup

cellarrat

Greetings tortles, I bring forth a tool that has proved quite effective for my in person campaigns. Have you ever had an unruly table where people talk over others even when it's not their turn? I have just the product for you. The "Not Your Turn Stick" This is a pool noodle cut in half that you bonk your players in the head with when they talk over someone or interrupt when it's not their turn. You guys can have this for free

Samantha Sklare

Hello Tortles! This is a similar submission to a few I heard on the most recent Tortle Tank, but I think this is a fun twist on giving out inspiration. In a previous game I played, our DM would give us all inspiration at the end of the session (essentially a free advantage roll for the next game) BUT before we got the inspiration, we had to compliment a fellow player on something they did during the game (we could only compliment 1 person, and everyone got something nice said about them). This could be a cool player moment, a funny thing that happened, or just complimenting someone's quick thinking. Those are just some examples, the compliment could be for anything. I am submitting this to the tank because for us it was a really nice way to show that we had all been paying attention and listening, and it helped bond us as a party and as friends. I ask for no eggs for this proposal. Rather, I ask that the Tortles go around and compliment each other, especially Jake because he always gets ragged on in court

Colton Merrifield

Good tide-ings Tortles, I would like to propose the automatic natural 20, players (as a group, not individually) will get to choose a single check/saving through they make to be an auto crit. HOWEVER, in order to prevent any abuse, players may only use it once per level, once per campaign if you want to go hardcore. I would also like to add that it can be used up till after the original roll but before the outcome is determined . D20 with all 20s is optional but preferred for aesthetics. I am asking for 1d20 eggs for 1d20 percent of the idea, I thank you for your time

Andres Rodriguez

Hello to all my favorite Tortles, One of my PCs is playing a blood hunter for the first time and took the path of the Lycanthropy. I think it’s cool and adds a lot of flavor to the game, but comes with some drawbacks so I came up with challenges for him to over come his lycanthropy. To investigate his back story I asked him for his characters biggest fears which I will present to him as dreams/meditation challenges which if he overcomes will give him better control of his lycanthropy and unlock some fun homebrewed perks. For this idea I’m asking for an initial investment of 1,000 eggs with residual eggs if more ideas come out of it!

Tori

Hey there Tortles! While many before me have faltered trying to gild the lily that is a natural 20 in combat, my group has the actual solution in the form of a house rule that we've adored. Have you ever crit, only to roll all 1s on your damage dice and do 6 damage? It feels bad, like your crit meant nothing? Introducing Critical Advantage(tm). With this easy-to-add system, a critical hit with a weapon or spell attack means the damage roll has advantage. For most balanced results this only applies to the base weapon damage, but if you really want a paladin to have a good time it can be stretched to include any additional damage dice, such as a smite. I don't even really need eggs because I don't believe in capitalism, I just want to preach my favorite house rules to everyone I can.

Dragoneye

Hardwon Surefoot; The Great Axe of Irondeep, Pride of the Dwarfanage, The Oft Dead. Fancy titles, impressive accolades, and great feats befitting a hero! But why don't these great accomplishments reflect on a character's abilities beyond levels? I present to the savvy Tortles at the table, Character Aspects! At the DMs discretion, ideally at the end of a major arc, characters could gain an aspect or title that bestows upon them some degree of power based on their great feats. Perhaps the Great Axe of Irondeep could attune to a magical axe without a slot. The Pride of the Dwarfanage would never roll less than a 10 on persuasion checks with dwarves. Or The Oft Dead would get advantage on death saves. These could be permanent and cumulative or, if you are a miserly DM like myself, you can make your characters choose a single Aspect each session based on how they are self-reflecting. I offer this idea as a skeleton to make character's abilities feel unique without being tied to items or class levels, or for a DM to shoehorn in personalized mechanics like spell reflection and other ideas pitched by my fellow hatchlings. I am selling a 100% stake for 1 egg for tax evasion purposes.

DowdMusic

SUP TUTRS! Yo here's the deal, half stakes in my idea for a general assortment of various sized sweet tortle eggs and/or other oddities of power. I present to you the metal-substitution metamagic option. When an evocation spell is modified as such, the delectate elemental arcane energies are replaced by flinging big ass hunks of metal at your enemies. Ice knife becomes a conjured metal dagger that explodes on impact. Casting scorching ray? You shoot construction I-beams out of your palm. Ray of frost? A conjured javelin files through the air that does 1d8 piercing damage and still causes the temporary slow effect by a scratch to the leg (or other narrative reason). Here's the crunch, spells cast this way will no longer have any elemental strengths/ weakness and furthermore would not be identifiable as magic, unless someone saw the casting of the spell. Also the metal conjured does not dissapear after summoned. This can create potential opportunities for a cleaver party to made an object they need, i.e. ray of frost can made into a javelin for the fighter to throw to get around magic or frost resistance. Cantrip abuse of this substitution is reigned in inherently by availble sorcerer points. I am excited to do business with you, the great turts of the tank.

Rachel From Animorphs

Thank you, mighty Tortle, for accepting my pitch. The rest of the Tortles had no choice, so I will not thank them. My pitch is called “The Player’s Story.” I came up with this when I got near the end of a campaign. The idea is to give the players agency over the story more so than even the DM for a brief moment. When the players have learned everything about the BBEG, the narrative is all on the board, and the only thing left is for the players to complete the last battle or two, give them the deck of many things. At that point, it’s fine if one player is 2 levels up. It’s fine if somebody is stuck in a gem (cool side quest before the final boss). And most of all, it’s great if the players alter reality or get wishes. They know the full story of your campaign and can use the deck to mechanically cooperatively story tell the best moments of the campaign. For 100% of this idea, I’m requesting 1d3 wishes, which I will NOT use to take all your eggs and buy it back. Probably. Disclaimer: product only to be used if the DM trusts the players. Side effects may include a narrative that adds many more sessions to the campaign.

William James

Hello distinguished and egg-laden panel of Tortles. Do you want to let your players have those fun and impactful "rule of cool" moments, but you're afraid of setting a precedent on when and where they're allowed to have goofy bullshit? I present a new way to spend DM-issued Inspiration! If a player has Inspiration that you've given them for good roleplay/bringing snacks/whatever, if that player wants to do something that may not be RAW, they can spend that Inspiration to ignore the rules that would normally limit them (within reason) and do the cool thing they do. This rule has been a great boon to my table's Creation Bard who is normally limited on types of objects they can make mechanically, despite what would be fun in the moment. I'm asking for 8 eggs for my idea, or, if I'm allowed to spend my Inspiration to ignore the rule, $5000 cash as a prize instead.

Alex C.

Honorable egg-connoisseurs. I present the Soul Coin - a Nine Hells inspired magical item. As those coins are traded in the nine hells and gives Devils the power over the souls, it is also possible to aquire a characters own coin with a deal in the nine hells. A character holding their own coin will burn to ashes on their death and be reborn in their respective layer of the nine hells. Losing this coin, gives someone the option to gain control - basically forcing a devil deal - to another person. And a quick bonus location: The Cave of thousand rebirths. Basically, a cave with a permanent reincarnation spell cast inside. Any character dying inside will be reborn as a new race. This is also the home the cult of rebirth who will - for a small fee - stab any willing player inside the cave as long as it takes for them to be reborn as the right race. This is mostly a inworld solution for players who want to switch up their character.

Nathan Boelts

Hello Trusted and Tasteful Tortles! I would like to present to you my very own idea to improve one of my favorite spells. I present The Up-Casted Shield. As long as I have been a PC or DM, I have loved the shield spell. Whether you cast it because you refuse to let that one annoying bad guy hurt you, or to avoid falling to 0 HP, we all love that sweet +5 to AC. However, most other spells provide you the opportunity to improve their effect. Whether it is being able to target more creatures or do more damage, the ability to cast a spell at a higher level than it requires generally improves the spell. No such benefit exists for the shield spell and I will not stand for it. The up casted shield works as follows. For each spell slot level above 1st that you use to cast shield, your AC is increased by an additional point. For example, if you spend a second level spell slot to cast shield, your temporary bonus to your armor class is 6 (5+1). This rule allows the squishiest of spell casters to protect themselves much more effectifvely, while also having to decide which higher level spell slots are worth spending to avoid those bad guy attacks. I offer you 50% of the business and am open to your tortle tweaks in exchange for 69 of your NICEst eggs.

Mikii M

Hey turtles, don’t you hate it when you get a nat 20 on saving throws and initiative. Well do I have a solution for you. If you rule a nat 20 on a saving throw where you would take damage you only take 1/4 damage. Also if you run a nat 20 on initiative you can take a bonus action or action after any surprise attacks but before any one else’s turn. In game explanation for this is that with a nat 20 you are really on top of the situation and get a little extra jump.

Rachael

Hello wizened tortles I have a very simple home brew mechanic that I apply when I DM that I think really rewards my players without breaking the game too much. When an enemy is targeting them with an AOE spell or ability, I feel that if they roll a Nat 20, they should have more of a reward than taking half damage like people who pass the DC without a Nat 20. I propose that if you roll a Nat 20 on your saving throw that you take 1/4 damage instead of half damage. A simple change that makes players who roll a Nat 20 feel rewarded! All I ask for this simple yet effective mechanic is for a humble 5 eggs per investor Thank you tortles!!!

Gianni Pappas

Hello Tortgents, Torgals, and all in between. I am submitting this rule on behalf of my DM. This is called the Unlucky Break by my wonderful DM. So if a player rolls a unnatural amount of Nat 1s in a session the DM can choose 1 in a time of importance and offers to switch it to a Natural 20 by the grace of a god. If accepted however, the Nat 1 doesn’t go away it is used by said god when they see fit later in the campaign. (I had 3 Nat 1s in a row and 7 that night almost dying 3 times). Now the party and I are dreading when it will come back but we also find it very exciting! We are asking for 1,000,000 Shark eggs in exchange for 31% of his idea.

Dave M

Tortles! I come to you today with a simple rules modification to reduce feel-bad moments at the table. If you're like me you've run into a scenario where, as a reward for an outstanding roleplay moment, the DM rewards you with a point of inspiration, only for you to realize that you already have one unused. This leads to the new point being lost to the abyss, and the reward for being engaged is abandoned. I propose a system where players can bank up to 3 points of inspiration, with the limitation being that they can only use one per session. This allows players to save inspiration for "the right moment" without trivializing encounters by blowing through them all at once. I will gladly give 55% stake in this idea in exchange for not a single egg, but instead just one guffaw from the No Chortles Tortle.

Alan Dooley

Greetings, Tortles. It is my esteemed honour to submit an idea to the tank for your judgement. My idea is relatively simple; changing older subclasses (PHB+XGE) to scale their feature uses off of proficiency and or a modifier. For example, Arcane Archers could use their Arcane Shot a number of times equivalent to 1+ their Dexterity or Intelligence modifier - or their proficiency bonus. I think proficiency scales better for uncommon builds such as Strength Rangers. As a bonus bit of spice, I also propose switching Rangers to prepared casters like Druids - to reflect the idea they are versatile and adaptable. In exchange for this idea, I would like the services of the wisest Tortle you know for a period of one year, to help me bounce off of and refine these kinds of ideas as a mentor figure.

Keanu DRAMAFACE

Hello Ménage-a-tortles. I just know y’all will be fucking in the tank after this idea: Sex in D&D. An uncomfortable subject to some. And even for those who want it, being graphic is not the way to go. How to cumbat this gusher of a problem? I’m straight up stealing Caldwell’s cooking mechanics Intellectual Daddy Rights. Gimping the idea, if you will. Roll Performance, History, and Sleight of Hand. 1-20: you’re as bad as a hound dog awooo; 21-30: medicre, that’s mediocre without the O, cause you didn’t give one; 31-40: damn dude, good and average, love to see it; 41-50: OOOOMF my lord you’re a sexual beast; 51-60+: critical fucking. You a SUCKubus or something? Hope this pleases you dirty little tortle sluts. I’m asking for your freshest eggs that came straight from your holes.

Blume

Greetings all-powerful Tortles, Consider this: you roll a Nat 20, and have a radical one liner to go alongside it. In RAW, this is nothing, but to us as players and DMs, it’s fist-pumpingly cool. That’s where my homebrew comes in, the One Liner Rule. On a nat 20, players have the option to drop the coolest/cringiest/funniest line on the being they just crit on, and because of that line, can add an extra die to their damage role. Think of it as an incentive to get into the battle, into the moment as your character. I’m asking for one basket of salty, unfrozen eggs for a 35% stake in the idea. Thank you.

Eden Hunter

Good Murtle Turtles. I present the mostly invisible quavers bag. It all started when someone in my party cast invisibility on a grab back of quavers (A type of crisp In the UK) and used it to hide an important item in which also became invisible. As it's only mostly invisible, it can be found (as if light is bending around it). Also, as quavers are a cheese flavoured crisp, everything that has been hidden in it now pongs of stale cheese. It has since become a magic item in all of our games and it's limited storage capacity and the fact that it can be just identified and by cheesy smell has led to many fun interactions. For this item, I would like as many eggs as can fit in my invisible quavers bag so that they can smell like stale cheese. Thank you, Eden

Daniel James

Hi Torts, You’ve all heard of the Necronomicon, but I’m here to tell you about a brand new homebrew artifact you can place in any campaign: the Anachronomicon. This legendary tome works much like the Wild Magic table, allowing players to summon anachronisms ranging from hilarious to deadly. Access the power of time and space to summon a futuristic laser gun in your low magic campaign, or distract the BBEG with a 1970s era station wagon. Do you love a good shenanigan? Do you have little to no respect for the fabric of time and space? If so, this item is for you.

Thorn.Squiggles

To the mighty tortles with their extraneous hoards of eggs, and the hatchling supreme jake, I approach the tank with a humble inspiration mechanic. As a dm, I often find myself too caught up in running the game to award inspiration when it's deserved, and so my players miss out on getting their well-earned advantage. I submit instead the party favour - players can award each other inspiration - for cool rp moments, great goofs, and whatever they deem fit, to keep good vibes around the table and not have their cool moments forgotten while I look up a stat block. For this idea I offer a particularly sparkly seashell to Emily, the queen of the tank, and a warm, dry nest for the eggs of the supreme male wife.

Luke Polito

Greeting and Shellutations, Tortles. I come today to pitch a method of homebrewing monsters for parties who are especially averse to hurting animals and critters of all kinds. I've had some great success with this in my own campaigns where I wanted to put monsters in their way early in the campaign but knew they wouldn't want to attack people or animal pals. My solution for my animal loving friends was The Gnarl: A form of corruption coming from the nearby forest at the edge of the capitol. In this forest were all manner of Gnarlbeasts: constructs of roots, vines and fungi that took the shape of a variety of early campaign beasts (bears, worgs, etc). They oozed a poisonous sap and were vulnerable to fire damage, but otherwise served as a great way to utilize those pre-made beast statblocks without causing harm to any furry friends. This threat culminated with a pack of gnolls who, through hellish ritual, became corrupted themselves and became particularly gnarly threats. The Gnawlbeasts also gave me the chance to draw some sick art of these cool new monsters, which I'm happy to send over for your turtling pleasure.

Nicole

Nicole T., she/her Hey there Tortles, for consideration for your eggs-cellent ovary ovals, I present you with magica potions. For primary spellcasters, it’s frustrating to not be able to recover your main abilities on a short rest the way martial classes can recover hit points. They don’t have bonk slots, yet you have spell slots — and it can have a crippling effect on these very powerful magic users. I humbly present magica potions, an experimental item that, depending on the quality of the potion, allows the recovery of either 1d4 (50 gp), 1d6 (200 gp) or 1d10 (2,000 gp) spell slots, following the same pricing structure as health potions. If a PC takes more than one potion before a long rest, they have a CON save against toxicity (imposes Poisoned condition and some HP damage). I respectfully ask for three of your beautiful eggs for this idea.

Brandon Aspittle

Oh mighty Tortles and their strong water-logged leader Jake. I have a quick Wild Magic rule we've used at our table to make Wild Magic a little more enjoyable for my sorcerers. On our table, we only roll wild magic if the magic user is casting their highest-level spell. This takes the random responsibility away from the DM (I already have a lot to keep track of) as well as provides some mechanics that support the instability that Wild Magic is supposed to be. It's created some tense roll play moments when the player casts a higher spell, while also excepting they will be rolling on the table. Simple, easy, and so far it's been enjoyable for our players.

Mikii M

Great minds

FusRohNahSon

Shello Tortles, please enjoy my entourage plucking barnacles off ur shell as I pitch u the Spell Flung Gun. Need a way to magically spice up an encounter? A miniboss that needs a little more oomph besides a million scrubs for ur players to mow down? How about a run and gun with a little more unpredictability.? This magic item creates a 30 radius circle in an area (open to notes) creating a floor covered in scrolls. Similar to a Money Gun used in hiphop videos. The area is difficult terrain and moving through these scrolls without a successful dex check opens one up to unleashing a spell on themselves from a random scroll generator. The area also imposes disadvantage on an range attack, spell or weapon, with a slim chance to redirect to another target (percentile die) from the magic haze of the scrolls' cluttered aura. (Edit: Forgot to mention the scrolls cannot be stored, picked up, or used for a specific spell intention, it is always random because of the effects of it being launched out of the Spell Flung Gun. The scrolls disappear after 2 minutes. Refueling is 5000 gp of fine parchment and ink) I want an offer of a 3 Big Egg Scrambled breakfast with extra crispy hashbrowns and rye toast.

boozy bamboozler

Sup Torts Today I am pitching an exciting new rule to disrupt the market on legendary resistances. Big baddies auto succeeding saves is anticlimactic, but we can't let a level 2 spell just end a dragon fight either. Well what if you had an alternate mechanic that actually encouraged PCs to use their cool abilities and created more cinematic, tactical fights? I present... Legendary Fortitude: Monsters can spend a legendary action at the end of a player's turn to re-roll a saving throw against an ongoing effect, even if that effect does not allow subsequent saves. Or they can spend a legendary action as a reaction to gain resistance to the damage from a failed save. Enemies with this ability get 4-5 legendary actions per round, so they can use 1 or 2 re-rolling saves and the usual 3 performing legendary abilities. I am independently wealthy after shorting the kelp market, but I will sign over IP rights in exchange for a tax-deductible egg donation to my philanthropic foundation Mantas Little Shellpers.

Hop The Dancing Rabbit

Greetings Tortles, I’m here to get funding for my homebrew weapon, a weapon crafted from shards of pure magic: The Mana Sword. The Mana Sword can only be wielded by a non-caster class, and can cast any spell from the sorcerer’s spell tables equivalent to what a sorcerer would be able to cast at your level. To cast a spell with it it’s a DC 10+spell level Wisdom check. On success you get to freely cast your spell and if it’s an attacking spell it’s an auto-success, but on a fail you roll a d4 and if you roll a 4 the sword cracks. It can crack 4 times before it shatters becoming unusable. You can also use the sword as a +1 greatsword, but it’s fragile. After striking anyone with the sword you must make a dc11 wisdom save or the sword will crack. If a player has 3 cracks on the sword you can intentionally shatter the sword to add a d6 to your damage. I’m asking for a small loan of 5 million-billion eggs to bribe some gods to make solid magic for sword making.

FusRohNahSon

NOTES: The area is to be decided at DMs discretion. Scroll levels from 1-4 for players lower than 10 or again at DMs Discretion Personally I say every 15ft is a scroll activation on a failed dex check. Once my numetal bard accidentally summoned a greater demon only for it to be mind controlled by the enemy and later killed by a greater celestial my wizard accidentally summoned Personally I allow not touching the ground in someway (flying, rope swing, jumping up non-scroll covered surface)

Jac Gibson

Hello Tortles and welcome to the new and improved sorcerer. My product I am providing today involves the sorcerer class. For too long sorcerers have been inferior to the long beards and big hats of the wizards. That ends here. My homebrew has been used at my tables for years now and has been received relatively well. There are two simple changes thatballow for this boost in power. 1. On short rests sorcerers receive sorcery pounts equal to that of their proficiency bonus. It is a weaker version of the wizards arcane recovery and gives the sorcerer that bit more flexibility that it desperately needs. 2. Sorcerers are allowed 2 spells per spell slot upgrade that are thematic to the sub-classes they are playing. It does not make sense that a character with a set spell list has the least spells prepared for a full caster. With these two simple yet effective changes sorcerers have become much more common and powerful without overshadowing other casters. All im asking is for a small investment of eggs and my own big hat. Thank you for the consideration and the eggsalent content.

George Osborn

Greetings to the Tank and might I say your shells are looking sleek as always. Today, I bring you a twist on a classic. You've heard of the immovable rod. Now get ready for immovable rocks! This small leather pouch enchants the rocks inside of it with the same magic as the Rod, but with more versatility than that clumsy old stick. Perfect for barring entrances, amazing your friends and slowing down pursuers in a dark forest. Simply toss the rocks to an area within 30 feet and speak your customizable activation phrase and the rocks will stay in place for one hour. All enemies who move through the stones will have to make a dexterity save or take a d4 bludgeoning damage and lose movement for that turn. Lose the rocks? No problem! Simply find appropriately sized stones and leave them in the bag during a long rest to imbue them with the magic. For this product all I ask is a clutch of eggs for the long winter and a single strange, possibly possessed looking egg that I want to put on my mantle.

Lia

Greetings radical shells, let's plunge deep into the waters of something I've wanted to shell out. I have a design for an encounter. The monster would be a "colony of small cubes" that would be able to assimilate into objects around them based on the size of the colony. Each cube would represent 1 hp for the monster, the larger the pool the larger the mimicking. They could subdivide their numbers and space out the disguises and I feel damage would equate to 1d6 every 10 cubes, though testing would be needed to balance perhaps. The idea is to create a sense of dread and suspense based solely on the ability to find the disguised object as the battle progresses, as the colonies tactic would be strike and hide. Any thoughts on the possibility of this being a creature, or any ideas on what might be a good basis for this design with monster? Tank you very much and always shellebrate your imagination!

Blake Rea

Greetings wise Tortles, I come to you today with an item I've used to prank my players, I hope you'll appreciate it. This small bag has a velvet-like texture and is yellow with black stripes. It functions similarly to a Bag of Holding; the interior is considerably larger than the outside, but is only capable of holding up to 10 pounds. When the Bag of Bees is opened, a swarm of 2d4x100 bees emerges. Any creature within a 50 foot radius of the Bag of Bees must succeed on a DC 18 dexterity save or take 1d4 piercing damage for every 10 bees that emerge from the bag (rounded down). Creatures that succeed on the dexterity save take half damage. The swarm of bees lasts for 1 minute or until the bag is tied closed again. Once the swarm emerges from the Bag, it can only be used as a Bag of Holding until the next day. Any items placed into the Bag of Bees may be removed, but the bees will also emerge if a day has passed. All I ask is for a baker's dozen eggs, I have some muffins I need done by Thursday. Blake R

Kenny Stiff

Hello Tortally Tortastic Tortles! Are you tired of only having one reaction per round? Are you tired of using a reaction for an opportunity attack, and then immediately being hit with a spell you cannot counterspell? Well look no further than the “Goggles of Reckoning.” With these, the user will be able to gain an extra reaction per 1 round of combat, if a charge is used. They must be attuned to and they regain a d4 of charges everyday. I humbly ask for 20 hard boiled, and 15 soft boiled eggs in return for rights. Have a wonderful day, and may your tanks be filled with the finest bubbly water.

Kyle

Wise Tortles, I come before you with a small change to one of 5e's most famously terrible spells: Flaming Sphere. Turn this especially hot garbage into the spell Zerk wanted it to be with a single addition: A creature must also make the saving throw when it enters the sphere's space for the first time on a turn. It actually does damage when you cast it, and enemies can no longer run through it with impunity. In addition to my table long adopting this rule, Dimension 20's Coffin Run recently utilized it to great effect. I'm asking for 10 thousand hot flaming eggs in exchange for naming the new spell.

Dr.Bees

Shalom Tortles and Turdises! I have aggressively poached Scraping Blows and am pitching it’s reduxed version: Scraping Glows 2.0: Glancing Blows. No longer will this be the easy breezy homebrew of the past. Glancing blows work rather similarly, doing half damage on hit, but rather than hitting on 1 below the targets AC it’s hits when AC is MATCHED. This mechanic is now perfect for grimdark settings and for veteran players who want more of a challenge. Monsters with lots of hit points now are more fearsome, high AC targets more tanky! I am asking for 10 hardboiled eggs, or 8 soft boiled eggs, for controlling share of this mechanic.

Lisa H

Dearest Torts, do you invest in the hospeggtality industry? I humbly offer the most simple of game management tools, designed to delight even the most dastardly dm: Snackspiration. Whoever brings the best treat to session gets inspiration, which must be used that session but can be stacked with regular DM inspiration. This greatly enhances the game experience for the table, and takes pressure off the DM to provide anything but an incredible game experience. Optionally, the winner of Snackspiration may also be awarded a little crown and the title of Snack Daddy. For this sumptuous innovation, I'll require a twenty egg omelette investment.

Adam H.

Good evening, great Tortans of Industry. I approach the tank with a simple pitch: Are you tired of players forgetting all the details of the world you worked so hard to create? The clueless cleric can’t remember what god they serve? The thoughtless thief forgot the name of his own hometown? My solution is this: whenever a player forgets a detail that their character should know, their character must make an intelligence saving throw to try and remember it. If they pass, the DM tells them the information - otherwise, the fact that they forgot such crucial information gets incorporated into the role play to much humorous chastisement from party members and NPCs. For this idea, I ask for only one meager egg. However, for my own personal reasons, the egg MUST be fertilized. Thank you for your consideration.

