My Maid is Cute Chapter 88 : Barrier (Patreon)

*Barrier*

This is a past arc from Estelle's point of view.

The human being known as Estelle Lambert is formed of sin, distorted affection, and emotional barriers.

—That is all there is to her.

***

Estelle Lambert was more beautiful than anyone, more excellent than anyone, and loved Nicholas—her only family—more than anyone.

From the time Estelle became aware of the world, her mother, Harmony, was mentally ill.

She would shut herself in her private room all day, staring blankly into the void. Her eyes were dark and clouded, reflecting nothing. Occasionally, she would bury her head in the bed and sob. Those small sobs would gradually transform into wailing. Every time the crying echoed through the mansion, Estelle would be led by the hand by a servant and forced into Harmony's private room.

To stay by Harmony's side, comfort her, and accept her twisted love. That was Estelle's duty and job from a young age.

“Estelle... Estelle... Father won't come home...”

Harmony would cling to Estelle while lamenting in grief. That figure was clearly abnormal and terrifying, even to the young Estelle.

“Why does he ignore me...? When I love him this much...”

It would have been better if she could have pushed her away, saying she didn't know, but to Estelle, no matter how terrifying, she was her biological mother.

“It's okay, Mother. I'm here with you.”

Saying that, Estelle desperately comforted her grieving mother and hugged her with small arms.

“I'll ask Father to come home too...”

Although she said that, her father, Tobias, seemingly lived in a separate villa and rarely returned to the mansion. He was originally a cold person with no interest in others. Only his work and hobbies were important to him; he had no affection for his family. Far from it, he found his wife, who clung to him demanding love, annoying, and at times even openly displayed disgust.

On the rare occasions he did return to the mansion, perhaps finding the persistently clinging Harmony bothersome, he would glare with cold eyes and immediately go somewhere else. Disappointed by his behavior, Harmony would grieve even more deeply and cry out in her room. The servants overtly avoided Harmony in that state, and no one helped her, as if turning their faces away from reality.

Just once, Estelle spoke to Tobias when he rarely returned to the mansion.

“Father, please, I beg you.”

Estelle grabbed the hem of Tobias's clothes and continued imploringly.

“Just a little more, even just a little is fine... please speak to Mother...”

What returned to Estelle, who was shedding tears in pity for her mother, was a look of contempt from her father.

“Do not speak of that woman to me.”

Tobias spat out those words in a voice like ice and shook off Estelle's hand.

“That woman, and you, your entire existence is unpleasant. Truly annoying and disgusting.”

Unable to understand her father's words, Estelle was dumbfounded. Without paying any mind to his daughter's state, Tobias continued.

“Listen well. Never cause me trouble. If your mother is important, handle it yourself skillfully. Just deal with it appropriately. I will not tolerate being inconvenienced. You do something about it, Estelle.”

Saying that, he turned his back and walked away as if he had lost interest.

Her head felt numb, and her whole body went cold. Her father's words repeated over and over in her head, stabbing her chest like a blade. It hurt so much she couldn't bear it. She shook her head desperately from side to side as if to shake it off. Estelle gripped the clothes she was wearing. She had to hold back her tears. To comfort her mother, to support her, she had to be strong.

—I have to do something.

To stay by her mother's side, to obey her father's orders, and to prevent her own heart from completely collapsing, Estelle learned to build a wall inside herself.

Her mother wailing. Her father ignoring their existence. Being avoided by the servants. Every time she faced such reality, she built a barrier inside herself. A sturdy barrier so her heart would never break. As long as she built a wall, she wouldn't be hurt. No matter how painful or agonizing it was, she could respond with a smile. As long as she had a barrier to protect her heart, she should be able to keep supporting her mother. If Estelle just managed it well, surely—

“It's okay. I just have to endure a little...”

She muttered as if telling herself.

“If I just work a little harder... surely Mother will get better. Father should come back too... Besides, besides... I have Nicholas.”

For Estelle, the only person she could interact with without building a wall was her brother, Nicholas. Her one and only brother, who was unbearably cute.

“Because Nicholas is here... I'll do my best...”

For her brother's sake, Estelle could work hard no matter how painful or agonizing it was. Someday, surely someday, they should be able to become a family overflowing with love like the ones she saw in picture books. She believed that.

However, Estelle's efforts were never rewarded. Her mother Harmony's mental state grew steadily worse. Her breaking mother began to demand love from Estelle and Nicholas, as if to use them as substitutes for their father.

“Estelle, Nicholas... I love you... my cute children...”

Harmony would ask her children repeatedly in a whisper.

“Hey, do you like Mother? Do you love her?”

Every time she was asked that, Estelle's heart instantly created a barrier. Then, forcing a smile, she answered that love.

