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Comments on Stars Awoken (SPOILERS!!!) (Patreon)

Published:
2019-04-02 20:01:01
Imported:
2026-06
Tags:

Content

DO NOT READ THIS THREAD IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERSAlright that should be it. I've probably started the editing process on Monday but I don't think there's much I need to worry about for the first few chapters. However, I do think there are a few pacing issues in the book. So...

Comments:

- anything felt off? 

- any plot holes?

- do you want me to expand on any particular area? Particular scene? I think one more time in the Questors office would be cool. But I need to make sure it doesn't mess with the pacing. Then again, pacing is something I need to fix.

- Pacing - anything seem too fast? Anthing too slow?

- Foreshadow. I thin I did an okay job at foreshadowing the last fight. I think I might need a little more work, but not much. Thoughts? Anything really surprise you (in a bad way)? 

Comments

Han Pol

I kinda disliked the prime dungeon dive to be honest might be that it was the latest in a large number of dungeon dives, and I kinda expected more from it, then a single type of creature. Also I wonder if Hondo or Mikito managed to get to their Master class after that last fight. Lastly I personally don't really like that it wasn't at least somewhat clarified what he bought in the shop. Will likely read it all again as reading feels different when it's stretched out over a month or so, and if it's all read in a day. The last fight was in my option well foreshadowed I mean John is really predictable, that he does hardly ever avoid a fight if it's not completely hopeless.

Cameron C

Maybe a little more foreshadowing for the final fight. It also might help to have details of Hondo’s skills and battle, simply because we want to know so much about him. Additionally, I think there needs to be some more explanation of how Irina keeps violence like the kind we saw down... the authorities are mentioned - but if we saw them step in on a conflict and deal with it, that would help explain why being an assassin is so risky, and indirectly foreshadow. I also think as much about Heroic classes we can get in this book would be helpful. John is going to have a rough time when he gets to heroic class - because of the fact he doesn’t have the skill points to survive that. If we aren’t spending some time in the next book explaining how he plans to deal with that, I’d be surprised - because it felt like a plot point left unresolved in this book - which is surprising because he’s so big on trying to stay ahead of those kinds of issues in his future build - ya know? How is he going to fight higher level master classes? Is his class just that much better than other master classes? Maybe more of an explanation of how he can keep up with as much as he can - because it seemed as an advanced class he was able to deal with master classes, so what causes this ability in him? Maybe I’m just missing plot points from earlier books - we know Johns a cheat... but it makes me worry about power creep concerns... ya know?

Tao Wong

So... Interesting. I'll have to go look over the prime dungeon. But they were kinda stuck in a very small location in the prime dungeon. But I'll keep an eye out on it then. Hondo & MIkito... yeah. I thought about it and I think I should add the level ups at the back end to resolve that. Oh. What he bought was an upgrade on the QSM. That's how he got out of the space lock. I'll make sure to clarify that more.

Tao Wong

Interesting points. I'll look into explaining and expanding Irvina's role a little more for sure. Yeah... Heroic Class fights are nasty. The power level difference kind of jumps again. But Heroic's are slowly getting more play - he's going to be learning about them and dealing with more over the next 3/4 books. So it's not as much of a rush. But it's a good point. Thanks.

Robert Rosenthal

i liked it, i did wonder what level john and co were going in and coming out of the battle. i look forward to him getting a new team to work with and resent

Tao Wong

Hondo's only a quick entrant. Though, an idea for a cool short story for the patron's struck me. So I'm going to find some time to write that soon. After editing.

Kurt A

I want more information on what John learned about the system during his time in the library.

Kurt A

Also, doesn’t earth have a handful of master classes? It doesn’t seem as difficult as John makes it out to be to hit master class.

Kurt A

I would like to learn more about non-system granted abilities and how they relate to the system, and more examples of stat manipulation.

Tao Wong

Yeah, there are a few - a couple of them are cheat's like John (i.e. skipped one whole Class). There's a couple who have it 'normally'. Out of over a few hundred million individuals who live in the 'optimal' location for increasing experience (a Dungeon World). Hmmm... be interesting to add that. *makes a note to add a discussion about experience increase charts for the System quest*

Daniel

What is Johns current portal distance? And what are the next levels? Can’t he just pop open a portal and send everyone to a gathering spot setup (or via other planets as hops) on earth it can’t be too much of a level requirement otherwise other “transporters” wouldn’t be able to fight or defend properly and we have seen this is not the case. He could also make a business out of it from the start to buy more and still archive all but a lot less fuzz? shows it’s possible and yes in the beginning somewhat depending on him but he can read while doing it and once it’s off the ground they can change to ships.

Pike

I keep feeling like we are missing this interaction that should be happening between John and the Erathans.

Pike

You ever thought of making a list of the known base classes?

Tao Wong

Nope. They're missing for a reason. They are leaving him alone for now. The Champion has need for him, but in a very specific way that hasn't come about. *Evil Giggles at upcoming plot points*

Tao Wong

I've been recently thinking I should create a Wiki and get people to help populate it. Something to add to my list of things that need doing

Tao Wong

I'd have to check the actual skill but osmething like 5 or 10k km. Not between planets. That requires a LOT more points and a Skill Evolution. Which he will not be able to achieve. Portals between worlds is a specialized thing.

