Marvel Monkey King: CH 1 (Patreon)

The sound of rushing steps pounded against the damp alleyway pavement.

A sudden chicken squawk pierced the air. Jack hurled the panicked bird directly at the group of men chasing him.

"Kekekeke! Wanna change your gang name to White Chicken instead?" Jack yelled back, his voice dripping with amusement.

Li Feng caught a face full of wings. He coughed out a mouthful of white feathers and glared ahead. "Chase him!" he roared.

The White Tiger gang surged forward. Their boots slammed against the ground. Jack's unmistakable laugh echoed through the narrow streets of Chinatown.

The chase erupted into full chaos. Jack leaped from one brick wall to another with reckless confidence, propelling himself forward like a pinball.

A White Tiger member lunged at him from behind with a pipe raised high. Jack didn't even look back.

He reached up and grabbed a clothesline hanging between two buildings, yanking it loose with a sharp pull. Damp bedsheets unfurled like giant sails in the wind. They dropped down and wrapped around three pursuers before the men could even react, sending them tumbling into a tangled heap on the pavement.

Jack kept his momentum. He vaulted over a fruit stand, kicking a wooden crate of oranges backward. The fruit spilled across the alley. The next two thugs slipped and went airborne, crashing hard onto the cobblestones.

He grabbed a bamboo pole from a nearby scaffolding and vaulted himself upward. He swung gracefully onto the corrugated metal roof of a small dumpling shop.

The gang scrambled after him. Jack hopped across the rooftops, using hanging neon signs as swing bars. He dropped down a fire escape, sliding down the rusty rails on his shoes while dodging the frantic swipes of a thug waiting below.

He grabbed a trash can lid, using it to block a flying cleaver, then tossed the lid back like a frisbee. It clanged perfectly against a thug's forehead.

Jack laughed, spinning around a lamppost to change his direction. One wrong turn ruined his flow. The narrow path ended abruptly at a solid concrete wall. A dead end.

Li Feng and his crew stopped at the entrance of the alley. They blocked the only way out. They stood panting, gripping machetes, butterfly knives, and several other cold weapons at hand. Their eyes were locked on their prey.

Instead of panicking, Jack started doing jumping jacks. He moved his arms and legs in perfect rhythm, acting as if he were just waiting for them to arrive.

"Come on man, what did I do?" Jack asked.

Li Feng's face twisted with pure rage. "You made my wife spend all of my money."

Jack stopped his jumping jacks. He picked his ear with his pinky finger and showed a genuinely confused look. "That doesn't even make sense."

He paused, his eyes widening slightly. "Oh, wait."

…

Several days ago.

Jack Hou raided Li Feng's hideout. The operation was swift. His crew was busy tying the bruised White Tiger gang members face-down on the floor.

Jack was kneeling by the wall, trying to open the heavy steel safe.

Suddenly, a phone rang. The loud ringtone echoed through the tense room.

Jack groaned and rolled his eyes. "Oh my gaawd!! Whose phone is that! I told you no phone when working you fuck-"

He stopped mid-sentence. The ringing was not from his crew. It was from inside the desk drawer.

Jack walked over and pulled the drawer open. The screen of the phone displayed a single contact name: Wife.

He decided to pick it up.

"Honey... are you busy," a sweet, feminine voice asked.

"No, what do you need," Jack replied.

"You sound weird," the caller pointed out.

"It's the new room I'm at, it echoed," Jack lied smoothly.

The caller paused for a moment. Then she laughed awkwardly. "Haha, I'm at the mall now, and I find this beautiful dress, it's only 5 grand, can we get it."

"Well sure, I'm sure you'll be pretty in them," Jack said.

The wife sounded incredibly excited. "Okay... um, I also went by the Mercedes dealership today, and I saw the new model of G Wagon, you know the one I really-"

"How much?" Jack cut her off.

The wife's voice turned more sultry. "160-ish."

Jack nodded as if holding a business meeting. "Well at that price, might as well do all the options."

The wife squealed with super excitement. "Great! Oh honey, I will do the ass stuff tonight."

Jack couldn't hold it in. He laughed. "Kekeke, consider me lucky."

"What was that," the wife asked, suddenly confused.

Jack cleared his throat. "Uhh, I'm just excited?"

The wife's voice grew even more sultry. "I didn't know you were that excited to be pegged."

Jack froze. His eyes widened as the tied-up gang members on the floor looked up in absolute shock.

Jack swallowed hard. "Love you baby."

"Love you," the wife replied.

…

Back in the present.

Jack doubled over, letting out a loud, obnoxious laugh. "Kekekeke! So it was you? How was the pegging?"