“Yes, I love you, Mother.”

Her small brother Nicholas also answered in confusion.

“I love you too.”

When they said that, Harmony smiled as if in rapture and hugged the two tightly.

“Say it again... Say you like me, say you love me.”

They returned love as many times as needed so their mother would be satisfied. When they did, Harmony kissed the children's foreheads and cheeks and voiced her plea.

“...Please, stay by my side. Don't go anywhere, either of you.”

“Yes, of course, Mother.”

Estelle said so and hugged her back.

Estelle learned to build a barrier inside herself to prevent her heart from getting hurt, but she knew her brother Nicholas couldn't possibly do such a thing; he was simply bewildered and frightened by their mother's behavior.

“Mother is a pitiful person.”

Estelle continued to comfort and encourage Nicholas.

“When Father comes home, I will ask him to talk to her properly... so, it will be alright.”

No matter how much they appealed, Father would never care about them. She knew that, but to protect her brother and her own heart, she had no choice but to say that to smooth things over.

Young Estelle didn't realize that everything was on the verge of collapse. Even if she had realized, surely there was nothing she could have done. But, but, even so—

Nicholas was someone Estelle had to protect.

Mother was acting strange.

The first one to notice was none other than Estelle. Mother's eyes were different from usual. They were blank and darkly clouded as always, but they emitted a strangely eerie light. For some reason, she felt terrified by it.

“Today, she's a little strange...”

In the nursery, Estelle unintentionally muttered that. Nicholas immediately reacted and asked back.

“Strange? What is?”

Estelle tilted her head with a difficult expression.

“Mother... somehow, she's been staring into space the whole time... she has somewhat scary eyes...”

Nicholas grimaced.

“...Mother is always scary.”

Estelle tried to retort to those words, but not knowing how to express it, she mumbled incoherently.

“Not like that... I can't say it well, but it was different from usual.”

Why was it? Her chest buzzed with noise. Feeling that, Estelle exhaled deeply.

“Somehow, I had a bad feeling.”

Neither young Estelle nor Nicholas could predict what their mother was about to do.

Soon after, Estelle was taken to a separate room by her tutor, and Nicholas was left alone in the nursery.

While she was taking lessons from her tutor, a sound like a large crash and a scream echoed through the mansion. She felt like she heard her mother's voice. Estelle stood up instantly and ran out of the room, ignoring the tutor's attempts to stop her. She ran through the hallway at full speed toward the nursery. Then, she saw servants milling about in confusion in front of the room.

“Move!”

Pushing aside the gathered servants, she burst into the nursery and saw Nicholas lying limply on the floor.

“No—Nicholas!”

Screaming, Estelle rushed to her brother.

“Nicholas! Nicholas!”

While calling loudly, she desperately sat her small brother's body up. Nicholas kept his eyes closed and didn't answer. Hand marks remained on his slender neck, making Estelle gasp in shock. At the same time, Nicholas coughed. Breathing desperately, he turned his gaze vaguely toward Estelle.

Thank goodness, he's alive. Estelle hugged her brother, sobbing in relief.

“Thank goodness... Nicholas, Nicholas! Are you okay!?”

Nicholas nodded faintly, then closed his eyes as if losing consciousness. Estelle looked up while crying and tried to call out to a nearby servant.

“This child—”

She was about to say show him to a doctor, but before she could, the figure of her mother jumped into her vision. Harmony was being held down by servants. With her hair disheveled, she was struggling with a terrifying expression.

“Let go...! Let go of me!! I'll kill those children, and I'll die too!! I don't want to be alone anymore!!”

With those words, Estelle understood that her mother had tried to take her brother's life. Grief-stricken screams echoed throughout the room.

“Please, let me die... Rather than being separated from that man, let me die with my children...!”

—Why is this person such a mother?

Estelle tried to build a barrier. Just like always. She should speak gently to her mother and convey words of love. It was Estelle's role to soothe and reassure her mother, who was clearly delirious.

But Estelle's heart, having nearly lost the most precious brother in the world, refused to build the usual barrier. Surely, the fact that her mother tried to kill her brother had driven Estelle herself into a corner, causing her mental state to collapse. A large crack formed in her heart, which had already reached its limit. Estelle looked up and fixed her mother with a sharp gaze.

Unaware of Estelle's state, Harmony let words leak out again as if screaming and crying.

“Why did this happen...? Why won't that man love me...?”

To those lamenting words of her mother, only Estelle responded.

“It's your fault, Mother...”

The solitary muttering voice was small, but it seemed to reach her mother. Harmony, who had been struggling, stopped moving abruptly.

“Because you are like that... Father won't come here. He hates... you, Mother. That's why you are all alone... It's been like that... forever and ever!”

