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Sunday Funday (Patreon)

Published:
2024-09-09 00:47:09
Imported:
2026-06
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Content

Excuse the bnw selfie, I’m tryna be a hipster over hereee

This is going to be about anxiety. If you don’t feel like reading that right now, it’s totally ok. Just sharing what’s going through my head atm.

Today I’m feedbacking videos. It’s the most anxiety inducing thing to me - this format is new, and I have a really hard time watching myself at the moment. I think the videos are cool, but I probably won’t have a really good format going for some time. The videos are also kinda short (8-12 minutes) so I don’t see it necessarily working in the current YouTube landscape.

Feedbacking videos has always been tough for me. I’m not a theatre kid, not a narcissist (I think lol) and often I just kinda feel like I feel into this career by chance. I never seek out the limelight IRL, never been that person. I just love music, and I love this job, I especially love seeing the reactions of you guys watching. But needing to put out stuff I’m not 100% happy or comfortable with is a big part of the job, but it feels like it represents me sometimes as a person, or like the views on something is a proxy of my worth… it’s hard and something I have to bring up with my therapist on an ongoing basis.

I’m not saying this job is bad or harder than anything else - while the hours are long and off time scarce, I feel blessed to do this. I’m just going through it at the moment, and really tryna force myself to put out stuff that I feel is fully “there”, in order to see actual people’s reactions and act accordingly. Iterate, become better.

I wanted to go into more creative stuff for years, but always came back to music commentary. I might still do music commentary occasionally, but for now I think I’m interested in creative videos or maybe even broader commentary with some music stuff in it. I’m positive you guys will like where this is going, but maybe not be 100% aboard the first handful iterations. I’m going to need your help to grow and build these things into something really cool.

Anyway, I hope you all had a great weekend. I think of making content/music as trying to serve you and make you smile/feel as much as I do it for my own expression. You’re at the heart of everything I do and I appreciate you immensely.

Let’s bring it into this new week :)


J

Files

Previews only

Comments

Cas

As long as the videos show how much you like music, it will be authentic and people will like it. Maybe not right away but they will. You are much more than your "likes" and I think everyone is going through that journey these days. Creative endeavors require evolution and that is difficult for a perfectionist. We are on your side. Hang in there. We appreciate you.

Angela Lee

You’re not a narcissist, Joel. Trust me anytime you want to talk about whatever.. I’m here for you

Airyckah Lane

It’s hard 🫂 hard to know yourself, but yourself out there, to find words to express it like this. I give you and anyone who has attempted, let alone in front of the world. Fear just means you’re doing it… and that’s far better than not. Thank you.. again.. for just being you.

Jess Haggstron

Hey Joel sup? There is no perfection, there are mistakes and successes. And the most important thing is what you’re doing, taking risks, leaving your comfort zone. This is the only way we grow. I know they're just words, but I hope you're okay. I also judge myself a lot in my work. I have anxiety and I always think my work suck (even though people say otherwise.) People like us which appreciate your job will be always here with you. I admire you a lot and I think you are very talented. Stay strong🙏🏻 And thank you for always sharing your journey with us. Have a Good week btw🤍

Alle Engdahl

We appreciate you too! I think any job/career has moments that suck, even with a dream job. Can’t wait to see what you’ve been working on, the good the bad and the ugly! 😁

Dorie

I think as long as you’re truly enjoying what you’re doing, that’ll come through and that’s what people will respond to. Glad you’re taking the risks, for you and for us. Appreciate ya right back.

Courtney Walker

I relate! I also have anxiety and it is so hard when you feel like you're where you are based on luck and not by your own means. Sometimes we forget the talents and choices we made that led us to be where we are today. Please know that you are here and where you are because YOU are amazingly talented and have worked so hard! Running a YouTube channel takes a lot and I'm sure it wears on you quite a bit. Being creative takes a lot of energy. But please know that we believe in you. And we're here to support you. You having success is not a fluke - you may feel like you struggle, but this is growth. Like they say in The Greatest Showman, "comfort is the enemy of progress." And I think you constantly trying out new content and working on what makes you happy is a brave endeavor, one I believe works best when you have put your own personal happiness at the center. I enjoy the videos most when you seem genuinely happy and invested. It comes across as the most relatable and authentic. I think it captures your audience in the most rewarding way. Sorry for the long comment. I just hope you know that we're all here to cheer you on and we believe in you!

