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William Oh once rescued sixteen nubile slave girls from certain death with nothing but bootstrings, a piece of leather, and a shiny scrap of metal

-          Jason Salazar

 

“That…is not going to work,” Will whispered to himself, peering down at the village of maksu milling around the portal. The sheer numbers alone made the idea of sprinting past them to dive through the portal laughable.

Maybe…three hundred or so?

They had set up some kind of shrine around the portal, seemingly worshipping it as a divine object. The only hint that it was there, was the faint yellow glow leaking from the shoddily assembled seams of the building.

Maksu were small, angry, and blue, with extended muzzles and canines that would make a cat jealous. They carried short spears and slings.

They were also capable climbers. So much so that Will was no longer sure he had the home-field advantage.

Maybe if I had both my…

Will shook the thought off, tapping his phantom fingers through the nearby terrain. It had almost become a habit at this point to poke things with his Phantom Hand, looking for anything that he could touch with it.

It was common sense to explore the use of your Abilities as much as possible.

The ‘Tiny Dimensional storage’ the hand offered seemed to be enough to store a couple pebbles worth of material.

Not exactly build-defining.

It does scale with Acuity, though, so we can look forward to it growing in capacity.

Just not enough to help Will right this instant.

  What can we do with what we have, what we know, right now?

Will knew that their leader, one Sezz’kenal, was a vicious raider of caravans who had acquired a taste for human flesh.

Stands to reason that sooner or later, they’ll set out with the intention of raiding a caravan, and the number of eyes on the portal will dwindle drastically…or he’ll return back from raiding, and the population will rise drastically.

In the latter case, Will just needed to wait until their leader left again, but he had no idea how long that might be. Months, perhaps?

Take your time, Gertrude’s voice seemed to echo in his ears as Will lay in the dirt, overlooking his target. There was no time limit, and everything to lose if they spotted him before he was ready. There were lizards and cactuses aplenty to keep him going as long as he had to.

It took three days of observing the camp before he caught his break.

A lone maksu out hunting by itself wandered directly below his vantage point.

Whispering a silent prayer, Will dropped a head-sized rock off the ledge.

He gave a quiet whistle, and the maksu stopped in its tracks, glancing up an instant before the rock caved in its skull.

Will watched for several minutes to see if any of the others had seen or heard anything, but they went about their day as usual.

Maksu were smart…ish. If they found their wayward hunter missing their weapons, they would be alerted to the fact that there was another sapient creature in the area hunting them.

On the other hand…if a bit of their leather tunic was gnawed at by an animal, well, that’s just what happens when wild animals get to your corpse.

And even if it was a bit odd, it didn’t scream ‘sapient’ like taking valuable tools did.

Once he was sure there were no maksu coming, Will climbed down the cliff face, coming to crouch on the narrow path the hunter had been treading, keeping his head down to ensure his burned skin didn’t act as a signal fire and give away his position.

Will’s nose wrinkled at the scent of blood, but he did what he had to do.

He took one of the hunter’s spare stone spearheads and used the razor-sharp tip to cut a chunk off the hunter’s tunic.

He poked a hole on either side of the oblong piece of leather, and a little slit down the center to allow some bend. It was a pain with one hand, but he managed to secure the leather between his foot and the ground.

And there’s the cradle for a sling, Will thought, putting his bootstrap string through the hole and tying the scrap of leather around his neck, putting the spare spearhead back where it came from.

Maybe they knew how many spearheads this fellow had on him, maybe not, but it was far too soon to tip his hand.

Will left as quickly as he arrived, climbing up into the harsh upper cliffs of the canyon and trekking far away from the kill site before he found a spot to watch the fallout as he carefully assembled a sling from the leather and bootstraps.

The maksu found their bretheren, skull crushed beneath a rock.

He watched as they craned their necks and inspected the cliffside above. They climbed up and located the cliff he’d dropped the rock from.

Wills breathing caught, holding as he tried in vain to study every moment of their reaction. If he’d left some sign of his presence, and they found it, he was screwed.

 He watched as they milled around for a bit, conferring with each other for a moment before they took the hunter’s gear and left the body behind for the scavengers.

If anyone noticed their hunter’s tunic was missing a patch, they didn’t seem to make a big deal out of it.

The true test was their response over the next few hours. If they were crawling all over the site, then he had roused their suspicion, and would have to adjust his strategy.

If not, he was in the clear.

In the maksu camp, life went on as usual.

