Home
Creators
Search Recent Random
Posts
Search DMs Popular Hash Lookup Tags Random
Importer
Import FAQ
Register Favorites Keys Review DMs Logout
Community
Telegram ThePornDude
Home Creators Posts Import Register Favorites Logout

ZORTCH REPORT (Patreon)

Published:
2023-08-18 13:25:15
Edited:
2023-08-19 12:08:53
Imported:
2026-06

Content

Hey look it's the Zortch video I've been trying to get out for months that's been postponed by new releases and STALKER videos and that Soldier of Fortune video, hooray for ZORTCH!

To say that the last few months have been exhausting with the amount of releases is an incredible understatement and I'm sure there are people ready to comment "CIVVIE WHERE IS A QUAKE 2 REMASTER VIDEO/TURBO OVERKILL/AMID EVIL: THE BLACK LABYRINTH, SPRAWL, etc" and the best answer I can give is "I don't know, for god's sake I'm only one person and I am very, very tired."

I've wanted to make the Zortch video for a while because it was the most pleasantly surprising thing I've played this year. Some of you may not have heard of it yet. If that's the case, welcome to Zortch, a word I will never get tired of saying.

Keep it greasy,

-Civvie

P.S. In my omniscience, I have already made a Chex Quest joke in the video so you don't have to!

_________________________________

An even newer Patreon discord invite link!

Patron discord link:

Copy and paste this link in your browser because patreon is really weird about these:

https://discord.gg/n4ev6PQ7kn

If you'd like to have a different name in the credits than what you pledged with, leave me a comment, or DM me on here or Twitter or discord or whatever. If your name is wrong, not included, or anything else, shoot me a message calling me an asshole and telling me to fix it.

Or if you want one of those fancy colored names that everyone gets now if they want. The credits in the video are usually a couple of days behind the actual patron list so if you don't see your name, it will be in the next upload.

Files

Zortch Report

A game that is completely unrelated to cereal adventure. Chapters: 00:00 - Intro 02:52 - It's Zortchin' Time 08:53 - The Secret of the Zortch 12:47 - Maximum Zortch 21:08 - End Credits Links: Patrons see episodes early: https://www.patreon.com/civvie11 Twitter: https://twitter.com/civvie11 Join the dungeon discord: https://discord.gg/nwArDS2yEH #retrogaming #FPS #FreeCivvie

Comments

Parallax Abstraction

Get some sleep my dude! We can wait a bit for the next video.

Kiros

I hope you allow yourself a much needed breather Civvie, your pace is insane and I'm not sure how you're doing it.

Sable Drakon

Get some rest man. And I know I wouldn't ask for a Q2E video. The remaster is awesome, you've already covered Quake 2. And this is just Q2 but more.

The Try Hards

I think this is the first game you’ve made a video about that I haven’t either played or heard about.

DurradonXylles

Zortch, if PO'ed and MDK had a baby born out of wedlock, but PO'ed decided to go out to pick up some cigarettes and milk one night before the birth.

Mutel Eight

Okay, you need a break, but also QUAKE 2 REMASTER WHEN?!

civvie11

You can't say that, I still need to cover Boltgun

Mutel Eight

This was an admittedly poor taste joke, but I'm drunk right now so I stand by it

civvie11

No, it's fine, I asked for it

Ghostybirb

I saw the Discord post and was like "HOLY SHIT CHEX QUEST!" I am instead pleasantly surprised. Zortch kicked absolute ass, and the fact that it is only 5 bucks is a steal. Can't wait to see this one, as well as (hopefully) at least a video on the new Q2 Remaster, or at the very least, the new campaign, but totally understand if that's not enough footage for a full video.

Raul Campos

Thank you as always, Civvie. Please get some rest, bro.

gill

civvie let me be clear and say Zortch is way more important than boom shoot remasters

Terminally Nerdy

Personally I would be fine with you taking a bit of a break / getting some rest if you need it Civvie, just saying <3

civvie11

I still played through the whole new campaign and my entire idea for a video would be yelling about how they nerfed the railgun. My sweet, precious railgun. The OG. How could they?

Valora Inverse

I've been sitting on this since you first plugged it on Twitter ages ago, haven't gotten around to it yet, but I reckon now's as good a time as any, more good weird shit is welcome.

Burd Up

And they all laughed at me when I decided to keep my ouya, well jokes on them

civvie11

how do you eat your hot dogs?

civvie11

RIGHT? IT'S PURE AND INNOCENT, IT'S LIKE A PUPPY

Denny Giesbrecht

Nothing is better than coming across a game, playing it on a whim and finding out it's one of your best gaming experiences

Doratov

Never miss the first purpose of these games - to have a bit of nostalgic fun. I get that it's a living, but "I am very, very tired" is probably the moment when a little break can do magic.

