Barney's Tape [Trade] (Patreon)

Barney’s Tape

By Horatio Husky

Trade with Ollie

“Hey there, kiddo! Are ya ready to learn how to use the potty with me?”

The purple dinosaur on the television screen flashed the camera a winning smile, his eyes sparkling with a candid warmth and cheerfulness. The unwavering upbeat tone that came from the character’s flashy grin instilled a sense of excitement inside of Ollie’s soft mind. His eyelids were half-closed, just barely open enough to view the deliciously colorful flashing array of the episode of Barney that had been put on for him.

His pacifier hanging loosely out of his muzzle from a slack jaw, the sheep’s senses were there just enough to register the words scrawled in a thick, black sharpie on the back of the VHS tape that had been slid into its slot underneath the TV monitor.

Barney and Friends: Potty Training

The sheep’s wool legs stuck out profoundly to either side, the divide on the oversized children’s potty that he currently sat on adding onto the spreading effect the diaper around his waist imposed on him. The plastic potty in which he was comfortably residing was colored a cheerful combination of greens and yellows, matching the cotton candy pinks, lime green, and lemony yellow of the polka dots on one of his socks and the stripes of the other.

Save for the oversized shirt that hung loosely around his shoulders, bright green and displaying Barney’s profile equipped with a cool pair of shades, Ollie wore nothing in the place of pants except for his evident diaper. Extra cushiony in the front, well padded in the back, with large, symmetrically places tapes holding the diaper snuggly in place on the landing zone, Ollie’s cheeks had flushed a delicate crimson when he had gazed down to see Barney holding hands with Baby Bop and PJ on its landing zone.

Each of them wore the same expression on each of their faces, a cheeky grin with eyes that glistened with an internal desire to point out the obvious.

Aren’t you a little bit old to be wearing Barney diapers there, big guy?

Upon being lovingly placed into the crinkling padding, the poor sheep had been surreptitiously whisked off of the changing table he had been physically coaxed onto. He had, of course, tried his best to demonstrate his indignation at such treatment as best as he could in the beginning. Ollie had attempted to push himself off of the oversized potty he was then deposited in, but was only rewarded by being plopped right back into place for his trouble.

The pacifier had been pushed firmly into his mouth, just the right amount of force between his lips to send the message that he better keep it in if he knew what was good for him. Even so, Ollie had remained stubborn by crossing his arms and staring pointedly at anything other than the screen in front of him.

That had lasted for about a minute.

He just could not help it, Barney’s bravado was too enticing. Ollie felt his gaze trailing towards the screen for small glances at first. Just to contextualize what was going on that he was listening to, he had justified to himself. Then his gaze lingered, the enrapturement of colors and cuddly characters bouncing on the screen soothing his pitiful struggle to maintain his dignity.

Soon enough, he was fully captivated by what was playing on the screen in front of him. Tape after tape, Ollie watched each consecutive episode of Barney after another with an unwavering attention. During the exciting parts, Ollie bounced lightly on his plastic throne giddy with excitement at the character’s triumph. During the somber portions of the episodes, his shoulders slumped, eyes drooped, and the rate at which he suckled on the pacifier in his muzzle slowed from a tangible desire to fall asleep to the lulling melodies.

But most adorably of all, Ollie’s throat chirped and hummed along behind the muffling effect of the pacifier bulb resting on his tongue to each and every single word of the songs that Barney and Friends sang. Soft and raspy, the sheep’s voice had risen an entire octave, sounding for all the world as if he really were just a little lamb again singing along to Barney’s songs.

Even though Ollie was now utterly lost in a cognitive haze of soft colors, happy songs, and the marvelous sensation having a pillow around your waist gives you, he could tell that something was different about this particular VHS tape. As the screen shifted from static and clipped into a solid blue screen, Ollie’s eyes widened as he waited intently for the friendly dinosaur to appear.

As the television shifted momentarily back into a noisy display, Ollie felt himself becoming lost in the perpetually shifting specs of black and white. It was as if his vision were zooming in on the television like the lens of a camera, all other noises shifting into the background. The only thing within Ollie’s consciousness was the crackle of white noise and the perpetually shifting patterns of cosmic radiation displaying in visual form on the television screen..

With a start, Ollie shook himself out of his reverie as his peripheral vision detected something large and purple.

“Hey thar Ollie! Are ya ready to sing along?”

