Chapter 40: Force-Feeding My Believer Peppers Until She Vomits… as a Rock?! (Patreon)

So, this chapter seemed a lot funnier in my head.

But then I outlined it, and it didn't seem quite as funny anymore.

And then I wrote it, and I realized I had made a series of terrible life decisions to have ever arrived at this chapter.

Chapter Forty

Force-Feeding My Believer Peppers Until She Vomits… as a Rock?!

Urd coughed and sputtered as though she was choking on mustard gas. Snot and tears rolled down her tortured face as she looked up at Alice the Rock. The Girl had to fight for each word as she continued to cough like an elderly smoker.

"D-Did I... Did I do s-something to... to displease you, God?!"

Alice wanted to crawl into a hole and die. It was hard to believe it had all started so innocently.

Momma opened the crate of Castuelí peppers. They were frightfully colorful, which made Alice worry just how much kick each pepper contained.

"God said these are for... you?" Momma said, barely able to hide her confusion as she looked down at Urd's embarrassment.

Alice's nonexistent face felt uncomfortably hot as she studied the discomfort her command had birthed amongst her followers. How could she possibly explain why Urd needed to cram these peppers into her mouth?

Oh. Wait a minute.

A familiar reprieve quickly tickled Alice's thoughts, and her nonexistent chest buoyed with the newly earned arrogance.

I don't have to explain anything! Alice reminded herself. I'm a god!

"Urd, tell them there is a good reason for this," Alice said, and Urd quickly repeated the ambiguous decree.

Kuonrat and Momma bowed their heads in acceptance, however, which served only to inflate Alice's steadily increasing ego. Between spamming [Serpent's Whispers] and not caring about explanations, Alice was really becoming a natural at this whole god business!

"I am... I am blessed," Urd said as she looked tentatively at the box full of peppers. "Thank you, God. I've always wanted to t-try one, but..."

She glanced at Momma, the rest of the thought left unspoken. Momma shared none of the child's excitement. She watched with a furrowed brow as Urd reached a trembling hand into the box and selected a particularly chonky pepper.

Glancing nervously up at Kuonart and Momma, Urd began to nibble on the pepper. The Girl reminded Alice briefly of a rabbit chewing on a carrot.

But then a single breath passed.

"Hhrk!" Urd's eyes went wide as she seemed to choke on her small nibble. "Gack! Khh!"

"Are you OK?" Momma said as Urd spat out a wad of red spit. The child's chest rose and fell violently as a few tears misted in her eyes.

"F-Fine!" Urd sputtered. She looked down at the pepper in her hand with a sudden wariness. "It... It burned my mouth. I can still... It's v-very hot..."

Momma bit her lip and exchanged an indecipherable look with Kuonrat.

"Some people like them," Momma said, rubbing Urd on the back. "They have other uses, beyond eating. Some of the men enjoy when you- "

"Momma," Kuonrat growled, silencing whatever horrible talk she was about to share. "You will not speak of such obscenity before the Master's vessel."

Momma did not blush. Alice wondered if the vampire even could, but she bowed apologetically as Kuonrat squinted down at the box still full of peppers.

"I've never had such a pepper myself, but I've heard things," the Priest said, stroking his beard. He glanced at Urd, squinting at the pleasant sparkles of her scales. "Perhaps these peppers are meant to purify the little one of her dragonrot."

Alice felt as though the three of them were getting a little distracted. She winced at the memory of Urd's coughing, but she supposed that was to be expected if one was nibbling on a pepper for the first time.

It would get easier.

"That is right," Alice said, and Urd's head snapped towards Alice the Rock. "Listen to Kuonrat. You need to finish your pepper."

Urd nodded her head dutifully and, turning to the pepper in her hand as if it were a foe, she crammed the whole thing into her mouth.

The Girl's face was soon covered in sweat as she chewed ferociously. A few tears mingled with the salty kiss. Alice could feel Urd's discomfort with [Divine Communion], but still the child continued to chew, chew, chew until...

"F-Finished!" Urd said, breathing heavily. "Thank... Thank you, God!"

"Very good, child," Momma said, and she withdrew a small piece of cloth from within her robes. She dabbed at the sweat and tears that marred Urd's face.

Alice was beginning to regret ever starting this horrible task, but...

"Urd? You need to... eat another."

Urd blinked in confusion as Alice's words seemed to bounce around her head.

"Eh?" was all The Girl offered in response, and Alice wanted to weep.

