Alone (Patreon)

I don't know if you can relate, but this feeling I have inside me is not going away. I think all my life I've been running from this existential pain of feeling alone. I've run from it by having exciting adventures, by meeting people, and now it's finally caught up with me and I realise why my partner wanted to end his life. I feel the same way, but I don't have the courage to do what he did. My neighbours are spiritualist and they believe if you end your life earlier than God planned that you don't complete your mission here, but I don't believe that, in his case, I believe his soul is at peace, he was ready to die. Do spirits live on, possibly. I feel tormented by what ifs, what if i had stayed in Germany, could he still be alive? How long would we have last together? What if he had ended it with me anyway? I ran away because it didn't feel good there and I needed to preserve myself and now I'm worried that now things are even worse.