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Most men find initiating sex overwhelming. They either overthink it or avoid it entirely in the wait for "the perfect moment" that never really comes. (Patreon)

Published:
2026-03-16 14:43:23
Imported:
2026-06

Comments

Lake Zup

IMHO- it's not about initiating. That's old hat. It's about interest, understanding, & negotiating. Frankly, 95% of our sex (married 45 years) these days is about scheduling times when we're both at our peak, feeling good, and both open to pleasure. To me, it's more "if not now, when?"

Grouchy Vince

I was lucky ... 2 women I was with were pretty obvious and VERY frisky. They took the lead. The 3rd never gave clear signals as to being open to the idea beyond wanting friendship. Which I was cool with. As beyond a certain point I didn't flirt or chase or "compete". So my dating experiences were kind of out of the "norm".

AndrewA

It's mainly the "I have to ask the question..." thing. While my wife loves to have sex with me as much as she can, she rarely is the one to say "hey hon, how about tonight?" I feel like I'm the only one of us that really wants it when I have to ask "so...do you wanna get down tonight?" Sometimes I think she likes when I tell her I want it and ask nicely if she does too. I feel like it might be a thing for her, where she's like "he wants me and is going to take me there" kind of thing. As soon as she says "yes" she's like "ok you shower first, let's watch a sexy movie and you can give me a neck massage, and then I'll take my shower" which is her way of saying "I want you really bad!" Honestly, I just wish she could throw her tongue down my throat and take me while we're sitting on the couch not doing much at all!

Paul McCrone

MY thing is - am I doing this in a way that works for her?

Feisty_Achievement

I think the reading signs is my weakness spot. Also, me asking about sex or checking in on them. It seems to be pressuring to my partner even with the reassurance of its okay to not have sex. Another point I find it hard to initiate sex. Is partners will say you can do xyz to me at anytime. And within reason, you go to do x, y, or z and it's an immediate what are you doing? Like we had a whole conversation on this like last week. I feel like more communication is needed.

William

Most men, including myself are intimidated to initiate sex for fear of being rejected. Even in situations where both parties have agreed to have sex, there's a significant amount of difficulty in actually making the first move 🙃

Ari

Fear of rejection and not knowing how to read signals/ambiguity from a partner

Chad G

Sex initiating was the main discussion that got me thinking about coaching. Increased erotic intelligence and ability to communicate what may be in the way or what your partner is open to helped the most to remove the stress and fights. She was not rejecting me, but the moment was not right for her. Sounds easy to say but implementing is a whole other story.

Matt D

Even after 25 years of marriage, I still hesitate in being the aggressor. I do drop hints to see if she might be in the mood, but my biggest fear is not that she will say no, but that she will say yes just to appease me when it is not something that she really wants. There is nothing harder on a man's ego than to feel like your partner is just wanting to get it over with. Even though that really hasn't happened to us, it is still a fear in the back of my mind. On the other hand, there have been a few recent occasions when my wife said she was hoping I had woken her up before I got out of bed or joined her in the shower that morning. Her way of telling me that she had been wanting to be intimate and trying to encourage me to be more aggressive. Logically, I shouldn't have such fears, but emotions rarely go hand in hand with logic.