December Doodles [1] (Patreon)

Happy Holidays, dear patrons! I have to be honest, this year (especially these last six months or so), I've really struggled to make art. Not only did drawing feel like a chore, I came to dread the act entirely, and stressed endlessly over creating a decent output for my patreon. 

I'm familiar with creative burnout- but this didn't feel like burnout. Perplexingly, I was not at a loss for energy in all my other artsy outlets- baking, crafting, etc. I didn’t feel depressed or exhausted. So why was the thought of drawing the same characters I'd been drawing for years enough to give me panic attacks? Why did picking up a pencil make me feel like crying? I did cry over this, dear patrons. I meditated, I talked to my therapist, to my doctor- I even considered stopping my meds, suspecting they must be “blunting” my creative energy. For months, I couldn't figure out what was wrong.

The funny thing was, I never really took notice of the physical pain drawing was causing me. Two years of hunching over an iPad was really doing a number on my body. I dealt with repetitive strain injuries, tendonitis, an instance of acute radiculopathy that sent me to the ER...and at no point did my dumb ass think that maybe, maybe something needed to change.  I'd simply sit there drawing for hours, unmoving, hunched over my screen, gripping the shit out of my pen, muscles tensed, working my jaw, ignoring the worsening ache in my shoulder, neck, and back. Unless it was crisis level, the pain only registered in my subconscious. And over time…I think, I began to subconsciously associate drawing with my body aching.

tldr: ya boi accidentally Pavlov'd himself into associating drawing with being in pain. :/

I decided to fix my drawing setup, returning to my old PC, drawing tablet, and comfy office chair- and bam, "all of a sudden", I fucking love drawing again. I feel so dumb y'all. XD But grateful it was an easy solution! Expect a big art boom from me before the year is out! >:3 For now, we have:

-honey encounters a worse cook than herself

-ouugh i love my pubbie so much

-the fit that got me followed around a craft store by a loss prevention worker. my family says I deserved it >:(

-ultimately bob handled the divorce pretty well.....just, y'know, not at first