1 down, 299 to go, Will thought as he completed the sling, creating the loop and knot, using his teeth to anchor the bootstring where tension was necessary.

The next opportunity came nearly a week later, when the maksu formed a war-party and went caravan hunting.

Overlooking that blue snake of maksu stacked three deep winding its way up the side of the canyon, Will was faced with a choice:

The absence of the majority of their combat-ready troops should give him plenty of opportunity to sneak in at night and walk through the portal, finishing his Trial.

There was no reward for going above and beyond during a Trial, other than bragging rights, and the inherent benefits like levels and Relics…

On the other hand, there’s a caravan of innocent people out there.

And if Will wanted the experience and Relics from defeating the maksu, there was no better option than pulling a reverse-ambush.

From Will’s secondhand knowledge of The Trials, once you passed, you were returned to exactly where you entered.

Or, the campsite where they’d been hunting Will-o-wisps.

So, if the adventuring party wanted to kill him the moment he came back, they knew exactly where he’d arrive.

I mean, they’re probably absolutely sure that I’m dead. Especially since it’s been nearly two weeks. Even the longest trials Will had ever heard of only lasted a handful of days. All logic Will knew of spoke to him being dead.

Still…perhaps Will could loot the dead Maksu warriors and/or barter with the assisted caravan for some gear, and head back to the Hunting Grounds with a level or two under his belt, and some measure of self-defense.

Even if he failed to save the caravan, he could probably get a few kills and retreat.

An extra level would help pass the Trial, for sure.

Decision made, Will began climbing the canyon wall.

He followed behind the maksu raiding party, following the trail they’d pounded into the dusty desert floor with their sheer numbers.

Will made sure to stay far behind and out of sight. Eventually he arrived at their ambush site. From his perspective as he crested the hill, he could see every single one of the blue warriors, but from the road below they would all be concealed behind boulders and dips in the land.

In the far distance, Will could make out a plume of dust slowly approaching, following a road seemingly cut into the arid wasteland that brought them right beneath the maksu-dotted hillside.

Will saw the maksu limber up their arms, setting their spears down in a row, ready to throw one after the next.

Some of them had manmade weapons, shortswords and steel spearheads clearly made for a larger species.

An idea occurred to Will, and he began climbing down the side of the hill, his hear hammering in his chest.

This was the most dangerous portion of his ‘clever’ plan. If he caught the maksu’s attention before the caravan arrive, they would all just chase him and the caravan would turtle up, leaving him to his fate.

But, if he wanted to have a distinct advantage, this was the way to do it.

Will targeted the Maksu furthest away from his bretheren, climbing behind it with every ounce of quiet he could manage.

Aspect of the Goat helped tremendously in that respect, as the crunchy ground seemed to flatten and solidify beneath his feet, quieting his steps as a side effect of enhancing his footing.

When he was close enough, Will picked up a big rock and bashed the Maksu in the back of the head.

The raider dropped to the ground, twitching. Will dropped down beside it, out of sight of its brethren, in case one of them glanced up at the sound.

If they were curious about what had just happened, they didn’t move.

The creeping stalk had taken nearly an hour, and the caravan was much closer now than before, when it’d been a smear on the horizon. Too close for the Maksu to move without giving themselves away.

Will searched the raider and found a steel dagger, with a half-polished surface, pitted with rust and neglect, but still shiny in places.

Good enough, Will thought, taking the dagger and cautiously scooting forward around the concealing boulder, body pressed into the dirt.

None of the other Maksu were coming, but they were all within a stone’s throw. He should hear it if they approached.

As the caravan approached, Will faced the shiniest portion of the dagger towards the caravan, trying to catch the light of the sun.

The response was immediate.

The caravans guards began shouting, pointing at his location, arranging themselves in a defensive line.

Their ambush blown, the masku began throwing their spears a few seconds too late.

Defensive Abilities were employed and the rain of spears did far less than the maksu would’ve preferred, leaving the caravan largely unscathed.

The blue raiders leapt to their feet and began streaming down the hillside, waving their weapons and baring their impressive fangs in a stunning display of ferocity.

Will leapt to his feet, grabbing a nearby rock and laboriously loading it into his sling one-handed, setting the pouch on the ground, placing the rock inside and then picking up the whole thing.

Where’s the leader? Will thought, scanning the Masku.

At the back of the assault was the maksu leader, wearing an ornate headdress and chanting, a wobbling haze of energy forming around him. He was outside the range of return-fire from the caravan, seemingly warming up an Ability that would help turn the tide of the battle.

