“O” Stands for “Off” — Eternal Beach City (Patreon)

Did you know the original jack-o-lanterns were turnips? I guess before vegetable-based, face-carving enthusiasts came to the U.S. of A, their best available canvas was this unwieldy root vegetable. Then people came across pumpkins and were like “oh, fuck that!” And now Halloween stencils for pumpkins can be purchased at any reputable vendor of goods across the globe. (I don’t actually know if that’s technically true. Luckily, I said “reputable” which is a subjective modifier. You try to call me out with a specific example? Bam! Looks like I don’t consider that operation very reputable!)

Anyway, there might be a good lesson here. If you’re following a tradition that doesn’t make any sense given new information or tools, you’re not abandoning the glue that fuses you to your heritage, culture or family, you’re just creating a new and better glue! i.e., a new tradition. After all, the version of that custom you were following was just made up by some dude. You think he’s better than you?! Fuck that! He’s probably racist! Ya know, statistically speaking.