Randy

I present this potential homebrew to the Tortles and to The Infinite Clutch. In a critical moment When the caster or healer is out of spell slots but desperate to heal or attack with a leveled spell I propose that they be able to cast the Ivled spell using their own life force (I am borrowing from The Kane chronicles which I think borrowed from another book with very similar magic system). By using their life force to cast they take 1 lvl of exhaustion per Ivl of the spell. This prevents spells beyond Ivl 6, and anything beyond Ivl 3 could have drastic repercussions. Since removing only 1 Ivl of exhaustion per long rest it would not be something easily abused. Perhaps adding a death this way is permanent outside of a wish spell to add to the gravity, as you wouldn't simply be dead but your life force would be burned up.

Cody Tyrrell

Hello Tortles with the hardest of shells and the moistest of eggs. I propose, for one extra tasty moist egg, the real life Goodberry. I will allow my players to heal a downed player with a Goodberry (assuming they have the spell) as a free action on their turn IF they can throw a peanut M&M across the table into that players mouth. The gamble being they lose their bonus action for that round if they miss. A peanut M&M because in my head canon that is the size and weight of a good berry. If interested please seal the deal by throwing your egg into my mouth from across the Tortle Bench

Rachael

Lol 😂

Andy Slager

Greetings tortles, do you have an out of control bard with a seemingly endless "seduction" problem? Here is your solution! Roll for conception! If failed bard must pay (x)% of all gold to child support!

William Nakamura

Most honored and revered tortles, and also Jake, I come to you with an item created with survival campaigns in mind, but usable in normal play. The Soulfire Lantern allows each player to burn their life force for quicker recovery, but at the expense of future strength. Mechanically, this item allows players to use their action to spend hit dice during combat, but with the caveat that you must use 2 dice to roll one die of recovery. For example, a level 10 barbarian could use this to recover a whopping 5d12 (plus con bonuses), but would use their entire pool of hit dice. For a campaign where short rests are easier to come by than long rests (e.g. survival, escape, etc.), this makes characters really think about how they use their recovery options, in addition to making survival by the skin of their teeth a more likely outcome than full party recovery after a short rest. For this idea, I request only one egg- your favorite egg.

Jevin Kames

Hey there, centaurs...I mean, Tortles! I come to you today with an item called "Ring of the Mathematician" While wearing this ring, a PC can substitute a d20 roll with any combination of other dice whose sides add up to 20. For example, a player can use one d12 and one d8 instead of a single d20. This would get rid of nat 1s, so the ring can only be used 3 times per short rest (like luck points). I gave this to my (possibly spoiled) players and they never used it, so...give whatever number of eggs you deem appropriate for 100% of this idea.

Yortle the Tortle

Noble Tortles and Turtuses, I humbly present to you the simple, yet fun and game-changing On-Time Crit. My DM introduced this idea to our group several years ago when we began our first campaign. It’s simple: if you are set up and ready to play by the agreed upon start time, you get an “on-time crit” that can be used in place of any D20 roll. It makes for a very fun dynamic for both role-playing and combat-heavy sessions. Trying to charm a guard but have low charisma? On-Time Crit. Doing an important history check and rolled too low? On-Time Crit. Have low hit points and just failed a saving throw that may drop you to zero or want to have a successful hit on the big bad? On-Time Crit. It may seem game-breaking, but in most cases, not everyone in the group ends up using their crit every session. And it’s fun to see how creative the players get when using them. In addition to this, it’s a great motivator for folks to arrive on time and not keep the group waiting. When you lose out on getting your On-Time Crit, you really feel it. I’d like a dozen of your most colorful eggs in exchange for 40% profits, as long as my wonderful DM gets credit anytime the On-Time Crit is used.

Drumlined00d

I PROPOSE A NEW FIGHTER SUBCLASS. And all I ask in return from the Tortle that likes it, is recognition. Commander 3rd When you choose this archetype at 3rd level, you gain the Command Bonus Action. Command- you can Command an ally that you can see within 60ft as a bonus action. A commanded creature can us an entire action immediately. magic users may cast a spell, but it must be level 2 or lower, OR allow a concentration spell effect to happen again. At level 10, the level of a spell that can be cast is raised to level 4, and at level 18, any spell can be cast. You can use this ability a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus until you take a short rest. 7th as part of your command bonus action, when an ally makes an attack roll on a creature as a result of being commanded by you, you may make an attack on that creature if you are within 5ft. This is usable an amount of times equal to your proficiency bonus 10th Distracting Presence- While you are within 10 ft of an ally, creatures that would attack that ally, must make a WIS saving throw equal to 8+prof+STR or DEX. If they succeed they are allowed to attack your ally, if they fail, they must attack you. At level 18, this aura increases to 15ft. Additionally, allies within 15ft of you may reroll failed concentration checks, and must take the new roll. 15th Focused attacker- When a creature that you have commanded makes an attack roll, you may activate this ability to allow them to roll with advantage. If they hit, they deal an extra 1d12 damage, this damage increases to 2d12 at 18th level. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus before taking a short rest. 18th Combat Preparedness- while within 15ft of your allies, you and your allies' Armor Class equal your armor class, unless theirs is higher. (In other words, allies with smaller ac come up to yours) Coordinated Attack- When you use your action surge, allies within 15ft of you may use their reaction to use your action surge as well. Additionally, you and your allies have advantage on initiative rolls.

Jared Jacovich

Greetings and salutations Tortles. The light distortion from your tank glass really brings out your eyes. I present to you all today - 2 Bespoke Legendary Magical Items from my game to yours. These are high level gifts for your players suitable for Rogues/Rangers and Fighters/Paladins/Clerics looking for a few more options in their repertoire. I am seeking a Bag of Holding worth of Eggs for 49% investment and a first look deal for all future item development. So may I present: Roose Bayne's Belt of Clandestine Utility - Thief and Detective Roose Bayne had this belt commissioned from Mordenkaiden the Mage himself before he was driven mad in pursuit of his opus - the plundering of Ythryn - a dead floating city. Each pouch on this belt is made of dark tanned leather of some unknown astral entity. The pouches each contain a small gateway to an extraplanar space containing an impossibly large assortment of gadgets and buffoonery, with breaking and entering in mind. This belt functions as a Belt of Useful Things with an unlimited number of patches. https://roll20.net/compendium/dnd5e/Robe%20of%20Useful%20Items#content While attuned to this belt you gain the following benefits: Shadow Step - 1/day When you are in dim light or darkness, as a bonus action you can teleport up to 60 feet to an unoccupied space you can see that is also in dim light or darkness. You then have advantage on the first attack you make before the end of the turn. You can do this once per long rest. You are always considered having thieves tools, burglary tools and anything you'd need to break in anywhere. You gain proficiency in Sleight of Hand ability checks to pick locks or open doors. If you are already proficient you are considered to have Expertise. (You add double your proficiency). The belt has 4 charges - you can use these charges to cast the following spells using your Wisdom modifier for all save DC's. The belt regains 1d4 charges at midnight each day: Featherfall (2 charges), Fog Cloud (2 charges), Jump (2 Charge) and Grease (2 Charge) while using this belt to cast these spells the casting time is considered a Bonus Action or Reaction. And... Libram of Order +2 Shield - A massive tome with the symbol of St. Heljas (Divided Pyramid) scribed in gold on the front of its weathered leather-bound cover. Leather straps secured to the back cover indicate this book can be used as a buckler-style shield or opened up and let to rest on the forearms while one reads. When you hit with a melee attack while wielding this shield, you may make a shield bash attack as a bonus action. Enemies take 1d6 + 1d10+STR Mod force damage on a hit. The bash automatically hits willing targets and you may use 2 charges to heal the willing target for 2d8+Wis Modifier. The shield has 8 charges. You may also use this shield to cast the following spells as an action using your spell save/modifiers: Dispel Magic (2 charges) - Lesser Restoration (2 charges) - Greater Restoration (6 charges) - Regenerate (8 Charges). Additionally, once a day, you can take 10 minutes as a ritual to entreat St. Heljas for a ruling on a question or quandary. His answer will appear in the book. This functions as casting the spell Commune w/ only one yes or no question. You are considered proficient in History ability checks while attuned to the Libram. If you are already proficient, you are considered to have Expertise in History. Thanks Tortles. Have fun! Jared J.

Michael Kessler

A spooky item vendor for Spook Season - Mr. Takeaway Greetings Tortles. Today I would like to introduce you to a vendor who wants to make your dreams come true, but whose prices are a bit... unconventional. To the casual observer, Mr. Takeaway is no more than a grubby old man in tattered robes. He can be found in the dingiest alleyways or hiding behind the most unsavory taverns, sitting amongst heaps of tarnished wares. Or, maybe you'll cast any sort of teleportation spell - from misty step to gate - and somehow find yourself at his feet. Who's to say? The savvy shopper will be surprised to find all sorts of powerful magical items in his care. Hanging off a broken coat rack is a Robe of Eyes, a Ring of Regeneration threatens to slip from his bony fingers. And was that the Hand of Vecna that just crawled out from under the table? Mr. Takeaway doesn't want your coin. He instead only wishes to trade in kind. Should you take the Robe of Eyes, what use do you have for your own eyes anymore? If the ring can restore you to health, do you really need all of that blood? And it's not like you can have three hands, that would be silly. If his prices aren't to your liking, that's no matter. You're free to leave. He will try again another time. You can bet your life on it. As you may have guessed, I too am neither interested in gold coin nor tortle egg. Consider Mr. Takeaway a gift, or more accurately, a curse. For now that you've learned of his existence, he has become aware of yours. You will see him one way or another, sooner or later. Safe travels. (Shout out to my DM Tim for unleashing this wonderful nightmare on the world. Love you buddy)

James Scott

Greetings tortles and turdises. Today I come to you with an item only for the spiciest of tables. I call it the ring of paranoia. Best found on the body of a big bad, when touched absorbs into the characters skin leaving only a tattoo of a ring on their finger. With only the explanation given that "everything is different now." From that point on the player will recieve intermittent random checks and detailed note taking from the DM. Also repeating their actions or word choice back to them for clarification can add a little more spice if needed. These of course have no meaning or purpose other than to make you player/character paranoid. I will take "having a catch" with daddy DM Murph for a 50% share of my company or a 100% share for just one real life hug from my actual dad. -burt from ohio

garett144

Whats up tortles!? I present The Library of the Witch. It is a black unassuming witches hat that once attuned to gives you access to two additional cantrips from different classes. Additionally once per day the attuned may retreat into a demiplane inside the hat, like a bag of holding with no oxygen limit. This demiplane is an endless library. The books present are random each time but contains histories, biographies, fictions, etc of not just the past but the future as well. Investigate checks will determine the books found and their usefulness. Books taken from the library disappear after a week. Humble tortles all I ask for this idea is confirmation that Treads guitar still exists in Bahumia in some curated collection of a senile collector...for the duckteam to find

Dwinard

Greeting great tortles of the tank. Today I bring to you a homebrew class that I call the Master Brewer. Of course presenting the whole class would take to long so here is the gerneral idea. The concept is a special person that gets stronger from drinking alcohol. On the Master Brewers turn they can drink alcohol of some kind to gain a drunk point. This point can then be spent on buffing certain attributes such as damage, attack bonus, and you can even heal yourself. New things you can buff unlock as you level up. I have also designed 3 subclasses. The Hard Liquor, Smooth Wine, and Rejuvenating Ale. The hard liquor subclass allows you to increase your armor class a bit and, smooth wine focuses on being more dexterous, and the rejuvenating ale is a halfcaster that focuses on healing you allies. I ask for at least 2 eggs and if anyone is interested in reading the whole class pm me at u/TheArduin on Reddit.

FiendishNoodles

My vent doth overfloweth, dear tortles. My pitch is a wondrous item, the peek pendant. This roughly 3 inch diameter pendant hangs from a silvery chain. When opened, it can be pressed against a door, floor, chest, or other object and allow the user to interact as if there was a hole where the pendant is placed. Use it to check for traps, drop poisons into goblets from the ceiling, and safely store/retrieve magic rings from among your cow familiar's tummy rocks. Also comes in hand-mirror size to allow halfling monks to be dropped out of airships. I ask for the tortles to adopt and incubate my warm eggs under their leathery bottoms, and 2 tix to your upcoming Honolulu live show.

Hannah McFarland

Hello Tortles! Today for 2222 eggs and 22% stake in my homebrew idea is to incorporate a vibe check into your campaign. You might think to yourself “isn’t this just a perception check,” you would be correct but wrong. A vibe check is the millennials player way to be “hip and cool.” Want to check and see if the bounty hunter in the corner is a vibe? Well roll a d20 and add perception to see if his trench coat/doc martins clothing combos really passes the vibe. I await to hear your offers on this incredible deal.

Jacob S Warner

Good day Tortles, Dnd is all about the dice and the story it lays out for us but what's one thing that a lot of players (at least in my experience) dislike rolling for the most...health rolls when leveling up. Yes there is a median you can take but than there is no fun in the dice and yet nothing is more disheartening than a barbarian who has less hp than the rogue or a wizard who has 50hp at level 12. So why not combine the 2 together. Everyone must roll their hit dice on a level up however the worst a chatachter can get is the median. If you Beverly type luck on your rolls no problem you still have average health. All I ask for is 50% of the investment and the other 50% be donated to bailiff Jake to support him during the times that he must wear that hat as well.

Kyle Duggan

Hey there Tortles, tank you very much for this opportunity to pitch. I would like to present a potential feat that could make social checks more interesting. I call it, "Headology," after a term used by Granny Weatherwax in Terry Pratchett's Discworld novels. Granny is a cantankerous woods witch who prefers to influence people through psychology and manipulation rather than magic. Despite being uncharismatic, she is almost always able to persuade, intimidate, or deceive people. The proposed feat would replace Charisma with either Wisdom or Intelligence on Persuasion, Intimidation, and Deception checks. I think this feat could be a fun way to open up certain role-playing opportunities to a wider variety of character types. It's a band-aid on top of the mess that is 5e social checks, but it doesn't break anything and allows for more flavor. I think it would be best if you gave me 50 million eggs for a 30% share in this feat. Tanks again.

Will

Greetings wise and gracious Tortles, Have you ever wanted to kill your PC’s and send them to the afterlife or the nine hells for a new arc of your campaign? Have you ever wanted to kill a beloved NPC as a show of power by a BBEG? But do you want to do these things within the rules of combat or the game? I give you the easiest and, in my opinion, funniest way to make death occur. The God Stomp is a simple attack you can add to any BBEG or God-like entity you want, which consists of a +23 to hit, with 3d8+250 bludgeoning damage if it hits. The 3d8’s of damage is to make the damage number a little fun. The 250 guaranteed damage is to make sure whoever you target is totally and utterly turned into mush. In return for 100% of this idea, I wish for 1 million eggs of dubious origin. Thank you for your time Tortles.

CharlieB

Hello Tortles, I present for your shell-ectation a homebrew set-piece session for my fellow forever-DMs. This is especially useful if your players sometimes get jealous of other classes' features or want to try another play style! I dropped this in when my players were sent to the Astral Plane on a quest, but this works any time the PCs are unconscious with some allies (Elemental Chaos in Campaign 1, perhaps a prison break post TPK?). Have some NPC statblocks all at about the same challenge rating; each player takes over a friendly NPC (perhaps a couples of weenies too) and has to defend their character's unconscious body. An almost tower-defence encounter, if you will. Best of all, this is relatively easy to balance: send in what you think is a "medium" wave of enemies at first, then tweak enemy numbers and power over 1 or 2 more waves (depending on time). If the enemies get to the unconscious PCs, crack out a player death, some soul-stealing, kidnap, or whatever else suits the tone of your campaign. For this idea, I ask only that you defend your eggs from the carnivorous eels I've just released into the tank. Eggs O Eggs O (XOXO), Charlie

Andrew Yeager

Tortles you may want to get out of the tank now, because this idea will blow you out of the water. I present to you the Curse Of Near Sightedness. We all know how long combat can take at times. What will make it take longer is if the next player hasn't thought, through what they want to do. Instead of skipping their turn and to teach them a lesson in future planning. They become cursed. Depending on the level they rule a D4 through D8. That roll is then subtracted from their attack roll. Whether it be a regular attack or a spell save. Hopefully this will teach players to plan out what they are going to do and keep combat moving forward smoothly. I ask for 20,000 hard boiled eggs in return for 1% of my idea. Plus a 200 egg fee for every time my idea is used in any future campaigns in perpetuity.

PolarityBear

Good morrow or e'en (depending on when this gets read) to the Terrific Tortles! I wade into the tank to bring you the following homebrew idea: Do you have players at your tables that like to craft magic items but are stymied by the crafting rules in D&D? I present: Explosive Assembly When you have a character that would like to make a magic item, they can make a Tinkering check when they finish a long rest (setting the DC as high as you feel is appropriate). Items made this way will have a chance of failing explosively when used. The chance of it exploding and for how much damage will depend on the rarity of the item. Common Items will probably not explode and, if they do, it would be minimal damage, while Legendary Items are extremely unstable at first and could severely damage the party. If they succeed on the check, they lower the chances of the item exploding when used. Rolling poorly on the check means having to choose between getting a full night's sleep and having a higher chance of failure or gaining a level of exhaustion and lowering the chance of failure. Successive days and nights of working on the items will keep bringing the chances of exploding down There are, of course, gold costs required as well, so this can't just be cheesed to make a free bomb every night. Additionally, if you so choose, you can put level limitations on what they can craft so that a level 1 can't make a Legendary item. I am selling this idea for the low low price of 1d20 eggs per Tortle

Jacob Boers

Good afternorning tortles. Are you tired of half assed role play and do you wish for more thought out interactions. Today I present a house rule that can help your table role play. Whenever a player casts the spell vicious mockery the DM must ask for the insult. If the DM deems the insult of high enough quality, the damage die gets upped from 1d4 to 1d6. It is a small increase but big enough to make a player try for it. I am seeking at least four eggs for a 40% stake in my rule, but I hope you feel as though I deserve at least 6.

Whill

Well hello Torts. Your shells are all looking very refined today. I'd like to present to you: The Fate Weaver's Thread This small golden string gives a player the opportunity to trick Destiny itself at great personal risk. While it is in their inventory, a player can attempt to lie to the DM about the results of a dice roll, the wording of an ability, or anything else they can think of. If the DM doesn't suspect anything by the time the lie takes hold, it works. If the DM suspects you're lying and calls you out however, you must admit your crime to the table. Their character immediately takes necrotic damage equal to half their max HP that can't be recovered until a long rest and suffers a level of exhaustion as punishment for trying to lie. No matter the outcome, the thread vanishes into thin air after use. Turts, I'm seeking a full set of moon soaked dice from the window sill in exchange for the one time chance to gaslight God. I eagerly await your offers.

Sciz

Hello Tortles and especially the tortle that does not chortle that stretches his girdle. I've got a solution for partys that hate taking their short rests but area little too keen on taking too much damage, and the DM is a little hesitent on reducing the time on short rests. Introducing the 5-minute breather! As it sounds, this is a 2 times a day maximum, 5 minute rest where players take a hot break and prepare themselves mentally for the upcoming fight that they dont have tome for a proper rest. They can spend up to their proficiency modifier in hit dice to heal themselves, however they don't refresh any abilities that comeback on a rest of any other kind, unless you want to add abilities that do, such as weak short rest refreshes. I find this to be really useful for campaigns that don't have a lot of player resources that provide healing, and feels better than throwing a buttload of potions at them. I am asking for a royalty of 6 eggs per party member that uses this each time. Thank you tortles and I hope you hurtle to a yes.

Hopscotch

Shabbat shellom, tortles! I come to you with a simple rule but one that I think is well worth using at any table. I think we can all agree that a nat 20 is one of the greatest joys in D&D, but there are times when a nat 20 is only worth, mechanically, as much as a passing roll. How can this be? I propose that in the event that a nat 20 would result in something like half damage, the player instead would take no damage at all. If the reward for a success is half damage, the reward for critical success should be even better! If the DM decides that the fight, maybe against the BBEG, warrants damage even in the event of a nat 20, one could perhaps take quarter damage instead of half, just so long as a natural 20 remains something worth celebrating. In exchange for 100% of this business, I ask for whatever eggs you can find in the cushions of the couch as well as maybe saying something like "oh, Hopscotch? Yeah, that guy is super awesome. I've always wanted to hang out with him but I can never muster the courage to talk to him".

Ted Orbach

Greetings chortling chelanians! I've got a fun and thematic magic item for Druids. While druid wildshape is really fun, sometimes only being able to turn into beasts can be a little limiting. However, without this restriction the class can become super overpowered. I am here with something I like to call the Locket of Monstrosities. A druid who is attuned to the locket can take matter from a monstrosity, such as a displacer beasts fur or a basilisks scales, and upon sealing it inside the locket, can transform into that creature once over the course of the next day. It still must comply with their CR limits. I am asking for 69 eggs for 6.9% share of this magic item. Tank you for this opportunity.

Jayce M

Greetings to the tortles of the tanks. I place firmly upon the glass my homebrew race of the best doggy boys who love to prowl with the sickest howl; The Loboan. Based on a Ben 10 alien. Lycanthropes who have tamed their beast possibly through a patron or psychedelic ritual and are now in a permit hybrid form. Stats: +2 STR/+1 CON, darkvision(purple tint), 1D6+STR Claws, hunter instincts, keen hearing and smelling, and the Loboan Howl: At 5th lvl you can cast Thunderwave as a 3rd lvl spell proficiency modifier per day. The spell comes from your quadra-hinged muzzle in the form of a bowl, roar, or scream. DC = 8 + PRO + CON or any spell casting DC from a class I believe with the help of Jack's tortle dummy thiccc shell and the power of blasting grandma we can fill the dog person shaped hole left in our hearts by 5e

borton.hears.a.woooh!

(Hand gestures like I’m displaying something before me) Tortles, it’s good to be in the tank and boy have I got a deal for you? Are you disappointed by a 20 on your initiative? Do you lament that a critical initiative can still go second to a dexterous monk or rogue that rolled an 18 or 19? Introducing: the Initiative Bonus Selection! (Or IBS for short) When you crit on initiative, simply take an extra bonus action or reaction on your first round of combat. Not an extra attack, which could be gamed by fighters. Not an extra spell, caster rules still applying. Not gifted actions, for you rolled the crit. With IBS, simply add a little extra surprise when you didn’t expect it! Wouldn’t you like IBS? For a 60% stake in the patent for IBS, I am asking for a meager 20 eggs, 5 silver pieces, and a shout-out to my dogs: Pancake and Biscuit.

Lorelei and Kyra Newly Weds

Greetings Tortles and Tuncle Caldwell. Today I thought I'd throw a monster in the rink since you guys like that stuff now, I've been planning to make a Monster codex set for costal and underwater exploration (think bioshock). One of the bigger monsters I want to throw in for the book which I plan on using as body guards hence forth Is the Masked Octopus. A masked octopus is a master grappler, a large creature who is an expert at using it's suction cups to grap and use the targets weapons and armor against them!. Increasing it's AC with your paladins plate whilst subsequently lowering theirs is just the tip a small portion of the pond scum move pool it posseses. With an action it can Absorb the magic properties of whatever it's taken and make it a permanent ability (or absorb charges). They are usually docile but can be hired as body guards easily. I thought giving them an obsession with bottles would be fun as well as the ability to move magic in-between your items via a magic sac it'd use in place of an ink one. Im just looking for partners interested In the other goodies I have to offer. Unless it's Jake. From him I want that 69 wizard you painted

Laney Bird

Hello Tortles and, master of finding homebrews, Jake! I have a pitch that I hope tickles the tutting tortoises (and Jake). This item is for teleporting obsessed players who rue the use of the spell slots for mobility, the Belt of Evasion. This wondrous item gives a +2 to AC and contains 5 charges. You may expend a charge to cast Misty Step without using a spell slot. Expending more than one charge increases the distance of your Misty Step by 30 feet per charge (to be clear only for the Misty step you just cast, it does not apply to future castings of Misty Step). This item regains all spent charges at dawn. I am asking for 300,000 eggs in exchange for 15% share, as well as naming rights. Tank you.

ReynSedai

Hello and thank you for your hospitality Tortles, i humbly present an amulet inspired by campaign 1. Its for an eldritch horror campaign im writing as a new dm and i wanted to include something simular to Bev's so i dont acidentally tpk through my inexperience. Allow me to unveil my Eldritch Eye Amulet. A sentient artifact (chaotic neutral) that grows stronger the more its used after attunement. Essentially its enchanted with the Soul Cage spell. At stage 1 it can only comunicate through strong feelings and as a reaction swallow a soul allowing the pcs to use a charge to Steal Life. Once the charges are gone the amulet finishes "digesting", the soul is used up and a new one can be captured. At dms discresion it evolves to the next stage out of 4. Stage 2 it starts to learn to speak using the souls its eaten unlocking Query Soul. Stage 3 it now whispers with the legion of souls its eaten unlocking the ability Borrow Expierience. Finally at stage 4 it is now fully sentient and can use Soul Cage's final ability; Eyes of the Dead. I thank you for your time and consideration, please accept these bushels of thornless roses.

Dave 3D Art

Death Guards. The Antithesis to Life Guards.

Rednope

To the honorable justices and the morally bankrupt- oh shit wait wrong show… Tortles! Prepared spell casters! Does it ever feel like it’s way too difficult for you to predict what spells to stock for the day? Ever feel disappointed that you couldn’t have that badass moment of having the perfect spell for an extremely niche scenario? Then I have the fix for you! Once per long rest, let the spell casters have one blank space in their prepared spells list for the day. At any point before the next long rest the spell caster can then pull any spell that is available to them out of their ass, as if they have had it prepared the whole time. Once the spell is cast, the blank prepared space is now filled and that’s the spell they have to work with until the next long rest. I just need a few eggs cuz I’m making breakfast burgers right now, whoever invests can have some too.