Whiiz!

The rock flung out and caught Sezz’kenal in the back of the head.

The haze of energy dissipated as the maksu leader sank bonelessly to the ground.

Congratulations!

You are now a level 2 Resourceful Climber!

 

William Oh

Resourceful Climber Level 2

3 Strength

6 Kinesthetics

6 Resistance

4 Focus

6 Acuity

Charges: 2

Free Points: 1

Whatever Ability the Maksu were expecting to descend from the hillside didn’t manifest. Instead a hail of rocks picked off a handful of their rearmost warriors before they realized they couldn’t win.

By then it was already too late.

Will didn’t have anything white, but while the caravan finished off the remaining maksu, he put one of their tunics on a spear and waved it above his head.

It must’ve worked, because nobody shot him as he approached. Once he was within speaking distance of the caravan, the dialogue between the grateful caravaneers and their savior began.

“Son, where the hell are your clothes?” The lead guard demanded as Will approached. He was a sour looking older man with ancient acne scars pitting his jowls. “You look like shit.”

“Long story,” Will said with a shrug. “I was hoping I might be able to help out and barter for some clothes.” Will raised his stolen dagger and caught the sun with it.

“That was you, huh?”

“Yessir.”

“How many did you kill?” he demanded.

“The one with the headdress and four more.”

The guard chewed his lip for a moment before opening his purse and tossing Will a gold coin and four silver. Will dropped the knife to snatch them out of mid-air.

“For the help. And whatever’s on Headdress is yours. Merchants are cowering on the other side. Talk to them about spending your money. We’re gonna make camp and take stock of the situation.”

“Yessir, thank you sir!” Will said, nodding.

“You on your Trial, kid?”

“Yep. Just hit level two.”

“I suggest you give up on being a Climber.” He pointed at Will’s missing hand. “Missing a Relic slot means you’ll always be one step behind everyone else. And that’s not even including the fact that you’re missing a hand.”

Will frowned. He can’t see the phantom hand?

“Anyway, go get some pants.” The guard said, pointing toward the other side of the caravan. “I’m tired of seeing your cock.”

“Then don’t look at it,” Will retorted, walking around to the other side of the wagon.

A gaggle of old women glanced up at his approach. No less than sixteen merchants with sun-weathered faces. Normally old ladies were unflappable, but seeing a one-armed young man appear in the middle of the desert with no clothes seemed to be too much for them.

They stared at him silently.

Will cleared his throat, holding money in front of his junk. It was insufficient.

“I’d like to buy some clothes?” he said into the silence.

“Son, where the hell are your clothes!?” the nearest matron demanded.

“I really don’t know the answer to that question.” Will said with a shrug.

Comments

Edmango

I like this man's build, he's gonna go places, climb some towers, and eat a bunch of questionable things with a backpack that now has more room for stuff and also maybe some interdimensional storage. Nice

Exrotes

So the trial actually takes place somewhere in the tower, that's interesting at least. Theoretically he could go around levelling up and live out his entire life never actually completing the quest.

Leobardis

@Macronomicon Sooo... feels like you weren't narrative-ly done with the idea of Australia Man and decided to fold the concept into its own series? 😄 Or is this more a Florida Man situation?

Josiah Elliott

So the trials are real places with people who also take trials, also I am betting that the phantom hand at some point can use the relics stored in it's inter dimension space or can equip rings or something

Cliff

Will be curious to see where this one goes. Love the hype-man chapter intros. Next chapter, loot!

RedInkQuill

Thanks for two chapters. I like him gnawing on random things and just walking up cliffs. Stealing would also be a cinch with the phantom hand

Ed Je

Does that mean his phantom hand storage is gonna count as an equip slot?

LucasTheLost

Florida Man! The world's worst super hero!

Big casino

I am all for Jason being the Dandelion to Williams Geralt of Rivia.

Cozy Book Corner

Yeah nice. Unexpected in a positive way that these trials are real places. I'm curious about the tower more than ever now as a result of all of this that exists inside one of the levels.

RainbowCatTopHat

It also opens up the possibility of random strangers helping you with your trial, or hindering I guess. But yeah without a reward of some kind I wonder what the point in actually finishing the trial is for him.

Efram Manechiwz

I agree! You can see the kennel of truth buried among the hype.

Daemion

By the time William finds his way back home all the crazy stories Jason made up about him will have come true. Or at least be true from a certain point of view.

