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“If I Were You Video” Episode 7: Pissing Contest (Patreon)

Published:
2018-12-27 07:59:00
Imported:
2026-06
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We discuss jealousy, chanting, and how best to relieve yourself, in this BONUS THURSDAY Patreon VIDEO version of our podcast.

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"If I Were You Video" Episode 7: Pissing Contest

We discuss jealousy, chanting, and how best to relieve yourself, in this BONUS THURSDAY Patreon VIDEO version of our podcast.

Comments

gosiemople

I'll do you one WETTER. I come in to the toilet on my razor scooter. Holding my pee from 2 days before so I am about to blow. I jump onto the toilet, breaking the toilet and the scooter. I slip. Fall HAND first into the drain of the bowl. While my hand is in there I give the finger. I fall asleep. Three hours later I am awakened by a deafening sound of me peeing. The sound a steam engine makes while blowing it's horn. This makes me feel a little nostalgic, so I reminisce about old times. When I am done peeing I break my arm so I can take it out of the bowl. I flush and look into the mirror all happy like and I say to myself: you've done it again ya old scooter.

Parm

I drink with my dick and piss with my ass. Some people say it’s a thing off the past. But dick chugging is the only way to rehydrate. And ass pissing the only way to loose weight.

D_Ws

I'll do you one better. When I go for a piss I stop just outside the door of the bathroom and I lower my pants just a little, just enough to let my duckling out. Now I'm bursting, its been a week since I last drained the main vain so I'm in agony and ready to pop so as soon as it's out it lets out its yellow vomit. That's when I start windmilling around in the hallway, restaurant or parking lot or whatever spraying as far and wide as I can my piss. When I've gone I've made sure to go at the same time as some one going for a dump, I convince them to let me go first I'll be quick, I'm pissing after all. So I'm blocking the door and they are getting the majority of the piss windmill that I call my bathroom routine. Now I've been spinning for a minute, I'm getting dizzy. I've just downed as much as I can at the dinner table. I just start vomiting. Still windmilling so that's getting spread far and wide. Mid spin I lower my pants to the floor and start shitting liquid diarrhea which I have a specific diet to maintain.i only stop when either blood comes out of ALL of my orifices or the police get there. It's sort of a little game I play to see which happens first and honestly I think I'm a hero because im improving the response time of the police. Technically they can't charge me, because what I was doing isn't technically illegal, but they escort me out anyway so I got a free meal or free parking or whatever because no one wants to approach me to ask for cash. But you know what the real reason i can maintian this routine? I wipe first. It's a time saver.

Greg Truong

I only do that after winning the lottery. I undo my belt, in an office or workplace of sorts. I partially bend over while gritting my teeth, look at my best friend in the world and say "grr. Shit on ya!"

Aaron Carrico

I'm pretty wild for this one, but I pee almost exclusively sitting down. Haehh

Sujan Sooriyakumar

you wanna talk piss on the seat? i am straight up LICKING the piss off the seat! then, seat down, toilet COVER down - i just piss on the bitch of the toilet cover, splashback and all

Anonymous

That's nothing. I'm standing BAREFOOT on the toilet set, head peeking over into the nextest stall, wearing a toilet cover around my neck like a victory medal, cry-chanting 'please be my girlfriend, please be my girlfriend' to the horrified onlookers as I hold my dick-tip closed while forcing out piss until I've created a golfball sized sphere of urine within my urethra that I finally let loose like a firehose from hell, spraying the stall door wide open. Flush my shoes (as is custom) and return suavely to brunch with fake ray bans on.

Tim Schraepen

“Sorry, we couldn’t find that page” on vimeo with this and all other patreon videos. What am I doing wrong here?

Tim Schraepen
>>18441337

Other people in the community tab are having the same issue apparently. Has nothing to do with your location, and everything to do with the Patreon mobile app. Should work fine on an actual computer.

Anonymous

Man I laughed hard at this video. So hard in fact that I now have both you dweebs beat. Picture this I'm sitting down taking a piss (It's been a long day, don't judge) watching this vid, an mp4 I presume. I let out a chuckle, nah, a chortle and the subsequent abdominal clench causes my piss to burst from me with such force that the porcelain bowl upon which I'm seated shatters. The laser like stream then pierces through the stall door and hits the ankle of an innocent passer-by, a cleaner aged 42. Distraught and still peeing I leave the stall in an attempt to help the poor man I've have just wounded but the torrent rushing from me proves too much for even my remarkably strong and steady grip. The cleaner is hit for a second time by the blast, sending him skating across to the far side of the room and slamming into the far wall. At this point a security guard is alerted to the ruckus and storms into the room demanding I put down my weapon. Luckily for me we're on the 17th floor and the windows wide open. I make brake for it and sail through the opening, all the while being propelled by my still inexplicably fervent stream. I wake up three weeks later in a hospital bed being told I'll never walk again. But you know what the best part is? I never even washed my hands! Let’s see Tom Cruise do that stunt. Ayyyy! and Namaste.

Charlotte Young
>>18585703

Holy shit Louie, I laughed as much at this as at the video, why does this not have more love?