Jean-Philippe Haineault

Hey there Owlbears, I am here once again to ask the Centaurs for Tortle eggs. I present to you my homebrew, rolling AC. Waiting for your turn to come can be pretty boring, now you have something to do! When you get attacked, you can roll a dexterity check to dodge or a strength check to block instead of having a static AC. With armor acting as a modifier on your roll. This makes the fight more dynamic and encourages roleplay as you can dodge the wrong way and get hit by an attack that should've missed, or be overpowered when trying to block. A nat 20 on a dodge lets you move 5 feet in any direction, and on a block it lets you use your reaction to get an attack of opportunity on your attacker. I ask for enough eggs to make myself an egg sandwich for lunch.

gerard

May it please the tank, I present a mechanic known as Evolving Incarnate, for context I'm running a modified version of the radiant citadel module with some buddies so this homebrew is a bit biased and easy to do for someone who knows their characters. But what it is they have a "synergy" with a certain monster from from the DND universe and it allows them to take on traits for up to 1 minute a day. I plan on giving this to them at level 8 with a limit to a single ability and 2 stats that override their own, it progresses to 3 stats and 2 abilities at level 12, 4 stats and limited spell casting at level 16 and level 20 they can copy all stats and up to their max spell casting level ( the players). It would be balanced by the DM choosing the monster otherwise players would choose a Turask or something. For example, they have a gloomstalker ranger and for them based on their insane stealth and ability to be invisible to dark vision in darkness I chose an Arcanaloth for them, they get invisibility, some disguise abilities and mobility, again I must stress that the DM chooses for them and it's only 1 minute even at level 20, depending on balance the time limit can be changed but I think not only does it have combat applications, it has roleplay applications, they could take on some traits of their monster or develop like food habits of them if they get something that eats only plants, they become a vegetarian or something like that. I am only asking for a measley 1 cold egg from the tortles for a 100 percent share

Sam A.

Shello & shalom, magnificent tortles, and tank you for taking the time to peep my proposal. My offering to all of you equally, including Jake, is this homebrew feat meant to encourage & reward players for teamwork and taking care of one another in battle. I present to you: ~Protection Specialist~ Your willingness to put yourself in harm's way for your friends enables you to make split-second decisions and control the battlefield to defend those you care about. Your overwhelming love for your friends allows you to perform special combat maneuvers. You gain the following benefits: • You learn four maneuvers of your choice from among those available to the Battle Master archetype in the fighter class. If a maneuver you use requires your target to make a saving throw to resist the maneuver's effects, the saving throw DC equals 8 + your proficiency bonus + your Strength or Dexterity modifier (whichever is higher). • You gain a pool of up to 3 protection dice, which are d8s. These dice are used to fuel your maneuvers. You regain expended protection dice by protecting, saving, or actively defending your allies (such as jumping in front of them to take an attack, pulling them out of harm's way, or volunteering to go first into a dangerous situation). All unused protection dice are lost when you take a long rest, and must be regained throughout each day. • If you expend a protection die to activate a maneuver in order to protect another creature, you may roll the protection die twice and take the higher result. This act of protection does not replenish any expended protection dice. I am asking for a reasonable 30% share of the protein profits, along with 2 dozen eggs up front to cover protection dice manufacturing costs. Rock on, you gnarly reptiles, and come back to Boston soon! - Sam A. (he/him)

Gilgamesh

Oh wise and benevolent Tortles I am pitching a teamwork based mechanic called Synergy. Once per long rest, when a PC has become a closer friend or ally to another, they can invoke Synergy. This is a sort of fighting game combo move that can be done with an ally who is within 5 feet of you and is immediately next in the initiative. It allows them to use their action on your turn so that both of you make attacks at the same time. Both attacks must land or else it is cancelled out. If it is cancelled the one who joined in still gets their action on their turn. If pulled off then both attacks can add their attack mod and proficiency bonus to the damage. So long as they explain how they combine their attacks in a cool way. I ask for no eggs at all as I just wish to see the super cool anime esk combos that are to come.

Dr. D

Let’s dispense with the formalities. This is what I’ve got for your eggs—*wizard duels*. When a player who has counterspell stocked encounters a spellcasting enemy, and the stakes of combat are high enough, the DM may elect to implement wizard duel rules and make the players decide whether to cast counterspell *before* they know what spell their opponent is casting. In wizard duel rules, spells are not cast openly, neither by the player nor by the enemy—rather, the DM will in secret write down the spell the enemy intends to cast on a piece of paper, and offer the player the choice to cast counterspell or not. After the player makes their choice, the DM reveals the enemy spell, and the spell and counterspell (if applicable) are resolved normally. When it’s the player’s turn, the roles are reversed: the player will secretly write down their own spell, and the DM will have the enemy decide whether to counterspell. This allows for some psychological play between the characters and, necessarily, between the players and the DM. The BBEG is winding up to cast something; should I burn a counterspell? Are they casting a cantrip to bluff me into wasting a counterspell, or is this going to be a spell I really should counter? Likewise, can I bluff the enemy into wasting their counterspell on a Mage Hand? The player can gain insight into their opponent’s intentions with an insight vs. deception contest; a success will yield the level of the spell being cast, while a critical success will reveal the spell itself. This rule will add a psychological edge to spell combat and a cinematic shine to high-level spellcasters. I offer 51% of voting shares for the bargain price of four hundred eggs per annum in perpetuity, pegged to inflation.

Jot

Come Tortles ... Swim with me, and for your fee, Invest in-a-world to haunt your imagination. Charlie's lost, factory's bust, And now runs rampant sentient mechanisation. A module for, adventurers poor, Seeking fortune among 'lumpas' machinations. Sanity checks, chocolate deaths, Yours for eggs 5 and 1 Caldwell illustration.

Matt Higgins

Greetings esteemed torts and shell-ebrity host Jake. For two clutches of your saltiest eggs, for me to hatch in my shower, I offer you a 49% stake in the wand of unlimited power. This wand carries 7 (or a number of the DM's choosing) charges. The player can point the wand at any enemy and use an action to cause said enemy to explode in a puff of green smoke completely destroying them. After all charges have been used the wand disenagrates. Now don't shellabrate too early, from that moment on, unbeknownst to the players, the wand actually teleported all the enemies to show up all at once in the players future at a time of DMs choosing. I hope you come out of your shell to invest in my idea!

Psykodactyle

Greetings epic and grand Tortles! I stand before your impressive hoards of gooey eggs untold with a humble magic item, the Beast Pouch. An item for adventurers and common folk alike, all seeking security from pesky pickpockets and thieves. The Beast Pouch: an uncommon magic item, is a tiny fur pouch with a leather strap and a set of small animal teeth, and can carry up to 1 pound. When someone other than the pouch's owner tries to access the contents of the pouch, it will immediately animate and bite the creature, dealing 1d6 piercing damage. To become the owner of a freshly bought Pouch, one must first gain its favor by feeding it berries. In exchange for 40% of shares I simply ask for 80'000 sloppy eggs and a handful of berries to satiate the feral pouch that's gnawing on my arm.

Michael Sjogren

May it please the Tort: There’s a mechanic I’ve considered implementing for my table called “Calling your shot”. The way it works is once per dawn, you can call your shot before an attack roll- if the attack hits, you can add an extra damage die of the attack’s damage type. If you miss, you look like a doofus, but if you crit, it’s extra awesome. I think being a once-a-day thing keeps it from being OP, and it lets players add some narrative creativity to an otherwise plain-jane attack. Gimme some eggs for this idea. Shell you later!

Iain McFadyen

Dear tortillas I dumbly granted my players a vision of the future, from then on the were frankly belligerent about how they cannot die as they have seen a year from now they are all together. Enter Aba, a mysterious stranger in a tavern with a promise. Enter a deal, and if any player should die or become lost he will return all magic items on them at a small cost. It was presented as a way of ensuring key campaign items could not be lost. However Aba now pops up in the strangest places, a sealed tomb of 1000 years? He's in there playing solitare, the highest peak in the land, he's up there eating grapes. Full name Abra Cadaver, his deal is revealed, he is a god of death who is amused by the lives of mortals. Once in an aggrement, if a player takes a killing blow, he has the ability to take their place, assuming their identity and personality perfectly. He will then travel with the party until he gets bored and wanders off. Most partys are even unaware they have lost a friend until he mysteriously vanishes. Truth be told it was a total asspull but the players love Aba now. And that vision of the future... Well who knows if that was even them... I would like a big Cadbury creme egg

James Lloyd

I am running a Wizard and Artificer university campaign but the homebrew I want to bring to you is this: the exams. The way it works is at the end of the academic school year X sessions in) players start the session by rolling d6 per subject equal to their Intelligence modifier. So +3 Int would be 3d6 per subject (each take 3 subjects per year). Each student can take 1 additional d6 to add to 1 subject by taking a “Study Exhaustion”. This is a less harsh version of the regular exhaustion table but does end up halving their HP if students are foolish enough to take it all (something my wife’s character has done multiple times). Finally students can also take “Attitudes” when they make their character and pick a background. Attitudes are a campaign specific feature, such as Slacker that means a student can take no extra Study die in exchange for Study Exhaustion (no last minute studying) but get a single Luck Die to re-roll any d20 roll per Long Rest. Or Attitudes like Studious give you extra Study Die to what to subjects of your choosing. After the rolling is done the DM records the score per subject per player and the rest of the session is a Summer Break session and Study Exhaustion is in effect for the whole session. It might be a nice beach holiday session or casino trip (obviously where something always goes wrong). Then at the start of the next term the students will get a subject specific reward, which might be extra spells in that School of Magic or extra magic items crafted or if they did really well, a Feat. I wanted to give out lots of Feats to allow these Wizards and Artificers to end up being very strong and diverse in abilities by the time they graduate at level 6. So for just a few eggs that I can use as spell components, you can add this mechanic into your university campaign too.

Makeitsweat

Greetings Tortles, for the small price of all your rotten, spoiled, and fake eggs I propose the homebrew rule of enchantment relocation. Basically, take a magic item and move the magic effect from one item to another. That way if the players want to switch magic items they can keep their signature hammer or axe while getting to play with the new effects. The characters keep the flavor and players get new toys. Why wouldn't you just make the magic item originally match their aesthetic? Well sometimes you plan an item for one player but it might actually suit a different player more and this is an easy solution. I eagerly await your eggs so that we might place useful enchantments on them.

uudd

Hello tortles, Im here to shell you on the"I know a guy" homebrew. Ever get to a city and get stuck on what to do? Well a player can say to the dm "oh I know a guy who does x" x being a shopkeeper, innkeeper, bartender ect. The player then rolls a d20 to determine the relationship. Nat 20 best friend, would do anything for them. Nat 1 worst enemy and the guy hates their guts. This can give the players a character to interact with to start their city tour. I request enough eggs to make an omlett and no more

Emily Johnson

Salutations sensational tortles. I have a homebrew rule idea for enemy "weak points." We all know the satisfaction in video games of hitting specific targets on a monster to take advantage of their weak spots, but there is no such mechanic in place in DnD. I present the following: when fighting a big bad, the DM can determine beforehand how many/if any "weak spots" the enemy has. The players can, either before or during the battle, make a perception check to find these weak points, and if they do, they can choose to target them. When they do, the AC for the specific point is increased by 5. If they hit the increased AC, they automatically do max damage to the target, and that weak point has been 'used up.' However, if they don't hit the increased AC, they miss entirely. It becomes a gamble with a higher risk than a normal attack, but a high reward on a success. I am open to work shopping this idea, and I'm asking for 500 eggs for 45% ownership. I humbly await your appraisal.

Pedantic

Hey Tortles! Reverence, shell wax and peace in space. I've been messing around with inspiration changes, based loosely on the action dice system, from another game, Fantasy Craft. It's hard to remember inspiration as a DM, it can lead to weird incentives when you hand it out, and it's not often that exciting to use as a player. The proposal to fix this: every player gets 1 inspiration at the start of the session, and the DM gets a pool of 1 inspiration per player at the table. You can gain more than 1 inspiration, but it doesn't carry between sessions, and you can spend it to reroll checks as usual, or (because they'll be more common) to turn a critical hit by an enemy into a normal hit. The DM can spend their inspiration to help NPCs or monsters with rerolls, but not to mitigate crits. The DM can hand out inspiration for exciting roleplaying, cool moments, etc, and receives a point of inspiration themselves when they give it out to a player. That way they can see when it's running dry, they get a reminder to give it out when they run low, and it's an exciting moment for everyone.

W1LDF1RE

To the wonderfully wicked Tortles in a Half Shell (Tortle Power!) and Jake the harmless little Garter Snake, I have a great new invention for you. Are you tired of having to keep track of arrows, handaxes, and other ranged ammunition? I present to you the Projectile Retrieval Pack Upgrade! This is an upgrade that can be fitted to an existing adventurers pack, bag of holding, or any other bag-like item (I’m looking at you, Balnor). Here’s how it works: Inside the item is a glyph of warding that has been modified to hold helpful spells instead of harmful ones. The glyph comes loaded up with the spell Animate Objects. Once per long rest, as a free item interaction on your turn, you can choose to activate the glyph. This then animates other objects you have in the bag. When these objects are tasked with retrieving your items, their speed becomes 100, and they are unable to be targeted by attacks. However, if you task them with anything else, such as attacking, or otherwise aiding you in battle, their stats are the listed stats of the Animate Objects spell. This risks you losing more items from your bag if they are damaged in battle, however, you do have the option to choose which items will be animated before activating the glyph. I request only one egg for this invention, in hopes that I may animate it and send it off to locate more. This invention is brought to you by U.P.D.A.T.E.D. (United People for the Design of Alchemical Technology and Ethereal Devices)

Maria Satnik

Hey Tortles, Do you ever get confused as to what a nat 20 on a skill check actually means? One of my favorite homebrew rules, which I have modified from Dice and a Slice podcast, is that a nat 20 also adds your proficiency bonus to the roll. So if you roll a nat 20, you take 20 + usual modifier + proficiency. In my experience, this is a very good way to resolve contested skill checks where someone rolls a nat 20. In return for your investment, I ask for a proficiency bonus worth of eggs for myself, and 20 eggs and a shout-out for Dice and a Slice.

Lily Wilkie-Rogers

Hello to the tortles, from the younguns to the shellderly! The item I've brought before you today is the Deck of Magic™ Cards. This is a deck of 20 cards that a player can draw from once per day, with each card representing a different spell. Whichever spell they draw, they can cast once on that day without using spell slots, ignoring class restrictions, etc. The twist is that the deck they draw from is a real deck of Magic: the Gathering cards, each of which has the name of a D&D spell. The results range from Magic Missle and Firebolt all the way up to Fireball and Polymorph. No super high-level spells, but ones that feel good when the players draw them (though if you want for a high-level campaign, you could substitute in cards like Disintegrate, Teleport, or Wish). When I've used this in games, my players have always gotten a kick out of getting to actually shuffle the deck and draw a card at the table. Plus, as new Magic cards get printed, you can edit the contents of the deck! All I ask for your investment is a few tortle eggs that I can, in turn, use in my Magic: the Gathering games. Yours in business, Gabe W-R P.S. - Here is the full current list of cards if you want to consult it. Additionally, the deck is specifically 20 cards in case a group of players wants to use the item but doesn't own all of the Magic cards, so they can roll a d20 instead. Magic Missile, Firebolt, Divine Favor, Hideous Laughter, Sleep, Jump, Fireball, Polymorph, Mirror Image, Gaseous Form, Fear, Divination, Death Ward, Counterspell, Darkness, Lightning Bolt, Burning Hands, Fly, Ray of Frost, and Ray of Enfeeblement.

Cody W

To the bountiful turtles of the Tank, I have a homebrew monk subclass pitch. The Substance Sage, hard drugs for utility, narcotic enlightenment . At 3rd level, this illicit individual gets access to a table of 6 hard substances to use, spending ki to manifest a drug relating to a specific stat. For example 1ki, smoke weed: Advantage on Wis saves but take a -3 on Dex & Str rolls. Or mushrooms: +4 to all stats, free speak with plants but disadvantage on all saves. Effect duration depends on the substance and Con mod At 6th level get access to ego break. Range 60ft verbal ability, psychic dmg to a target that can hear you. If you two share a language add a d8. I am baseline asking for 1 egg to raise as my own but don't wish to know the origin of. I will develop the subclasses fully if I reach funding. I thank the heroes in a half shell for their time

Mewsora

Howdy Tortles! Last Tortle Tank, the idea of wonky magic items was brought up, and I, a humble lizard, simply wanted to add a few that appeared in a previous campaign I played in! The Hammer of Curses: Loudly curses every time you hit something with it (has a -2 modifier to attacks and damage) Ring of Warmth: the ring radiates a bit of warmth, no other effects Carpet of Flying: can fly, but once activated, it weighs around 500 pounds and thus, can’t lift itself off the ground And my favorite: The Ring of Mind Shielding: It uses the wearer’s mind as a shield by turning all physical damage the wearer takes into psychic damage, truly worse fate than a brain freeze

Ben Scott

Greetings, Benevolent Tortles! May you titans of business and benevolence find my pitch favorable. I am asking for 1 egg and the expert advice of our wise tortles. This is an item which I am frankly afraid to place in my campaign. Introducing, The Amulet of Consequence. This platinum amulet emits an enticing aura, causing PCs to feel drawn toward it when it is not obscured from sight. When at least one member of the party is rolling death saves, a voice appears in the unconscious players head offering power, freedom, salvation in exchange for their life. If the player agrees to this power, they gain the following benifits: they instantly level up to 20 using a warlock multiclass (DM must have sheets prepped), gain the benifits of a long rest, and find the voice in their head compelling them to evil. As soon as the group leaves initative, the affected player must make a DC 35 wisdom saving throw. On a pass, the player levels back down and falls to 0 HP. On a fail, the player is releived of their character sheet and the new Warlock teleports away, no longer the PC which the party had known. Have fun with your new PC, new BBEG, and get out of TPK free card.

Where Bear

Hear ye, hear ye, tort is now in session! I come bearing an offering of the finest chopped veggies and pizza (depending on your anthropomorphic turtle preferences), as well as the latest creation straight from the workbench of up-and-coming halfling artificer Lucky Lucanus Luckenbooth! The Artificer’s All-Purpose Eye (Requires attunement by an artificer) This beautifully crafted artificial eye is made of jewel inlaid porcelain and replaces a real one that was lost or removed. While the eye is embedded in your eye socket it can’t be removed by anyone other than you, and you can see through it as normal. Additionally, the eye has a number of charges equal to your spellcasting modifier+proficiency bonus. You can expend these charges for the following effects: * Using 1 charge per spell level, you can cast the following spells without a spell slot and ignoring material components. Spells cast this way last up to 1 minute, and their effects are only visible through the artificial eye: - Identify - Detect Magic - Comprehend Languages (written only) - Darkvision - See Invisibility - True Seeing * You can use 1 charge to give yourself advantage on a vision-based roll (perception, investigation, save against being blinded, etc). * As an action, you can use 1 charge to remove the eye and have it deploy golden spider-like legs. The eye then acts as a Tiny Servant with the following modifications: - Shares your perception and any special sense (darkvision, etc) - HP = 4d4+your INT modifier+your artificer level - If the Mending spell is cast on it, it regains 2d6 hit points. If it has died within the last hour, you can use your artisan’s tools as an action to revive it, provided you are within 5 feet of it. The eye returns to life after 1 minute with all its hit points restored and 1/2 (minimum 1) its remaining charges. - As an action you can see through the eye if it is within 200ft of you. During this time you must close your remaining eye to avoid the disorientation of double vision. - The eye relays anything it has seen while you were not looking through it upon being returned to it’s socket. - If the eye drops to zero HP while you are looking through it, you must immediately make a DC 15 CON save, taking 1d6 psychic damage on a fail. - If the eye hasn’t been returned to it’s socket within an hour, it loses 1 charge each subsequent hour. If the eye has no charges remaining it reverts to an inert, though pretty, porcelain orb, you cannot see out of it and it cannot be used again until it has been returned to it’s socket and you’ve taken a long rest. The eye regains all of its charges after a long rest. Due to conditions at our factory we already have plenty of beta testers for this product, all I ask of you is 500 eggs for a further double-blind study. Thank you so much for your time, and remember: if it’s not a Luckenbooth, it’s not lucky! 🍀

Danny Wittig

To the Highest Board-le of Tortles: I come to you with a proposal for a magical item that is sure to tickle your shells. I was creating a character for a sea-based campaign, a circle of the moon druid that was flavored as a navigator and tattoo artist. This led to my idea for a tattoo pen that worked as a druidic focus and gave some additional benefits. The PC must attune this item with a friendly character by give them a runic tattoo. When casting spells on said friendly character with this item, all cast ranges that are shorter than 60 feet may be increased to this range value. Additionally, if they prepare and tattoo themself with a rune for a specific spell, they may essentially use Subtle Spell on it by making physical contact with this tattoo. I am looking for 10 inked-up eggs for a 40% share in this idea.

Patrick Harry

Hey there Tortles, I aint going to try and wow you with any fancy or praising superlatives or clever puns, cause you know what I aint too clever. But what I am is a a normal ass dude who understands the needs of other normal ass people, and normal people want to be able to turn into animals, amirite? So give me your eggs and you can take my idea. This is ideally for a campaign without a druid, or for a player who wants to do some side work for the ability to morph into a beloved creature. Here it is: Animal Juice - mechanically it is what the druid wildshape mechanics are, straightforward, already got some RAW to guide how it works. Where the fun comes in is how a DM introduces it. I personally require my players to obtain blood from said animal they wish to wildshape into, it then needs to be combined with the dust of a spell gem by an appropriate alchemist for a serum that is then takes 1 action to inject. The fun and simple thing about it is you got the straightforward mechanics, it also allows for inworld customization so it can fit all campaign settings. The DM also has control over the rarity of the ingredients, and it takes effort to get animal blood so it shouldnt be too overpowered. Once again sometimes you just want to morph, and this will give you the chance to. Eggs Eggs Eggs!!!

Lauren Iliffe

Greetings Tortles, I was thinking about the 'scraping blow' mechanic someone picked last time, (which definitely should have been called glancing blow btw) and I have a tweaked idea. If you miss a target's AC by two or less on a melee attack you can choose to make yourself vulnerable to an attack in order to roll damage. You can do half damage, but the enemy you are attacking gets to roll attack damage (halved) on you, as you put yourself in a vulnerable position to attack. I don't know if this is something that would work as available to all players, but could be interesting for a martial class like a fighter, especially at low levels when you only have one attack. I call it 'trade blows'

Juhmes(Jums)

Dear honored but wayward Tortles. I bid you return from the maze of the tank so I can present to you an item for high level PCs that's useful, interesting but not artifact worthy, the Boots of Corpse Leaping and Striding. Boots of Corpse Leaping and Striding requires attunement Wondrous item, legendary These pale grey-green moccasins, crafted from the dessicated skin and bones of a Lich, are innocuous on first glance but any closer examination gives the observer a feeling of deep, deep dread. When a being dies and its soul transcends this plane, it leaves a small tear in the veil between this life and the next. These boots let you slip between these tears. Can use an action to sense dead within 500ft number of times equal to proficiency bonus (min once) once sensed you have a mental map of their location for the next hour Once per turn you can expend 10ft of movement to lightly step on a corpse or into a spirit/shade  and teleport to another corpse or spirit/shade within 100ft that you have sensed or can directly see. This item is as useful as the DM allows it to be as they can decide where useful remains are located. For 49% equity in this business venture selling a single priceless and unique item I ask only for 2 eggs to be humbly used to craft a pair of magical cloggs.

Maxwell Keiles

Dear middle-age mutant podcast tortles. I am writing to you today to introduce a mechanic that I had to make up on the spot. do you have a high-ranking bad guy strapped to a chair and they refuse to give info on the bbeg. well, with my "advanced interrogation" mechanics, this can be a thing of the past. whenever you ask a question the person will make a resistance saving throw, which is a constitution saving throw plus half their remaining hp. if they fail they spill their guts but if they succeed they won't talk. If they take more damage, they will have to make it again if they are asked a question, but because tensions are high if they drop to zero they know they will they won't make it out and refuse to talk ever. this can of course be combined with other spells like zone of truth to help out in a way that the dm deems necessary. i am seeking 5 eggs to cover the cost of my lawer that I hadto pay after implementing this mechanic

Gabriel Wykle

Hello Sweet Tortles. As did the greatest fight movies of all time, today I bring before you: The Training Montage. For just 6 payments of 49 eggs: Once per every five character levels a PC may choose to train one stat in-between sessions. The catch: they must describe the training montage. What were they doing? How did they get there? How does it fit into the story narratively? If all conditions are met, the PC may raise that stat by one. For an additional recurring 19 egg payment, you may also allow your PCs to roll for how successful the training was, with a 15 or higher giving an additional stat increase. Act now, and act fast.

An_Armed_Bear

Shello, tortles and turtis. I'm here today to talk about building a better dragon. If you've used enough dragons in 5E, you'll know that the recharge rule on their breath attack can make their difficulty incredibly random. One dragon may be able to use its most powerful attack every turn and instantly destroy a party, while another only gets one shot off and then never gets to use it again. To make dragons more consistent and hopefully more fun, I am here to propose a tweak to the way dragon breath works. Rather than an all-or-nothing system, a dragon has a damage dice pool it draws from whenever it uses its breath attack, and can expend as many or as little dice from that pool as it wants. At the start of every turn, the dragon recovers up to 1/3 of its max dice pool (to mirror the normal recharge rule having a 1/3 chance of succeeding). With this system, you can give dragons a little more character as well. For example, a low level party can encounter an older dragon that decides to toy with the party with very weak breath attacks, like a cat playing with a mouse. I am asking for 1 dragon tortle egg for full ownership of this idea.

