Digital Proof (free version) (Patreon)

Speaking of biometric identification, apparently fingerprints, eyes and faces aren’t the only things on your body that can uniquely identify you. I guess ear, lip and tongue prints also distinguish you as the one-of-a-kind snowflake you are! I’m assuming the only reason we don’t see more of this in either futuristic sci-fi or real life is because it doesn’t look nearly as cool as an eyeball getting scanned.

But, I guess this doesn’t go for labia/dick prints. Apparently they don’t have the “friction ridges” required to create the distinct stamp you’d need. You know what does though? You might already know where I’m going. Buttholes! In theory, at least, one’s spicy starfish should be able to create a distinct pattern that tracks back to you and only you!

So tell me, why wasn’t that part of Minority Report?! Huh?!