Wesley Miller

I can't wait till he starts eating tin cans, his clothes, other peoples clothes, random relics & more. It will be great

Ryan Naquin

So his phantom hand says he can sacrifice a relic to gain its effect but doesnt specify how long that effect lasts. Can he only have one effect at a time or can he stack them? Is he only constrained by needing the relic to fit inside his storage space?

Lycaner3

My guess would be that it indeed needs to fit into the space and that it'll start out as a temporary buff but evolve/upgrade to permanent, at least for non-consumable items. Especially seeing as getting a permanent buff from consumables, coupled with sourdough would make for a easy road to op power. Though that may the the goal seeing as the author seid he wants to do some of the classic tower climbet stuff. A spellbook/ability book hand is also quite op though.

Lycaner3

At least in effect I'd say, ability descripton sounds like it is likely to upgrade/evolve into a quasi artefact, which Upgrades itself through consuming artifacts. Could end as a kind of spellbook/ability gatherer too though, or a power-loop in combination with Sourdough: Consume 80% of artifact for permanent boost -> regrow consumable artifact with sourdough -> repeat. May even argue that Sourdough may effect all types of relics for him seeing as how his hand would also "consume" "normal" relics

Andrew

Thank you!

Ungrave

Next time someone asks him where his clothing is, he should look them dead in the eye, say "I ate them", and then eat something highly inedible like a rock or a branch. At least, I would do that if it was a dnd game.

Deinos

Nice! Also sweet side info that the peeps are not just npcs.

Cj

I’m loving this so far, Will having his deeds hyped up by Jason at the start of the chapter is hilarious and the class system in this seems to have a ton of potential as well. I for one can’t wait for aspect of the goat to evolve into aspect of the GOAT

SunderGoldmane

So the trial isn’t a seperate space with puppets inhabiting it but an actual place in the tower?

SunderGoldmane

I hope every chapter has a pre life of hype.

RedInkQuill

No, because he can use the dimensional storage in the hand to take things unseen

RedInkQuill

Because his hand is invisible

SunderGoldmane

I imagine the reward is a return to society. There’s no way he could have fought those 300 maksu on his own. There might not be monsters that are viable for him to hunt safely where he’s at right now.

Exrotes

Yeah but what's to stop him from just joining the Caravan and hopping off at whatever town they are going to next. Only real downside would be not seeing the orphanage again.

Shlumpy

Loving it so far!!! Full survival build prioritizing long term handiness :P

Jeff Wells

Relic effects are permanent, so I'd assume it's permanent. Remember this is meant to be his "cheat" ability, so it has to be more than simply the equivalent of a relic slot, plus you lose the ability to sell the epic when you outgrow it. That's worse than an actual hand in every way - not much of a cheat. I can see a few ways this could go - 1.) He gets the full effect of the relic he sacrifices as a permanent buff, and it stacks with any future relic buffs. This feels too OP to me, but this IS a palate cleanser one-off story, so maybe. 2.) Same as 1, but he only gets part of the bonus permanently. This feels more balanced, but isn't REALLY any different from 1. 3.) He keeps the full effect of any relic permanently, but can only have one effect active at a time, and can switch them at will. This one is much less OP, but has the most potential for cheese and shenanigans, IMO.

Ryan Naquin

Im thinking along the same lines. #1 and #2 would end up as the power of money. #3 has potential for clever use and preparation.

Ranger Science

So uhhh some shower thoughts on that hand, and the "dimensional storage" - what can he take into, and what can he force out of it? Can he stick a pebble in a throat directly? Can he take out a piece of a heart? Can he steal rings from fingers? Can he store fire, or a burning coal? Does it negate weight? (gold is heavy!) A link of a chain? A lace of a boot? A key off a ring? Ohhhhh a tumbler out of a lock? And - it seems like something he'd be way more excited about, since if it was more common his parents would've sent him something smaller holding the Uru scale, right? So it's gotta be a super rare kind of thing, or otherwise have pretty severe limits, which means whatever he's got is that much more incredible. Also goddammit if there isn't a slew of increasingly less-sublte G.O.A.T puns in the wonderful hype man chapter quotes. Give the people what they want! :D

Drake Rogers

Could you give us a list of stat descriptions please

Kemizle

If he hinds something his phantom hand can touch he could get a glove made out of it

Terri Harris

Phantom hand, two fold perk, everyone will underestimate you, & you can store some super secret sneaky items. Fantastic potential for mayhem! Love it!♥️