PlausiblyPJ

Greetings wise Tortle Jake and fellow noble Tortles of the tank! I come before you with a magic item that is surely worthy of your most valuable eggs! I PRESENT TO YOU! The Ring of Whiplash! This ring fits tight on the owner's finger, similar to an elastic band. Once attuned to the item, the user has 3 charges the replenish every long rest. They can use a charge to target a creature within 60ft, either willing or unwilling that they can see and have a clear path to, forcing them to make a DC 15 Str saving throw. On a failed save, the caster and the target are propelled as if fired out of a sling shot, skidding across the ground and swapping locations with each other. But buckle up Tortles, this is where it gets fun! Whether the creature is willing or unwilling, the saving throw is still required because on a Nat 1, the target gets yeeted 30ft past the casters original position, falls prone and takes falling damage if hitting a solid structure within that 30ft. Imagine position yourself on a cliff or up against a wall and your enemy Nat1s on the save, taking 30ft of falling damage or being tossed like a rag doll to their doom! Or the panic of seeing your friend tossed 30ft past where you wanted them to be, giving up the strategic position you were setting up! Either way, you get to enjoy the visual of skidding like a stone on water, flipping off the enemy or high fiving a friend as you pass! I am willing to offer FULL RIGHTS to this item for the reasonable price of 50,000 of your finest eggs and a free meal at a little place, called Monjas, thank you!

Philip Crowe

Hail and well met to the wise and beguiling Tortles, including Jake. I present to you an item which allows players to take a little of their favourite battles passed with them. The Requiem Mask: This mask can be placed on a felled enemy to absorb a portion of their power. The mask gains an ability, chosen by the DM, which is similar to what the defeated enemy could do. A beaten dragon may give a 1/day breath weapon, a earth elemental may give an AC bonus or a giant spider may give the spider climb ability. But beware, the mask can only hold one ability at a time, and if the power taken from the enemy is too much for the mask (if the DM accidentally gives an overpowered ability) the power may leave the mask after a use, and a new power will have to be absorbed from a defeated enemy. This mask requires attunement and comes in all colours, except one particular shade of purple that for some reason keeps causing the mask to explode. But we're working on it.

Kevin Crist

How's it going Tortles? Today I come to present to you the Unlucky Rabbit's Foot. Upon touching the item, it becomes attuned to the player automatically, and cannot be removed. If no attunement slots are available, it doesn't cost a slot. The afflicted player may now choose to take a crit instead of rolling (1d4+2) times. Once the charges are used up, the foot crumbles away and the player will now take a 1 whenever they crit equal to the amount of charges they first rolled. I seek 100 eggs and the first pick of all clutches of eggs laid for the duration of our partnership, for a 49% stake of my company.

Daniel MacDonald

To the Esteemed Council of Tortles and their Endless Tank, I ask you for but a pittance, a single egg for 50% in this opportunity of a lifetime (also i'm out of eggs and I need one to make brownies tonight). This is a homebrew tweak of the milestone level system that our table has adopted. Instead of deciding on the milestone of a story or just when the DM feels like you've earned it, the table collectively levels up when they reach a certain number of "counters" (or whatever you want to call them). The number of these needed to level up grows after reaching certain levels (5th, 10th, 15th, for us right now), and once the party has gained the necessary amount they level up. As the DM, I do not hide the counters, and in fact give them out to the table so they have an idea of where they are. There are 3 different types for the 3 different pillars of play. What we've found is that this really encourages and helps characters who may not be the combat powerhouse of the party feel like they're contributing even more with out of combat roleplay or exploration (which includes things like finding world lore, information on the antagonists, etc.), especially if they get out of a really great scene, and I hand them a token. I can't claim full ownership, as a friend I play with has the base of the idea, but I have tweaked it further. Thank you, great magnanimous Tortles.

Hyacinth

Hello Tortles! I'm here to pitch my new alternative to fey stepping: Dream Stepping. This homebrew mechanic can be used in any dreamlike plane of your world and WILL be a ton of fun for you and your players. Essentially players can attempt to teleport at any point by rolling a wisdom check. Over 15 and they are able to go where they want within 100 feet - they can go further with a disadvantaged roll. If they fail they will end up in a random location of the DMs choosing. It functions as players movement in a battle. This dynamic has been a lot of fun at my table and has led to some super interesting roleplaying opportunities, especially with failed rolls! I'm willing to sell 49% of my idea for a meager 10 Tortle eggs. [Also if this gets picked my name is actually Hyacinth B, I haven't figured out how to change my Patreon profile since I changed my name after coming out but it would mean a lot to me if you made that adjustment!]

Nicolas Lee

Alright Tortles and Jim, I’ve got a pitch that I hope will have you chucking your eggs at me with righteous enthusiasm. I call it the Delinquent Doppleganger. In this modern world of DnD, which frequently includes remote play, a party may find itself dealing with players with last-minute changes in schedule that leave them unavailable for a session. In these cases, the DM is faced with the sad choice between rescheduling the whole session or reworking their session to either not include the missing player or puppeting them through the session as a DMPC. The first option is a pain for everyone, and the others can get awkward when the DM has planned important plot moments for that character. Oh mighty Tortles, I ask you, what if there was another way? Introducing the Delinquent Doppleganger - a surefire way to turn your missing PC into a fun game mechanic with only a minor chance of ruining your friendships. Here’s how it works: When a player tells the DM the day before the session that they’re actually going to drive to Pittsburgh for no reason even though you all spent ages finding a time you could get together, the DM conceals their righteous anger and informs the party that they will be puppeting the PC for the session to allow for continuity. At the beginning of the session, the DM discreetly moves the PC out of the party’s sight by saying something tactful like, “Your dumbass artificer goes to take a piss.” At this moment, the PC is sucked into a pocket dimension and replaced by an interdimensional being known as The Delinquent Doppleganger. The Doppleganger is a neutral/neutral creature whose greatest desire is to be accepted into the material plane by replacing a creature that exists there. It has the stats, inventory, and abilities of the creature that it has replaced. The Doppleganger is made stronger through its connections to the plane such as supporting the party through combat, forming emotional ties to characters in the world, and experiencing moments of character development. Because of this, the Doppleganger will do everything in its power to be the perfect party member. It will burn through every potion in its inventory to keep the sorcerer alive after they die again by taking dragon breath to the face rather than finding cover. It will allocate all of its spell slots to healing spells and buffs. It will bake cookies for the PC’s grandma and repair burned bridges, all to find its place in the world. When the replaced party member returns, the DM informs them that they have suffered a bout of amnesia regarding the last session and recall none of the events. In reality, this is because they were stuffed into a pocket dimension by the Doppleganger. If they miss another session, the Doppleganger returns to further experience the PC’s life and grow its connection to the world. Once the Doppleganger has built enough emotional ties to the party and the world, it can challenge the PC for its rightful spot on the material plane. If the PC loses a one-on-one battle to the Doppleganger, their character is permanently banished to the pocket dimension and replaced by the Doppleganger. So what’s so great about the DD? First off, the degree of whimsical punishment it inflicts grows according to the party member’s delinquency. If they miss just one session, then perhaps their PC only misses a couple of important story moments. But if they continue to miss sessions, they ultimately will be faced with a substantial enemy looking to replace them permanently. Secondly, if the PC leaves the campaign entirely, then the party just gets a super helpful DMPC who wants to do everything in its power to further the party’s goals. Oh honorable and wise Tortles plus Jason, please hurl your eggs at me if you want the Delinquent Doppleganger to have a permanent place in our worlds. Thank you for your time and your wonderful work.

Boomclaw the Twice-Dead Kobold

Greetings Tortles, I present to you a status ailment to make powerful spellcasters think twice: Wild Magic Buildup. This is a stacking debuff that accumulates when players are hit with certain attacks. Any time an affected player attempts to cast a non-cantrip spell, smite, spend a Wild Shape, or Channel Divinity, they must roll a d20. If they roll equal to or below their levels of Wild Magic Buildup, their attempted action fails, wasting the resource they spent. The player must then roll on the Wild Magic Surge table. If they have 3 or more levels of Wild Magic Buildup, they must roll twice on the table and the DM decides which effect occurs. I am offering a 15% stake for a token amount of 5 eggs, with the stipulation that you give the mechanic exposure by implementing it in a game that you DM (public or otherwise). I thank you for your time.

Garrett Morrow

Hello, Supreme Tortles I present an alternate idea to Inspiration, simply known as a Reroll. As the DM, there is a lot of information moving around in your head, and it can be difficult to remember to reward your players with Inspiration. This is where the Reroll comes in. At my table, every PC gets a free Reroll to use every session. It’s perfect for that dire moment in battle, or the diplomatic Persuasion check, and it’s always fun when they announce they’re using their Reroll, because everyone knows it’s (usually) important. I’m only asking for 20% of Caldwell’s skinny eggs, because I’m a skinny guy and I don’t eat much eggs. Thank you, I love you, eat a rat.

Axle

Shellutations, Tortles. I present to you a sample sized vial of Monster Ink, though with your generous investment I can have barrels of the stuff by the Hogliday season. Monster Ink is a swirling red and black substance used in the making of magical tattoos. One of the components of Monster Ink is the blood of a slain creature (harvested by the players after they’ve killed it). When a PC gets a Monster Ink tattoo, they gain an ability stolen from that creature’s statblock. For example, making a tattoo from a Giant Spider’s blood could grant the Spider Climb ability, allowing them to stick to walls, a Gargoyle’s blood could grant the False Appearance ability, letting them disguise themselves as statues, or a Dragon Turtle’s blood could grant the Steam Breath action, if you really want to give your players something strong. Whatever the effect, a Monster Ink tattoo is sure to make your player’s feel extra connected with the monsters they’ve encountered. Disclaimer: The ability granted by Monster Ink is up to the DM’s discretion, it can be as simple as a skill proficiency or language that the creature knew, or it can be a powerful signature move the monster had, depending on what feels most appropriate. This is the perfect gift for that Blue Mage in your life, or that Ranger who wishes they could become the monsters they hunt. In order to increase production of Monster Ink, I require at least 5,000 Tortle Eggs. Please do not ask what I will be doing with them, that’s proprietary information.

ChefJustinLane

Good day, Tortles. I am seeking 69 eggs for a 31% stake in my product: Crit for Tat. As a DM, we’ve all had those fights where the rogue and the monk constantly invade the BBEG’s big Dex save move, or the crunchy wizard can’t be hit with their AC of 30. At the same time, we’ve all felt bad when our players can’t hit the broad side of a barn (looking at you, Third Mates). What if you could solve both problems with one dangerously fun mechanic? Introducing, Crit for Tat. In important moments at the DM’s discretion (frequency may vary), the DM can offer a player a deal. The player will automatically fail its next saving throw or be hit by a physical attack, and any abilities that mitigate damage will not apply. In exchange, the player’s next attack roll will be rolled with advantage and automatically crit on a hit, and do normal damage on a miss. Unlike a certain unnamed fantasy rpg brand, I don’t expect the customer to do all of the development work for me. This mechanic has been battle-tested with three separate groups of players and has already seen major success in the market. This is your chance to get on board with Crit for Tat!

Samuel H Diamond

Hey there totally radical Torts, I created a homebrew mechanic for my players who were in a Lost Woods scenario and they loved it. The party were in a maze and subjected to consistent, low-level combat as they tried to figure out the puzzle to escape. Every time they rolled a nat 1 on a combat roll, the attack missed, but I still asked them to roll the damage for the attack. I described the attack as looking like it hit, but it phased through the enemy. Then, the next time a party member rolled a nat 1 on a combat roll, they would receive the damage from the previous nat 1 as the phased strike hit them across time and space. Also, any time a nat 1 was rolled on a thrown or ranged weapon, it would phase out and not be retrievable until it hit the next party member. It served as a way of adding stakes to a combat grind, and the collective intake of breath and joy every time a nat 1 was rolled was something special. I am asking for every time this mechanic is used, I am hit with a tiny piece of actual karma from the firmament. Tanks for all the fish!

The Sandreyan

Hail to the Great Turtle Jake and his under-turtles! I come to you on my knees to beg 4 shiny eggs and a medium sized steak for the following homerule provided by my DM Twinspell Metagic , that allows you to target 2 targets with a single target spell, usually stipulates that it cannot be used on any spells that can target 2 or more creatures, and the evil Turtles of the Coast has further advised this applies to any spell that can target multiple creatures on an upcast! For example a Dissonant Whisper at 1st level targets 1 creature, and at 2nd can target 2 creatures, so could not be twinspelles at 1st or 2nd level My Turtle DM has a homebrew rule that stipulates, that a spell cast at its base level that targets 1 creature, can be Twinned Spelled at its base level but not at an upcast level where it already targets 2 or more creatures Example again, Dissonant Whispers at 1st level can be Twincast as it targets 1 creature, but Dissonant Whispers at 2nd level could NOT be twincast as it already targets 2 creatures After using this homebrew rule for a year and a half in our campaign, i can assure the Turtle Tank it is a robust and fun rule for the table Again I ask for 4 shiny eggs, and a medium steak, medium rare, medium size and medium fries Thank you x

Jason Obrock

Batters Up Tortles! I have got one hell of a pitch headed your way that will spice up your eggs and your boring critical hits. I suggest that when a critical hit is rolled the player can choose from doing the traditional double damage or they can get tossed a tiny bit of narrative control and apply one of the conditions (except for paralyzed, petrified or unconscious) to any enemy on the board until the end of the PCs next turn. https://roll20.net/compendium/dnd5e/Rules:Conditions#h-Conditions For example Blake rolls a 20 and does damage as if it were a regular hit and then can take a moment to narrate how the goblin stabbing Blemily slips in her blood and falls “prone” or how the ogre smashing Baldwell ate some really bad clams at lunch and is “poisoned” as it repeats on the ogre. Jake can have this one for free just in hopes he can get out of the toxic work environment of his bailiff gig.

Frank

My pitch is to do a third rebrand of this series and call it the tur-tis tank as it should have been all along

CommodoreGalaxy

Sup, Torts. I'm looking for 6 eggs in one basket and a half dozen in the other for 10% of my company. This mechanic/item can make carrying a sidearm a much more interesting thing than just the potential off-hand attack. Have a faction that the party will be working with long term gift them each with a special dagger. The base dagger is a ±1 weapon, nothing special. Already a great gift for a low level party to defend themselves against ghosts and other apparitions. Then, as quest rewards offer them a choice from an upgrade list to further personalize their daggers! Such upgrades as gaining a die of sneak attack, advantage on attacks while grappling, a bonus action throw with advantage, even a once a day Smite! The possibilities are truly up to the dm! As always, thank you for your time.

AmberDextrous!

Dearest Soggy Tortles, I humbly stand before you with an idea I've been workshopping for a little while. Like any good millenial, I've been taken in by the rainbow multichrome utensil trend and wanted to apply it to DnD. Introducing: Chromatic Plating for any weapon from arrows to rapiers to great axes. Any weapon with chromatic plating becomes a magic weapon with randomized elemental effect. On a critical hit, a player will roll a d6 to determine the type of elemental effect (1 acid, 2 cold, 3 fire, 4 lightning, 5 poison, 6 thunder) that will burst from their weapon. The player then rolls an additional damage die and does that much damage of that elemental typing to every creature in a 10 ft radius - including themselves. I am seeking half a dozen eggs or one single ostrich egg and am willing to accept purchase of a modified version of it instead. Thanks sweeties!

Evin Miller

Dearest Tortles of various backgrounds yet equal stature, I would like to put forth my own homebrew encounter that has so far been used once to some success: letting players set their own DC for a temptation puzzle. Recently my players were put in a position where they had to go to the underworld, and I warned the players up front that malevolent spirits would try to tempt them off the path they were being led down. Mechanically, I came at them with three spirits offering first revenge, then a shortcut to a goal each was working toward, and lastly, a piece of absolute truth. I let the players set a DC on a wisdom/mental save from 11 to 18 depending on how well they felt I tempted their character/got under their skin. I don't want to bog you down with too much cosmic story specifics, but I think allowing players to set DCs themselves in certain instances can allow them to feel that they're more involved in the game and really get into the mindset of how outside forces are affecting their characters. This is dependent on how much you trust your players to be honest and not meta, but I think this idea may be worth at least one of your most spiritually tempting tortle eggs.

Ben Wilson

Greetings, illustrious Tortles. As CEOs of hundreds of companies, no doubt you have suffered many scheduling issues. It can be hard to explain why you just disappear for a session, and with CVs as full as yours, it’s a pain to shuffle stat blocks around the board room. I offer you the solution I created for my campaign. After shenanigans involving breaking a Fey curse and sadly leaving behind a companion in the Feywild in the body of a sentient loaf of bread, all of my PCs’ souls became entangled with each other’s and with the Fey plane. From now on, if a player can’t make a session, their character simply poofs into the Feywild for minutes/hours/days. Too many enemies in the encounter? Some of them conveniently poof off as well to keep things balanced! After all, that strange Fey magic loves to tell a good story. When the player comes back next session, they have to tell everyone all about the adventures they had while they were away with their bread loaf friend. If another player wants to DM a one-shot for the players, they can just have everyone poof right into their Feywild plotline! This kind of chaotic poofing-out mechanic can offer a great semi-canonical way to explain why PCs can’t make a session. (You can take or leave the bread.) For a d100 percent stake in the company, I want one of each of your eggs - I’m about variety, not quantity. If you happen to have any owlbear ones left over I’ll gladly take one of them too!

Jim Remmes

Top of the morning to you, terrific Tortles. I come to you today to present the Tome of Stolen Souls, an upgraded grimoire for any aspiring monster masters. Once per long rest, a character may attempt to imprison a weakened foe in the Tome in lieu of killing or defeating them with a DC 17 religion or arcana check. This check can be increased or decreased depending on the foe’s HP and any status effects inflicted. Once a monster or for has been imprisoned in the Tome, the wielder may, as an action, summon the creature to perform an attack (for example, a Minotaur’s Gore) or perform a skill check before returning to the book. XThe PC may do this three times before taking a long rest. Infinite creatures may be stored in the book, but only six may be prepared to be called on on any given day. For this investment I require one hundred (100) your finest eggs, and potentially one (1) Tortle souls.

Alexander Mullarkey

Modernizing Wild Magic: A Tortle Tank Pitch Tortles, thank you for your time. Prepare to have your shells shocked. In recent source books for Dungeons and Dragons Fifth Edition, the sorcerer subclasses are stronger than the Player’s Handbook sorcerous origins. Specifically, in Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything, the Aberrant Mind sorcerer and Clockwork Soul sorcerer have an expanded spell list. This spell list does not count against their sorcerer spells known, and a sorcerer’s limited number of spells known is their weakness. I have decided to fill that niche to great effect and success in my home game with an expanded spell list for Wild Magic sorcerers! The feature grants the Wild Magic Sorcerer with extra spells known at specific levels, one guaranteed and one randomly determined by rolling a d4 at the end of a long rest. The spells reflect the explosive and strange nature of wild magic sorcerers and bring them on par with the current sorcerers. The spells are in the appendix of this pitch. I humbly ask for a single tortle egg that I can hatch and raise as my own. Thank you for your time, and may your shells be strong. Thank you to Conlin for play testing this, you are a joy to play with. Humbly, Alexander The list: You learn additional spells when you reach certain levels in this class, as shown on the Wild Magic Spells table. Each of these spells counts as a sorcerer spell for you, but it doesn't count against the number of sorcerer spells you know. Roll a d4 at the end of every long rest to determine what spells are available to you. You can also roll for a Wild Magic surge to choose which spells.  If the spell rolled is one you already know, you can reroll for that level. 1st Sorcerer Level. Guaranteed: Magic Missile. Roll: Cure wounds, faerie fire, expeditious retreat, Tasha’s hideous laughter 3rd Sorcerer Level. Guaranteed: Invisibility. Roll: Misty Step, Lesser Restoration, Heat Metal, Melf’s Acid Arrow 5th Sorcerer Level. Guaranteed: Fireball. Roll: Counterspell, Lightning Bolt, Mass Healing Word, Thunder step 7th Sorcerer Level. Guaranteed: Polymorph. Roll: Compulsion, Dimension Door, Fire Shield, Greater Invisibility. 9th Sorcerer Level: Guaranteed: Cone of Cold. Roll: Bigby’s hand, Destructive wave, Far Step, Telekinesis

Holden

Hello all mighty tortles! I present to you my improved saving throw mechanic: On a Nat 20 instead of taking half damage, you make a choice between either 0 damage or giving the help action to an ally who also rolled the save (this choice is done before damage is rolled). Conversely, on a nat 1 damage is upped to either 1.5x (seems daunting but math isn’t that bad considering .5 of the roll is often also needs to be calculated) or imposing disadvantage on an ally. This ensures nat 20s always feel exciting and nat 1s always feel dire while also adding interesting strategy and flavor behind the help/anti-help actions. In exchange for 30% of this idea I am 4 fertilized eggs so 20 years from now I can launch my very own reboot of Tortle Tank (or Ninja Turtles depending on market viability).

Marcus Heer

Tortles, have you ever wanted someone to ride you but the benefits just don’t seem good enough, or dare I say… not cinematic enough. Mounted combat always turns into sitting on a horse, getting close to someone, then wacking them over and over. Well not anymore. I present to you(pause for dramatic affect) The Really Refreshing Rad Riding Rules. Attacking someone on top of a mount should be harder than not. So when on a mount, creatures smaller than your mount have disadvantage on melee attack rolls against you. This balances out by the fact that by being on a large mount you now occupy more space, allowing more gremlins to suck on your toes at once. Sitting on top of a stationary horse wouldn’t be nearly as affective as charging into a wave of creatures flinging your great-sword around. Therefor, while mounted, if your mount moves 20ft toward an enemy before you make an attack role, you deal an extra weapon die of damage to all melee attacks made on that creature this turn. This balances out by making you risk opportunity attacks coming in and out of battle to deal this extra dabblage. Now there is incentive for you to get your ass up on an ass and woop some ass. I am asking for no eggs, but just the privilege of riding you into battle.

Theodore Giesen

Good evening Tortles, Have you ever wanted to dabble in a multiclass but fear of missing out on your main class attributes? Well I have a simple solution: the mandatory multiclass. Every campaign, I will give my players an early level up, but require that they take a different class. This allows the players to dip their toes in another class without consequence. At the end of the campaign, I will allow them to trade in their multiclass level for a level in their main class if they desire. This allows fighters to get a taste of some spells, gives casters a chance to take some fighting abilities (such as Moonshine taking a barb level) or creates room for some fun and interesting combinations. I am asking for a bakers dozen eggs in return for my IP.

Two Deers Beep

Hi torts here my idea it’s A DnD actual play podcast that actually releases DnD campaign episodes. I’m asking for well over 150,000 eggs per month

Victor T (Balnor's Boy)

Tortles, have I got an eggcellent investment for your shell corporations today. Have you applied the bonus action potion drinking rule to the table but then have a player want to play a thief? I sure have! This addendum to the potion rule that you have invested in previously will allow that player not to feel cheapened. Introducing the DOUBLE bonus action. Interestingly, the game Baldurs gate 3 already uses this so I feel that this has already been made semiofficial. Theives can now use TWO bonus actions every turn. A variant of this rule would allow for two reactions instead of bonus actions. Finally, if you want to use this without a thief at the table, this rule can also be used as an effect for a homebrew potion where upon the double bonus action or reactions would last for 10 minutes upon imbibing. For this offer, I require two bonus eggs and that's it!

lawless-crows

Good day most rich Tortles! Have you ever put thought into what kind of character you, with real life stats, would be, and wanted to run a one-shot fight in the Denny's Parking Lot between you and your best friends, but no background and feat really fits you? Well look no further than this fun pack of homebrews! Some examples follow: Divorced Parents background Skill Proficiency: Performance, Stealth Tool Proficiency: Shoplifting Tools (thieves tools) Languages: one extra of your choice Equipment: weeks worth of clothing in a tiny bag Traits: -advantage on stopping a fight/cooling a situation -two uses of the "calm emotion" spell per short or long rest God Complex Feat -constitution becomes 22 (+6) for 10 minutes (or until unconsciousness) -after, Con becomes 7 (-2) for an hour afterword -once per long rest LGBT? Feat -anyone trying to get insight on you rolls with disadvantage (including yourself) -advantage on stealth when moving into a small enclosed space (ie closet) Others included in package Backgrounds: Grew Up Moving Around, Only Child, Communications Major, Theater Kid Feats: Addiction, Hyperfixate, Book Worm any many more on their way! for purchase (AND ownership) of this package, I humbly request 69 eggs, someone to come film our parking lot fight, and the epitome of Tortitude to referee.

Skillful Ferret

If I am tortley enough for the tortle club, I present to you, roleplay revenue. I was running a detective agency in a metropolis campaign and to encourage roleplaying, at the end of each session I had my players petition for gold. I told them that they each have other investments that depending on how interactive they were in the session they could pull in more gold or revenue from their other investments. For example if a character came up with the plan the team used on a case, successfully persuaded an NPC, or did the most damage they had the chance to mention it to me as the DM for additional gold usually for around 5-20gold per petition. Though campaigns may require some specialty items to allow acquiring the gold if someone is playing a secluded campaign, I think the premise serves as a fun, light incentive for players to become more engaged. I am willing to sell this idea for insert fan art request here.