Snoodle

I would find it an absolute nightmare watching myself on camera, i can just about manage a selfie occasionally. Idk how you do it especially under pressure as a job. Give yourself some credit. You're doing something most people couldn't. You should give a selfie tutorial also lol 🔥🔥🔥

ron store

In the past, you tried entertaining the viewers in a lots of ways like creating silly songs from comments or making impressions like the "one guy" concept or the "16 levels of singing." I think you were so busy trying to satisfy us that you forgot your happiness, which needs to change.

rosie - o.

It's always hard presenting something new to an audience. I would be nervous too! I feel like we're in this weird dichotomy: on the one hand, you know what your audience likes and what makes them happy (the commentary videos). On the other hand, as a creator/artist, you desire to showcase new ideas with no guarantee that your audience will share your same enthusiasm. I say, for the sake of your own art and creativity, to keep doing new things that make YOU happy. The Internet is a fickle place filled with constantly changing standards of what is popular. For us that have stuck around until now, it's fair to say that you can trust that we'll like the things you give us. Hopefully, a new take on your content can also draw in a fresh set of viewer, too! Thanks for being open with us and sharing what's on your mind! We love authenticity around here 😊

Naomiskyyy

Hey Joel, thank you for this mini update and being honest about how you've been feeling lately. I've had anxiety most of my life, I know it can be a struggle more times than others. Just remind yourself you'll get through this and whatever comes your way. I look forward to your videos and truly hope you enjoy making them. Your mental health is always important, don't worry if your videos are short or the format isn't the highest quality, etc. You got this Joel! Remember you're an OG, RoomieOfficial! Have a great week Roomie!🙂

♠️ Aslyn Jobry ♠️

Hi Joel. I can relate the feeling of trying to deal with life while going through motions. It's never easy. The overwhelming feeling.. It's alright to feel this way. Please allow yourself occasional lapses without giving up entirely. Perfection isn't the goal, continuity is. A lot of times I also felt like I'm not giving my best in whatever I do and that gives me stress as well. I have to remind myself to treat myself better and do what brings me happiness. Not perfect but I feel better that way. And that somehow clears my mind and emotions. It's an ongoing process but I'm able to work my way through each day with some feeling of contentment. Having said that, please go on experimenting your creative endeavours. A lot of us will love to see original, genuine videos instead of what youtube algorithms keep pushing to us. I hope seeing our replies will remind you that you're a great person and please don't be too harsh on yourself. Thank you for sharing with us. Appreciate you always~~💜

Trisa

Your humor, creativity and musical gifts is what drew me in. Your honesty and warmth keep me here. Love you, Joel.

Lianne Conroy

Ok "tough love" moment. If you stop doing commentary you will probably lose a chunk of your general audience. There will be some shitty comments because people don't want to see you change. That's not about you though. It's about them. You either need to get ok with that or keep being unhappy doing crappy content. If you do music and creative fulfilling things new people will find it. It may take time. But you will be happier doing it. There have been people following you for years. We aren't going anywhere. You need to decide do you want more views or do you want to be happy?

Airyckah Lane
>>148908540

He’s said many times he’s not worrying about the views.. dont know if he was majorly so before, but as of recently mentioned, he isn’t… so I’m not understanding the need for this “tough love talk” moment

Miriam

Hey Joel!! I think the fact that you want to make videos that will make us happy shows what an amazing person you are and that you deeply care about your work and your viewers. Try not to worry too much about numbers (I know easier said than done lol) and honestly do what you feel you are being creatively led to do. Please know you are not alone and that we support you! 💜

Lianne Conroy
>>148908540

He just said views are tied to his self worth. And that he talks to his therapist about it

Gayle

Thank you, breathe, and pause. Remember that when you are relaxed and in joy for the moment you are in ...it's contagious. The person you were, the person you thought you needed to be....served it's purpose. Trying new things is scary, but also exciting. To be in a positive mind set, you need to be okay with what you desire to do. It has to be you first. Don't seek anyone's approval. Doubt, fear are mind killers. Confidence stealers .. anxiety breeders. I trust that this endeavor won't be ridiculous or strange. I believe it will be thoughtful, entertaining, insightful, and just fun. All you have given all of us has been wonderful. Narcissistic, ego can be intoxicating. Momentary lapses of grandeur, we all go through it. I've been smacked upside the head being too big for my britches. I'm just not enjoying you feeling as you do. If I've done anything, forgive me please. I was with a narcissist, have family that are narcissistic. Getting free of that isn't easy. Life is supposed to be a learning curve experience. Man, am I learning quite a bit. ✌️✌️✌️❤️❤️❤️😂😂😂