Harmony stood dumbfounded, opening her eyes wide.

Estelle stared straight back at her mother with tears in her eyes. And then,

“Just like that... just go ahead and die alone as you please!”

She declared clearly. At those words, Harmony made a vacant expression. She was then restrained by the servants and taken somewhere. Estelle hugged Nicholas tightly while sobbing.

Estelle would come to regret this moment to death. Leaving Nicholas alone in the nursery. And the fact that she had said terrible things to her pitiful mother.

Harmony hanged herself in a room in the Marquis's mansion soon after that, ending her life. Just as Estelle had said, all alone.

***

Her beloved mother died. She scattered her life by her own hand.

Her father Tobias, having received word from the servants, returned to the mansion in an unusually flustered state, but without paying him any mind, Estelle stayed close to the unconscious Nicholas the whole time.

Shortly before Nicholas regained consciousness, Estelle was informed by a servant that her mother had passed away. She didn't remember much of what happened after that. Before she knew it, the cleanup and the funeral were over. Estelle could only watch the scene of the silent, quiet funeral while staying close to Nicholas. Her father Tobias, without noticing the abnormal state of his children, left for somewhere again as soon as the funeral ended.

Left behind in the large mansion with her brother, Estelle thought of her mother who was no longer in this world. What pushed her mother's back was undoubtedly Estelle's final words.

Estelle realized this painfully. This was Estelle's sin. She had said words that shouldn't have been said. No matter how much she regretted it, it was too late. Lost life does not return.

No matter how terrifying, no matter how mentally ill, she was still Estelle's one and only mother.

Why did she say such things? Feeling anger toward her mother for the first time for trying to kill her brother, she had gotten carried away and said terrible things. Her mother's death was Estelle's responsibility.

Thoughts of her mother throbbed sharply in her chest. Young Estelle didn't know it, but this was guilt for driving her mother to death. Her heart felt like it would shatter from the sheer pain. At the same time, her chest filled with heartache for having taken a mother away from Nicholas. It was far too heavy a burden for young Estelle to bear.

“Mother...”

With bottomless despair and no way to sort out her feelings, Estelle shed tears. Melancholy and disappointment dominated her heart. Above all, the despair made everything dark before her eyes. She couldn't sit still; she wanted to die, wanted to die so badly she couldn't stand it. She was bewildered and frightened by her own emotions.

“Mother...”

Thinking of her mother, she shed tears. The only one who comforted such an Estelle was Nicholas.

“Sister, don't cry.”

Her small brother said so, held Estelle's hand, and stayed close to her.

Young Nicholas also was left with deep emotional scars from the incident with their mother. Although he had originally been a quiet personality, after the incident, he spoke less, and the time he spent blankly as if lacking emotion increased. Also, perhaps due to the influence of being attacked by his mother, he showed a rejection reaction particularly toward women. When women other than Estelle approached, his whole body would start trembling, and his face would turn deadly pale. When sleeping, he had nightmares, sometimes waking up screaming and spending the night sobbing.

Even so, Nicholas earnestly stayed close to Estelle and supported her.

“Nicholas... Nicholas, don't go anywhere... stay here forever... sniff”

Estelle, sobbing because it was too painful, was hugged back by his small arms, and Nicholas nodded.

“It's okay... I'll stay by your side forever.”

She hugged Nicholas tightly for saying that.

—Surely, it will be alright. As long as Nicholas is here.

—Surely, I can recover. I'll build a barrier again. Then, this time, I must protect Nicholas.

—I don't want to lose him. At least not Nicholas.

Because this child was Estelle's family. So, she had to protect him so she wouldn't lose him this time. She would absolutely never leave him.

Inside Estelle, twisted thoughts and obsession toward her brother were born.

At the time of the incident, Nicholas, attacked by their mother, had lost consciousness, so he didn't know the cruel words Estelle had hurled at their mother. But, surely, if he knew, Nicholas would definitely come to hate Estelle. Because she was a precious mother to Nicholas too. It was Estelle who gave the trigger for their mother's death. If he knew, Nicholas would likely despise her and leave.

—I must avoid only that.

Estelle feared and dreaded her brother leaving more than anything. Therefore, she resolved. To keep the true cause of her mother's death locked inside her own chest forever.

Fortunately, the incident Harmony caused was completely covered up by their father, Tobias. Since a gag order was imposed on the involved servants, no one spoke of the incident anymore.

In the Marquis house, Harmony's existence and Estelle's sin vanished completely.

***

Actually, I planned to finish the past arc in one chapter, but it looks like it will be unexpectedly long, so it continues to the next one. Even so, the protagonist's presence has been thin lately...