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250 review plz. (Patreon)

Published:
2026-01-26 22:46:45
Imported:
2026-01
Tags:

Content

I just added 1k to ch. 250. It's very important chapter because it's the boss of the arc and it's very important that I stick the landing on these next few chapters particularly.If you've got the time, check it out and let me know how it flows now.Does the chat with Ghoul kill the energy? Should I save that for another time? Does Vincent's POV raise the hype or kill it?I typically hate editing, let alone 3 rounds of editing, but that just shows how important it is for these chapters to be exciting.As you comment and reply, I'll be working on the next chapter, but I don't fully expect it to be out today, since I spent about 1/2 a chapter of effort going back and adding more to 250.Drop your comments on the added material and how it works here, rather than the chapter itself.

Comments

Matthew Kidd

I liked the additions, particularly the Vincent pov. Helped give the character a bit more depth seeing him realize the trap too late like that.

Rez

I liked Vincent’s PoV, seeing the worm realize it was trapped in the brain made Will’s plan feel like a success and made Void taking back his body seem less shocking when there were already signs of the body acting against the worm’s wishes

Jadan Rodriguez

The chat with ghoul absolutely does not kill the energy - the basis of my love for the series stems from the ingenuity of Will and the absurdity of how he advances and grows, which is only further emphasized when someone like ghoul provides a background on which that absurdity is highlighted

Ashlynn & William Elmore

Very sad about the set being broken and not fed to the butler wand tbh. Outside that your doing great man. The conversation seems very much ghoul. but I think William oh can fight while ghoul talks 100%. It feels off they need to stop to talk. them being Lord's makes me think that should be second nature as you have shown before.

Terv

Huge improvement, from what I remember the worms death felt too abrupt without the pov leading us into it

Parker Cliche

Definitely, seeing other powerful characters give him feedback makes it more clear that he's a monster

Chris

I liked Vincent's POV. Anyone's thoughts on Loth screwing with them is always fun. The conversation with ghoul hit just fine to me... the conflict had progressed to the clean-up stage, at least in my mind, so the banter just feels on brand for will lol.

Karim Saadi

Vincent POV is perfect, it's exactly the lead up that was missing to bring it so together. Before I honestly didn't realize the plan is unfolding and wasn't sure it happened when it did. Now it flows nicely imho

A

Could consider moving the new section to halfway through Ghoul's chat. In this order, Will's observations are basically just a more objective repeat of what you've already described in the PoV. Flip it around and Will's calm observations get recontextualised against the worm's panic and rage, followed by a second abrupt shift to Ghoul and Will joking around totally unconcerned. Or that's my read, anyway.

Ashlynn & William Elmore

Yes but I feel William Oh could be fighting WHILE they talk is my only note I'd say.

Cameron

I think the additional words add good context to how Vincent is feeling facing the absolute monster that is Loth, but maybe instead of them being the same chapter, split it into two? The first ending with Ghoul ignoring the attempt to turn him, and the second then beginning where the original 250 began? It is a bit of a tonal shift to go from complete desperation to the nonchalant conversation, which would be a good chapter break. Just my two cents.

Mister Cakers

After re-reading I realize now that Will has Control Undead and might be able to control Void.

Jadan Rodriguez

I see your point - I personally liked that aspect as a “we are strong and our powers unknown enough that this fight will happen when we say it happens” vibe, especially knowing ghoul, but that is a admittedly a bit of a thematic stretch from the rest of the chapter and arc

Mqrius

Maybe this is too small to care, but a soap bubble isn't round because of the reason ghoul says. It's round because the bubble film itself is trying to get smaller, while the air inside is trying to get larger. You could have a soap bubble surrounded by vacuum in theory, so it's not about the inside and outside pressure being the same. It's the inside overpressure matching the membrane tension.

Castleking 2005

While the battle itself feels anticlimactic, Vincent’s part helps make it much more interesting. I expect the fight with void to be a bit tougher than a bonk on the head.

Vinohr

I think it was a good addition. Chapter feels better now

Jadan Rodriguez

Would hate to see any slides into jojo bizarre adventure esque mid-fight pause for explanation territory

Ashlynn & William Elmore

Yeah it feels too close to that at this stage in power. Especially against something on this level.

