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CW: Mental Health Discussion, Mentions of Suicide

These last few weeks have been some of the most uniquely difficult that I’ve ever faced in my life. Nonstop targeted harassment towards me, my friends, my loved ones, my peers, my career, unapologetic antisemitism, a break up, and attacks on my livelihood. Every single day was met with new pain. I was drowning.

Had I faced this a few years ago, I would have not survived this. This is not me being hyperbolic. I would not be alive.

I am still in deep pain but I am moving forward regardless, because I know it can and will get better. I have grown so much in these last few years: I finally have a therapist who works for me, a medication that quiets my mind, a wealth of love, and most recently I have learned that I have a community that will uplift me even in the worst circumstances.

And it’s because of these things I choose to live. I choose to keep following this path that is life.

So I shut off my socials and focused on living. I went to the ocean and screamed. Watched films. Visited my synagogue and surrounded myself with my people. Received the biggest and hardest hug from my rabbi. Finished 4 books. Saw my therapist. Walked in sunflower fields. Sent postcards. Wrote 10 poems. Created 6 audios. Played video games. Spoke to loved ones. Slept (yes really).

Even as my mental health waxed and waned I still didn’t stop moving, I kept living.

Thank you to those who reached out to me and my loved ones to check in on me. Thank you to those who stood by me. Thank you to those chose to speak to me directly before casting judgement. Thank you to my partners and close friends who reminded me every day of who I really am. Thank you all for your patience while I took time to care of myself.

Finally, thank you to the artists who sent me love, encouragement, support, and beautiful art while I was away.

This piece was made by @SannyBaykker , a complete stranger to me, who sent me kind words and this gifted art that captures my experience better than any words that I could have written above.

Thank you for reading and thank you for helping me continue to choose kindness when the world gives me every reason not to.

I love you all.