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Words can't express how bad I feel for how late I am with my art this month, and for the difficulties of the last few.I have been enduring a lot these last months, some things have been transparent, but others I have had to keep private. I realized what was causing my art block was the worst of these emotions, piled upon having my life constantly threatened by mentally unwell individuals. I will keep working hard to make up for how I failed you this month this poorly, but I wanted to at least deliver my full effort to express what I am working through, as the pains and fears I am currently fighting has ripped open wounds and relapsed things I have admittedly, handled poorly by suppression. I feel better now that its on paper, and think the idea worked. I feel ready and clear headed to better do the other images I kept trying but panic attacks kept failing.

I know it isn't the happiest, but I hope it can be a strong step for rebuilding momentum. Thank you, I know I upset and failed many of you, but I will close the gap and deliver everything as fast as I am able, I have been reliable for years, and I wont make a habit of this. For those who understand and have been encouraging, thank you. Truly. I needed a little time to work through some serious issues. I truly hope to use this clarity to speedrun all the partial pieces that I am so late on and owe, and just so badly did not want to be slop from the panic.

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Comments

Komitadjie

You haven't "failed" us, Liz. You're dealing with wounds. I wouldn't be angry if you were recovering from a broken arm, why should I be upset about this? This is one HECK of a piece, both in the sheer emotion that comes through, and also the level of detail and care in it! Don't push yourself so hard trying to "catch up" that you pile on more stress before you can even start to heal. <3

Just Jen

I am only a patron of yours to support you, not to expect art on a schedule. So, you haven't let me down, and I want you to have time to heal.

Just Jen

As an aside, are you safe right now?

Latiaslovar

(Sniff) I smell dragon art ception. There it is! In the lizet lore! Diamonds do really come from extreme pressure. I may be a simple supporter with simple obsessions. (Addicted glances at top tier lizet dragons)

Chalupacabra

You really sell yourself ridiculously short Liz, there's not a week that goes by where I don't find myself thinking about how Stunning your art is, I really hope you will see yourself one day the way I see you; I understand the pain of not feeling you can properly transition over, I've been on the fence about committing to transitioning for years, I'm just 6'10, so if I *did*, what is a B cup for my mother isn't exactly going to be that size on me as a result of it I sincerely hope your 'guardians' get what's coming to them, I'm very familiar with a similar situation, except it's them putting their material possessions and 'how it makes them look as parents' far above the mental health of their offspring; You're not alone Liz, perhaps in the sense that nobody will ever be able to fully understand you, I struggle with that too on account of a 5 million word technical documentation R&D Project But you should know that everyone on this Patreon who isn't a deadbeat has a story of suffering more similar to yours then you realize, I really hope you find that thought comforting, truly; We are alone in our heads and our Souls, but we are not alone in what has been brought upon us without our control Life has a way of kicking you down, of cruel torment, I can speak from experience there as well, I have a disease where I have to have Jaw Surgeries that rip out bone cysts nearly every year, sometimes multiple times a year; pretty sure body dysmorphia doesn't even come close to how I can describe it, I'm pretty sure once I described it as "every time I find something to love about myself, it gets torn out of me", my face changes a bit in account of the Jaw Surgeries, honestly it's surprisingly pentagon-like What your 'parents' say is Bullshit, they only care about themselves and how they look in front of others, I've dealt with very similar treatment for over a decade DO NOT let those thoughts perpetuate, it's not like you'll become a phantom of them, you're YOU, your body is screaming at you that something is wrong, what you need to do is distance yourself from them as much as possible; DO NOT LET THEM LORD OVER YOU, the less you're exposed to them, the more your nervous system will downregulate itself, and the methylation (gene suppression as a result of abuse and trauma) will subside, taking the insidious propaganda you can never fully follow along with it You're Liz, you are your own women, you have your own convictions and trauma triggers, and by those two facts alone, *you can never be them*, take comfort in that, no matter how much the propaganda screeches at you you can never and will never be them, and you should never want to be, the distance from them will allow the parasitic propaganda to be starved so long as you turn your attention elsewhere, and you can begin to be yourself and breathe alot easier, I promise

Xacarith

Hah, another one has said what i have before. We'll be your family here, Liz, and always support you for you.

DokterBeefcake / WarmBlueLasers

Thank you for sharing this. I appreciate you sharing something so personal through your art. If this helps you I would like more. I hope someday you find peace.

Some Egrets

hey hi, this sucks! i'm sorry you were ever treated like this. i hope things are better now. you haven't failed anyone, please take time to cope if you need it idk what to say about The Gender Struggle. much of that isn't under your control. bodies don't always do what we want them to. i'm glad you're trying, and i hope one day, your results match your hopes and expectations. in the meantime, you are enough - you don't owe anyone (and they can't expect of you) any particular result on any particular timeline anyway, i really enjoy your art. i'm glad you're still making it, and taking the time you need to take care of yourself so you *can* keep making it. i hope things get better. i hope you get your results one day. this place is cooler because you're a part of it

DregoryTerm

I'm a pretty new patron, but you haven't failed anyone, Liz! Take all the time you need; we'll be here when you're ready.