Stanisław Drewienkowski

While you are correct, I don’t think Ghoul and any contemporary scientist had a chance to explore the void os space. Accuracy is important, nature tends to take the lower energy states which just so happens to be usually a sphere, but I think some slack may be cut

Stanisław Drewienkowski

Well, Vincents POV is nice as in the end of him isn’t „abrupt” as in we got his perspective all over untill now, but not in his final moments, however it mostly just lets us know that the trap is working, which Wills chakram already accomplishes. It flows fine, and it gives insight into Loths capabilities, I am not sure if it was needed besides that. on the other hand despite planning and coordinating with them I haven’t noticed the Fey trying to brace Vincents head to make Wills attack land harder, a POV in that exact moment, where he curses them and hosts, knowing all the time that they would betray him, but unable to do anything. Just my two cents, it is fine as is, but maybe a closing statement from Vincent, a short one, would be nice and fit in

Yshua

Yeah that helps quite a bit

Nyroe

It's good 🤌

Ichikira

I really like the addition of Vincent's perspective, but it is a bit jarring to go from that directly into a miasma lesson. I think what would help the flow alot would be a section from Ghoul's perspective. Like, I'd really like some insight on why he's so super nonchalant. Is it because he's seen this type of thing so many times that it doesn't affect him, or is it because he's secretly not undead at all and is actually like a life mage or something else that's so anti-necromancer that he could end this whole conflict by lifting a finger, but he'd much rather build up this coil's Will? I just feel like adding something to establish Ghoul's motivation would smooth things out

CoveringStorm

The Goul-Will lesson might be my favorite part of the chapter. They already outsmarted the worm, it’s in checkmate and the work to get it there was in previous chapters. Now they get to gloat by having time for lessons during the last moves. The worm POV at the beginning is nice, particularly how it shows Loth’s strengths and weaknesses!

Levi

Great update to the chapter. I enjoy the will and ghoul banter, it shows absolute confidence they've already won. "William Oh always plans 5 steps ahead, but none of his enemies have ever survived the third step". - Jason Salazar

james apfel

The first version I saw had the ghoul banter and I like it, gives us a strong sense of what kind of people William Oh and Ghoul are. Don’t think the worm POV as currently written is doing much for me compared to the version without it

FossilWreckers

"night-indestructible body" should be "nigh-indestructible". If you want this chapter to be more exciting, Vincent should probably do more damage to someone. Maybe Chesmu or Archer could catch an explosion by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Otherwise, looks good to me.

Not You

I think it’s good. It adds more flair for loth which is always fun, and reinforces how trapped the worm really is. Ghoul and will talking in the middle of this also feels like something they would both totally do, so I don’t think it ruins the flow, especially with marksman getting annoyed at them

Enzo Elacqua

I liked the Ghoul convo, but I feel it’s missing the glue of both of them understanding that there’s no hurry since Loth is cooking. Giving a sentence or two of Will being relaxed cause he knows that would be helpful to the reader to get to the right mindset. I will say this fight doesn’t feel very dramatic since there is no worry over it, though the Vincent part at the end makes up for it. I know it’s a lot to write but consider changing the Vincent scene to a Loth one, since showing her struggling but managing might better create the effect ur going for

Caleb

I like it a lot better than the first revision. Im not sure if the sidebar with ghoul adds or detracts from the scene, i think at most its neutral, and maybe would be able to shine better in a scene where it wasnt getting so suffocated by the rest of the action going on. Maybe if there was a small bridging section to explain WHY the sidebar is happening a bit more? Like Will tries to do the super in depth resistance piercing thing, fails, and then ghoul comes over and tells him to crawl before he runs? it feels a bit stranded rn.

Beeees!

Love the new beginning. Worms POV really illustrates how absolutely infuriating fighting Loth is. Overall an A+ addition

Ed Je

William Oh beats his enemies so completly, he has to go back into the past to embelish their story so that when people talk about it, the story is more exiting.

