I’m a Sinner, Not a Saint (Patreon)

“Ya need a shotgun, man! It’s got a good spread! Means ya ain’t gotta be that accurate!”

Saint’s line here is from this Bill Burr standup bit about buying a gun 

I decided that my first iteration Skye’s deceased dad, Saint (shown https://www.patreon.com/posts/to-you-i-will-73104543 ) was waaaay too normal and boring. Time for an overhaul! >:3

Skye is always surprised when people assume her father was some noble stoic homesteader, the saintly patriarch of Pawberry Acres….because in actuality, her dad was nuts. Beloved, sure, but fucking nuts.

Saint Shepherd was a loud crass motormouth with a proclivity for government conspiracy theories (as a kid, Soup successfully explained their non-binary status to Saint by convincing him gender was a government ploy to sell people pink and blue baby merch). Saint was a trucker, using his big rig as a means of transporting fresh-from-the-farm strawberries, as well as other uhhhh illicit materials whose tradings and purchases were a strong pillar of Pawberry Acres financial success. Saint died when Skye and her siblings were about 12 years old, and without the backbone of his business dealings the farm quickly began to struggle to stay afloat (as did Saint’s deeply distraught children and wife).

Some of Saint’s hobbies included verrrry loudly and shamelessly hitting on his wife Strawberry (I imagine he sounded just like this) and swatting her big ol badonkadonk. He also liked shoplifting from whatever the furry version of Walmart is, placing his small children inside tractor tires and then rolling them down big hills, getting into half-drunk fights with cops, listening to AM radio, and catfish noodling (wading into a lake, jamming your arm into underwater holes until an angry catfish bites down on it, fistfighting the catfish til exhaustion-and hopefully, dinner). He loved his family more than anything and made a point to spend as much time with them as possible. He (and Strawberry) learned sign language for his deaf son Snowball, referring to it as “their secret spy language”, and he encouraged puppy Skye’s love of reading by paying her a half-dollar for every picture book she learned to read to him. 

Skye misses him very much.