Goth Crayon

Please, for the love of medium rare steak and women who aren't fussy about displaying their mammaries given half an excuse, do NOT burn yourself out. I am personally incredibly happy with a Soldier of Fortune quality video every sixty days than a Doom short every single day. As an artist, I totally understand that creativity is not an endless pool you can draw from, and more often than not you need kickback time to let creativity recoup itself at whatever rate it recovers in order to fulfill the minimum quota your creative effort drains. I don't fork over my dollar a month to prod you into constant content cranking, I do it to support you making your art at the rate that suits you. That being said: I am of the firm belief that a GOOD shooter weapon library should consist of just as many useful function tools as it does workhorse weapons. The Quake rocket launcher would be practically useless over the grenade launcher if it didn't simultaneously provide a predictable mobility function, whether or not a dual-function pineapple/rocket launcher should fire one before the other... It depends on whether or not grenades provide a benefit of ammo economy or damage over rockets. I think that grenades should actually deal MORE damage than rockets, being indirect fire of an omnidirectional high-explosive fragmentation munitions as opposed to the propellant demand of a rocket necessitating a smaller uni-directional warhead which isn't going to pack the same whallop as a grenade which uses the same platform for deployment (sure, penetration might be better, but the blast radius shouldn't be half as prominent). I would also consider altering in-game rockets to where they start off with a swift burst of propellant but gradually reduce velocity after a short distance, making them VERY spicy to dodge at closer distances but kinda useless against moving targets at sniper-rifle distances. Then again, the skull-taffy in my brain box is an admittedly peculiar example of think-meat, but I like to believe it comes up with some good ideas and alternatives when I give it enough sleep and something resembling proper nutrition.

Ghostybirb

There's thankfully a mod that exists that restores it's original SP damage, but it shouldn't even have to exist in the first place. You don't mess with best Railgun like that!

Dénes Hliva

Darn. I thought from the message on discord that this was going to be Chex. Well, atleast this is a pretty gool came too!

Rebecca

Sounds like Civvie needs a vacation

Björn Birkelbach

Katie is not reaL? oh my god do hammer and AX3 know about this?

Mechazaurus

Zortch is pretty good overall, and grading on the curve of $5 games made by one guy it's something of a minor masterpiece. I wouldn't say it's one of my all time favorites but I played it to the end, which is something I often don't do with games and I never got board. Can't ask for much more than that.

Kouhstipher

I bought this game when I saw your tweet about it and didn't start playing it until yesterday and got through episode 1, love the game and It's challenge.

CasualKitty

Looks good but a little weirded out that the main character looks like Dot Matrix from Reboot. Well maybe her busty sister that had to drop out of high school because of poor impulse control. She tries but the disappointment from the rest of the family makes every Thanksgiving awkward.

P__Geni

I can’t wait to be sold all over again on the game I bought and finished from your tweet recommendation

Ghostybirb

We have a brand new boomyshooty that's just been released from the Boom Shoot Tube: Retchid (granted in Early Access), and it looks great from what I've seen so far. Huge Doom 3 vibes, which I personally love

Melon Head

Finally got Patreon to update me when you put out new videos, so I can watch them as soon as they come out.

Scott

What the fuck is a Zortch? Oh god, it is fun to say... Zortch Good shit Civvie

Nic Bergstrom

Hey Civvie, your new Discord link is broken already, if you didn’t already know. Anyways, love you and loved the video. I can always count on you for the best of the best for content. ♥️

HolyJunkie

I'm hearing a few Halo CE sounds in here. Got the plasma rifle and the magnum at some points. Why is this 5 bucks?

BK

Second on the discord link being broken. Tried copy/pasting into multiple browsers to no avail. Thanks for consistently producing entertaining vids!

civvie11

I have no idea because this is a new link fresh from discord. I’m starting to think they personally hate me. EDIT: I generated another one which might work.

civvie11

I’m not sure why this keeps happening but I’ve made yet another new one that will hopefully work and put it into the post.

Nic Bergstrom

It worked that time. I’m in. Thanks for your help!

BK

Seems I was able to get in. Seems the link is working..... for now.....

Mario_bland

Civvie posts a review, I put on my wishlist/cart. It's that simple lol

Powerhouse Willington

"I'm only one person and I am very, very tired." There was a period of time when I was convinced that you were a group of people running the channel. I couldn't believe one person could play a game, write a script, do the voice-over, edit everything, and have it done in 2 weeks. I don't think that anymore, and wouldn't want to diminish your work, so I won't. I would like to lodge a complaint with the DoSC that my wishlist has grown to the size of Norton Mapes since I subscribed back in 2019. Take it easy, Civvie!

Pyrexis

100% accurate description of what I expect from a $5 FPS that is new and not on sale.

Steed Productions

I have never heard of Chex quest when you coving it civie?

drrockso20

Titanfall 2 when Civvie?

drrockso20

also man if this video had come out earlier in the year when I still had my Windows XP desktop hanging around I would have actually tried to see if Zortch would actually run on it

ZordLedd

This one looks wild. I'm in. Unrelated but have you seen the Zombies Ate My Neighbors mod for Doom II? Not for a video, just a personal recommendation if you ever check out any mods in your off-time. I think it's in progress but mostly finished. It's a complete conversion, like they just took the SNES game and smashed it into GZDoom until the perspective changed to first-person. And they're actually doing it well.

Tory Leo

Gonna enjoy this from my parents' house in Mercer ME!

everynightfever

Damn shame we'll never get a Titanfall 3.

Martin Tepper

Don't burn yourself out, please! Maybe relax some time in the cold room?

WaltManTutorials

Zortch reminds me.... burning food on an electric stove. lol

Space Tiger Steven

You're the best man. Currently on day 23 of staying sober and your videos are helping my brain feel normal again! (and a lot less depressed) Thank you so much for all your hard work and creative inspiration! Take a break if you're feeling burnt out please!! <3

Michael Cazares

Love the video. Great find of a video game. Ever think about doing a "best of" video at the end of the year? Like a Civvie awards show?

Suckerpunch5000

Hey, good for you man. Keep it up and don't let the bastards get you down. Civvie's videos helped me through a pretty dark time as well so I very much relate to this.

nx

chex quest when civvie. chex quest 2 has sewers so you know you wanna.

Argon Productions

Hopefully you are currently working on Pro Civvie Goes On Vacation. :)

Toxxium

i had a stroke reading that comment