Asheric

I replied a specific edit on the chapter itself... overall i think the chat is fine, but the transition feels weird. I like the juxtaposition between vincent's fear and desperation and will's casual chat. Makes will look badass af. But to make that juxtaposition stronger, the split needs to be clearer... probably best to build tension... and pop that bubble wheb he attempts to take control of ghoul. The frustration to anger to desperation to misguided triumph to dead. ---- Still frustrated, Vincent released the acid and dissolved the problem area of his host's brain. Barely a step away his leg dropped into a hole in the earth for what felt like the thousandth time. “GAH!” Vincent smashed the earth below him with an uncontrolled feral punch, exploding the stone capturing his leg. It’s…not working? Why is it not working? Why was he still FEELING THINGS!? Vincent’s skin broke out in a cold sweat as an uncomfortable squirming sensation filled his guts. Fear is unnecessary. Vincent thought, dissolving a piece of the host's brain, AGAIN. The sweat and squirming guts grew stronger, burrowing up and paralyzing his lungs as he realized… It’s not working anymore. WHY IS IT NOT WORKING!? In an instant, Vincent realized the problem, but it was far too late. His scepter that boosted his Resistance was boosting the host’s innards as well. That included the brains. …I’m trapped. Stuck inside this host. He could destroy or relinquish the scepter, sure, but the only thing that would do is allow the trapper to render him into a fine paste in the blink of an eye. The strikes that barely broke the skin now would bisect him in an instant without the scepter. He had to keep it on. The only option now was to escape…while suffering these vile host emotions. The host’s heart began to beat faster for the first time Vincent could remember, his lungs gasping for air as the fear spread through his body. No, no no no no no! “Afternoon, Will!” Ghoul’s voice called from above. “I hear you’re having quite the day!” Vincent glanced up and spotted the Lord’s colorful tattered robes through the canopy. Thwip, thwip thwip. Vincent heard arrows strike his undead an instant before several more arrows hit his body, barely breaking the surface. Another combatant. I’m outnumbered four to three. At least. William Oh, Marksman, this trapmaker, Ghoul…Ghoul is an undead! Only a few steps later, the ground crumbled under him, revealing a black pit glistening with steel, eager to pull him into the Abyss. “Get away!” Vincent’ mouth shouted by itself as he laid about wildly with Unliving One, converting the traps to undead before detonating them. I’m going to get away. I HAVE to get away! Vincent reached out towards the undead Lord with everything he had. Ghoul changing sides would turn this entire situation around in an instant! Seize Undead (x200) 322 -> 122 Charge ----- Across the jungle, Will glanced up and spotted the tattered robes of Ghoul as the undead Lord stood in the sky above them, waving. A thick bundled rope of Miasmatic structures lanced out of the canopy from where Loth was fighting Vincent, shooting up at Ghoul like a snake striking its prey. Ghoul flared with miasma and the rope was scattered, hundreds of threads dissolving into nothing.

Asheric

Very minor edits despite long post... just moving a couple paragraphs up above the control undead... obviously just a suggestion but I'm a professional editor and i love your work.

Ethan B.

"…unknown to Vincent, his feet had stopped moving. Across the jungle, Will glanced up and spotted the tattered robes of Ghoul as the undead Lord stood in the sky above them, waving." I think there should be a clearer sign of the pov switching like adding in a ------------------- between the sentences or a marker showing "Norworm/Vincent POV" "William Oh POV".

dipstick mangopiemunchkin

Love the perspective and honestly find it better to include it in the start of 251 and keep 250 as the original. Feel like I'm only appreciating it more because I know what we had first

samuel tupper

I really like the Vincent section for the battle perspective. Might I suggest that you start with Will, go through the miasmatic lesson, then end with the Vincent perspective but lengthen it out until he gets hit with the cannon ball, then switch back to Will starting from right after he hits the worm with the cannonball. I'm my opinion this would allow the fight to start with some light combat; because we can't really get a sense of urgency from Will if he is willing to pause his part of the battle for a lesson from Ghoul. Then we go to the lesson and bring the tempo down, and finally we go to Vincent POV who feels the jaws closing in, realizing the trap his own body has become, panics and flails showing a loss of control, and finally a moment of calm in the storm as a pathway to William opens up and a chakram flies through. The clang against his thigh shows Vincent that William knew about the problem with his enhanced body and was planning to exploit it all along. Finally the storm closes back in and - bam - scene goes black with the last sight being a cannonball breaking the sound barrier and blowing all of the dirt away revealing his doom. Then switch to the post battle drama. This is a way that I envision a better pacing flow for the battle. I hope you will consider my thoughts.

