A difficult update (Patreon)

Bad news guys - I wasn't able to KISS (Keep it stupid, simple). Thinking of ways of how I could one-up myself on this one - I've blown the concept of the whole video so much out of proportion, that many times through the photo session I just got lost, took pauses, and had to rethink entire rounds to successfully get back on it again. At one point I started to doubt myself if I could seamlessly string all of it together, but I pushed through and I hope it will all be coherent in the final result. The video's main theme is costumes - at least 12 of them, throughout 9+ different locations. It's intense.

But I'm very sorry to say that the video wont be as intense as my previous works. It's just that Marin... I can't go hard on her. She needs to be loved, needs to be cared for - for her to give that love back to you. It will be a heavily non-nude bikini goon inspired type of video (you can find lots on PMVH), so you'll definitely have to approach it with your eyes and mind cleansed of any form of hardcore content, and a good rest before that comes as standard. With all of that said - it's only today that I've finished Marin's photo session. That's right - just the photo session. No transformation to video yet, no edit. The whole video foundation is laid out though, so at least that's covered. I'm starting the video session tomorrow. If any of my past timelines are to be relied on: it'll take me 10 days to do the video session and upscaling. Then 14 days of editing towards the final result. Then up to a week to do a funscript. Yup, a total of a whole month. It's so over, and I deeply apologize for it being like this.

Many things led to the current situation. I spent 10 days learning and mastering the newest, most powerful animation engine - only to realize how restricted it is, and trying to figure out ways on how I could utilize it in my content, settling on telling SFW intermissions. Another week was spent catching up on all the new NSFW animation tech that I missed out during the production of Church Episode 2. A lot of great new eye candy awaits you in Marin and future videos. Then at least a week was spent laying out the musical / round foundation that makes up the whole experience - settling on the perfect mood and setting that would make sense for Marin's character and universe. Another week was spent doing the breakdown - to serve as a base for the said round foundation, and that will hopefully make the whole experience flow nicely. Plus on top I organized the contest with it taking much more of my time than I anticipated - all the emails, all the texts, all the messages... I learned from that - and I won't repeat the same mistake. From now on - content only.

But the most unexpected and terrible thing that happened to me, and I'm really ashamed to admit it... Before you read further - I hope at this point you understand that I'm always brutally honest with you guys, and I always tell the truth. I do my best to keep a strict work ethic, and to always deliver on my word. But even with that - there are just some things that I can't control. And throughout the past months - I was definitely not in control.

Alright here we go:

I found a girlfriend. That's right - I'm not actually a horned demon goddess. I know, shocker. It was already happening to me during the production of Church Episode 2. You know, the whole "pu*sy craving" theme and all. It's just that with me being completely isolated from the world and any sort of human contact, locked in my room for more than a year - something inside me just snapped and I started going all psycho. I mentioned many times to you that when it comes to any form of adult content - I've seen it all. And if previously I treated it as "content research" and "inspiration gathering" - I've finally come to a point where nothing just worked on me anymore. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how long of a break I took - I was sitting there not enjoying it, but thinking what am I doing with my life. I came to the conclusion that only the real thing could "cure me".

And cured me it did - up to a certain point, since it came with a lot of nuances. This damn girl kept chatting me up in the parking lot of my spine recovery class, then one thing led to another and... I thought I was once again in a happy, creative state of mind. I hoped that it would serve me well and inspire me even more to work on Marin - it being a girlfriend experience and all. That is - until the masks started coming off. Unfortunately, and long story short - what I didn't realize is that it comes at a huge price. The price of: giving unreciprocated attention, receiving constant toxic behavior, a total disrespect of my time, and just serving as an all-around distraction. Apparently, 1 hour of daily chat time, and an entire Sunday of physical presence wasn't enough for her. Only Sunday turned into Saturday as well, then chats turned into hour-long call sessions... And next thing I know I was dropping all of my work to drive to her and hear her cry over how she got mistreated at work or some other minor annoyance. It was distracting and I was wasting my time while coming out at the losing end of it all. I even tried to adapt to a "normal human" schedule: waking up at 7AM, working until 6PM, just to have the evening with her. I couldn't do it. No matter how much I tried to write, edit or generate - the blinding sun was burning away at me and it was nowhere near the creative atmosphere that I built through the years.

So I broke up with her, and after that I hit the hardest adult content induced rebound that I ever had in my life. It was like I was 18 all over again. It's difficult to surprise me with "new forms of content", but the things I discovered - it was the hardest stuff you could possibly imagine. That's when things started rolling again with Marin. Mid-way through, realizing how much time I wasted on the GF thing - I started panicking about my timeline, and inspired by that hardcore content - I started thinking of ways of how I could replicate that very simple, but genius content, in a much-much quicker manner immediately after Marin, to hopefully make it up to you guys. I needed the most signature, most killer femme-fatale to guide the adventure. So I switched my attention to her, and Marin took a short backseat. Seeing through the entire commissioned, custom, brand-new-looks photo session took yet another week of my time. And while all of that was happening, unfortunately (yet again) - I flew too close to the sun, and the hardest-ever rebound was immediately followed by the hardest-ever relapse - with me finding myself at ground zero again...

But all is well - I write this post after more than a week of self-control, and finishing up this stage with Marin. I consulted with the best professionals, along with my closest friends in the community - and they helped me with powerful advice on how I could reignite the fire once again.

The most important takeaways being: I'm taking a break from watching adult content. Nothing visual, and nothing audio as well. I've seen it all anyway, and I'm sure that everything that I've got in the back of my mind is more than enough to serve as inspiration for many future experiences lined up ahead. I'm also very excited to see how my new state of mind will lead the direction of all future videos - Marin being the first.

Another, more important takeaway being:

Please don't support me.

If you see a new release and liked my content previously then please join in (maybe after a few videos to get the best deal), and please immediately unsubscribe. I tried asking Patreon's support to switch me to a "pay-per-creation" model, but it's a legacy model that they don't allow anymore. Their switch to subscription-only model is intentional cause it favors them a lot. But it doesn't favor me at all. I feel immense, constant pressure to keep delivering while neglecting my life, and when unexpected things (such as listed above) happen - I get even more stressed because of my inability to keep a consistent schedule. I'm treating this all like filmmaking - a process highly dependant on many technical and creative factors. Sometimes they just don't click for me - and I don't want you to be on the receiving end of that.

I hope that my experiences listed above don't discourage you from enjoying things. We're here to have a good time after all, and all is well if done in moderation. I'm still learning that. It's ironic that I myself couldn't follow my "7 day no touch" rule - I hope that you'll be stronger than me. And with my new mindstate - maybe the next video will have a "30 day no touch" disclaimer? Hehe

With all that said - I'm back in my flow again and it's back to nightly 5AM editing sessions once again. Full speed ahead until the end of June, when I plan both videos having released. Marin first, and then another one much faster after that. No real life dependancies, no distractions. I started taking pills of Magnesium + Selenium, Zinc, Omega 3, Ashwagandha, Vitamin D3+K2 and Type II Collagen. I also switched out my morning coffee for ceremonial cacao where I don't sip and read/watch the stressful news, but rather sit in silence, reflect on myself, and plan what I want to achieve today, before booting up my rig and starting work. So far it's been amazing. Only good vibes from now on.

I once again deeply apologize for this entire situation and I thank you for your understanding. I'll do my best so that both upcoming experiences absolutely rock your world. Thank you for sticking with me.

-EE