Haeros Dungeon - Chapter 43 preview (Patreon)

The team was too tired to complain much about what had happened beyond a few words of recrimination at me for making things worse. We did not make it any further than the nearest inn, where we paid exorbitant rates to rest within, but were provided in-room baths, clean bedding, a wash service and active security run by old adventurers.

All of which meant that we could, for the first time in nearly a full week, crash out.

I slept like the dead, which was to say, restful at first and stiff with all my muscles refusing to relax before slowly falling deeper and deeper, when minor breakdowns began to occur. The nightmares came, one after the other, and though I could not remember their contents, I still woke sweating and screaming.

Not surprisingly, the rooms in the inn we had rented were extremely well built and highly soundproof. My screams did not disturb anyone but me, and after wiping myself down with a handy washcloth and basin, I went right back to bed.

This time, I slept better and woke up when my body reported its need for sustenance and to relieve certain bodily faculties. Stumbling downstairs to the ringing of a bell, I counted them off in my head to come to a conclusion that it was around two in the afternoon. Late enough that I would have to pay a fee for the late checkout, but the proprietors seemed less than concerned as platefuls of food, watered down wine-equivalent and fruit arrived. I consumed it all without break, only emerging to breathe after a couple of platefuls to see an amused Brand seated across from me. His amusement faded as he saw me watching.

“You’re awake,” he said. “Finally.”

“Thanks, Mr Obvious.” The frown he sent my way might be because the joke was a lot less familiar in this world. “Where are the others?”

“Kira and Sophia are gone. Yorrick is still sleeping. I elected to stay to talk to you.”

“You make it sound like I’m in trouble.”

“What you did at the guard station…”

“Was an accident. I was exhausted, in pain – still am – and acted on instinct. Don’t wave a weapon at me, I won’t try to make you eat it.” I met his gaze flatly.

The kid sighed. “I understand, but you do realize we were all dragged in and interrogated because of you? I don’t like being accused of being a murderer. A delver hunter.”

I grunted. “Don’t think anyone does. But they were just doing their job.”

“I also don’t like working with someone who is a murderer.” At the glare I sent his way, he held a hand up. “I understand you had no choice, but you don’t seem exactly concerned about it either.”

“Shit happens.” When Brand’s face hardened, I decided to be less dismissive. “They didn’t give me much of a choice. I was injured, my healing vault was – is – running low. I couldn’t afford to let them hunt me down. No way of knowing if they could track me or if I’d meet you anytime soon.”

“We – I – get your reasoning, but that doesn’t mean you can just kill those you think might be a threat.”

“They attacked first.”

“Could you not have tried to capture them? Stopped them beforehand? Forced them to lower their weapons?”

“Again, injured.” Then, considering my position and the kid, I added, “Non-lethal always sounds like a good idea, but unless you have an overwhelming force advantage over those you’re trying to capture, it can so easily end up with you dead or injured.”

Brand’s lips pursed, and his fists squeezed together. “I don’t like it.”

I sighed, looked the kid in the eye and said, softly, “It might help to think of them as monsters. Human monsters, but monsters still. Just like the landfang. If we met them lower, and they could talk, you wouldn’t hesitate to kill them, would you?”

Brand nodded. “But they aren’t human.”

“Monsters are monsters, whether you put a human face on them or not. If anything, sentients who choose to act like monsters are worse in my view. They have the choice, whereas monsters are just acting on their instincts to grow stronger.”

“Doesn’t that mean you have a choice too? Had a choice.”

“Yeah.” I said the last softer, offering the kid a crooked smile. “But I made my choices a long time ago.”

“You’re not that much older than me,” Brand scoffed.

“And yet, ask Yorrick. He’s probably had to make the same calls.” Turning my head to the side, wincing at the strain on my muscles, I added, “Right, Yor?”

“Don’t call me Yor!” Sitting down, he snagged some of the bread from the table and stuck it in the bowl of meat, pulling the whole thing over without asking. “But he’s right, you know. I’ve stuck my fair share of people on the streets.” Frowned, his face fell a little. “Not sure I ever killed anyone, mind you. Not as though I checked… Not as though we had much to steal, so grabbing stuff was often fast.”

“That’s…” Brand trailed off, unable to find a word to describe it.

Luckily, I did. “Horrifying. How old were you?”

“First time?” Yorrick asked. “Maybe eight?”

“You’re both insane.”

“And you’re sheltered,” Yorrick stated, flatly. “People who prey on others are the worst. Because it’s not just your coin they might want.”

I looked over to the kid, noting the way he looked down, the way his voice cracked at the end. The darkness in his eyes that spoke of experiences I never had. After a moment, I reached over and gave him a sideways hug, which he shrugged off. But only after letting me hold him for a few seconds.

“I’m not sheltered.”

“Compared to us, you are.” Yorrick then looked at me, frowning. “Lin’s obviously done shit, though…”

“Theoretical more than actual.” I tapped my head. “Gaming—” I corrected, seeing their faces. “Playing it out in my mind helped. Knowing what my limits and choices were. I haven’t killed another human before.”

“And you did it without hesitation.”

I shrugged, but in truth, Brand was not wrong. Something in me was broken, was gone; something that allowed me to act without hesitation. Perhaps it was my own death and realization that death itself was but another journey. Perhaps it was the sheer amount of pain and how close I had been to dying. Or perhaps, and the thought floated up without conscious appreciation, it had to do with the conversation I had with pain where agony was discussed.

“Lin? You okay?” The words that woke me from my momentary blackout, food on my face, a hand propping me up, caused me to stare at the worried faces of my team members. I smiled, felt something warm, licked it out of habit and tasted salt and iron. Touched my nose and realized there was blood along with gravy.

“Maybe don’t conserve so much?” Yorrick muttered. “Or use a potion?”

“I…” I grimaced, touched my head, a throbbing headache left behind. “Maybe I’ll… do something.”

That wasn’t super reassuring and it took a bit more to get the pair to leave me alone. But they did, eventually, wherein I crawled back into bed soon after, with orders for them to wake me a couple of candles into the night with more food, and then again in the morning before I had to pay for another day.

Rest, first. Then, everything else. Whatever Brand’s concerns and hesitations, I would worry about them later. Right now, I had myself to worry about.