Crossroads—2026-03-18 (Patreon)

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Chapter 44: DIFFERENT FUTURE by Liza McDuffy

I’m sitting here in my own Brooklyn micro-apartment about to start a Wednesday—just a typical day in the middle of a week in the middle of a month. Yet, things for me lately have been anything but typical.

Coming to New York for my internship, I felt really lucky to be at a company like NYC SysCo. But, I had trouble finding a place to live.

Not only were they resolved, but the outcome put me in the middle of a community that’s so kind and thoughtful I sometimes feel like it must be a prank—and that at some point, I’ll be the victim. But there’s no sign of that at all.

Two of the others living here also work at NYC SysCo. I feel so welcomed by them that it actually scares me.

Merritt is a wonderful guy. For no reason that I can figure, he’s welcomed me into the group again and again. And he did something else last week.

Today, the director of my division, Jason Harris—who also manages my internship—caught me by the elevator.

“Liza, I talked to Will Robertson this morning, and we’ve got an idea for your Internship. Actually, your friend, Merritt, came up with it. It’s a great bit for your portfolio.”

That’s what I mean about Merritt. He was thinking about what would be good for me. For my portfolio. He’s got nothing to gain from it. Just him being him.

I’m not at all used to that.

The idea is that I check in with him and Hannah each day and keep a log of the renovation happening across the street. The owner here is expanding, and Merritt and Hannah are going to be doing a lot of the work with contractors.

I’m supposed to keep a daily log of what the plan for the day is and how it worked out. I’m to note problems and issues and how they get solved.

Not anything long—just notes. Bullet points.

“It will give you,” Mr. Harris said, “a great view of renovation and reengineering from day one to completion. It will be a great experience for your engineering future, and since you live across the street, it won’t take much time.”

I don’t know why it’s happening, but my future has something that’s been scant for most of my life.

Hopefulness.

Chapter 45: CALL IT ACTING by Addison Magee

Part of the title is a lie. This post is actually by someone I think of as “Little Addy.” Let me explain.

I’m an actor. I always have been, probably starting with puberty. That’s when Little Addy looked in the mirror and told herself that she wasn’t going to let her fears and inadequacies hold her back.

I’ve been faking it ever since. Don’t worry—it’s probably okay!

I come off as larger-than-life and busy, always trying to help others have fun. It’s an act. Little Addy would rather sit in her room and scroll TikTok. But, how does that help anyone else?

I was an awkward little girl who became an awkward theater kid at age 10. I went on stage and acted. I acted like the character was supposed to act.

As puberty hit, I decided Addison could be any character I wanted her to be, and Little Addy could play the part. I decided Addison would fit in, sort of. I decided Addison would make people smile and help them have fun. I decided to hold doors for people and smile.

I decided to be happy.

And it worked.

In high school, I did what I thought Addison—the actor—would do. I dressed like theater kids. I hung out with them. I thought I was supposed to have a girlfriend, so for a few weeks I did.

At the beginning of 11th grade, I dated Bela Stone for about 5 weeks. It took us 4 weeks to work up the nerve to hold hands. And only about 2 days to realize we didn’t like it. We laughed it off and found boys to take us to the homecoming dance.

So, now I’m 24, and I’m still acting… Acting like a person I think is good, strong, and helpful. Acting like someone who cares about the world and the people in it.

So, here’s a question… If I act like the person I want to be, am I really acting? If I’m living a life that I like, dating a guy that I like (Jacob), and helping people around me be happy, is that because it’s who I really am?

If so, then why does Little Addy still want to close the door and doom-scroll?

I don’t know, but as far as I’m concerned, she can just stay put where she is.

The following is EXCLUSIVE to Patreon

CALL IT REAL by Jacob Brown

Addison, I read your post twice.

The first time, I thought, yeah… that tracks.

The second time, I slowed down.

You asked: If I act like the person I want to be, am I really acting?

I don’t think so. I think that’s a strategy.

People like to say “fake it ’til you make it,” but I’ve always thought that phrase undersells what’s really happening. You’re not faking something empty—you’re practicing something intentional. You’re choosing behaviors before they feel natural. You’re building habits before they feel like identity.

And then, somewhere along the way, it flips.

You stop acting like the person you want to be, and you realize you’ve been that person for a while. The actions don’t feel like effort anymore—they just feel like you.

So no, I don’t think you’re acting. I think you decided who you wanted to be and had the discipline to live into it.

And for what it’s worth, I don’t see “Little Addy” as someone you’re hiding. I think she’s just part of you that still needs quiet sometimes. I don’t think that cancels anything else.

I think it makes you honest.

As for me… dating you has been the best thing I’ve done as a young adult.

Also the scariest.

You’re exactly what you said—someone who makes people smile and keeps things moving and makes everything feel alive. There’s never a dull moment with you. But at the same time, we’ve had conversations that go deeper than anything I expected this early.

That combination is rare.

I’ll be honest about something else, too. Sometimes when we’re out, I still feel it—the old instinct. Like I can feel eyes of the guys leaning against trucks back home—Rebel flags in the back window, watching and deciding things without saying a word.

I know where I am now. I know this isn’t that place. But some things take time to unlearn.

Even with that—I don’t regret any of this.

Two and a half months in, I think we’re doing something real here.

And if this is what “acting” looks like, then I’m all in.

Be your best you!

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