This Patreon is back and so is The Liveblogyssey! (Part 2) (Patreon)

Thanks for sticking with me over the break! We'll kick back into liveblogging tomorrow, but first here's a little more Oddysey liveblogging (does it count as liveblogging if I'm way ahead of this part. Let's say it does)

So what’s happening with Penelope while Telemachus is off gallivanting around?

Well the suitors are plotting to kill Telemachus as soon as he gets back, which Penelope’s house boy informs her of, and to which she responds “wait a fucking second, he LEFT? Without telling me? And none of you said anything?”

And everyone says "well in our defense he didn’t want us to tell you because he thought you would stop him” and she’s like “YEAH!!! I WOULD HAVE!”

I love this one guy who’s just like “well he’ll either come back home or he’s met his fate”. Super comforting, thank you for your contribution.

Penelope goes to her room to cry and pray to Athena and Athena decides to show up in Penelope’s dreams in disguise and do a shameless self plug. I’m not kidding she’s like “don’t worry about your husband, girl,  he’s gotAthena in his corner. She’s a “helper many men have prayed to have"! "She has great power"! She’s the COOLEST.

To which Penelope’s like “uh. Are you actually Athena? Because I feel like you’re Athena. Athena please tell me where my husband is” and Athena’s goes “oh who knows” and vanishes.

Athena then goes up to Zeus and is like “okay so Telemachus is going to die if we don’t do something, do you feel like helping out. At all.” And Zeus is like “daughter, this was all your idea in the first place??? You wanted him to go on a heroic quest right??? Figure it out” But he does send Hermes to tell Calypso to stop imprisoning and raping Odyseuss.

Calypso points out this is a fairly hypocritical thing for Zeus to scold her about (true), and why is it okay for Gods like Zeus to rape mortals and toy with them but when Goddesses do it SUDDENLY IT’S A BIG DEAL? HASHTAG DOUBLE STANDARDS.

Calypso is literally the shallow lean-in type feminist who wants women to be equal simply so we can be corrupt capitalists and oppressors like men get to be and that’s so funny. Some things are timeless.

I mean yeah ,she’s technically right that it’s unfair, but girl, is Zeus what we want to aspire to here? Can we not aim higher?

She also mentions that every time a Goddess takes a mortal lover people kill that man and cites Demeter and Iason (saying Zeus killed him because double standards) and Dawn (Eos) and Orion (saying Artemis killed Orion because double standards).

So of course I had to look them up the thing with Zeus definitely does reek of double standards, Demeter slept with a dude (CONSENSUALLY TOO! Amazing!) and Zeus got jealous and immediately killed him with a lightning bolt. He and Hera really do have some things in common!

But while there are several myths about Orion and Artemis, I don’t see any ones where her killing him had anything to do with him being a lover of Eos. In fact her reasons for killing him are either extremely justified or she does it accidentally. She either killed him because he raped this girl(valid and correct), she can kill him because he tries to assault HER. A GODDESS. (Dumb bitch definitely deserved to die for that).

Then there's the second-funniest version of Orion’s death. Basically Apollo notices Artemis has been hanging out with him too much when she should be spending time with HIM, so while Orion’s swimming, Apollo points to the dark shape in the distance, is like “bet you can’t hit that with your arrow! bet you can’t!” and Artemis is like “Yes the fuck I can!” and then kills Orion. Oh siblings!!! always pulling those silly little pranks!!!

(the absolute FUNNIEST way Orion can die is when he’s hanging out with Artemis, brags he’s going to hunt and kill every animal on earth,Gaia’s like “bitch no you won’t” and kills him with a giant scorpion)

Anyway, where was I. Yeah so Calypso’s assessment of why Artemis killed Orion is inaccurate.

Calypso goes down to Odysseus who’s just been sitting there on the beach sobbing about how much he misses home. Apparently he's been doing this every single day but Calypso just now decided to notice. He also talks of “not wanting her even though she still wanted him” Yeah that's definitely rape.

There is an implications it might have been consensual at one point with the specific phrasing “she no longer pleased him”. Doesn’t matter since you can take back your consent at any time so it IS rape now regardless, but boy the people who are like “he never cheated on Penelope how dare you imply!!!’ are going to hate me acknowledging this ambiguous phrasing, huh.

So when Calypso tells him he can get on a raft and go home, he’s like “yeah. So. I don’t believe you ou’re 100% going to murder me on that raft, lady.” and can you blame him?

Calypso gives him clothes but before he leaves make sure to be like “I don’t get why you’re so into your wife. I’m definitely sexier. Look at this perfect body. Also I’m taller than her too.” It comes up a couple time that women being tall is apparently desirable in Ancient Greece, which is an interesting reminder that beauty standards are fake and change constantly throughout time and cultures.

So Odysseus goes sailing off but Poseidon sees him while hanging out with his horses and says “nuh uh” and makes the sea all deadly. Odysseus is just ready to give up, going “I seriously wish the Trojans has killed me at this point, it’s better than having gods torturing me endlessly at least I would have gotten a funeral.” Poor guy.

Fortunately a passing goddess Ino, who used to be human so she’s predisposed to sympathize, takes pity and helps him. And! She says! “Why does enraged Poseidon create an odyssey of pain for you?” That’s right! Even Ancient Literature know the art of the title drop! And that’s a good place to pause for now.