Muse93

Most savvy Tortles of the lands and seas, I bring to you the (announce like Wheel of Fortune) Wheel... Of... Familiars! Have you ever seen your wizard go into a state where they can view the world from their owls eyes above? Have you ever needed a little companion who can become invisible like the Warlocks Imp familiar? If you answered yes then this is the item for you! With the Wheel of Familiars you can have your own familiar without any of that pesky arcane learning. Its an elegant and simple design, a circular disk with an arrow in the center, where there are 8 different familiars (of the DM's choosing). Some examples include, owl, octopus, imp, farie dragon, rat, etc. The owner of the item must simply pull the rip cord that causes the arrow to spin (roll 1d8). Then, which ever familiar the arrow lands upon is called forth in their own language. Each familiar is prepackaged with their own name and personality but will listen to you for the next 24 hrs. If the familiar is not the one you want, or believe you need, you can dismiss them and try again. The Wheel of Familiars can be used 3/day but on the final use must make a Warranty Check, roll 1d20 on a 1-5 it breaks and is no longer functional. Don't be too hasty though, any familiar can prove of some use to you in a situation. Wanted an Imp but got an Octopus while you're fighting that cyclops? You can still chuck that puss and have it ink on the cyclops and blind it! (This is a real thing that happened, they got a crit to chuck the puss) All im asking for is 500 eggs and a pledge of fealty to Danny Devito who is my party's patron and through line. P.S. Yes this is based on a toddlers See n' Say, but different enough that we dont have to worry about copyrights.

Gaige Kaser

Good day tortles! I bring today the most marvelous compromise awkward dm’s have to those special ‘bedroom’ encounters in dungeons and dragons! I present to you the “sexy bedroom dice” for the price of 15 eggs (or $2.00 on aliexpress) you can get these precious dice that make the encounter as simple as yes, you went to the bedroom and “licked elbows” or “sucked feet” maybe if you’re lucky even “rubbed nipples” I would enjoy a combined partnership with Jake, but would also except Emily as a worthy partner!

Gill

Hello Tortles and Turtises! Allow me to propose a simple addition to any monster to spice up battles that would otherwise be a slog-fest. When the creature is reduced to zero hit points, all players within five feet of it must make a CON saving throw. On a fail, they are hit by a burst of arcane energy from the felled creature and immediately roll on the wild magic surge table (any roll made may be flavored to fit the vibe and moment by the DM). When grounded in story, this addition adds the right amount of unpredictability to the battlefield and intrigue for plot-propulsion! I ask for one wild magic egg for a collaborative share of this idea! Sincerely, a tortle in training, Gill

Zach Zadziejko

Dear tortliest of Tortels, Have you ever thought about how to fix some of those weak weapons such as a sling? If so then do I have an idea for you. You see I realized that the main problem with the sling is that it has the ammunition property but it doesn't explain what the ammunition for it really is. Is it rocks, maybe the cantrip magic stones if someone was actually willing to take it? This got me thinking. What if instead of using a cantrip like magic stones we made ammunition that can be bought, found, or made in the world that can help the sling be useful. Introducing Magic Beads. These magic beads come in many different powers and designs. Some of the more basic beads just increase the damage done when the sling is used because 1d4 is gonna mean nothing when you’re higher levels in a campaign. But enough about the basic stuff lets factor in some of the more magical beads. The Bead of networking. This bead is purple in color and has the symbol of a spider making friends on it. When you hit an enemy with this bead they will be wrapped up in a net that will reach out to other enemies within 5 feet to try and wrap them up as well. The nearby enemies can make a dc 15 dex save to try and avoid getting wrapped up in this as well. Failure to do so will get them stuck. Enemies can use their action to try and get out from the net with a dc 15 strength save. Also The Scattershot bead. This bead is yellow and has the symbol of 3 bees bursting out of one bigger bee. This bead splits in the air after being shot and can hit upto 3 different enemies on successful ranged attack rolls. Doing the normal 1d4 + modifier for damage to each. Magic Beads can make the Sling useful for more than just damage but also for utility with bead of networking. The way to get Magic Beads can be through shops, finding them through treasure or maybe even letting players make them themselves, however the DM decides to let them get them. Different Magic Beads can be made under dm discretion. All I am asking for is 72 freshly laid eggs and thank you for your time.

Lungless

Greetings Transcendent Tortles! And Tepid Tortle Murph. I DM a Weird West campaign where my players are revenants brought back to life by The Fiend through a contract. One perk of the contract is Devil Cards: Any time the players get a nat 20, they draw a card from a standard playing card deck and keep it until they have a hand of 5. Then they can exchange it for a reward (below), OR make a wager with the Fiend. If I (the DM) accept the wager, I draw my own hand and we see which is higher. (Also, I have several aces up my sleeve because I am playing Satan.) Royal Flush: 1 feat Straight Flush: 1 point ability score increase Four of a Kind: Increase hp maximum by amount equal to your current level Full House: +5 movement speed Flush: +5 initiative Straight: 1 saving throw proficiency Three of a Kind: 1 skill proficiency Two Pair: Proficiency in one weapon, language, tool, vehicle, game, or instrument Pair: Learn 1 warlock cantrip High Card: 1 point of Inspiration We have been playing for over 20 sessions and it has not broken the game. Only one player has made a wager, and even with my sleeve full of aces, I could not beat his hand. For Devil Cards, I ask for 666 Deviled Tortle Eggs. Thank you.

Cole White

Sup torts and tortettes, how do you feel about nightmares? My latest creation is entirely of them. The DreamWeaver Spider, this giant spider preys on sleeping adventurers, attacking them in their dreams, first feasting on their minds, and then their bodies. In its normal form it is a giant spider with the ability to cast the sleep spell, but once adventurers are asleep this spider can craft a nightmare where the party members must fight a much stronger version of the spider. Upon beating the nightmare version the players awake and may find that they've been cocooned by the now weaker Dreamweaver. For this monster I'll take no less than 18, no more than 30

will s

Hello towering Tortles. I bring a simple magic item I used in my campaign that started in prison this is a low level healing potion that is brewed in a near by sack or toilet to make pruno potion. These are based off prisoners who brew there own alchohol but just like the real life comparison it can go wrong. It is a normal potion that does 2d4+2 healing or damage depending of of the DC 12 com check is passed. I'm willing to take 2 egg for 51% stake in my company I just want these potion in prisons everywhere

Anton deGroot

To the wise Council of Tortles (may your eggs be oblong and slimy): I humbly invite you to invest in my homebrew mechanic called The Ash. In my world, it is a magical substance mined in the deserts where ancient laylines have mutated the matter of the material plane – and is a driving factor for policy and economics (and conflict…) for the nations of my continent. Mechanically, if any PC – regardless of class (#fighterswithfireballs) – comes across a quantity of Ash in-game, they may use it to access spells they have either witnessed or learned on their adventure. The Ash can be found refined and scales up with standard spell-levels: Level 0 Ash (unrefined) allows access to a cantrip. Level 1 Ash allows access to a Level 1 spell, Level 6 Ash allows access to Level 6 spells, and so on. Players use CONSTITUTION as their Ash-Spellcasting modifier regardless of class and is tracked separately (ie: wizards still use intelligence as their modifier for non Ash-fuelled spells). There is of course a cost for the character: at higher Ash levels there are fallout effects (exhaustion points, loss of HP, etc.), and there is always the possibility of a Wild Magic Surge – the higher the Spell level, the higher the chance – that is rolled on a d100 from my bespoke Ash Magic Surge Table. I see this as not only a set of fun mechanics, but also a source of all kinds of plot-hooks and character building. I am looking for a 50/50 partnership with the mighty Tortalitarian Council in hopes of bringing the Ash to tables everywhere.

Decker Ames

Tortles, Tortles, Tortles. I kneel before you to present a fun new mechanic that brings extreme highs AND lows in role-playing. I call these... (drum roll, please Jake) Skill Points! They work like so: anytime you roll a nat 1 or 20 on a skill check, you keep track of it. When you reach three of either 1 or 20 in a skill, you gain a permanent +1(or -1) in that skill. This is a simple mechanic that brings an interesting role play mechanic of the party progressing skills throughout their heroic adventures. Something I'm sure Emily would agree is missing! In my play-tests with eager friends, this has never broken our campaigns but offered fun moments for the party to reflect on! All I ask for a 50% share in skill points (name is up for debate) are 4 eggs Sunnyside up and a warm hug, thank you Reptilian Reinvestors!

bob joe

Salutations to the Terrifying Tortles! I come before you, weary as I am from a days hard labour at the Homebrewery, in search of a trade. Are you a druid who worries that living for thousands of years might disconnect you from the natural cycle of life and death? Are you terrified of dying thousands of years after your loved ones? Push those worries aside and chug down a refreshing gulp of this optional addendum to the Timeless Body Feature - which I've branded the “Timeless Celestial Body”(TM)   I propose an additional postscript to the existing feature that would reads: "If at any point you choose to pass from this world, you must meditate in a grove for 4d6 days without sustenance and succeed on a DC 25 nature check. If successful, your body returns to the earth, and your consciousness collapses into a star the size of a pearl. The star may only handled by other druids, or else will cause the player touching it to receive 6d6 fire damage. A star may be consumed to grant a willing creature access to a portion of your memories, or returned to the sky where it will join an existing constellation of your choice."   The timeless body feature can sometimes feel like more of a punishment than a blessing for leveling up! Giving Druids an in universe way to return to the cycle allows high level players to feel like their character is able to end their story on their own terms, while also giving lower level Druids the opportunity for valuable loot.   Tortles, I'm eager today to hand you the patent and trade mark for Timeless Celestial Body for the low, low price of an annual dividend of 13 spicy space eggs and one trip to the beach where I can surf on your shell. I eagerly await your response.

skullpunkzero

(in my best Macho Man Randy Savage voice) OH YEAH, my wealthy tortles and turtices. Today I have a pitch that will hopefully pique the wallet of the No Chortle Tortle specifically and add something that is sorely missing from DnD: Professional Wrestling. DIG IT: During a pro wrestling match, players enter combat as normal, but their attacks are skinned as wrestling moves of their choice. If the player lands a hit, it automatically does max damage. Because wrestling is a show, the player must then roll a performance check (or another check they can justify) to see how much damage is negated and transformed into "kayfabe" damage. Any remaining damage is done to the player in the form of psychic damage because their opponent is mad at them for being too "real." The match ends when a wrestler's HP is depleted "in kayfabe" or at the DM referee's discretion If a player misses an attack, the max damage is applied to themselves as psychic damage as the crowd boos at the botched move and the performance check to negate the damage is done with disadvantage. Intentionally weak attacks like an unarmed strike from a -1 strength wizard are done with disadvantage because the crowd doesn't believe you're really fighting. Inspiration and advantage can be given for cutting a promo, taunting, or a flashy entrance, at the DM's discretion. Rather than asking for payment, I am asking for a World Eggyweight Title Match inside of a steel cage at this years Wreggstlemania. OH YEAH!

Zach Collier

Tenacious tortles of the tank i sit in this puddle on the ground to show you my "leyline lichknife" Anyone proficient with a dagger can be attuned to this blade The blade deals 1d6 damage normal. +2 to hit. When the wielder is subjected to a target spell they can use they're reaction to either reflect the spell for half damage or absorb the spell; for every spellslot they can add 1d6 to the next attack. Cantrips are 1d6 and scales to 2d6 after 1st level and so on. this counter can only be used up to your proficiency bonus. I know Murphs gonna despise the amount of damage you'll be getting but just imagine a rogue with a limited smite. It gives players a utility option in battle to either bounce back a shot at them or wait to get closer. I love eggs but I do have too much at home if you can slide me some bacon and maybe some sausages too I'm kinda hungry after making it to the tank, I await my breakfast.

Leno Esposito

Greetings and well met you glorious clutch. I would like to present the mirror of branching paths. Have you found yourself with a build that just isn't serving the narrative or the mission? Maybe you are a ranger with the Beastmaster subclass and you are looking longingly at those gloom stacker skills. Is decision paralysis or FOMO just getting in the way of your fun? Looking into the mirror (during a long rest) would allow the player to respec their character (IMPORTANT: SUBCLASS ONLY - NOT CLASS OR RACE) at the cost of 1 automatic death saving fail per use. This has allowed my players to feel like they could become the "Perfect tool for a important quest" at the cost of being a step closer to death at all times, thus upping the stakes in return for fucking my shit up. I am looking for an investment of your secret beach you believe has the best sand for digging a nest and the lowest chance of crabs eating my little leathery eggs.

knitted cape

Shello to my favorite rambunctious reptilian raconteurs! I dunk my head into the murky and bacteria-infested waters of the renowned Tortle Tank to present a little ol' homebrew monster you yourselves can implement into your own games. Have you ever thought to yourself, "Man, I sure do want to lure my players into a devious, Odyssean trap, but our journey has brought us into this arid desert!"? Of course you have. Well, look no further than the newest advancement in wasteland mimicry- the Sand Siren. The Sand Siren is a huge monstrosity that has evolved specifically to entice humanoids. Unlike the traditional siren, which capitalizes on horniness, the Sand Siren preys on its victims' sympathy. The Sand Siren lies in wait below the surface in a large cavern or cave with only a thin layer of earth above it. The Sand Siren has long appendages that it pushes up through the sand, on the ends of which are what appear to be human hands. It also has the ability to mimic the sounds of muffled, terrified screams coming from under the surface. From above, it appears as if some unlucky travelers have fallen victim to a patch of quicksand. If you are interested, I have sent an artist's rendition of the Sand Siren as well as its stat block in the form of a direct message as I could not include it here. The crunchier mechanics are there for all who are interested (I'm looking at you, Mr. No-Chortle Tortle). I am willing to concede 49% stake in this monstrosity for the low price of each of your first-born eggs and a one-way ticket to the middle of the Sahara. Quite the steal if I do say so myself. Thank you all for your Tortle Time.

Marco Kasper the Task Manager

Hello almighty Tortles chortling or otherwise! Has this ever happened to you? You are asked to roll two skill checks in a row for different skills related to the same event. Say as you’re falling and you have to look out for something to grab onto, you roll for perception and get a 19, blowing past the DC to find a branch. Then you shout out to the 2 crew on athletics to grab said branch. Feels bad don’t it turtises? Introducing: The Combined Skill Check! Simply roll both checks at the same time and use the total of both rolls against the total DC of both checks! Suddenly you have skill combos such as Survivacine, Sleight of Handvestigation, Insightidation! (Intimisight?) Feel less bad about your dump stat and even better about beating a combined DC 35 stealthletics check. Even the odds when you crush one DC and have a hard time beating the other. Useful for DMs when one skill check would immediately trigger another as well. Save time, roll both at once! I will part with this idea for a combo egg check beating a DC 25. Shellom Tortles!

Woody

Oh reverent Tortles of the tank Shellom to you, I have a simple piece of Jewelry for your perusal today. I present Gam-Gam's engagement ring. This simple silver ring belonged to someone's great great great great, grandmother and is set with someone's great great great great great, grandfather's tooth and is based off real world examples I have found. The ring adds piercing damage equal to your strength modifier to your unarmed strikes. The ring is one of a set of 3 engagement rings, the other 2 being Nana's and Gran's engagement rings. Each ring has the same attributes but each wearing each additional ring only adds 1 piercing damage. If one wears the set of all three, on one hand, they gain access to the Grans of vengeance feature which allows the user to cast Nagging Rebuke. Nagging rebuke is the same as hellish rebuke but does psychic damage and the creature must make a wisdom saving throw as all the tight grandmothers in your lineage, nag, lecture and tut at the attacker. I am looking for 30 eggs, just like my Nan used to make, for marketing and distribution rights of these rings. Have a great day and many snappy returns.

Matthew Steinmetz

Shellom and Shellutations my Dear Tortles! And a special Shello to the Equally Important Tortle Jake who arguably is more important as the Host I present to this Tortette of Tortles the: Bag of Sorting Exactly the same in appearance as a bag of holding, except for a slightly different color. Acts as a traditional Bag of Holding, except if a player enters the bag they will see all items sorted by type, weight, value, etc suspended in air as if on row upon row of invisible shelving. A high perception check once per day by the player holding the Bag allows them to hear rustling coming from the Bag. If the player succeeds they can then reach into the Bag and pull out the living being residing within the bag. Hey, there's a Lil Chum in here! Lil Chum is a small individual (unique race) NPC and cannot breathe outside the Bag; they must be returned to the Bag or will suffocate! Once pulled from the Bag, all players that see Lil Chum outside the Bag are now able to view Lil Chum and their furniture(a nice little tiny home set) within the Bag. All items stored within the Bag are sorted by Lil Chum and placed on actual shelving. Lil Chum formed a symbiotic relationship with the Bag of Sorting, living within the pocket dimension and absorbing its magical essence to sustain itself; they do not require air to breathe, but must remain in the Bag in order to live. In return they keep the bag nice and tidy! Enjoy your new Lil Chum! In return for your investment all I ask is for 2-4 Tortle eggs to be placed in each Bag of Sorting sold, so that these Lil Chums could have some Lil Chums of their own Tort to you later, Dudes!

James Huynh

Shello wise tortles! I present my DM's homebrew that you might find helpful in your campaign and other potion heavy campaigns; potion mixing. When we enter a potion shop, we have the opportunity to ask the potion maker to mix 2 potions together. We select 2 potions to mix and roll a D20. On a nat 20, the resulting potion has the same effect as both potions. 19-14 results in a potion with 75% effect of each potion. 13-8 results in a potion with 50%. 7-2 results in a potion with 25% and a nat 1 results in losing both potions. We've come up with some wild combinations like potion of invisibility with potion of speed. We once had to assassinate a corrupt and ill king. We mixed a potion of poison with a potion of greater healing and presented it to the king. The king healed from his injuries, but died several hours later due to "unknown circumstances", letting us fly under the radar. All I ask is a carton of eggs mixed with hard and soft boiled eggs.

Adam Kepper

To the beautiful tortles, I offer a deal you can not resist. All I ask for is 2 deviled tortle eggs for my item. It's called The long rest reset. This cursed item is a pocket watch gifted by a man of somewhat sinister intent. You press the button and it simply borrows a long rest from another day. Each eventful day after you press the button roll a d20 with a growing DC. The first night is DC 2, second night is DC3 and so on. When you finally fail the DC, you lose your long rest for the day and suffer 1d4-1 levels of exhaustion. The cost is great, but in a life and death scenario, it can save you. Long rests can't be stacked, and if you choose to break the watch, it unleashes a chronalmental from kobold press against the group. Thanks and love every little bit of content you release. -Adam from Alberta Canada

Shpipple

Hello tortles and tortletts, and to Jill's side peice, sup. Today I would like to bring forward the good luck bad luck roll. Ever wish you could have a little extra luck to spice up your rolls, or maybe drag some one down? I know you don't chortle turtle, but the rest of you shelled beauties listen up. Following any d20 roll the dm or player could decide to be lucky or unlucky for story purposes. At this point you roll a d6 and a d4 at the same time. The d6 is your lucky dice and the d4 unlucky. Which ever dice is higher you will be adding or subtracting to your roll. The d6 you add and the d4 you subtract. Personally I think this works best when your player rolles a few under and there feeling lucky or when they get a little too cocky and barley made the roll. For this all I ask is for a full blown spin off staring P-knuckle, Paw paw, Bookvar, and the smaphhire themself.

coots

Good evening to the Titanic Testudinae of the Tortle Tank, I humbly submit my streamlined initiative system "Fast and Slow Turns". The system is simple: when combat starts and initiative is called for, the DM sets the "Fast DC" by rolling 1d20 + the monster's highest initiative modifier. At this point, they declare the Fast DC by doing their best Pray Tell / ballroom emcee impression — "THE DC IS.... 12!" at which point the players roll to beat the Fast DC. Beat it and you're Fast, fail to do so and you are Slow. Combat then flows as follows — Lair actions, Fast PCs in any order, Baddies, Slow PCs in any order. It's similar and has all the benefits of Group Initiative, but keeps Initiative Bonus relevant. The biggest benefit of this system is that 2-3 party members are "up" at the same time, and whoever is ready can go while the others are thinking. This also opens up cooperation, e.g. the Monk may go first to Stunning Strike before the Fighter. Variations of this system that are still in beta testing include: using 2d10+initiative in order to weight against very high or very low Fast DCs, or even fixing the DC as 10+average initiative bonus. This system has been described by my players as "intuitive" and "superior," and the other DM in the group says that they will steal it for future campaigns — a compliment of the highest honor. Snap this idea up before it's caught by a predator on its way to the sea for the low, low price of a single order of Tortle Egg Chilaquiles. I await your response with bated cloacal respiration.

Folarin Akinmade

Good day, Tortles. I think we've all experienced the pain of static combat encounters. We've all witnessed what should have been an epic battle be reduced to two people standing in place and taking turns to swing at each other. When I saw this happen to my players, I came up with a couple of solutions to fix it, one of my faves was The Boots of Distraction. These are gorgeous, snakeskin boots, all black but with an iridescent rainbow shimmer, depending on how the light hits them. Once attuned they increase the wearers' base speed by 10 feet. And most importantly, crafted as they are of the discarded flesh of Jormungandr the Midgard serpent and heir to Loki's domain of mischief, they allow the wearer to active A Trickster's Retreat a number of times equal to their proficiency bonus per long rest. They tap into the wild magic of the Laufeyson line and grant the wearer the ability to take the disengage or dodge action as a Bonus Action, with the added cover of a roll on the wild magic table. The idea is that you're not just running away. You're blowing some shit up and getting out of dodge while your enemies are distracted.

Nicolas R

Greeting Tortles, I am here to present a paradigm shift for beleaguered DMs everywhere. Are your players demanding the existence of npcs that you had no reason to think you needed to plan a statblock for, just so they could preform some inane shenanigan. Sure, we've got name generators and imaginations, but what if this npc needs to inevitably roll an insight check against your players ludicrous bullshit. For your consideration, rolling his wisdom stat in front of the table. To do this, simply roll the relevant stat like you would for a pc, 4d6 and take out the lowest roll. In playtesting, this has consistently been a great way to set up a goofy scene or interaction in those sessions between the thicker sodes. I am asking for 1 egg with good proportions that could be potentially painted and placed in a glass case in my living room.

Georgia

Hellooooo tortles! I have a homebrew monster based off Sparky Sparky Boom Man from Avatar the Last Airbender. Full stat block can be seen at https://www.dndbeyond.com/monsters/1690917-sparky-sparky-boom-man Highlights include: Combustion Ranged Eye Attack: +11 to hit, range 400/650 ft., 1 target. Hit: 15 (2d6 + 8) force damage plus 10 (3d6) fire damage. AND Sentinel reaction. Entering Sparky-sparky-boom man's area of attack prompts opportunity attacks. Used, as is appropriate, as a terrifying assassin sent after a party who has pissed off the wrong person (or when the DM just wants to cause some chaos).

Nate Craddock

Tortles, time is eggs so I'll keep this brief. My product bridges the gap between players that love mechanics but feel left out of roleplay, players that love roleplay but feel like they fall behind mechanically, and DMs who want to have epic combat, but don't want to sit around and play against themselves for an hour between player turns. Introducing Legendary Ally-ctions (The name is non-negotiable) This homebrew rule is simple to implement and yet flexible enough to iterate upon & create complexities as it suits your table. The basic rule is to give players a certain number of legendary actions with which they can command allies in combat instead of the DM. While using Tasha's Cauldron sidekick variant rules to create crew members for a Spelljammer campaign, I ran into the problem of ship-to-ship combat, and clashes between two crews becoming a little dull and drawn out. I found myself running encounters between two groups of NPCs with intermittent input from my players, and that wasn't fun for any of us. So instead I broke down and simplified what actions the crew members were capable of, and gave that as a list of legendary actions that my players could use at the end of other creatures' turns. The actions can increase or decrease in power/ risk depending on the character's rapport and the number of legendary actions a player gets is based on their Charisma score. This gives a lot more flexibility in large-scale combats, as well as providing a mechanical benefit to roleplay and interacting with NPCs. Legendary Ally-ctions can be yours for 1 clutch of ready-to-hatch eggs, which I will then raise to establish a competing business Tortle empire.

thomas

Listen up you rib-shelled reptiles. You seem pretty comfortashell resting on your golden egged laurels, you've grown torpid, complacent, and dare I say, you've even lost your carapace edge. I've watched as you've gone from cold-blooded to old and gutted and I've sat idly by witnessing your grotesque reverse animorphic mutations into whatever terrapin soup you are now. I'm offering you a chance at redemption, a final opportunity to regain some semblance to the exalted Testudines you once were. I'm asking for nothing in return save for the courage of your own convictions in accepting my offer; which is as follows: At the start of each session each successive d20 role that is higher than the last results in you "heating up" if you get 3 roles in a row where each one is higher than the last you're "on fire" and your next role is auto-success. If each successive d20 role is lower than the last you are "cooling down" and 3 roles in a row that are lower than the last result in you being "on ice" and your next role is an auto-failure. I b(egg) you all, take this offer, it may be your last chance.

Ben Bunten

Good evening tortles, may I present to you the Gloves of Gnome throwing. A creature wearing these gloves may forgo one attack during an attack action to instead pickup a gnome within 5ft and make a thrown weapon attack using the gnome. The attack uses your strength modifier, and you are proficient in the attack. The gnome and whatever it ends up hitting take damage equal to 1d10+strength modifier. BUT WAIT! Order now and we'll also throw in the Helm of Gnomish protection. This cone shaped red helm is made of something strong and is very aerodynamic. When a gnome wearing this Helm is thrown they may use there reaction to stiffin like an arrow giving the thrower advantage on the attack roll and negating any damage the gnome would have taken. Throw a gnome at your enemies, throw a gnome to safely, throw a gnome across a spikepit, or kick back and play a game of gnome darts, the options are endless! Tortles this items is proven to give your party 1.35 good chuckles per session. I am offering 100% equity and a few stock options for 12 well shaped eggs.

