'BUYER BEWARE' - The Lost Demo (Patreon)

I have a remarkably good track record of finishing songs I start. Generally if a song gets written, it gets released. I have plenty of song ideas that never made it past drafts, half songs and unused melodies, but very rare is the song that I finish writing but never gets produced.This is one of those rarities.

You may or may not be aware of 'Omega Mart', the surreal supermarket sitting at the edge of reality in Nevada. It's a real place, an interactive art and narrative experience you can explore and solve its many mysteries. Years go when it first opened it released a series of viral online videos, bizarre, disturbing, otherworldly commercials for their store and its plethora of paradoxical products.

I was enthralled, it was such a fun idea and so very in-line with the exact sort of thing I like writing about that I decided to break from my usual realm of songs about games and write a song about it. And so was born 'Buyer Beware'.

I had a video planned out and everything. But sadly the project got consumed by others and I never managed to push it through to completion. It did get as far as having a recorded demo though, which sat forgotten on my hard drive for years.

Here's a look at my doodle of the set concept I drew up at the time:

Then in late 2023, I went to Vegas! To celebrate hitting 1,000,000 subscribers and to film 'Adequate Wordsmith'.

But not only that, being in Vegas meant I actually got to finally visit Omega Mart myself!

And knowing I'd be there in-store, I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to resurrect the project. So I reached out to Omega Mart to see if they'd be open to allowing me to film a music video in-store. After all, I was already in town with my crew and gear!

I dusted off the demo, sent over all the project details and ideas, but sadly, after several months of emails back and forth, we weren't able to come to an agreement. Ultimately, though they liked the song and the idea of the project, if I were to film it on-site they wanted almost complete creative control and ownership of the final song/video. I understand they were protecting their IP, but I'm sure you all understand why that wasn't viable for me as a creator, so we agreed not to proceed. Sending the project back into limbo!

Well it's been long enough now that I'm confident this one's not going to ever get finished. And whilst it's certainly rough around the edges and I'd probably write it every differently today, all these years later, I figured it'd be a fun thing to share here!

It's full of a lot of very fun tongue twister lyrics!

This is a very rough early demo. It's not mixed, it's not a final recording, it was made just to get the idea of the song down and listenable.

The instrumental this is recorded to is also not in any way final. It's recorded to what I call a 'scratch beat', an instrumental I find somewhere that has the right sort of tempo and vibe that I can record a demo to and give to the producer to start planning an actual beat with. Most of my songs start life this way!

In this case some of you may recognise the beat as a low-fi remix of the Gravity Falls theme song I found on YouTube by a creator known as L. Dre.You can hear it here:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e1TH9ivLM98

I hope you all enjoy this little peak at a Stupendium project that never came to be! I'm happy to answer any questions in the comments here!And as a bonus, here are the lyrics!

BUYER BEWARE:

(Working Title)

VERSE 1:

Do you like savings?

And all your favourite brands?

Do you have cravings?

Far too strange to understand?

Everyone's raving

For our new flavours of sand!

Why are you waiting?

It's in the palm of your hand!

Assuming that your hand is on the handle of a shopping cart

If you need definitely just lemons it’s the place to start

You will find heaven on aisle seven of Omega Mart

Heaven now leavened with an eleventh more potato starch

New in store! Ameob-Os! The self reproducing cereal treat! Buy one, get a theoretically infinite exponential quantity!

We’re just your friendly, local, family owned and operated

Nationally incorporated, mom & pop conglomerated

Super-giga-mega-ultra-corner store that’s populated

With the oddest products though their origins are obfuscated

Logic’s out of stock but all our oranges are concentrated

Thought has been recalled and understanding’s past it’s sell by date

Reports of missing shoppers just don’t seem to be corroborated

Questioned by authorities but legally exonerated

Customers can trust they will be adequately compensated

With a book of coupons should a loved one end up confiscated

Traded to a rutabaga deity and consummated

Phone the helpline, don’t consume the offspring if they’re pollinated

An Omega Customer reminder. In a universe that is a maelstrom of unending chaos and uncertainty, the only true constant is Savings. Enjoy your purchases.

CHORUS:

So come on down!

To where the aisles are paved with dreams

So come on down!

That’s the sound of savings, not of screams

So come on down!

Our beef is picked fresh from the vine

Just come on down.

Don’t read between the product lines

Where the fabric of reality has torn and fallen through

The slight risk of fatality’s worth all the great value

The salad leaves don’t actually feel the pain they say they do

Your family just won’t believe what we’ve in store for you

VERSE 2:

YO! Omega Mart! It’s the place to be!

We’ve amazing savings, aisles A to Q2xi!

Like buttered Kentucky blubber nugget buckets

And yummy suckable rubber trucker mustard udders stuffed with Omega 3

We’re so organic you could say we’re super-natural

New sandwich collect-a-meats, can you get all the animals?

We’ve mineral digestibles and incandescent vegetables

Yeah we’re the very model of a modern major general store with energy pork and levitating cheddar-y orbs

Just be careful where you step on the floor

Though most spillages are innocent, you’ll never be sure

And we promise that a shopper’s never melted before

We got friendly employees and customer service

And then from the void he will come to the surface

His discounts are boundless, his sermon is wordless

Eternity bleeds as you complete your purchase

Customers are reminded not to climb inside the freezers, no matter how politely they ask or what they promise you will find inside.

CHORUS:

So come on down!

To where the aisles are paved with dreams

So come on down!

That’s the sound of savings, not of screams

So come on down!

We’re farm to endless void to table

Come on down.

You’d best avoid the reading labels

Where the fabric of reality has torn and fallen through The slight risk of fatality’s worth all the great value

Grab slabs of candied manatee, a deal at four for two!

Your family just won’t believe what we’ve in store for you

VERSE 3:

Did you think these weren’t supposed to be just groceries? No-sir-ee!

Our shelves are overflowing with a host of oh-so totally

Ordinary produce like toasted bee ovaries,  

New boneless rosaries, smoked gorgonzola cheese

Crunchy Lumps complete with added fungicide and dread

A tub of something legally we must describe as ‘Spread’

A jug of slushy pizza and a dozen viper eggs

(You can trust us honestly this one is just a slice of bread)

Family planner salmon platters, antimatter pancake batter

Sleeping bags for tangerines are free with each banana hammock

Jacket Haddocks, taffy hassocks, pantry packs of battery acid

Antistatic patties and some new pneumatic snacking carrots

Memories of a better time now zesty-fresh in lemon lime

Low calorie antifreeze, regrets and zebra flesh in brine

Twenty grams of apathy in trendy bevelled clementines

The best in value sanity, is just behind the checkout line

BRIDGE:

An Omega Bargains customer announcement! You are now half off.

You are the saving. The saving is you. You will be saved.

You are the saving. The saving is you. You will be saved.

You are the saving. The saving is you. You will be saved.

You are the saving. The saving is you. You will be saved.

CHORUS:

So come on down!

We’re here in Area Fifteen

So come on down!

That’s the sound of savings, not of screams

So come on down!

One day they’ll say your name for the last time

Just come on down

We have that in a spray, now in alpine

Where the fabric of reality has torn and fallen through

The slight risk of fatality’s worth all the great value

The sins of all humanity now crammed with real assorted fruits

Your family just won’t believe what we’ve in store for you

So come on down

And put our service to the test

Customers aren’t always right

When there are no customers left

So come on down!

Though please do heed the warning signs

Just come on down

You’ll never find the checkout line

So come on down.

An Omega Announcement! The store will be closing in 5 minutes.

Complete your purchases.

The store will not be held responsible for customers locked inside.