"Th-there's a very good reason for this!" Alice said, and she quickly planted a [Serpent's Whisper] in Urd's head. "You want to eat all the peppers in the box!"

Urd turned and stared at the box, her expression distant and misty.

"God... God said I need to eat another," Urd said, and she reached out without another word and grabbed another pepper.

Before either Kuonrat or Momma could speak, Urd had stuffed her face and begun to chew. Still more tears and sweat spilled down her face. The Girl clenched her eyes shut painfully as she forced herself to follow.

A little snot dribbled down her nose, but Urd wiped it away with the hem of her overlarge sleeve. Alice could feel how her mouth burned, how her throat tickled with fire... but Urd's stomach did not seem the least bit ready to satisfy FOT's task.

"Very... Very good," Alice said, each word torture. "But you need to eat... more."

Urd did not move. She stared at the box with horror slowly creeping into her eyes.

"Did I...?" The Girl opened her mouth, but the thought remained unspoken. She instead grabbed hold of two peppers and, her hand trembling, began to chew on them as if they were an enemy that needed to be defeated.

"Urd...?" Momma said weakly as still more sweat rolled down The Girl's face. "Why... are you eating so many?"

"Purification," Kuonrat said, though his voice sounded just as confused as Momma's. "Look at how she... she sweats. Those are the bad humors leaving the body!"

Alice had very rarely wanted to disappear more than at that moment. But Momma herself had said these peppers were not common. There were probably a million better ways to finish this task than force-feed Urd the peppers, but now that she had begun, it would be a dangerous waste to leave the job unfinished.

"Ack! I... I finished... hhck... finished them!" Urd sputtered, coughing violently as she continued to wipe her face clean. "Th-thank... ack! Thank you, Go-hhck!"

"I'm... I'm sorry, Urd," Alice said, and though she had no body of her own, Alice could feel herself growing faint. Was whatever reward lay at the end of this task worth it? "But you need to keep eating. This is... is a trial! And I know you'll overcome!"

Alice's words seemed to give Urd the strength to stuff still more peppers into her burning mouth. Momma shared none of Urd's elation, however.

"S-Surely you have eaten enough," Momma said, but Urd shook her head, her eyes clenched shut as she chewed, chewed, chewed.

"Just a few more!" Alice said, though she had already slipped out of Urd's skin. She could not bear to feel the child's suffering.

A few more were chomped and chewed, and Urd's face was practically as red as a tomato. Even her scales seemed to brighten like rubies as she struggled to stuff more and more peppers into her mouth.

Urd coughed and sputtered as though she was choking on mustard gas. Snot and tears rolled down her tortured face as she looked up at Alice the Rock. The Girl had to fight for each word as she continued to cough like an elderly smoker.

"D-Did I... Did I do s-something to... to displease you, God?!"

Momma threw herself onto the ground, bowing towards Alice the Rock as Urd seemed to struggle to breathe.

"Please, forgive me!" the vampire matron said with shuddering breaths. "I brought an unbeliever into your sanctum! Let me slit all three of their throats and feed you their blood! Just forgive this poor child!"

Alice wanted to scream. It seemed so obvious now that the others would think this some kind of punishment. Why else would some cruel god force their believer to weep and cry, to torture them until their lips and face felt as though they were on fire?

"Sh-shtop, Momma!" Urd sputtered. Alice doubted she could even see through the thick tears in her eyes. "I will... I will passh God'sh trial!"

The Girl's face was so bright it was as if it was on the verge of popping like a balloon. The very air seemed to shimmer around Urd's scales as though the peppers had done more than burn her mouth, but had heated up her lizard features like a barbecue grill.

Alice slid into Urd's skin, and her nonexistent heart caught with horrible excitement. She could feel a terrible ache in the poor child's tummy.

"K-Keep chewing!" Alice cheered, suddenly delirious with horror as Urd struggled with the final few bites.

The Girl shook her head as defeat washed over her. She keeled over, opened her mouth, and the horrible sound of retching filled the abbey.

But there was no wet splash.

Just a hiss of smoke.

Kuonrat and Momma gasped in astonishment as a plume of fire erupted out of Urd's mouth, instantly incinerating whatever sickness might have dribbled onto the floor.

Alice shared in their disbelief as a notification flashed across her eyes, spelling an end to the most uncomfortable thing Alice hoped she ever had to do.

Guidance Followed: [Some Like It Hot!]

Reward: Believer Unlocked [Breathe Fire] Skill

All right. Let's pretend this chapter never happened and just celebrate the fact that Urd can now breathe fire!

READ THE NEXT CHAPTER