Cain Bowman

Greeting to the Titans/Tortles of Industry. Has this ever happened to you? You're playing a pet-class with a beloved familiar or animal companion, when along comes a brand new little buddy WITH COOL NEW MECHANICS! BUT! Your class only allows ONE buddy at a time! Are you going to abandon your backstory pal or turn down the lizard that breathes fire?? Presenting... multi-petting! It's like multiclassing, but for your lil guys. First, determine how many extra HP your class gives your single familiar. Now, at the end of a long rest, by the power of your Bonded Spirit, you can split and add that between all of your animal companions' base HP how you see fit. Like someone multiclassing, you give up some power in a single area for versatility. All of your companions still have to follow the rules of your action economy - so if you need to use a bonus action to command one to do something, you still can only make one command, while the rest take the Dodge action - but now you can have your pet rust monster degrade a foe's armor round one, and then order your snapping turtle to go for the ankles round two, and have your hum-bug spit a firebolt at a ranged enemy round three. This rule pairs with my other pet-based rule, where if a pet using the Bonded Spirit falls to 0HP, but the PC is still alive, the pet is K.O.'d rather than killed, so don't stress about the story-consequences of someone bringing out their owlbear cub with 5HP because they put the other 40HP in the falcon to have the tankiest potion-deliverer. My (tortle) beastmaster loves this, and it allows for a lot more creativity at the table of the different things the animals can do while not changing the length of a turn. I love it too as a DM; I no longer need to feel bad eliminating the size-changing riding gecko, because my rule means I'm not invalidating the beastmaster's whole entire subclass nor (probably) killing a treasured traveling companion. For a 50% stake in my rule, I ask but for a single egg from each of you, which upon receiving, I will split the 23 companion HP I have as evenly as I can between the four.

MQ

Greetings and shellutations my lovely creep of tortoises (Which is, apparently, what a group of turtles is called). Picture this: After months of travel, the adventurers are facing their archenemy, a death knight brandishing the SWORD OF THE DAMNED. The battle is epic and thrilling, but slowly the players begin to realize that the SWORD OF THE DAMNED is too powerful and that if no one does something risky and amazing, they will lose. The rogue uses the help action, the bard does a bardic inspiration, the sorcerer uses enhance ability and finally, the fighter uses his action to disarm the death knight, grab the SWORD OF THE DAMNED and action surge to use the weapon against its master! The fighter hits and asks the DM what the sword does, at which the DM, sad and ashamed, answers that the sword requires attunement and is just a +3 longsword without it. That sucked, right? I propose a house rule to attune items on the fly: You can use an action (or a bonus action, I'm not sure about that yet) to attune a magic item that you are wearing or wielding, in exchange you gain a level of exhaustion (Maybe two levels if you want to make sure the system is not abused, but I feel one level will suffice). You can have this system for free, as I believe all house rules should be publicly available. Seize the shells of production, my reptilian friends! For the revolution!

vinicius fernandes

Whaddup Turts, Today, I'm bringing to you my Brütal Crits rule that I used in my home games. We've all been there. We get excited because we just crit on an enemy, by whenever we roll the dice, we get 2 ones or a really low number that doesn't feel like a crit. In order to combat this, instead of rolling double the amount of die, you just roll one set normally as if you normally hit, but the other set of dice will automatically be at max damage. For example, a fighter might normally do 1d8+3 damage on a hit or 2d8+3 on a crit. With my rule, since the extra die is maxed out, it'll be 1d8+3+8 damage, with the 8 coming from the maxed out die. This makes it so that crits actually feel critical. But BE WARNED, this turns into massive damage when a paladin smites, or when a rogue does sneak attack, or when the boss hits the party ;) I am seeking 100 + 1d100 moist and clammy eggs in exchange for this homebrew rule. -Vinny

Snugglegurts

To the most Totally Tubular Torts and Tortetts! Today I bring to you a mechanic that makes spell casters have more fun while not breaking the game. I call it "Magical Reserves"! This will allow spellcasters to regain spell slots during short rests if they take a level of exhaustion. Every short rest a spell caster can take a level of exhaustion to complely refill one spell level. Weather it's 5 first level spells or one 5th level. Only a wish spell or long rest can remove these levels of exhaustion. I feel having this worked in will allow spellcasters to be more free with casting and not feel like they need to save slots for later, and risk losing out on cool stuff happening. Tweaking this is definitely allowed as I'm asking for 100 eggs for 50% of this idea. I humbly await your offers. Also I had an idea for a sweatband/ headband that works like a snap bracelet. I'd only want like 12 dollars and a vial of baliff tears for this one. THANK YOU BENEFICENT TORTS!

Tallon McAbee

Hello Centuars- I mean the distinguished group of Tortles. Do you like chaoes (NOTE for Jake: Look at Emily and wink, its business strategy) then do I have the fun item for you! In situations where your players are down and onemember of the party stands whether that be a climatic battle or tavern fight gone wrong, I would like to introduce the item "Ball of Life and Probably Death". This item would be an extremely unstable spell manifested into a physical form, that would revive all entities around the player who has utilized it. Mechanically, any downed player or entity of the player's choosing would come back up to 1hp if the spell is successfully. However, the ball does have a random chance to it. The player will asked to roll a D20 and if their roll is equal to or greater then a 12, all players are revived up to 1hp however each 1hp given to a player is taken away from the caster's own hp and is treated as permeant damage that cannot be healed. If the caster only has 1hp or will be downed by the time the entire party is revived then they will have to roll a death saving throw for each 1hp taken from them during their down phase. If the player perma dies before all hp is given then no more players are revived. The DM is allowed to choose the method of revive order (Such as reviving the player who was last downed then up). If the player rolls below a 12 then they are perma killed instantly. In the game their life essence has been absorbed by the ball and incorporated into the spell's energy, decreasing its DC check down by 1. Personally, I would add a rule to the ball that on a failed check one of the downed party members is randomly revived up to 1hp as a result of the failed spell. This player could then use the ball themselves or utilize a group healing spell if they have one. However, that would be another rule up to the DM to add or keep out. The use case for this item would be for players that do not have healing spells or any potions left as a last resort they could use to salvage a losing battle. Whether that be turning the tide of battle or running away it would always be a player's last resort. For this idea I would like 5 extremely moist eggs and a corvette. I live in a studio apartment with my brother and friend, so I would really like to show off the car since I already told them I had one.

Alec Posta

Tortles. Have you ever looked up at the heavenly shafts of lights bursting through puffy clouds and wished you could ride them off into the sky? What would it feel like, to move as though you were sunlight? I can show you....I can give you that feeling.....FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF 30,000 EGGS! Introducing the Hyper Light Cannon: a spyglass unlike any you've ever peered through before! Simply look through it at where you want to go and, one bonus action later, KA-SHAW: you're there baby! Want to take some friends with you? Just hold hands like a bunch of eager theater kids and off you all go! Now mind you: The technology is not perfect. For one, the spyglass doesn't teleport with you. Nothing that can't be solved with the magic of *careful logistics* (just make sure you don't drop it in combat where a baddie can pick it up and use it). Also, when you're teleporting long distances there's always the chance for a mishap. You're gonna need to roll high on your perception check or you might find yourself dozens of feet above where you were hoping to go (the specifics are up to your DM). And remember: never, NEVER use it to look at the moon...

DC47

Hey totally tenacious Tortle Tankers, thank you for your time...I will keep this brief. Are you tired of drawn out rounds where Slowy McSlowerson has had 10 minutes to think about what their "action" will be (during the rest of the parties turns) and when the DM commands, "Slowy, its your turn", they hem and haw, flip through their spell cards, character sheet, or worse of all, the PHB, and take another 5 minutes to decide what to do? If you are, and I'm sure the "No Chortle Tortle" is, I present to you the "Panic Action". It is guaranteed to speed up game play and decision making for many players. At the start of each session, each player decides on, and writes down, a specific panic action, ie: attack nearest enemy, heal most injured party member, cast fireball, piss their pants and run, you get the idea. Now, when the DM says "what do you do?" they start a count down clock, we use 60 seconds (which is enough time for most people, but can be adjusted to compensate for player experience), and if you haven't said what you're doing in that time, your character panics for that round, and does whatever their panic action is...even if it does not suit the situation. Panic actions can happen in or out of combat, so depending on your chosen panic action, the results can be pretty damn funny. Now, I'd love to capitalize on this idea, however, it is not mine, and after 40 years of friendship and D&D, my DM still refuses to listen to NADDPOD, no matter how easy I make it for them, so, it's free for the taking, no eggs needed! Anyone who won't give y'all a chance deserves to have their ideas taken by the lowest bidder. But, if you really want to toss some eggs at the idea, I'll give you their address and you can toss them at his house. Cheers all, see you in Vancouver DC

LuckPunch Arts

Greetings Tortles on the varying Chortle spectrum! In Campaign 3 the players and DM have placed greater emphasis on potions and made them a more fun addition. In most games, potions are likely a rare occurrence, even healing flavor, because of the rarity and unavailability of some and the FOMO of using one at a sub-optimal moment. I therefore introduce: the Potion Panacea! This magical flask fills itself with a random potion at the start of a new day. A potion made from the flask vanishes when a new one is filled, meaning it can't be stockpiled even if transferred to another container. The random potion is rolled on a d100 table, with the highest probability being standard or greater healing potions, but otherwise nearly every entry is from the DMG potion selections, including the resistance and giant's strength potions. For extra fun, on a 99-100 roll, the potion makes the drinker roll 3 times on the Wild Magic table (thanks, Brennan re: Escape from the Bloodkeep for that idea). Since potions are randomized, you're unlikely to get anything crazy and when they do, it's extra fun since they get to see a potion they otherwise may never get their hands on. Since they can't carry over to the next day, their usefulness is within a finite window, prompting players to use it at the first sign of value, and since it's only one potion, it's unlikely to throw off balance by too much. In two years of a campaign, the player with this item never once forgot to roll for it on a new day, and the random potions sometimes come in quite clutch. I am requesting a modest dozen eggs with which to make myself a nice Egg Broth*. *(imagine hard-boiled eggs, but just keeping the water afterwards)

Kristof U

Kia ora Tortles, Who among us has never cooked a meal and gone just a bit off recipe? Or eschewed a map to forge our own path? Well I ask - why can't spellcasters do the same? Why can't a wizard, who's studied the arcane workings of the universe for their whole life just mix it up a bit? Today, I'm offering a means to do just that - the Orb of Improvisation. This orb is a spellcasting focus (that can take the form of any other class' focus) that allows you - once per day - to change, add, or remove one letter of a spell's name upon casting, creating a brand new spell. For example: Bane could become Pane, summoning a pane of glass at a desired location. Now, I can FEEL Murph's head retreating into his shell at this blatant chaos, but hear me out: The player comes up with the name of their new, improvised spell, and it's INTENDED effects, but since whipping a spell up on the fly leaves room for error, the DM of course has final say over what actually happens. The strength of the spell must also be proportional to the spell slot used - if (for example) there was a first level spell called "Wash" and they used the Orb to change that to "Wish", their wish would only have the strength of a first level spell, not of the Ninth level spell of the same name. I hope I have convinced the tank, as really - what self respecting spellcaster wouldn't jump at the opportunity to cast "Tensers Floating Dick"? For this marvellous device I only ask for the low, low price of a dozen stringy, pulsating eggs.

Alexis C

Shell-om most eggcellent tortles. If you would turn your heads to the badly concealed display I hid behind you; I’d like to introduce you to a new mechanic perfect for finding food, components, and maybe even a fight. That’s right, it’s the foraging mini game. Allowing your players to find native herbs and plants, gemstones, and even angry, wild animals, this 6x6 grid is customized with findables that are dependent on the season and location. Maybe you find some rare morel mushrooms in a springtime forest you can sell for cash, or a pearl in an ocean cove used as a spell component. Maybe you startle a wild cave crab in the dwarven mines and get attacked. This fun mini game allows players to pick a grid space, roll a nature check, and potentially find something interesting hidden there. Different squares have different items, and a higher nature check gives more interesting foragables, with a natural 1 leading to a wild animal attacking you. Fun for the whole party! For this entire new mechanic and 10%, I’m asking for two eggs, over easy and a side of toast. Thank you for your time, and I hope you’re ready to forage.

Skinny Sneezes

G'day Torts, I'd like to introduce you to enhanced crit perception rolls. Have you ever been DM'ing, describing the scenes, having a good time, then one of your pesky players rolls a Nat 20 perception check? The pressure is immense - how do you describe the scene in more detail? What can you tell them? How do we reward and honour the Nat 20? Well, sweat no more lil Turts. With enhanced crit perception checks, the pressure is shifted from you to Dice Christ himself. The idea is simple, when a player gets a Nat 20 perception, you (or the player) rolls a d17 to randomly select another skill from the "Skill" section of the character sheet, then you describe the scene with that skill in mind as well. For example, if the player gets a Nat 20, and you roll a 3 on the d17 skill die, this would be Arcana. Therefore, you describe to your players their Nat 20 perception as well as any relevant information an Arcana check would give them. "The battlefield is littered with tracks, bodies, and loot suggesting that the caravan was surprised - they didn't stand a chance. You can see the tracks of their attackers lead off to the west, additionally, you feel the familiar resonance of evocation magic. You believe they could have a capable magic user with them, but you'd have to follow them to find out more." For this clean and exciting idea, I'll let you get in on the ground level at 100% ownership and bragging rights in exchange for a "you're doing well and I'm proud of you". Cheers Turts, love ya. - Mitchell B

Sam Gherrity

Hello benevolent tortles, today I present you with an idea to get your players excited about feats: Feat Points! Currently, some feats are significantly better than others and players often ignore feats altogether in favor of increasing their ability scores. My pitch removes the choice between ability score increases and feats entirely by introducing a resource known as “feat points.” The DM assigns each feat in the game a “feat point” cost. Then, each time a player levels up, they get a single feat point. Players may use their accrued feat points to buy a feat, thereby learning it permanently. Heres where the interesting part comes in: the mechanically powerful feats, such as Great Weapon Master, would cost more (such as 6 points), while the more fun and flavorful feats like Grappler would cost less (such as only 3 points). This system allows players to increase their ability scores without losing out on feats and encourages players to take feats that usually see little play. For this idea Im asking for 100 of your precious eggs for 50% stake in my idea.

Luke Cullen

Hey torts got a quick one for you. Sick of your sleep spell being useless and wasting that slot well worry no longer. Instead of it missing completely when you cast it and the opponent has too much HP you instead put a limb like a foot or an arm to sleep and impose disadvantage for that round as if the guy has a dead arm or leg for that round. I ask for one moist elongated turtle egg please and thank you.

Alexandra Axel

What's up Turds, *spins chair, sits on it backwards* I'll keep this short and extra sweet. The premise is simple. Seeing that 20 roll on the die brings about a table-wide cheer and an unearned sense of accomplishment. But are you giving that same HELL YES to your players' hard-earned nat 20s? Well, why the frick not? I present: the Real Life Nat 20. Did your player just record an album? Or finally train her dog after 7 years of having him? Did they just get engaged or graduate from a masters program? Here's a Nat 20 for your Real Life Nat 20 to use whenever you want in the game. Mark it off on your character sheet that by being an awesome little freak in your day to day, you just got a boon for your character in the here and now. All I'm asking as an investment is one flaxseed egg and a quiet reflection on your last Real-Life Nat 20. Thanks for keeping me laughing every day. Love y'all. - Alexandra Axel, Jersey City, xe/xem/xyrs

Ben Hannah

Greetings, esteemed Tortles. I would never seek to waste your time with trivialities, which is why I bring you a truly game-defining homebrew, the Bag of Molding. The Bag of Molding ages anything put inside of it by 1 year for every 24 hours it remains consecutively inside the Bag. It resembles a bag of holding for every other purpose. (Living creatures can only survive inside the bag for 10 minutes/number of creatures without suffocating so you couldn't rapid-age a creature without suffocating it as well) I seek your wettest eggs for this idea, and offer to hatch them in a single day with my prototype Bag of Molding.

Ruben Cabrera

Hello tasty tortles . I’d like to introduce the homebrew rule of the Variable Nat 1. Imagine the situation, you’re party is in a critical combat and a party member rolls a nat 1 at a bad time. You want to keep the natural 1 menacing but not have the party lose an whole encounter due to one roll. That’s Where the VariableNat 1 rule comes into play. When a nat 1 is rolled have the player roll again flat. 10 or above , the player just fails the check, attack, ect. 9 or below, something terrible happens I.e. they lose their weapon, accidentally injure another player ect. I’m offer to sell this idea for one egg every weekday morning for the next 6 months. Fair winds and Following Sea, Ruben aka Kraft the Kolbold

Skoty

Shellutations and shell met, illustrious Tortles. I offer a modest suite of crit-based house rules for your perusal and investment. An old fashioned carousel projector displays in front of the tank(s?). First slide: Reliable Critical Damage; a photograph of a sad, shirtless man rolling low damage after critting. When an attack roll critically hits, the lowest possible damage dealt is equal to max damage from a non-critical hit (highest values on all rolled dice with no doubling). Attacker still rolls damage just in case they can do better. Second slide: Critical Initiative; another photo, same man, still sad and shirtless at the top of initiative. Critical success on an initiative roll grants advantage once during the first round of combat. Expires at Initiative 0 of the first round. Third slide: Inspiring Failures; the shirtless man has failed, he lies on the floor, but is all hope lost? When a player rolls a crit failure, they get Inspiration. If they already have Inspiration, they may grant it to another player. I offer a controlling share, asking only for your wettest, most precious egg and one fun turtle fact.

Garrett Durham

Shello gracious tortles. I bring to you the “Crit with Advantage.” For a small fee of 2 semislimy eggs for 50% of my company you can use this rule in any games. When a player or DM crits on an attack we roll our damage dice with advantage. By doing this we roll 3x the dice needed instead of 2 and we take the best 2/3 of them. So if I Crit with my long sword I will roll 3d8 and take the best 2. It is a small thing but when you start critting with spells and even sneak attacks it’s a powerful feeling upwards of 20 dice in a single attack. Thank you for you considerations.

Gabriel Wykle

I support you for having the name "Gabriel W."

Todd

Oh Great tortles, I have traveled through seas and sky’s to ask you: What could possibly be cooler than a monk catching arrows? I posit, a monk catching magic. I humbly lay at your feet the Gauntlets of Arcane Deflection. This high level magic item allows a monk to use their Deflect Missiles ability to reduce damage on ranged spell attacks in addition to ranged weapon attacks. For this artifact I ask only for a single magical egg that’s been hurled across a room and caught using the gauntlets.

Jazzman

Rich turtles from which I try to elicit eggs for an arguably bad invention, I raise to you, D&D&No D. Dungeons and Dragons and No Dice. The Illustrious No-Chortle-Tortle consistently bashes ideas in which the dice become overused, and so I thought of this. Instead of rolling dice for each skill check, the player must perform the skill for the DM in real life, whether it be seduction or attack roles. This can greatly increase the immersion of D&D as well as getting rid of those pesky dice that I definitely don't have an inordinately large amount of. I only ask for you to pretend to hand me a single hard-boiled egg for this invention. I humbly await your decision on my incredibly fantastic invention.

Ant

My Dear Tortles, Throughout life we often pick up skills and passions that have little to do with our careers, so with that in mind may I introduce the Hobby Mechanic. At tenth and twentieth level, characters are awarded 1 Hobby Level to put into a class of their choice and assign whenever they like. However there are several caveats. To prevent this mechanic from getting out of hand the player may only put a Hobby Level in a class that they do not have a normal level in. Additionally the player must rationalize a narrative reason as to why they took this level (Example: the party cleric takes a level in rouge because the party rogue showed them the basics of thievery. Roleplay is encouraged) and the DM must sign off. Lastly once a Hobby Level is assigned to a class then ONLY Hobby Levels may be further put into that class. The purpose of this mechanic is to add realism and bring back a little 3.5e crunch allowing players a little more flexibility. Recommended for experienced players. It is open to negotiation how often, and how many, levels are awarded to players. I'm willing to sell a 49% for 69,420 eggs

Paul D

Greetings Tortles of the Tank, I present Chunky Monk: The Strength Based Monk (copyright 1992). We all love dexterous monks, from Sophia Lee to Sol Buffo, but why limit ourselves to one path of martial enlightenment? Using my patented method, simply replace dexterity with strength for most Monk features. As it stands, only Tortles such as yourselves can become viable Strength Monks. But with Chunky Monk, anyone can bulk up without sacrificing their Unarmored Defense. All I ask in return for this revolutionary product is your single strongest egg, that I might raise and train the hatchling as my own child.

Garga Lenoir

To the only Tortles that make the bailiff dumber, BAHOOMIA : Fuck legendary resistances. They're just saying no to someone wanting to do something cool, which is bad in TTRPG just like in improv. Instead I propose that boss encounters get 1 to 3 more legendary actions per turn. They can now use legendary actions at any moment and in succession to reroll saving throws (which rewards high spell DCs). That way do or die wizards keep the big bad guy busy with their spells for the rest of the team, which is more satisfying and cinematic.

aija Rose

Dear tank of talented tortles, I present to you a homebrew mechanic I’ve used for two of my more chaotic player characters. The first player is a tabaxi who insisted on having it baked into his backstory that he was kidnapped, tortured, and brainwashed into having a psychosomatic reaction to gnomes which then caused him to then eat them alive (a decided upon form of cannibalism as both gnomes and tabaxi are sentient mortals in the world.) To work in his backstory without having to constantly narrate gruesome cannibalism I created “Feral instinct” Player rolls a D20, No modifier Disadvantage if it's actually a Gnome Nat 1: Feral episode. Player must attack the creature until dead and spend the following turn regaining control +1d4 psychic damage 4-5: Attacks the creature on next turn, does not have to keep attacking until dead. +1d4 physic damage. 6- 10: Resists the urge to attack. +1d4 physic damage. 11-16: Player maintains composure. No damage. Nat 20: Advantage on next feral instinct roll. I flavored the same mechanic for a psionic human PC, who had it in his backstory that he was raised by a cult on earth who thought he was a god. We call the roll “God complex” and it is a way to humble him when he starts acting insane. If he tries to do something WILDLY out of his class abilities or skill level I will tell him to “Roll god complex” On a nat 20 he succeeds - the rest of the consequences are the same, meaning he takes the 1d4 psychic damage on a 6-10 and on anything lower he loses control of his powers and has to attack an ally. It feels like a good way to reward my players for the time spent on their backstories / allow them to make big swings while remembering that actions have goddammend consequences. All my love, A damage dealing DM

Daria Rose Crafts

You've clearly never DM'd for a player with the polymorph spell

Lilybet Gates

I want to see this one so bad!!!

Lilybet Gates

Omg this would totally change the way I build characters.

TheLargeLebowski

Greeting, Oh Ye of Shiny Shells! I come to you with the humblest of homebrews, combining the most two fashionable of aesthetics into one faction to throw at your players Imagine a black-as-pitch night on a still ocean. A gentle thud of wood on wood sounds from the port side. You peer over to see what you're ship has collided with. What is that, floating just above the water? A rowboat? No, its far too angular. Is it... a coffin? Another thud sounds, and another, and another. A dozen coffins gently floating on the glassy sea. One by one, they creak open, their contents impossible to discern in the dark before, with the crack of gunpowder, columns of black smoke erupt from the coffins and land on the deck of your ship. A pale man in a low cut shirt and beautiful doublet, with a tri-corn cap levels a flintlock at your head with a fanged grin. Congratulations, you have found yourself boarded by.... VAMPIRATES! These sea-worthy opponents combine the flair and recklessness of the classic pirate with all the terror and supernatural power of a vampire. An excellent addition to any adventure upon the 7 seas. All I ask of you, in exchange for a cut of the booty, is 1500 eggs with which I can purchase a vessel to begin my own pirate fleet!

Jack M

Hello Tortles after you hear my Pitch you won’t be snorting What more do players want than to love one another, all I propose is in in game gift swap akin to a Secret Santa, the players can work with the DM on what they are allowed to get for their fellow players in game that will help them. That is all think it’d be CUte That is all

Garga Lenoir

Have you read my comment? I'm not removing the legendary resistances altogether, if your player spams polymorph you just counter with legendary action action rerolls.

DanDrako

Greetings noble turtles. I present to you today an alternative rule for snack time at the table. Recently you had a snack=inspiration system proffered but I would suggest that instead you could grant your players temporary hit points depending on the quality of snack! A bag of chips could be a d4 or d6, whereas a homemade treat could be a D12. This way players are encouraged to contribute but don't have to compete with each other. (P.s. I limited mine to 2 hit die, had some players trying to cheese my system... literally)

Joey

Hi Tortillas, DM's of the tank and world at large, have you ever been stuck in a rut? Your session breezed past much quicker than thought? Or simply wanna take your time looking up a rule? I present to you, the flashback. Whilst the DM is busy and the players need their roleplay itch scratched, a player can issue a Flashback, where the table can improv a lower-stakes scene of downtime from a previous day or night adventuring. The limits of the flashback merely extend to the imagination and comfort of the party. While this would be more effective in homebrew vs an edited podcast, I believe my idea can lead to some funny and cute party-bonding moments where the DM can simply sit back and enjoy the show. All I ask is a deposit of 10% of your eggs, and a flip from the most physically distant DVD from his laptop that Caldwell owns. Tank you for the oppor-tort-iny.