CoveringStorm

This tripped me up for a second too

Dessico

I think the Ghoul chat kills the tension you just created with Vincent pov. You should either save the ghoul lecture for the future or as a previous commenter said, move the vincent POV to the next chapter and move directly into the final fight

Gorane

I think Worm POV is excellent and just what the chapter was missing. I like the small changes about the death of the worm itself too. I think the magic lesson w Ghoul is good and doesnt have to be changed, though the pov change could be slightly better as others said. I also like the irony of the worm, who is constantly looking down on humans and human emotions in particular, being forced to feel overwhelming human emotions before its demise.

Gorane

Maybe some small detail like the fey summons laughing as they are disintegrating, to show that they are happy w this outcome?

Mrfacemanlol

Worm pov is amazing and you definitely should not take away the chat with ghoul

DrSubterfuge

Current position of the Ghoul chat kills the energy imo. The Vincent POV is some good hype, and then it grinds to a halt with the chat

SunderGoldmane

I like the extra internal dialogue from vincet, sets the stage nicely.

Echohunter

I feel like if you immediately moved from the worm casting to it fizzling from Will's point of view it'd flow a little better. Don't even show the worm's POV on it failing. Charge expended, attack goes out, Will POV shift. Vincent is already shown to be on the back foot. I think the conversation with Ghoul could happen after they take out the worm, maybe he and Ghoul get distracted talking after he dies and that's why they don't take more kit off him. Not sure if that'd be better. The POV of Vincent raises the hype for sure though.

GCee

The Vincent pov definitely helped keep the drama up. Now when he gets blasted it's not giving me the kind of jarring "wait that was it" feeling I was getting before. And some people are knocking the ghoul discussion immediately after but I kind of enjoy the levity it adds, like this really isn't thaaaaat big of a deal to the old lords like ghoul. Just another day dealing with a tower ending event.

YoYoRanger

I don’t need frustration, it serves no purpose. Vincent thought. subduing the part of the host brain responsible for it with his paralytic mucus. earlier he could dissolve it, now he has mucus? or is it that he cant dissolve it anymore. shouldnt that worry him? or at least trigger some concern? the worm is very cold and analytical after all.

YoYoRanger

Fear is unnecessary. Vincent thought, dissolving it away. ah but now he dissolved it. you should adjust the line i referenced earlier to match up with ts.

YoYoRanger

The rest is perfection though

Abbolinaris

I love Vincent's POV it makes the chapter so much better!! Leave it as you have it now! I think taking out the dialogue with Ghoul though. Maybe have them start two sentences and then be interrupted. You could have will think back on talking with Ghoul whenever he finishes his next cantrip, like: Will thought back on the discuss he had with ghoul after taking down Vincent.... Or have them have the discussion after the situation around the set resolves, like I saw you playing around with canrrips/ how is your progress? It has only been two weeks Will complained....

Magnus Kristensen

I feel like you didn’t quite get that part. It’s like writing about paralysis, “he tightened his fist, and looked down to see the goblet roll out of his limp hand”, that type of thing.

Magnus Kristensen

I loved the new pov, very hype. Before it seemed like a bit of a cakewalk, now very cool plan coming together moment. And always appreciate a Loth moment. The magic lesson slows it down though. Not sure how to cut it, but it now feels a bit like two chapters in one?

Gorane

I think this story has always had that kind of levity and it did hammer home that of the worm is so fucked that will can be so casual

HairyHermit

I think the new addition is great. Vincent pov was different than i expected and i think it adds alot to the overall sense of the battle. Without that pov this chapter before felt out of tone with the fight so far, like they just casualty wooped his ass. Now the transition was much better

YoYoRanger

see, i understand what ur saying, but there is a clear depiction of a chemical compound. the reality is that the worm is numbing, rather than dissolving. ur point is valid, but its being used in the wrong framework

Jeremiah Marok

The moment where the worm realizes that Vincent's body is too Resistant for him to affect doesn't feel well done. It's a pivotal moment in the arc, but something about it lacks oomph. I suggest you revisit that bit. Look for a way to make it pay off all the buildup.