Pike

How many champions/generals are there? With him being the only Paladin who can judge anyone and only overruled by the queen I'd figure we'd see more reverence from at least the basic soldiers. As for this book I don't know. It just felt like it is missing something the other books had. I enjoyed it but it didn't feel as deep as your past books.

Pike

I honestly think you have a good basis to convert this into an actual rpg. At least better than most litrpgs.

Daniel

How did the champion send him to the forbidden zone? How did he come back and was able to choose his landing location?

Tao Wong

The Champion didn't. It was one of her entourage. The Erethran Honor Guard work in teams, with specialized individuals. The Guard in this case specialized in Portal Skills. As for the return - there was a VERY limited Shop on the planet. One of the few things the Shop can do is port people back, but it requires... *coughs* Stuff.

Tao Wong

Thanks. And while it might be possible, I have neither the tone or expertise.

Robert Quach

Is there anything stopping john from buying some skills and spells from various basic classes of his class tree? Even if it cost a bit more for him becaise he doesnt have the exact class, the system should recognize that he access to his master class teir 2 skills at this point and shouldnt be restricting him for anything below that, even glitched from skipping his basic class, the system would atleast recognize his access to advance teir 2 skills. It seems like an oversight for john not to attempt to fill in his weaknesses at the store before progressing while aware of his weaknesses brought on by his lack of foundational skills. On a different note, are you planning to grow mikoto and johns relationship at all? The two characters seem to have mutual deep understanding of one another, they share a similar goals and motivations, you have them both walking this lonely path of destruction as humanity's blade against a cruel system. I am suprised nothing has developed between the two considering how much time they spend with each other.

Tao Wong

Other than Credits, there isn't much stopping John in practical terms in buying more Skills. And he has gone out of the way to purchase certain Skills or Spells (flight, dimensional locks, area control skills) before. The issue is that (a) having a lot of skills that you don't use much means you forget about them. Even if you learn how to throw say... a flying spinning kick, if you don't use it much, it's rare that you'd ever use it in combat. On top of that, Skills are either active (needing Mana to power right now) or passive (taking away his regeneration). Mana is the biggest constraint for John, especially when fighting Master Classers. Really, it's the biggest constraint for all Master Classers and above. Their abilities cause HUGE amounts of damage, but they also force them to be somewhat careful in its use. While, for example, a Basic Class poisoning Skill is uselss on John (his natural regeneration itself would wipe it out), Advanced Class Skills start straddling the line of Mana use too. TLDR: Nothing stopping him, but Mana and actual 'use' constraints in combat. Though, if you have specific ideas or things he needs, I'd be willing to listen. As for John & Mikito - if you mean romantically. No. John has no romantic feelings for her and vice versa. I think they'd both shudder horribly at the thought. Don't forget, Mikito first met John right after she lost her husband. Her association with him is deeply, deeply platonic. And John's... weir.d

Han Pol

Hmm if Mana is the biggest constrain for master classes, wouldn't that give mages and the like an unfair advantage if they simply have more mana and mana regeneration. Maybe even passive skills for mana saving regeneration and what not.

Tao Wong

In some ways, yes. They do have an advantage in having more Mana (dumping into Int or Willpower builds). However, if they are dedicating Skills to reducing Mana consumption, they aren't dedicating it to using spells. But don't forget - the use of spells aren't like Skills. Skills activate almost immediately - i.e. you can trigger a Skill and it'll start working immediately. The 'charge up' of the Skill might take time, but the activation of the Skill works immediately. So, as an example. Blink Step for John is pretty much instantaneous. The Mage equivalent takes time. A couple of seconds (or less, depending on their Skills) maybe, but in a fight with Master Classers, that's a LONG time. Of course, I guess, you could build a character with huge points in Mana saving / increases / reduction in cost and then buy a bunch of Skills to supplement their attack. And that would be more efficient in some ways, other than the question of attribute allocation (forced allocation to Int/Willpower would be the biggest 'bad'). I'd also say they face major issues finding a proper Class when they graduate. If you choose 'Mage' but decide to become a Monk... well, you might not get the option for Elder Mage or whatever later.

Han Pol

Thanks for the detailed answer. I would still kinda guess that the int or willpower mage bassed classes, have a bit of an advantage specially if the mana regeneration in higher level areas is also higher. Specially if it's some form of prestige mage class. or normal class gets some skills that let them precast spells or wards in advance, or simple let them cast faster. And given that they get 25 points per class, they could likely still spaire a few points to get some shield to make interruptions less common, or some skill that lets them get away or deal damage quickly bassed on mana. Well I'm just nitpicking as the system here is your thing, but that has given me another question, is there some overview roughly how many people get classed in the broader subcategories of figher classes. So far we have seen relatively few other spellswords like John, but tons of guards enforcers juggernauts and also a relativly large number of mages.