Liv

Hi Tortles! Today I’d like to present a sword so broken it’s guaranteed to give Murph a rage stroke. May I present to you Lightstriker, the Guardblade! This fabulous greatsword grants a +2 to attack and damage rolls and does an extra 2d6 radiant damage on a hit. Lightstriker crits on both a 19 and 20, and instead of doubling the damage dice rolled you triple the damage dice. While attuned to the sword you cannot be frightened and are resistant to cold damage. It is truly a monstrosity- I am Dr. Victor Frankenstein and this is my unholy creation. I have no regrets. All I ask for as payment is for Murph to roast me for giving the paladin I DM for this sword and a chuck check from Emily. P.S. This is 100% real and here’s the dndbeyond link! https://www.dndbeyond.com/magic-items/3919430-lightstriker-the-guardblade

Ursa

Hello Tortles! I have a pitch for wizard players far and wide, an item for the spell gremlins, like myself! a vampiric/parasitic spellbook, that allows casting of spells without spell slots, by using the caster's max health instead! 10% per spell level, recharging the same way as hit dice! As the dm who gave this item to me says, "the only hitpoint that matters is the last one." For this item, I ask for an egg omelette shaped like a bed, because my maximum health is 3 and I desperately need to take a nap.

Callum

Hello Tortles! (Speaks into wire hidden in ear “I can’t see the centaurs but stand by if I catch sight of them”) Today I bring a very simple ruling geared towards tables who prefer a more light-hearted, easier to survive game than grim realism. My rule involves natural 1s on death saves. Normally, a natural 1 gives 2 fails. However, my homebrew means that a natural 1 only counts for 2 fails if you don’t already have any fails. I’ve found that this is especially helpful for new players, giving them more heads up to help when their fellow party members are in need. For those still looking for that spicy nat 1 flavour however, a variation is that if you roll a nat 1 with 1 fail already, you get 1 fail immediately, but the second nat 1 induced fail doesn’t kick in until the start of the next turn, meaning the party has one turn to act as they see their friend is knocking on deaths door. I ask for 1 egg from each Tortle, which is enough DNA to prove your guilt when I find what you did to the centaurs.

Joe

Hello Tortles, I have a category of items that lead to fun, laughter, danger and excitement, all guaranteed: Malfunctioning Magic Items. These items appear to be any magic item from the source books but visibly damaged. When the item is used there is a chance that the item will malfunction. For simpler items like a staff of fireball it could potentially cast fireball directly on the caster, but for higher level items like a helm of invisibility it may work on the user but also turn all other creatures invisible to the wearer. Some other ideas are seven league boots that send you in a random direction, a scroll of teleportation that might only teleport the scroll or boots of striding and springing that could, on an athletics check, temporarily increase gravity for the wearer. These items are intended to introduce higher level magic items earlier in a campaign and as such they have limited uses that do not recharge. On a dc10 arcana check any player can determine how many uses the item has. The specific malfunction can only be determined by using it, not through investigation. Give Me Your Eggs

1Lonelybaguette

Dear Tortles of the Tank, I come before thee with a pitch that may even bring a small chortle to the Tortle without. Does resurrection magic feel weird? Why diamonds, and why does it have to be a certain amount? I present to you an option to make your resurrections feel more impactful, and expand the world your characters know and understand. The Emissary of Death is a creature that guides another creature’s soul to the next world. They appear as stooped, thin beings in dark cloaks, who hold a green flame in one hand that magically prevents creatures (alive or dead) from seeing its true form. However, powerful magic, and a bribe/offering of sufficient, pure diamonds may call this creature to your aid. For a simple revivify, it may only have the effect that an Emissary appears briefly, holding the arm of a deceased creature as it walks their soul back to their body. For resurrection of creatures who have been dead longer, it may result in the Emissary allowing them brief access to the Fields of the Dead, launching a short quest where the party must find their friend’s lost soul and return it within a specified time limit. While this may not work for every table, I present a second solution: do this, but have it as simple background flavor. Some parties simply want to come back to life and move on with their main goals, but others may enjoy the challenge of racing against the clock, as their friend deals with other challenges solo, or maybe has a chance to briefly meet others that have also passed on. I’m specifically leaving many of the details vague, so that DM’s of all types can add to their game as it fits. I ask for a small 500,042 eggs, along with the shells of eggs long since gone, for a 49% ownership of my endeavor. Thank you, Tortles.

Grimma Lynx

Greetings Torts of the Tank! Ive come to you today to present a versitile late game magic item, and one of the very first items I created. I call it, The Tome of Knowledge! The Tome of Knowledge is an item in flux, containing theoretically infinite pieces of lost knowledge and infinite different forms, but the possibilities of what it contains collapse into a single possibility when it is observed and then read by a creature. What this means is that the apperance of the book and the benefit it conveys is different from player to player. For example, in the first game I ran using this tome, my players were a kobold rogue, a vulpine (foxfolk) rogue who was a former spy, an elven druid with a love for moonbeams, and a dwarven fighter who contracted lycanthropy early on in the campaign. They encountered this book at level 13. For the fighter, he saw a set of parchment pages bound with rawhide. It would enable him to control his lycanthropy, removing the need to roll charisma saves when he transformed. For the kobold, the tome was bound with dragonhide, and would have given him the ability to manifest draconic wings and gain a fly speed of 30 feet. For the vulpine, the tome took the apperance of a pamphlet on advanced espionage techniques, and allowed him to choose another skill from the rogue list to gain proficiency with. Lastly, for the druid, the bood was bound with tree bark and written on broad leaves. She would have been able to choose one spell of second level or lower to be able to cast at will. The book can only be used once, and before reading, a player can only determine its apperance, not the benefit it would provide. What makes this item so fun is that while it allows a DM to create personalized rewards for their players, it simultainiously puts the choice of who gets buffed in the hands of the players, and introduces just a smidge of the excitement of not knowing exactly what the item will do. Ive used this book in almost every campaign since its creation, and now Im offering a license to use it in yours for the low low price of a shoutout to one of my players, Allex, who is a big fan of the show

Jacob Twet

Hello to all you classy Tortles! Today I have only one item of interest to all spellcasters near and far! I present to you all " the gloves of inner strength " These gloves are woven with the silk from a phase spider, imbued the magically essence of a pixie. When a spellcaster attunes to these gloves they unlock power inside themselves to go above and beyond their normal abilities! In short when a spellcaster is out of spell slots they can still cast spells with a catch They will receive a level of exhaustion for each spell slot level use, for example if a wizard is out of their level 4 spell slots and casts a level 4 spell they will receive 4 levels of exhaustion. The gloves do have a fail safe, as they will not allow a player to cast any spell that would kill them if they became too exhausted so level 5 spells are the highest spell slots that can be used, we wouldn't want anyone dying! All I ask for is 1 slimy tortle egg from any tortles or centaurs who would wish to push past their limits. Thank you for your time!

Flimp Flam the Fierce Flumph

Hey there Tortles, Do you like hording crystals? Do you like rolling on ever increasing tables? And do you like the rush of owning a magical item that runs the risk of failing at the most inopportune time? Well then strap into your shells and ready your eggs because I have the mechanic for you. I call this the Artificer's Guild crystal cannon mechanic, and it is one that allows players to access powerful magical items that can fail, break, and sometimes short circuit. Put simply, the artificer's guid sells items that are infused with a magic that is powered by crystals. The amount, cost, and rarity of these crystals needed to charge these items is entirely up to the dm. You could have, say, a sword that casts healing word once a day powered by one crystal worth 250gp, just as you could have a helm that casts shield 3 times a day powered by 3 crystals worth 1000gp. However these crystals are unstable, and thus risk failure. Every time you use the magical feature of the item, roll a d20, with the results of that roll having some kind of effect, depending on the item that you have created. Take the item below as an example of the mechanic in general. The Sheild of Crit Storing. This shield has 3 crystals each worth 500 gp. The sheild allows the player to use their reaction to attempt to store the magical energy of an opponent's critical hit. When each crystal of the three crystals is charged by an opponent's crit, a natural 20 becomes available to the player to use on a later attack roll. If the player attempts to store an opponent's crit, they must then roll a d20 On a 20, the crit is stored and absorbed, reducing the opponents damage to thst of a regular attack roll. On a 19-10, the crit is stored. On a 10-5, the crit is not stored. On a 5-4, the crit is not stored, and a crystal is destroyed, dealing 1d4 of force damage On a 1, the crit is not stored, all crystals are destroyed, and the player must roll on the wild magic table. This is just an example, and the items and the failure rates are entirely up to the dm, the important thing to note is the connection between the magic and its chance to backfire. For my mechanic, I am asking for either 1 million Tortle Eggs, or 1 billion grills, depending on what you have at hand.

Travis

Hello prestigious tortles, since you have recently discovered Inspiration, I offer a different take on it. During combat, after you make an attack roll you may expend 1 point of inspiration to deal the maximum amount of weapon damage on that attack. This doesn't affect smite or other magical additions of that nature, but does work on crits. I'm asking for a mere 100 eggs so that I might nurture a clutch of super tortles.

Ryan Walden

sup, may I introduce you to the group vibe check. All players roll a raw d20, if all players are within a 3 point range they pass the vibe check. A successful vibe check grants a bonus of the DM's choosing (advantage, inspiration, a wish spell, etc). Vibe checks should be reserved for when a group is trying to do something fun together (group dance as a distraction, sneak attacks at the same time, fighting the bbeg) If you like my idea maybe we can chill and hangout

Victoria Cutler

The multi-class movement you have been waiting for; Druid-monks! When playing a Druid, doesn’t it suck that your animal form can’t use your spells, and maybe because of that you’ve avoided transforming into your animal form for lack of using cool add ons? Well no more, because in multi-classing Druid and monk you can stunning strike all day in your beautiful bear body! Your animal form does not allow you to cast spells, however applying qi points is not magic, it is channeling your natural abilities and the energies of the world around you, just like animals do on the daily. I am selling 30% ownership of the idea for 666 of your eggs.

Pat N.

Hold on to your jortles, Tortles, because this home brew will blow your pants off. Introducing Devil’s Bargain, which allows the mischievous DM in you to offer one of your players +15 to any roll, attack or otherwise, before or after their roll. All the player must do is accept the offer, which will come with one in-game consequence of the DM’s choosing in exchange for the generous roll buff. The DM must explain that consequence before the offer is accepted, and the player can of course refuse. To maintain story, this offer can be presented to the character by an evil magic NPC entity (a devilish whisper on the wind, a little demon appearing on their shoulder, etc.)

Wolfgang

Hello most esteemedTortles, My item is simple. A healing surge amulet but for bardic inspiration. I've named this item Apollo's Amulet. It's a Golden Lyre amulet that only Bards are able to attune to. The way it works is if a creature has Bardic Inspiration they can spend their bonus action and expend the Bardic to receive the maximum amount from the Inspiration. On a d6 they'd get an automatic 6. Additionally, the bearer can give themselves bardic once per short rest and use the amulet like everyone else. I made this item after relistening to Campaign 1 and Bev received the Amulet of Pelor with healing surge. So I ask for no eggs as this idea was inspired by one of the greatest DM's and the no chortle Tortle Murph. Thanks y'all and have a great day.

Martian

Salutations, oh tantalizing Tortles. Today I have a real treat for you all, straight from the mind of Artificer Extraordinare Zorn Akxus! The newest product of Kick-Akxus Industries, the Mimic of Holding is bag of holding that is also a mimic! Through a combination of Dunamancy and mimic horticulture, this product has unparalleled anti-theft features. Whenever someone who is not attuned to the bag attempts to reach into it, the toothless mimic will immediately latch around the appendage. The would be thief will need to make a Dex save with disadvantage to pull away in time and a strength check to remove the mimic on a fail. Small or tiny creatures that fail are swallowed and cannot escape the bag until it is opened from the outside. However, be exceedingly careful not to leave any living creatures in the bag for too long. If a creature actually dies while within the bag, the mimic will digest it and and another, random, mimic variety will bud off of it and will contain all the possessions that were in the original!  [Kick-Akxus Industries is not responsible for any possessions lost in this manner] As a bonus feature, the Mimic of Holding can change its shape and coloration to resemble any type of bag the owner wishes. We are asking for 10,000 eggs for production costs, and will give a 3% stake in the company.

Holden O

Howdy, you shiny-shelled Tortles! Tired of the loudest person at your table always getting the last word in every time you talk to an NPC..? Why should the player who only makes jokes about butts always be the first to speak to the king just 'cause they had a butt joke locked and loaded...? Today I bring to you my rule: favorite homebrew rule: Social Initiative. Whenever the players get into an important situation where everyone is trying to get a word in and every they starts talking over each other (and the DM) we roll Social Initiative. Everybody rolls a D20 plus their Charisma Mod, and players get to speak in the order rolled. Players with importance to this NPC or situations might get advantage on this roll. When "Social Initiative" is active, you have some time on your turn to speak, but you can also use the "help" action to improve another player's rolls or any spells and abilities that might improve your social encounter. This rule could use some collaboration to really take off, so I am asking for one egg that's special to you for a 50% stake to help me refine this rule that's special to me!

Pork Chop

Hiho Tortles, So I’m here to present a one shot play style. Players pick a CR one or lower monster to play as and are pitted against randomly generated level 1 adventurers. They then have the choice of taking the class of one of the deceased adventurers. They then continue on the mission to be Monsters and attack adventurers/defend the dungeon/ whatever. It was probably one of the most fun one shots we have played. It was quick and easy to develop the monsters with volo’s guide as guide for stats of the monster races. If you’ve got players who love to murderhobo this is a game for them. I’d like to receive 1 kudo for 10% of this idea. Thanks for your time.

Oscar Ives-Owen

Oh Wondrous Tortles. May the light warm your shells and see your eggs safe. Today I come with the tantalising tale of the Spell-casting Barbarian. Say I, that the rules be too oppressive on a raging person who wants naught but the addition of making things go boom sometimes. So I suggest that when a multi-classer casts a spell during rage, they roll a constitution save to maintain concentration on rage (with concentration spells dropping rage automatically). My suggested difficulty is 13 plus the spell's level times 2. I leave it to you to decide how many eggs to allow barbarians the chance of making shiny lights occasionally.

Tyler W.

To the Turts it may concern and also Jake, Its a bloody fight. Your party is low on health or dying, but, Oh No! Youre out of spell slots! To help with this issue I present: “Pushing the Limit”! Spellcasters are able to “push their limit” to cast a spell of a level that they are out of spell slots for, but they must take levels of Exhaustion equal to the Spell’s Level -3 (with a minimum of 1) The spellcaster may only cast spells at the levels at which they are available to, meaning a lvl 1 cannot sacrifice themselves and blast an enemy with a 9th level spell. The idea is to create opportunities for really cool role-play moments and character decisions, as well as giving Exhaustion more mileage. I seek nary an egg, unless it has come directly from the freezer. Thank you, and may Bahamut bless you this night

pat

G’day Tortles (hi Jasper), Here’s one for all the fans of familiars out there. Wanna hear your DM trill and squawk? Been hanging out for flamingos and messy magic combos to feature more in your campaign? Look no further. I give you Flamingo Legs – a goofball in need of a good home. As an ornate jewellery box walking around on a pair of flamingo legs, our whimsical friend is compact, clumsy and doesn’t poo. A gift from the headmistress of a floating, magic trade school in our campaign, Flamingo Legs is also a pocket portal. Once a day, pop open the jewellery box to see if you’ll find something that will help or hinder. Roll a D20 and check it against a table tailored to the in-jokes of your party. You might find a fart from the fey wild, a note to drive the narrative, a burst of flame from the Nine Hells, potions, wombat droppings, gems, gold or chicken McNuggets. Only Dice Christ knows. Our ask? Two eggs, poached, smashed avo, lemon, all resting on a bed of perfect rye. (I’m really hungie).

Clare Monahan

Hello Tortles, Do you love survival campaigns, but feel that levels of exhaustion too quickly and drastically impact the cool stuff you can do? Introducing radiation levels! Radiation levels were created for a Cold War era spy survival campaign set in a deteriorating nuclear plant. Thus, to create a sense of urgency, every 15 minutes real time the players must role a radiation check. The dc starts very low, but rises as the players become more irradiated. There are 20 levels of radiation, each with a unique effect. Unlike levels of exhaustion, players can still do cool stuff even with some levels of radiation, while still building the sense of impending and inevitable doom that makes survival campaigns so fun. I am asking only for one very large egg which can be used to collect nuclear waste in return for a 92% (92= atomic # of uranium) share. Thank you

OceanTorrent

Hello Tortles, May I present the Crit Stocking. This Stocking requires attunement and stores a critical success to start with. When you roll a critical failure, you can choose to switch the critical failure with the critical success, storing within the stocking your bad bad luck. It will keep the Crit failure within the stocking until you choose to switch it with a natural 20 that you roll later. All I ask is for one giant egg blessed by Bahamut so the Baba Yaga not take me this night.

Maiu

Tortles, We've all been there. You're a level 1 noob swinging your 1D6 weapon of choice and it happens. You get that sweet, sweet nat 20. You roll your 2D6 and get a nice, juicy... 2. Well have no fear, for I have a simple solution: (not yet named). Instead of rolling two times the dice (or multiplying one roll as I've also seen), you simply roll regularly and add the maximum. Now, your crits become 1D12+12, 1D8+8, etc. You'll never outroll the previous maximum, and you never have to worry about your crit damage being lower than your regular damage. I'm looking for 40 eggs to do with as I see fit. Thank you for your time.

Devin Awe

Greetings to Robert Turt-javec, Barbara Tort-coran, Mr. Wonder-shell, and Tort Cuban, The day that radioactive waste turned you from normal turtles into pizza-eating teenage tortle titans of industry will always go down in history as one of the most momentous events in history, so shouldn't we try to spread the blessings around? Out of gratitude for that fine radiation, I've built a rules system for a radioactive wasteland that I've been using in my homegame. While out in irradiated areas, the players must make Constitution saves, with the frequency changing based on how radioactive the area is, ranging anywhere from once a day to once every twenty minutes. The DC for these checks begins at 5, but each check increases the DC by 1. This DC can also be increased by other means, such as being bitten by an irradiated creature. Failing the check once results in the poisoned condition for the rest of the day, and each subsequent failure while poisoned in this way results in them rolling on the Sibriex's flesh-warping table (Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes, page 138) to determine their new mutation. Each mutation can only be cured by means of a Greater Restoration spell. Each day they spend in a non-radioactive area reduces the DC by 1, to a minimum of 5. This system pushes a fast-paced adventure through radioactive wastelands, Forcing the players to carefully consider how they invest their time because any lollygagging could result in some big consequences. I am willing to split equity in this idea with a Tortle, providing 37% equity in exchange for 3 Oozy eggs that glow in the dark.

Omar

To the esteemed tortles and also Tuckers roommate, I come to you with a homebrew pitch I call "Alternative Casting Abilities" which I am willing to sell for 6 eggs, one for each ability score. Sometimes I've had players want to play a certain type of character/class, but feel as though the attributes they need to expend in order to make that work don't vibe with the character (A bookish nerd Pact of the Tome Warlock, for instance). To this end, I've allowed spellcasting players to swap any 3 of the casting stats (Wis, Int, Cha) DURING CHARACTER CREATION no matter which class they're playing so that they can fully realize their fantasies and I only have one rule - no broken multiclass shenanigans! So far it's an offer rarely taken but the few who have have really enjoyed being a smart cleric or a charismatic druid. This also allows for sorcerer/CHA Eldritch Knights or cleric-y/WIS Eldritch Trickster rogues

Elise Lehotsky

To the totally tortacious Tortles in the tubular tank, I am a school counselor writing on behalf of a student I know. He is hoping to get your wisdom and possibly support on a character build. He has billed it as "A necromancer who is a gunslinger with the intentions of being the party's healer/wizard"... "so spells and things" The character would have two guns; one is functionally a magic wand and the other is just a normal gun. For healing, the character kills an injured party members in order to revive them with necromancy, and instead of turning them into mindless zombies character has made a pact with an 'old god' (using the reborn lineage as a race) and 'the old god' gives me stronger powers at the expense of my own self. "In order for the player to be truly revived my own blood must be used in the spell or the character has to complete a task for the god." If you are pro this character and would like to support it's creation, we are offering building it around a Tortle-type God, perhaps playing off of the myth about turtles (tortles) all the way down, in exchange for EGGS all the way down.

Connor Cederholm

Oh honored and wise investment tortles, I have a neat little homebrew idea that, I can only hope, loosens up those precious eggs for me. The idea is that creatures with the “Dragon” type are biologically immortal, and the longer they stick around, the bigger they get. This means that not only can your True Dragons get as big and scary as you like, but Wyverns, Dragon Turtles, and Sea Serpents can occasionally become big enough to terrorize higher level adventurers. When I use this rule in my home games, I like to create other non-dragon creatures with the “Dragon” creature type that are typically more animalistic than true dragons. Examples include the Simmaran Cockatrice, a large bird-like draconid that delivers a petrifying poison through its beak, and the Spitfire, a draconid that runs down its prey with ostrich-like legs and uses a biological mechanism to breath fire. Anyway, you guys are the best and I hope this does it for your eggs

Matt Wowk

Most gracious Tortles, In the campaigns I play in we always roll our death saves in secret with only the DM and downed player knowing how many positive or negative saves a player has. This usually adds to the mad scramble of trying to revive your fellow team and adds tension. My item relates to this but can be used without this homebrew rule. I give you the Health Potion Blow Dart. It has normal blow dart stats however when it hits a player it will give them 1hp back. However it will also do the normal amount of damage a blow dart would do before this, so if a player is awake it will always do more damage than help. However if the player is downed then it will just take one death save off before bringing them back up. You just have to hope your fellow player hasn't already failed two saves. I am not a greedy man - I will take 3 of your finest eggs - scrambled, poached or sunnyside up - really its dealers choice on that one. Thank you for your consideration.

Matt Kilsby

Splooshy evening to you, Tortles. I present this very simple and gratifying homebrew rule: On any spell or effect that calls for half damage on a successful save, a nat 20 results in zero damage instead. This avoids that weird moment of celebrating a natural 20, only to realise you'll be taking some damage anyway. This applies to enemies as well, and so far my table loves this. You could go the other way with this as well and say a nat 1 means double damage, but that's slightly too spicy for my eggs at the moment. IMPORTANT DISCALIMER: I know this steps on the toes of the Rogue ability "Evasion", so if you have a rogue in the party you should clear this with them before employing it in your game.

Laura Hafer

Good day to you Tortles! I would like to present to you this lovely NPC shop: "Bob's Discount Prototype Spells". In this shop, your players will find cheap scrolls and potions of your classic spell scrolls, potions and the like but each has some sort of flaw that has been ironed out if you were to buy the real version from a proper shop. For Example, a scroll of invisibility that makes the invisible person invisible, but blind because an invisible cornea has no surface to bounce light off of, or a potion of flying that only lets you fly upward or coast, but not downward until the spell ends and you're stuck 80 feet in the air. All items would still be useful, but trickier to use effectively, hence a steep discount. For 48% of all stock options and animation rights to Bob, I am seeking 10,000 gold and a track suit (preferably velour)

Zhade

To the totally turbulent tortles of the tank, You may not have this issue, as you are all professionals, but everyone else seems to have problems making it to the session. How do you deal with a player who is absent? Run their character quietly and risk death? Have them keep watch and risk death? Have them get lost looking for the bathroom and risk death? Nay I say. Introducing the Game Master. An interplanar being of unknown origin with even less known motives. The Game Master retains full rights to abduct any party members at any time, replacing them with a playing card or other game piece in order to play a game in their extradimensional parlor. The party keeps that item around and poof once the Game Master has had their fun with that character they are returned unharmed to wherever the item is. This means you can keep playing and not have to come up with dumb excuses for why the wizard just stood there the whole time. You may have a good portion of the shares if you win in a poker match against me, though I warn you, I'm not that great at poker. But I might win your eggs who knows?

Donny

Hello, respected Tortles of the tank, I have a homebrew rule designed for DMs who aren't master storytellers running a podcast. Have you ever tried to narrate a long journey only to find yourself running out of interesting ways to describe this forest road, that Underdark tunnel, etc.? Well, what I started doing was giving my players ownership of the journey. I would give each player a choice of something they would like to see, and that leg of the journey would be represented by that scene. So in the case of the Underdark, what was a series of barren tunnels became a kuo-toa and his fresh produce stand, a duergar so angry at your compliments that she sold her weapons at 25% off, and the aftermath of a battle between the myconids and the Drow Pyromancer Corps. This approach requires a lot of improv from the DM to prevent minmax shenanigans, but the memorable moments are worth the effort. If you would like to invest in this homebrew, I simply ask for 50% ownership and a 50-50 split of all profits, egg-based or otherwise.

Tian

Shello delicious tortlinis! Thanks for keeping it saucy in the tank. Have you ever been in a party or DMed for a party that successfully unraveled a complex mystery, rallied an alliance against a common enemy, or pulled off a flawless heist, all without spilling a single drop of blood, yet were rewarded with no experience for their efforts? I present for your perusal an XP rework. In this system, the party gains XP from reaching milestones and achieving goals, combat-related or otherwise. Players level up every 10 XP. Milestones are the natural pausing points when it feels like the players have moved the story forward in a significant way. The DM will determine when a milestone has been reached and will evaluate how difficult it was for the party to reach that point since the last milestone on a scale of 1-4, awarding that much XP to the party. Additionally, each player chooses two goals subject to DM approval: a short-term goal achievable in 1-2 sessions and a long-term goal achievable in 3 or more. These goals are worth 1 XP and 3 XP, respectively. Whenever any player achieves a goal, the whole party gains XP. Players may choose new goals or keep the ones they have at the beginning of each session. In exchange for a majority stake, I'm asking you to shell out a lifetime supply of egg pasta. P.S. Can't wait to see you lovely people live in NYC!

