[Early Access] Yandere School and Celebrity Crushes (Patreon)

How does the yandere school react to your latest celebrity obsession?

content: gender neutral reader, parody

Your classmate inspects your report, finishing with a satisfied nod. Indeed, this must be one of your best attempts so far – the keen eye for detail, the wide variety of stolen data, the thoroughly compiled research. He tries his best to maintain a humble stance, yet he can’t help the faint smirk forming on his face; surely this must be the result of his professional advice.

“Fantastic job, (Y/N),” he praises solemnly. “Though I’ll say, I’m not familiar with this name. Which classmate is it?”

“Oh, it’s not a classmate,” you say, waving in dismissal, “just a celebrity I’ve been a fan of lately.”

You’re still twirling your hair and relishing in the compliments you’ve received, so much that the sudden shift of the mood goes unnoticed. The class is quiet, and most of the students have turned to face you.

There are some unspoken rules that circulate around the school, you see. While someone catching your interest should be corrected at the earliest convenience, it is still preferred that it’s someone within your vicinity: a classmate, a teacher, a neighbor. Someone who can be hunted down easily. A celebrity, on the other hand, is a much more abstract kind of fear, a less palpable rival. Depending on the level of fame, tracking them down and teaching them a lesson may very well be a distant dream.

Consequently, the Yandere School students will have to get creative. Whatever it is that you love about this popular no-one will be skillfully tarnished into oblivion. They’re generous? What? Haven’t you seen the latest article! They’re supposedly out there stealing blankets from homeless people, strategically choosing the coldest days of winter to strike.

If you choose to be stubborn in your skepticism, your fellow classmates will continue to innovate their ways of constructing proof. They’ve held auditions for the closest lookalike, someone who will be featured in photographs and videos meant to aid their honorable cause. Sure, go ahead and don’t believe the news, but they come with proper visual evidence that cannot possibly be denied. Here’s a video of your beloved celebrity kicking a puppy. No, it’s not someone wearing a dog suit. You’re just not familiar with this breed, most likely.

Perhaps you wrongly assumed that the Yandere School relies only on crude, unsophisticated methods, like stalking, kidnapping, blunt force…In reality, these approaches merely graze over the entire arsenal. A true yandere, you will find, polishes the skill of manipulation first and foremost.

“I thought you’d continue your report on your celebrity crush?”

The young man bites his lip, simulating a worried expression.

“I don’t know, they seem to be a pretty terrible person, after all,” you respond with a sigh. “I guess you never truly know someone, especially if they’re famous. I’ll pick someone from school instead.”

A collective exhale, and everyone’s shoulders droop in relief. At last, the damned fiend has been defeated. With pockets filled with cease-and-desist orders and defamation lawsuits, the yandere school students and staff can finally be at peace. A small price to pay for your undivided attention.