That voice. Ollie stared in utter disbelief at the looming figure of Barney, standing only a few feet in front of him. Although the dinosaur’s impressive height towered over him, the sheep did not feel intimidated by the figure. Combined with the dinosaur’s expectant expression and clasped forelimbs, Ollie realized a moment later that he had been asked a question. Not having expected to see the actual Barney in front of him, he nodded slowly, eyes wide and open.

“That’s great! Alrighty! Repeat after me.”

Barney closed his eyes in preparation as he opened his mouth prepared to sing as Ollie suddenly became distinctly aware of what the padding between his legs was intended for. He wanted to tell Barney that he could not use the potty, he was still in his diapers after all. But as he opened his mouth to protest that he could not possibly use the potty in his current wardrobe, the dinosaur had already begun to sing.

“When you’ve got a tummy ache!”

“Wha… Wan yew’ve gawt a tummeh ache-a…”

Barnie continued.

“And you feel something in your tushie!”

“An’ yew feew someting in yew tushie…”

“There, now you’re getting it!”

Barney’s praise came out soft, his tone lowered down to the level one might humorously admonish a child with. Reaching forward, he gently tousled the sheep’s headfur before continuing on key.

“Run to tha potty for goodness sake! Because that’s where you make a pushie!”

“Dat’s wan yew make a pwu… Pwu”

Ollie’s vision became unfocused, no longer following along the dinosaur’s every word. His stomach felt cramped, just a little uncomfortable at first. But like a wave rushing to the shore the desperate need to vacate his bowls turned from a possibility to the inevitable.

“Hnnng… Ah… Mmpf!”

Between panting breaths, Ollie felt himself pushing instinctively into the seat of his pants. He leaned forward for better leverage, his front hoofs curved against his chest in a posture that appeared as if he were a little puppy begging for scraps at the dinner table. His cheeks reddened with the effort, his mind blank save for the desire to obey both the dinosaur’s encouragements as well as his body’s. Thoughts of the underwear still snuggly wrapped around his waist now forgotten, he felt the welcome release of pressure as he pushed the waiting accident into the waiting potty beneath him.

The warmth and squish that came afterwards felt wonderful against the back of the sheep’s wooly cheeks. His tongue lolled, an expression of blank ecstasy washing over his drooping eyelids as he panted contentedly sighing with relief at the success of his pushing.

His state of mind remained so for a minute, basking in the relishing sensation of having relieved himself the moment his stomach had begun to cramp with the tell-tale indication that he very much had to go.

Above him, Barney beamed with apparent approval at how well the little lamb before him had obeyed his encouragement. Reaching forward, he patted the sheep’s headfur once more with one of his large, plushie arms as he recited in a lowered, soft gone.

“There’s a good little baby boy! Now don’t you feel better having used the potty?”

“Uh… Uh-huh…”

It took a moment for the friendly dinosaur’s words to register, glancing down as he did to realize that although he had been sitting on the potty during his accident, he had neglected to take his diaper off beforehand.

A renewed, burning blush returned to his cheeks as he realized the extent of his mistake. His eyes grew wide before he moved his hooves in front of his thickly padded front as if in a vain attempt to conceal what he had done. The hearty chuckle that boomed out of Barney’s chest only furthered his feeling of self-consciousness.

“Haha! I think someone’s just a bit too young to use the potty, anyhow. Isn’t that right, sport?”

The dinosaur spoke between chuckles, turning his head to the side to give the flustered sheep a conspiratorial wink. Unable to find his words, Ollie babbled a few nonsensical syllables before with a small popping sound, his eyes crossed to see that his pacifier had been replaced back into his muzzle with a flourish.

“Don’t worry, little guy! Barney’s on the scene!”

With another knowing laugh, the dinosaur bent forward before scooping the still disconcerted sheep off of the potty and into his arms. With an arm placed firmly on the sheep’s drooping bottom, Ollie’s spluttering renewed as he felt the dinosaur give his messy seat a quick examination.

“Whoa there, champ! You did quite the number of this one! Good thing you had your diaper on, huh?”

Unable to respond, Ollie only nodded meekly before wrapping his arms around the friendly dinosaur’s and bearing his muzzle into his plush neck. Patting the lamb gently still on his mushy seat, the oversized lamb allowed himself to be gently carried aloft and back over to the changing table he had been laying on only a few hours before to be changed once more.