Polly P

Good [insert time of day here], Tortles. I bring you a spell that is guaranteed to make for some interesting (and possibly party breaking) role play. The spell is Summon Friend, a concept birthed of that one time I misread the Summon Fiend spell. Summon Friend is a spell which allows you to summon one creature that considers you an friend. If the creature is willing they automatically appear in an unoccupied space within 5 feet of you. If they are a friend, but unwilling to come at the moment you summon them (poop check anyone?) they can make a wisdom save against your spell save dc to try and resist the summons. If, however the creature you summon does not consider you a friend, you take 8d6 psychic damage. Imagine if you will Hardwon attempting to summon a Triss for a romantic date and instead finding out the hard way that attraction can sometimes be a one way street. I think even a fresh hatchling could see the potential for heartbreak and betrayal, as well as the potential for good goofs with your buds. Since you, wise Tortles, are no hatchlings I look forward to receiving your eggs in abundance.

Jeremy Umpleby

To the Great Tortles I present to you the Idol of Questionable Information. Once per day the DM rolls a D20 behind the screen when the player chooses to use it. On a Nat 20, the Idol gives the player vital information relevant to the plot. 2-19 the Idol gives the player mundane information of varying degrees of truth at the DM's discretion. On a Nat 1, the Idol gives the player information that is not only false, but absolutely detrimental to the party if acted upon. This Idol can be yours and yours alone for a Western Omlette with hashbrowns and a bottle of Texas Pete on the side. Thank you.

Sam the BT

To the three terrific Tortles and the other Tortle. There's two problems with horse racing, horses are too big, too expensive, and too fast. You need a giant track, super rich owners, and you all get together for an event that is over in minutes. We have to suffer these in the real world, but at our table, we can fix this; with slugs. Tortles, allow me to present “slug racing.” Slugs solve all the problems horses bring to the table. They’re not big, in fact my research indicates they are quite small. This means instead of needing a giant outside race track, a track can fit into a good sized room like a tavern. Slugs are cheap, usually costs related to slugs is getting rid of them, not quiring them. This means that any adventurer can acquire a slug, keep it fed, and train it for the races. Finally slugs aren’t considered to be fast, they travel at a whooping .006 to .03 miles per hour. This means they’re trek around the tavern could take several hours making it the perfect background activity. These tracks can often have interesting segments. Straight aways to reward determined slugs, puzzles to reward smart slugs, and dangerous parts to reward the dextrous slugs. The possibilities are limited only by the whims of the track owner. Rules for this can fluctuate to the complex game I’ve functionally set up for my table with various slug skills, to simply calling for a roll every now and then for the slug progress. I require 5 eggs, one from each of the four Tortles or 3 eggs if one tortle wishes to be exclusive..

Ian

Hello my fabulous beshelled friends, I come offering a necromancy spell that is sure to add drama to any encounter when in the hands of a spooky enough DM(or player I guess) I call it Tolling Bells This eighth level spell causes a target to make a constitution saving throw, on either a failure or a success the target will make an immediate death saving throw, keeping the result should they go unconscious while the spell is active, the saving throw, if failed, imposes disadvantage on the death saving throw The spell lasts as long as the caster maintains concentration and the effect repeats every round, killing the target regardless of HP should they fail three death saves, allowing a DM (or player I guess) the ability to impose the dramatic tension of death saves at will and unlike similar spells like power word kill it also gives the victim a chance to escape it with good rolls or by breaking concentration I ask only one egg for this invention as well as an incubator to hatch it so that I may raise the resulting tortle as my own

Cam the Frog Man Swags Dry Cousin from Gladeholm

To the amazing tortles, Have you ever gotten stuck making a charecter that has nothing to do with you. Well do I have the solution for you. Why not have a homebrew campaign where you play yourself flung into the forgotten realms. You play as a human who's class is based upon what you are in real life. (Personality and skills wise) same with stats and equipment

iminyourdrawer

Shabbat Shellom tortles- prepare to have your eggspectations blown away. Ever play a fire mage and come up against a fire resistant boss and feel as useless as a Jerk DVD? I present to you the shard of Twinrova. Inspired by the Ocarina of Time boss twinrova in the spirit temple, cut an enemy with this rare shard to shed the resistance of a target to a certain damage type, but also take increased damage dealt from that damage type. For an example, if a paladin managed to cut a fire resistant enemy with this shard, an artillery fire mage (or anyone else) could use fire spells against the creature at full damage, but the Paladin would take 2x its normal damage from fire spells or attacks. The shard has only one use by lasts until either creature is defeated. This would allow for some cool teamwork and unexpected consequences. I don’t want any eggs, but I would like to adopt a tordler if you end up having too many.

Riley Wesson

Howdy Tortles of all kinds and humor levels! Are you a weenie wizard or a squishy sorcerer with abysmal AC that even the teeniest kobold could break through? Then have I got the perfect item for you. Introducing the Ring of Diamond Defense, a nifty crystalline ring that, with a simple reaction to put on, gives you the impenetrable defenses of diamond, upping your AC to a whopping 40 and giving you advantage on any constitution throw. And that’s not all, with AC worthy of the precious gem, you also gain skin like it as well, in that you become a diamond statue and are rendered immobile and unable to take any action of any kind. The ring can however be removed by a fellow party member with a bonus action and bring you back to your normal, squishy state. For this precious magical ring I request a measly 3 tortle eggs that I can hatch and raise to create a tank of my own. I eagerly await your offers.

Kenzie

Shello!

Ryan Budde

Hey there centaurs. Feel like your potion-heavy campaign feels unbalanced? Right after a big stock up the party feels invincible due to their many potions. But when potions run low things feel darn right unfair. Introducing the Expiring Potions kit. After each long rest the party can brew a set number of potions, but the potions will expire in 24 hours, becoming unusable. The number and type of potions can scale with level. Honestly, in some games I'd implement this system and ban Cure Wounds and Healing Word, to free up healer classes to do something more interesting than just restore hp.

Robert Edwards

Hello Tortle Tank! I have a proposal for a high risk/high reward legendary magic weapon named Bloodthirst This two-handed weapon demands blood. When attacking with this weapon, add the difference between the attack roll and AC of the target to the damage dealt. (Ex: If the target has 14 AC and the attacker rolls 19 to hit then the target would take an additional +5 in damage) If the Bloodthirst misses an attack then the weapon will draw the blood it craves from the wielder dealing the difference between the target missed’s AC and the attack roll that missed. (Ex: If the target has 17 AC and the attacker rolls 13 to hit then the wielder would take 4 damage) I know this item adds even more math so I am asking for the whites of dozen eggs. That way I can make an angel food cake to bribe you with.

Chambler

Dear Tortles. I would like to propose to you a delightful cursed item I threw into a one shot game recently. The bangle of High Five. In my game I had a player who was always giving high fives and fist bumps to the NPCs. So I had one of them offer him this bangle which he immeadiately wore. Soon as he put it on, he immeadiately sprouted a hand from his forehead. He had extremely limited control over the hand, as it could only be used for high fives, which, caused him to receive a 1d4 unarmed strike as he was being smacked in the head. I am asking for 5 down-low eggs, for a high-five percent stake of this item. Will you act fast, or be too slow?

William Thebeau

Tortles of the Tank, scrupulous and wise, I present to you: Straight Up Rocket Boots. The Boots are sturdy leather reinforced with some metal support. The base of the boots are lined with a series of runes that smell distinctly of gunpowder. The boots come with 3 charges. You may expend a charge in place of your movement to jump 50ft in any direction. If where that movement would end is not on the ground, you fall to the ground, taking falling damage. If you use the dash action, you may expend an additional charge to leap again, however you must make a dc20 Dexterity saving throw or crash at the intended landing spot, taking 5d6 falling damage and falling prone. If you are capable of dashing a third time, you can take a third jump with the last charge, but the dexterity saving throw is increased to dc25, and the damage is 10d6 falling damage. The distance covered by the jumps cannot be increased by spell effects. If any of these jumps are attempted from prone, the dexterity saving throw is made with disadvantage. Alternately, if you hit with an unarmed strike, you may expend a charge to add 5d6 fire damage to to the attack. You must make a dc15 dexterity saving or fall prone, and the target must make a dc15 strength saving throw or be pushed 10 feet and fall prone. The boots regain all charges after a long rest.

Jesse De La Rosa

Oh yee tortles! I come to you with a mechanic to add onto an existing mechanic: When 2 characters enter into an opposing strength roles AND they roll the same number, instead of a roll off, both characters become grappled until the next turn unless one character willingly loses the match. This change seems more realistic and can lead to interesting decisions being made. I ask for 69 of the most moist eggs! Thank you for your time.

Michael Smallwood

Good morrow my illustrious torts. Hopefully third time's the charm. Let me ask you. Have you ever played half caster and wanted small boost to AC? Have you played a martial class and don't like a shield taking up one of your hands? Have you been a tank, but wished you were, I don't know, a little tankier? Well, my expanded shields are for you. This homebrew idea will add two base shields to the game: 1) a buckler, or small wrist shield. This shield grants only a +1 to AC, but allows the use of the shield hand for two handed weapons like greatswords and bows. Any class that can use a shield, and any class that can use medium or less armor has proficiency with this item. 2) Tower shield. This shield grants a +3 to AC, but your speed is reduced by 5 and you have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws. Classes that can use this are fighters, paladins, and clerics with heavy armor proficiency. These variations may not be fixing an much of an existing problem but they provide some more variety, and just another layer of cool. Imagine a buckler of arrow catching, then pulling the caught arrow out of your shield and firing it with the bow already in your hand. These new shields can be yours, and with them, you can truly protect your remaining eggs from the undeserving.

Leah Andreja

Ahoy, esteemed Tortles! Today i invite you to join me on the dorsal of this trojan horse-tortle i've brought to your gate. I am not Leah, but her husband using her account to pitch the Chardalyn suicide vest. Yes this sounds insane, as my wife/dm assures me, but it has the possibility to turn any death into a predator style murder/suicide (laughing maniacally at Arnold Schwarzenegger optional). According to the book, a single stone of Chardalyn "could absorb one spell, which was released when the stone was crushed or destroyed" and are "as brittle as glass". Imagine, if you will, an interlocking plate of these stones with an AOE spell like fireball/shatter or what have you. In a last, desperate attempt to thwart the kind of TPK only a no chortle tortle would plan. *ahem* Anyway, with a warforged and an artificer on the team, this delicate device could be slowly crafted over weeks or months, and stored within a bag of holding. Donned only as a last resort, this would kill the player with the cascade of who-knows how many spells at once, and giving the rest of the team a chance to escape. I do not ask for any eggs, as they'd surely crack under the strain of 20 simultaneous fireballs or shatters, but i do ask you tell my wife to let me do this because she won't listen to my tortious-shell logic.

Leah Andreja

Ahoy, esteemed Tortles! Today i invite you to join me on the dorsal of this trojan horse-tortle i've brought to your gate. I am not Leah, but her husband using her account to pitch the Chardalyn suicide vest. Yes this sounds insane, as my wife/dm assures me, but it has the possibility to turn any death into a predator style murder/suicide (laughing maniacally at Arnold Schwarzenegger optional). According to the book, a single stone of Chardalyn "could absorb one spell, which was released when the stone was crushed or destroyed" and are "as brittle as glass". Imagine, if you will, an interlocking plate of these stones with an AOE spell like fireball/shatter or what have you. In a last, desperate attempt to thwart the kind of TPK only a no chortle tortle would plan. *ahem* Anyway, with a warforged and an artificer on the team, this delicate device could be slowly crafted over weeks or months, and stored within a bag of holding. Donned only as a last resort, this would kill the player with the cascade of who-knows how many spells at once, and giving the rest of the team a chance to escape. I do not ask for any eggs, as they'd surely crack under the strain of 20 simultaneous fireballs or shatters, but i do ask you tell my wife to let me do this because she won't listen to my tortious-shell logic.

Leah Andreja

Ahoy, esteemed Tortles! Today i invite you to join me on the dorsal of this trojan horse-tortle i've brought to your gate. I am not Leah, but her husband using her account to pitch the Chardalyn suicide vest. Yes this sounds insane, as my wife/dm assures me, but it has the possibility to turn any death into a predator style murder/suicide (laughing maniacally at Arnold Schwarzenegger optional). According to the book, a single stone of Chardalyn "could absorb one spell, which was released when the stone was crushed or destroyed" and are "as brittle as glass". Imagine, if you will, an interlocking plate of these stones with an AOE spell like fireball/shatter or what have you. In a last, desperate attempt to thwart the kind of TPK only a no chortle tortle would plan. *ahem* Anyway, with a warforged and an artificer on the team, this delicate device could be slowly crafted over weeks or months, and stored within a bag of holding. Donned only as a last resort, this would kill the player with the cascade of who-knows how many spells at once, and giving the rest of the team a chance to escape. I do not ask for any eggs, as they'd surely crack under the strain of 20 simultaneous fireballs or shatters, but i do ask you tell my wife to let me do this because she won't listen to my tortious-shell logic.

Leah Andreja

Ahoy, esteemed Tortles! Today i invite you to join me on the dorsal of this trojan horse-tortle i've brought to your gate. I am not Leah, but her husband using her account to pitch the Chardalyn suicide vest. Yes this sounds insane, as my wife/dm assures me, but it has the possibility to turn any death into a predator style murder/suicide (laughing maniacally at Arnold Schwarzenegger optional). According to the book, a single stone of Chardalyn "could absorb one spell, which was released when the stone was crushed or destroyed" and are "as brittle as glass". Imagine, if you will, an interlocking plate of these stones with an AOE spell like fireball/shatter or what have you. In a last, desperate attempt to thwart the kind of TPK only a no chortle tortle would plan. *ahem* Anyway, with a warforged and an artificer on the team, this delicate device could be slowly crafted over weeks or months, and stored within a bag of holding. Donned only as a last resort, this would kill the player with the cascade of who-knows how many spells at once, and giving the rest of the team a chance to escape. I do not ask for any eggs, as they'd surely crack under the strain of 20 simultaneous fireballs or shatters, but i do ask you tell my wife to let me do this because she won't listen to my tortious-shell logic.

Max

To the Torts and Turdises of the Tank: I place on the table before you, a briefcase, spinning it around and opening it in your direction for dramatic effect. Have you ever played in a game where short rests come few and far between? (looking at you, Dunkle) Have you ever wanted an item that made better use of those hearty hit dice? You need look no further. Inside my humble briefcase, which I only brought for dramatic effect, I have five glittering dragon-gems. Each one, flavored after a chromatic dragon color, each one comes with a cost. In combat, each if these gems converts a player’s hit dice to use in a different component of the action economy. Whether it’s the draco-sapphire’s ability to cast thunder step as a bonus action, burning 4 hit dice, or the draco-emerald’s power to boost movement speed by using the same mechanic, these gems are a must have for a table jumping from boss-to-boss. For just one 14-karat egg, I am willing to show you the rest of the gems in my briefcase, revealing the spells hidden within, their personalities, and the curses attached to each one from the dragon’s lairs I had to heist. Overall: you’ll get to see the Draco Diamond, draco-ruby, draco-sapphire, draco-emerald, and a drake-obsidian. You can mix/match the 5 components of the action economy tied to each as you wish, but wouldn’t all players just like having more shiny (and definitely curse-free) things?

Leah Andreja

Ahoy, esteemed Tortles! Today i invite you to join me on the dorsal of this trojan horse-tortle i've brought to your gate. I am not Leah, but her husband using her account to pitch the Chardalyn suicide vest. Yes this sounds insane, as my wife/dm assures me, but it has the possibility to turn any death into a predator style murder/suicide (laughing maniacally at Arnold Schwarzenegger optional). According to the book, a single stone of Chardalyn "could absorb one spell, which was released when the stone was crushed or destroyed" and are "as brittle as glass". Imagine, if you will, an interlocking plate of these stones with an AOE spell like fireball/shatter or what have you. In a last, desperate attempt to thwart the kind of TPK only a no chortle tortle would plan. *ahem* Anyway, with a warforged and an artificer on the team, this delicate device could be slowly crafted over weeks or months, and stored within a bag of holding. Donned only as a last resort, this would kill the player with the cascade of who-knows how many spells at once, and giving the rest of the team a chance to escape. I do not ask for any eggs, as they'd surely crack under the strain of 20 simultaneous fireballs or shatters, but i do ask you tell my wife to let me do this because she won't listen to my tortious-shell logic.

Leah Andreja

Ahoy, esteemed Tortles! Today i invite you to join me on the dorsal of this trojan horse-tortle i've brought to your gate. I am not Leah, but her husband using her account to pitch the Chardalyn suicide vest. Yes this sounds insane, as my wife/dm assures me, but it has the possibility to turn any death into a predator style murder/suicide (laughing maniacally at Arnold Schwarzenegger optional). According to the book, a single stone of Chardalyn "could absorb one spell, which was released when the stone was crushed or destroyed" and are "as brittle as glass". Imagine, if you will, an interlocking plate of these stones with an AOE spell like fireball/shatter or what have you. In a last, desperate attempt to thwart the kind of TPK only a no chortle tortle would plan. *ahem* Anyway, with a warforged and an artificer on the team, this delicate device could be slowly crafted over weeks or months, and stored within a bag of holding. Donned only as a last resort, this would kill the player with the cascade of who-knows how many spells at once, and giving the rest of the team a chance to escape. I do not ask for any eggs, as they'd surely crack under the strain of 20 simultaneous fireballs or shatters, but i do ask you tell my wife to let me do this because she won't listen to my tortious-shell logic.

Eric miner

My fiduciary terdises: When my bladedancer wizard Eltias turned 7 I was thrilled to pick up the spell "Polymorph". Visions of turning my friends into tyrannosauruses dances through my head. However, by DM offered me something else instead: rather than polymorphing my friends only into beasts, polymorph them instead into ANY creature that you can summon with a 'summon' spell - for example you can turn someone into a fire elemental from the 'summon elemental' spell, or an aberrant spirit from the spell 'summon aberration'. (However, if you wanted to turn someone into, say, an angel, you'd need to upcast polymorph as a level 6 spell because 'summon celestial' is a 6th level spell.) I took the bargain and had fifty more sessions of mayhem turning my friends into elementals, demons, and undead monsters. My friends, I don't think my DM knew what he gave me, but I do and I'm willing to share it with you for only five eggs!

Silva

Dearest Turtes, I write to thee humbled to be before you on this day. I have nothing but a pittance of a shop to insert into your stories for silly, rambunctious humor. My creation is a storefront, a humble abode of a shop. The storefront simply declares it, "The Muncie". It is basked in the savory aroma of Italian food, however, it could be described as a magic market. On a successful perception check, you will find a white dog sleeping under the outdoor windowsill. If the player chooses to investigate further, the dog has a collar on that says 'Odie'. Additionally, the hours of the store state that they are open everyday except Mondays and mornings. Upon walking in, you may choose to order the stores cuisine - lasagna. Upon consumption, your player may add 1d6 temporary hit points of pure, gooey deliciousness. If you spot the owner of the store, you will find an overwhelming power overtake you. The presence of this... being overwhelms you. A level 20 wizard. As he takes off his hood, you see.... Garfield, the greatest being in all the land. My great turtles, all I ask for this store are 3 hard boiled eggs that have been coated in pasta sauce and cheese. I bid thee audios

Evilbob02

Hey there Tortle Wizards, Have you ever battled a BBEG spellcaster thats has higher level spells than you? You try to counterspell but you still have to roll for it! No reason to upcast you still have to roll 10 + spells level to beat it. ie DC 19 against Power Word Kill. My idea is for every level spell slot you use above 3rd level takes the DC down by 1. Ie using a 6th level spell slot for counter spell will take DC for PWK to a 16.

Randy

Variatable upcasting, when you cast a spell using a higher lvl spell slot that would increase the damage output you can instead use the base lvl damage but increase the range by 10ft per lvl . For example fireball lvl 5 still does 8d6 but has a range of 170ft and is a 40 ft Sphere I ask for but a single egg from the weakest tortle in the tank.

Katie P.

Shell met, Tortles. I would like to present to you my favorite homebrew weapon: I allowed my player to name it "Shattered Teefs". The item is an ancient elven longsword that was broken in ages past. It's original name is long forgotten but through the years it gained sentience and a sense of Devotion. I don't really do alignments, but for morally upright characters this attuned sword will form an attachment, and if the player has all of its shards along with the hilt, the sword will reform though still be visibly broken. It acts as a +2 longsword and as a bonus action a wielder can send one of its shards as a +2 thrown dagger attack. As an action the wielder can send all 5 shards as a barrage of daggers either at 5 different targets or at 1 target for 5d4+10 damage. I would like one tortle egg that's just about to hatch please

Eugene

Hello Tortles and Jim Here are two rules that we use! Sprint is you can quadruple your move speed if you move in a straight line, it also takes up your whole turn. So if you have 30 feet of movement you’d be able to move 120 feet in one turn. Crunchy crit maxes out your weapon damage dice in addition to your normal damage roll. For example of a short sword does 1d6+2 damage normally with a crunchy crit it would be 1d6+2+6 I am asking for Jim’s eggs in my basket

Caredwen

This is extremely good.

Caredwen

I like this idea. It’s both anticlimactic and narratively confusing when you get, like, a 24 on your insight check about how best to convince someone of something, and then a 2 on your persuasion to actually do it. Sometimes it creates funny story moments, but I feel like more often it’s just hard to explain. Also, the portmanteaux this offers are delightful.

Caredwen

Awww, this is a really sweet idea.

Aaron Aposhian

Shello and well-met, esteemed Tortles. I lay prostrate before your grandiose heap of succulent yet leathery eggs. I am running a very potion centric campaign, similarly to the current campaign in Bahumia. It is a pastel colored gothic sci fi world where there is a dominant gnomish alchemical corporation which mass produces low quality (yet delicious) potions. However, in a potion centric campaign, the stakes of death are often diminished when the players perpetually have access to life saving potions. Introducing: FLASK BLAST, a potion/energy drink that is far cheaper (and tastier) than your standard artisan-made potion. However, it comes with the caveat that it cannot restore health to an unconscious creature. Quantity over quality. Flask Blast also comes in different flavors equivalent to higher powered healing potions, such as “Flask Blast Citrus Smash”, and “Flask Blast-OFF!” Get yours today at your nearest Fitz & Flask fantasy vending machine! Tortles, for 50% of the mass produced homebrewed potions i ask only for a measly 50 of your glistening and supple eggs. Thank you for your time.

The Iron Knight

Shellutations to the Triturtliate of Amphiblance and the tart tort, I bring for your tortulations a beta tested home rule which I have run for over a year already: critical failures on Nat 1 in combat. Upon rolling a natural 1 the attacker deals damage to one of their allies or to themselves if no allies are present. We expanded this with a miscast rule where before every damaging roll the spell caster rolls a 1d20 to see if they’ll get a 1 or not. Over the campaign this brought more light of Dice Christ upon my party’s misadventures by our fighter accidentally decapitating our warlock in the first session and the big bad Red Wizard who the party was hunting miscasting on a high level disintegrate and vaporizing himself on his first turn. I am willing to sell rights to the chaotic joy of this rule for a single chortle.

Orion

I'm so glad to be here😭😭😭 I bow so deeply before all of you distinguished tortles

Jenkers

Hello Tortles, I have commandeered this flesh being to speak to you directly to establish a mutually beneficial financial arrangement and advance my own nefarious objectives. I desire eggs to hold in a menacing, albeit respectful way. I come to you with the Shadow’s Thief, a rare magical dagger requiring attunement. It is a slightly curved blade with a black Damascus steel-like texture that shifts as a shadow would. While attuned to the weapon, the dagger can hold 1 magical charge, which can be used to cast the darkness spell initially centred on the blade. When cast in this way, the darkness lasts one minute, requires concentration, and you can see through it’s magical darkness but not beyond it while within it. However, the trick is that the weapon does not naturally generate it’s magical charge, and instead must be taken from the world. While standing in dim light or darkness, you may activate the blade with an action to steal the darkness from it. In it’s place, a permanent 15 ft sphere of stagnant light, similar to a moonlit glade or the pale light before dawn returns. This sphere cannot be illuminated further, the light does not illuminate beyond the 15 ft sphere and no shadows are created by the light. Further, it is not affected by magical darkness or the absence of a source of light. I await your decision tortles.

Jenkers

Hello Tortles and Donatello, or Jake. Please correct me, I get those two confused all the time. Lets get drunk and see ghosts! I bring to you the Brew of the Forgotten Spirits, which is the brew of choice for a monastery of drunken master monks in my game. Each flask of brew contains enough of that good juice for 3 uses, which can be restocked with a DC 15 check from a creature proficient with brewing supplies during a long rest. A creature may drink from the flask with an action and must make a successful DC 12 Constitution saving throw or become poisoned for 1 hour. Pass or fail, the user is able to see entities native to the ethereal plane as brightly coloured and illuminated silhouettes for one hour. This normally takes the form of whatever beasts would normally be found in the local area many years in the past. (think about those fish in the desert in that one Love Death and Robots episode) Additionally, while under the effects of the brew, you gain the eldritch blast cantrip using your CON modifier as your spellcasting modifier. You may also cast the blink spell once per imbibe. Finally, when 5 or more creatures within 15 feet of each other are affected by the Brew of the Forgotten Spirits, they may ritually cast Speak with the Dead, targeting the ethereal creatures. They are insightful, wise and hold knowledge that is beyond the minds of mortals. If a creature that is poisoned by the brew attempts to join the ritual casting, they will have to succeed on a DC 8 Charisma save. On failure, the creature’s HP falls to zero and their soul is stolen by the ethereal creatures. Other characters may rescue the soul by appeasing the ethereal creatures, but is otherwise lost forever after the spell ends. I will take 500 eggs for a 25% investment in my new brewing business that is totally not run by dead animal spirits.

Jessica Yphantides

We do a fun crit rule where its automatically max damage + another attack die! it sucks when you crit and you roll a freaking 1 on damage so we do this instead!! the best feeling ever!!

Dikota Moreno

Hey I got idea from tiktok everyone gets a nerf gun and during any point the can yell sneak attack if they hit the dm they get a bat 20 but if you miss they get bro give you a nat 1