Li Feng's eyes bulged out of his head. "How do you-"

He caught himself mid-sentence. His face contorted, and he screamed, "Fuck you! It's all your fault! You raided my base, and you tricked my wife!"

"How is it my fault?" Jack asked, throwing his hands up defensively. "It's your whore of a wife who spent your money."

Li Feng's face turned a violent shade of red. His grip tightened on his machete, his knuckles turning white.

"Wait, stop!" Jack shouted, holding a hand out like a traffic cop. "I admit it. It was me."

Jack shook his head, looking down as if he were carrying the weight of the world's shame. He started pacing back and forth across the narrow dead end.

"I've gone down this path before. Revenge. It's not a good path," Jack said solemnly. "Someone wiser than me, by the name of Dumbledore Obi-wan the Grey, once said..."

Several of the White Tiger gang members tilted their heads in confusion. One of them lowered his pipe, exchanging a bewildered glance with the man next to him.

Jack stopped pacing. His eyes landed on a stack of bamboo cages near a dumpster. Inside, several chickens stared back at him with unblinking eyes.

He reached inside the cage. One very confused chicken let out a sharp squawk as Jack gently grabbed it by the legs.

Jack turned back to the gang, lifting the upside-down chicken into the air. "He said... size matters not."

A heavy silence fell over the alleyway. Only a light, awkward cough from one of the White Tiger members broke the quiet.

"What the fuck are you talking about!" Li Feng screamed, spittle flying from his mouth.

Jack lowered the chicken slightly and smiled. "So I asked you once again, how was the pegging?"

Li Feng seethed, his entire body trembling with rage. "Attack!!"

Jack snapped into a fighting stance. He held the live chicken upside down like a fencer holding a rapier. He pointed the bird directly toward the incoming wave of angry gangsters.

The chicken flapped its wings furiously in distress, sending loose feathers flying everywhere.

"En garde, ye fat bastard!" Jack shouted.

The first thug charged with a crowbar. Jack side-stepped, letting the man's momentum carry him forward. Instead of hitting the man immediately, Jack shoved the flapping chicken directly into the thug's face.

The man panicked, swinging wildly at the barrage of feathers and claws. Jack waited exactly three seconds, admiring the man's struggle, before finally kicking the back of his knee. The thug collapsed, and Jack gently tapped him on the head with the back of a trash can lid, knocking him out cold.

"Hey, watch the beak! She's delicate!" Jack yelled, dodging a downward slash from a butterfly knife.

He spun around, sweeping the attacker's legs, then tossed the chicken into the air. Jack delivered a swift, spinning back kick to the falling man's chest, sending him crashing into a pile of cardboard boxes.

Jack held his hands out like a catcher. The chicken landed perfectly back in his grip, completely unbothered.

"Ten points for the landing!" Jack cheered.

Three more men rushed him at once. Jack ran straight at the concrete wall, planting his foot and pushing off into a backflip. He sailed over their heads, landing behind them.

He tapped the biggest thug on the shoulder. The man turned around just in time for Jack to blow a handful of loose chicken feathers directly into his eyes.

"Achoo!" the thug sneezed, dropping his machete.

"Bless you," Jack replied politely. He then grabbed the man's own shirt collar, pulled it over his head to blind him, and shoved him into the other two attackers. They fell together like bowling pins.

Li Feng roared, charging forward with a massive cleaver. He swung wildly, aiming to chop Jack in half.

Jack dodged the first swing by bending backward at an impossible angle. "Whoa, careful! You almost gave me a haircut. And my barber charges a lot."

Li Feng swung again, horizontal this time. Jack ducked under the blade. He reached down, grabbed a dirty wet mop from a nearby bucket, and thrust the spongy end straight into Li Feng's open mouth.

Li Feng gagged, stumbling backward and spitting out dirty water.

Jack tossed the mop aside. He stepped forward, delivering a rapid sequence of strikes to Li Feng's chest and stomach, finishing with a brutal palm strike to his chin.

Li Feng's eyes rolled back, and he collapsed onto the wet pavement, joining the rest of his unconscious crew.

Jack stood victorious amidst the groaning bodies. He had a shallow cut on his cheek and a bruised knuckle, but a massive grin was plastered across his face.

He gently set the chicken back down on top of its cage. He patted its head. "Good job, Sir Cluckles."

Jack walked over to Li Feng's unconscious body. He squatted down, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I kinda felt bad beating someone with a bruised anus, kekekeke," Jack chuckled to himself.

He stood up, dusted off his jacket, and turned his back on the carnage. Jack strolled casually out of the dark alley, stepping back out into the vibrant, neon-lit streets of a busy New York Chinatown.