Chloe .R

Im not good at words, I usually don’t comment on anything because I get really anxious about people taking it the wrong way, or think of me differently because of it. But I just want to say; you are not defined by numbers, do what feels right and it’ll work out. Something that’s really helped me is thinking “whatever happens, it’ll work out in the end” even when it seems like there’s no way of fixing something, or something is going south and feels like it’ll never get better, it always will. Everything happens for a reason. And we’ll always be here to support you. hugs 🫂🫂💙

Marlene Sommer ☀️

I Think that commentary videos is a safe spot. It’s the kind of videos that keeps your economy going and gives you an Income. I feel like you always fall back hard to the commentary because of it. Maybe I’m wrong. It’s not because I want to sound harsh and cold. But if it’s the case, I would say “gamble with it” for your own mental health. I know this is your job and there needs to be food on the table, but maybe you need another plan b than the commentary? I know this is a bad advise, especially if you suffer from anxiety. It’s all said with love and your wellbeing in mind ☺️

Rainbowz Grace

I’m sure you know this already, and I’ll leave the proper advice to the other amazing peeps here- but we all appreciate you so so much, and we’ll always be here supporting no matter what the views say. The most important thing is that you enjoy creating the videos. Thanks for being so real with us. 🫂

Roomie
>>148914782

I think it should be ok. Not as worried about money as I am about just like, perception I think haha. Gotta be strong and yall help w that

Roomie
>>148908540

If I cared deeply I wouldn’t try it. But it’s a difficult thing to transition, always. At one point I transitioned INTO commentary too

Leah Miranda

For me, and I think most here feel the same, as long as YOU are happy I’m happy with whatever content you want to do. For me that’s the whole selling point of a video; happy, silly, smiling Joel. ❤️ thank you for the update and for always being so honest. 🫂 everything will work out fine, I’m sure of it. ☺️

kurt kellyy

someone else said it already but as long as ur happy with what ur making i am too!! ive been a fan of ur videos for years and no matter what u do i love and support u and ur videos<3ik sure itll be alright

Amanda-Leigh

As most here have said, your happiness and mental health matters first and foremost. Change and experimentation is always gonna be scary intially, but lean into and you'll figure it out. I've enjoyed all the different things you've tried over the years, and always look forward to the next thing you try. It's also ok to switch between new stuff, and 'tried and tested' stuff too. Thank you for being open with us, because that can be just as daunting as anything else. You'll always have support from my tiny corner, in all your endeavours.

N M

Ooh, hello, anxiety, my old stinky buddy, didn't expect to see you here! Sad to hear it’s hard for you to watch yourself. Hope it will get better asap, because I'd be happy if we were on the same wavelength, as I enjoy watching you. About perfectionism. I like the thought of one very experienced designer. Perfectionism and procrastination can become a huge problem on a long run. They are two sides of the same coin and it’s the fear of failure (what if it’s not good enough? What if they would laugh at me? What if...). As a result you either work for eternity or can't start the project. So he advises to ignore most what-ifs, simply work and post the results even if they're not perfect. If we think logically, how terrible and close to the end of the world the results of the failure/mistake can be? If very close — then probably we can worry for a bit. I understand your corresponding the number of views with self-worth. Have recently read a couple of stories about some great artists' lives and I see it's been pretty common for a talented creator to think similar way. Fortunately it’s not true, so don't trust those detrimental thoughts you inner bully whispers. Also we're living at the times of weird algorithms, bots ets., when it's hard sometimes (at least for me) to trust the fairness of numbers. I don't see any problem with your commentary videos (unless you really don't like making them). For me they're just as valuable as the others: love seeing you sharing your thoughts, laughing and making jokes, inspiring to listen to music, helping to forget about the dark stuff happening. There is more soul and life in those videos than in some "bigger" youtubers' noncommentary stuff! Ready to give you as much help as I can (hope you won't ask me to break the law) but don't judge if it's of a pea size — I'm a pretty weak unit. Thank you for everything, Joel. And sorry for the very long comment, but the good thing that it is shorter than it could have been (had to cut out the yamaha joke, as I misread one of your sentences, hehehe). Have a peaceful anxiety-free week🌞 P. S.: I go black+white when the colours are a mess that is difficult to fix:) you look great!

Elke

I hope you also allow yourself to be proud of the work you’ve already done 😄 I think it’s good to remember people are going to form an opinion on you regardless of what you do or say. A bunch of us have been following you for years, throughout all kinds of changes. I think that means you must be doing something right 😊 Tldr; do what makes you happy and share that happiness with us if you can. I’m convinced the right people will find you eventually.

Nina L

Thank you for such a personal sharing about this aspect of your work. It feels like a creative type of work can be very rewarding but also demanding of "personal" energy, and that's without a 'limelight.' Though it's not a solution (one of many maybe), it's a bit of relief in itself when things like anxiety, etc. are normalized to talk about. I have an anxiety about the future (though usually it's more mild).. always had, imagining all kinds of possible scenarios and feeling accordingly to those thoughts. But trying to fight it and live more in the moment. I hope you find the right balance in your work and life outside of it, so it brings as much joy as possible. I think you already built something exquisite and unique while bringing a lot of fun and relief from stress to so many, not to mention your amazing community. I believe whatever you decide to create will be fun and worthwhile watching because you already have that gift - that a viewer becomes immersed in the moment and forgets the stress. Thank you for sharing it. Truly appreciate you Joel 💜

JustSomeJK

I'm really sorry to hear that u are having anxiety over your videos and sending u a huge virtual hug 🫂 I'm sure that when u get the videos rolling, it will start feeling easier for u too 🙂 You have done this so long, that you've got this! If the new format doesn't work for u then u just change the course. As long as u enjoy what u are doing, that's what's the most important thing ❤️ I honestly haven't come across with any of your videos that I haven't enjoyed, whether it has been goofy, commentary, serious etc. There has always been something that I have gotten from them, good laugh, cozy feeling, been reminded of some songs, found new songs, learned something new or made me think about something in a different way and so on. I don't know enough about how the algorithm works or what it's like being a creator on YouTube, but why u couldn't mix and match different types of content? As a person who suffers from perfectionism and always thinking what I could've done better and not feeling good enough.... I understand the anxiety that u feel, if not being 100% sure about the end result... I hope it gets easier for u in time 🙂 I believe in u and I will be supporting u on this ride just like everyone here ❤️ 🙂 Wishing u a great week! Appreciate u a lot 🙂

Lisa Hontschik

I agree with Cas, the running thread for me through all your videos is the love of music. I think that’s why I love seeing you geek out with the music stuff. Honestly, I don’t understand the technical parts, but I love your expertise and joy in sharing that. Regarding the anxiety part - I find it incredibly impressive that you are able to put yourself out there time and time again. As someone with lifelong anxiety disorders, I find that amazing, and makes me even more proud of you. ❤️

Bookdragon 43

I appreciate your videos for your energy and your love of music.💟 So sorry that you are experiencing anxiety with your new videos. I enjoy your content because of your creativity and talent. Thanks for all the time you have spent producing your new videos.👍🎶

Melissa Rogers
>>148899321

We’re all here for you @Roomie…no matter what’s going through your creative noggin, or if there’s anything you want to get off your chest.

PhantomFidget

You're not the only one Mate, I too am not a fan of feedbacking, when it comes to performing, via screen, stage, etc.... (Yet its necessary for my path). As a performer it can be a challenge to watch yourself on screen, & overhear as to what needs to change or the director decided to make a few last min changes etc.... Though you may be going through a rough patch, know that it won't last long, eventually things will get better. It may not be today, or tomorrow, perhaps not within a few weeks, yet the community will be around to cheer you on. Long as you created something that makes you proud, the community will pick that up, & cheer alongside you. Just like the cast & crew has my back, the community has yours. One thing that a cool Mate of mine shared was "Just have fun, long as you're having fun, others will soon follow after," from this moment on, I carry those words with me. Especially when projects start to get hectic. May things go well for you, I'll be cheering for your projects from afar, have a great week Mate 👻🎭

SpyroShurtagul

Thanks for this, Joel. Truly. I hope you know that you're not alone in these feelings. I've done streaming for years but have also never been a limelight person. I just really loved the idea of drawing and talking about the art world while sometimes playing video games I love with other people. But it can get so stressful thinking about the numbers and logistics and putting self-worth into the equation even though it's not supposed to be. I don't stream much anymore because I really needed a break this year. I'm seeing a therapist now as well. It's done wonders for me like I never thought it would honestly. And it's not like my streaming is/was a full-time job like you're doing with your videos, etc... But I understand that mentality. It's like... People say they enjoy watching you because of who you are and when they can tell you're enjoying yourself, but they also don't seem to realize that people like us enjoy ourselves more when we believe we are making something enjoyable for them as well. It's a catch 22. It's not fun if you are doing something you enjoy but keep looking at dwindling numbers. But it's also not fun doing something you know others will enjoy when you feel it takes too much out of you. I don't know. Maybe I'm just rambling my own feelings, but... I feel like you may understand what I'm talking about. Hang in there and know you're not alone and people love you no matter what. That's why I'm here. I may be part of the dwindling numbers of views because I'm stressed and busy, but I continue to be a Patreon because I want to support and believe in you and what you're doing <3